Wandas POV

By the time I woke up, Alex was gone. I knew she had to work, I'm also not surprised she let me sleep.

But still.

I stretch before getting up.

I make my way to the kitchen to find a note on the microwave that simply said;

Chocolate chip pancakes are inside - Blue'

I smile when I see she used her nickname, opening up the microwave to find a plateful of pancakes, making me wonder if she even ate any. I use the syrup she had on the counter, which was the real stuff as she insisted it was the only maple syrup worth eating.

After everything last night, I want to go and check on her at the firehouse. I know she kind of opened up about everything, but at the same time she kept herself closed off. I feel like she's too good at shutting people out; it's like her first instinct.

So I'm grateful she let me in a little bit, but I'm not going to abandon her now. I told her I was going to be there and I meant it.

It doesn't hurt showing up with a huge batch of cookies that I'm sure she doesn't mind I made in her kitchen. I was honestly surprised she had all of the ingredients at her house. Though she seems to be keeping better stock now that I'm around. The thought brings a smile to my face as I enter the firehouse.

Almost expecting a similar response from Alex as yesterday, I am very stunned when I find her laughing and joking with Liz. Not that I'm jealous just... didn't expect her to seem so.. okay today.

I approach carefully, "hey, Alex."

She looks over to me, her face lighting up, she jumps to bring me in for a hug. "Hey, sunshine!" She says into my hair.

Despite letting out a little laugh, I can't help the concern that had crept it's way into my mind.

"Hey. Uh, I brought some cookies for everyone," I try not to give away anything in my voice. Not until I can pull her aside.

"Cookies?"

I turn, "how do you always hear when I bring food?" I ask Max.

She shrugs as she grabs a couple of the cookies. "You bring food like every time. Also it smells amazing. Also I know the way to Alex's heart and that would be food." She says all of this through a mouthful of cookie.

"Well, that's just rude, calling me out like that," Alex says, but it doesn't stop her from also grabbing some cookies.

"It's the truth," Max says as she walks away. "Thanks Wanda!" And then she's gone.

Liz also grabbed some cookies before leaving us alone.

"So what did I do to earn such delicious cookies?" Alex asks wiggling her eyebrows.

I don't answer for awhile as I look at her. I'm a bit perplexed here. Just hours ago she was crying blaming herself for a death as she drank her weight in alcohol. Now she's.. her normal happy self?

I also don't want to say this is because she's at work, which I'm sure is part of it because she is the lieutenant, but she wasn't exactly.. smiling.. yesterday at work.

I guess I took too long to answer because her arms are wrapping round my waist and she's bringing me in for a kiss which I don't hesitate to reciprocate.

"I um.. I just thought you could use a little pick me up?" I question my own intentions at this point.

"Oh.." she tilts her head at me. "Well, I am doing great, but my day is always better when I see you." Ugh that smile makes me want to forget why I'm here or where we are. "Especially when you bring baked goods."

I shake my head trying to focus, "well, I am always glad when I get to see you. And I love the smile you get when you see baked goods."

She shakes her head, "no, the smile is for you. My stomach is happy because of the cookies." She then pats her stomach for emphasis.

"Well I'm glad I can get you and your stomach to smile," and I kiss her again for the hell of it.

She wraps her arm around me, "so, are we going to the lounge for a movie with the crew, venturing around the firehouse, or hitting the gym."

I can't stop the laugh from leaving me. "Aren't I suppose to be a member of the firehouse to use the gym?" I look up to her.

"Psh. You're an honorary member." She waves it off.

"Oh yeah? Where's my membership card?"

"We don't have those. The badge works."

"Well I don't have one." I stop to look at her now.

"I'll get you your own shirt, they won't bat an eye."

I go to mention the fact that I have the shirt with her name on it.

"They will notice if you try to pass yourself off as me, though."

I nod my head conceding to her.

Now I need to bring this conversation back around to why I came here.

I cleared my throat, "actually, can we maybe go to your office?"

She grabs my hand, "Maximoff, in my office? I guess I didn't know you had it in you, but I won't say no."

Ugh, this girl. "No. I mean, not that I wouldn't, but that's not why I.."

"It's alright Maximoff, I was just messing with you," she winks sending a shudder through my body.

We're already in her office so all that's left to do is bring up the elephant in the room.

"So.. are you okay? Like truly?" I just say it, waiting any longer won't help either of us.

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

Really?

"Uh, well, because of yesterday? And last night? And the.."

"I'm fine," she cuts me short.

"But, Alex, it was only yesterday and.."

"Wanda. I am fine. Okay?"

Not okay, "I know you say that but just a few hours ago you were.."

"I said I'm fine! What do you want from me? Why can't you let it go?" I wouldn't exactly say she's angry when she cuts me off, more like she's over the conversation.

"How am I suppose to let this go? I saw you last night, Alex. You were NOT okay. If I hadn't shown up.."

"If you hadn't shown up I would have been just fine," she spits out.

I immediately deflate at her words, the knife she used cutting deep and I'm not able to hide the pain.

Which she picks up on.

"Wanda.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," she grabs my hands with hers. "I just.." she closes her eyes. "It's what I do, okay?"

"What do you mean?" I ask softly, careful where I'm treading.

"I.. it's not exactly the first person I've lost on the job. Not that it's.. easy. But, it's happened. I've been doing this job a long time," she shrugs.

"Okay. But," I take a deep breath. "To drink a store full of beer in one night and then to act as if nothing happened the next day? That's not healthy, Alex."

She stops my ramble by dropping my hands and stepping back.

"You don't have to agree with my process, Wanda, but you have to accept it," her voice is as cold as her eyes.

I don't want to say the wrong thing her, but I don't want to just drop the topic all together.

"Alex.. I'm worried about you. Yesterday that.. it was tearing you apart. You were breaking at the seams and everything in between, beer pouring through every crack and crevice. And now, what? All that is just gone?"

She runs a hand through her hair.

"Yes, Wanda. That's how I have to cope. Don't you see? If I.." her voice cracks a little as she takes a breath. "If I let every.. death, drag me down as much as I want it to, as much as it could, I would be buried so far down no one could ever reach me.

"This is apart of the job. It's not pretty. And it hurts. And it sucks. And it's what I hate about it. We have to mourn because it rips us to shreds. But if we don't mend ourselves quicker than we can break, then we can't do this job."

She's talking with a steady voice now, but the tears trailing down her face give away her pain.

"If we let it.. break us. Like.. like I want it to. Like it could if I just take anymore time to let it. Then.. then we can't help the next person. We don't save the next person. We don't stop the next fire. Then the next accident we arrive to with our heads clouded, it all breaks. We lose everything. Something worse could happen. So it's not pretty, but It's necessary for our survival and others."

She's so broken by this. And I'm an idiot for believing it hadn't shattered her. I know she's been doing this for a long time but.. I don't know. She's always so happy that the thought of her being upset in any capacity makes me want to hold her, mend everything for her and never let anything harm her ever again.

She wipes some tears continuing in a whisper, "I.. I am so grateful you were there, sunshine. You helped me so much. I love you so much. And I know I put up a wall, but it's not to shut you out. It's to keep everything else in."

I nod my head. She is letting me see inside the wall. Letting me know why it's there, it's construction and it's purpose.

I know she'll still carry the guilt, I see it behind the mask she has. But the mask isn't for me.

She isn't locking me out, she's letting me in.