"This is exactly why I have to end it" He almost growls and pulls away. I reach for him but he's too far away and I cant compete with his long strides.

"You dont have to end anything" I protest desperately. If he just felt what I felt how can he still want to end it? It was intense, terrifying and arousing all at the same time and you're telling me he doesnt want it?

He doesnt want me? Even after that?

"I DO" He growls. I can still feel his body against mine. I grow frustrated.

"You cant just leave now?!" I let my arms fall to my sides in defeat.

"Watch me" He marches out of the garage, a second later I see him fly away in the same spaceship I saw the other day. Im left alone, again.

Lonely.

I fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands.

He's a monster, how can he? Does he not care about me at all?

"Y/N? Are you okay?" I hear Summer enter behind me and as soon as she spots my devastated form she runs forward to console me. Her hands curl around my shoulders and hugs me from behind. Its a weak attempt to comfort me, I feel completely broken. Again.

"He doesnt mean it, he's just like that.." She explains and I sniffle helplessly.

"An asshole?" I question and push myself to a standing while trying to rub away the never ending falling tears.

"Yes..." She frowns.

"Why him?" I ask even though I know she doesnt have an answer. She shakes her head and shrugs.

I dont see him for days after that. All attempts to continue my life as normal is failing and I struggle every living minute. What happened to me? I used to be strong; used to meeting rude people everyday at the bar and having more than enough patience but every cell in my body aches and my head hurts and it shows... Marcus is worried about me but I blame it on a lot of homework at school, im not sure he buys it though... School is even worse, being surrounded by so many ignorant and shallow people is taking its toll on me and I feel like a fraud, like im hiding something and its true because I cant possibly tell ANYONE that I am bonded with an old man? Even less that im not even desired by my own soulmate... Its humiliating, degrading, unbearable... Every minute im afraid that someone will find out, especially one of the ones who believes in "free love" which doesnt sound too awful right now but its too late, I cant go back, we have met, we have touched each other.

There's no turning back.

"Seriously, you gotta tell me girl" Alex grunts next to me "What the fuck happened to you?" I sigh, Alex have been trying to interrogate me since the party but all I've told her is that I slept over and then spent some time with Summer, consciously avoiding mentioning anything about Rick. We're sitting in english class and Alex is staring intensively at me; waiting for an answer which I refuse to give her and it makes me feel bad. I've never kept anything from her before.

"Alright, I'll tell you, just... just not now" I whisper to her as the teacher walks in. It shuts her up but im not sure about my decision. What will she think of me? I trust her enough to be sure that she wont spread it around but what if it gets leaked anyway? Will the others see me as lost?

Minutes later we all middle of working on our argumentative text. Everyone is sitting crouched over papers or laptops and the classroom is filled with the constant clicking of keyboards and the scratching of pencils on paper, but im leaning back on my chair; staring at the words I wrote last time;

I should've picked another topic...

"How is it going for you two?" Our teacher Mr Gum asks. His brown hair fluffy and out of control but his eyes are kind. He's my favorite teacher.

"Good" Alex quickly responds without even looking up from her screen and Mr Gum's eyes falls on me. Shit.

"Well.. im stuck..." I grunt.

"You were writing about soulbonds werent you?"

"Yes, is it too late to change topic?" I plead with my eyes.

"Unfortunately, yes"

"I just dont know what to write or which side to pick, am I against it? or for it?" I rub my tempels in annoyance but stop when I suddenly meet Summer's eyes across the room. She smiles, she understands my struggle. I smile back even though I feel gloomy on the inside.

"How about we chat outside for a bit? Maybe I can help you?" Mr Gum's suggests and me being completely loss for ideas gladly accept his offer. When outside we sit down on a bench near the classroom and my teacher turn towards me.

"So, how about I tell you my story and my view on soulbonding and then maybe you'll get some ideas?"

"Sure" I shrug.

"You probably know by now that im bonded" I nod "What you might not know is that she's ten years older and very different from me. She's rich, she has a strong will, she's brave, she's extremely stubborn" He chuckles. "And when we met she almost ran off in the other direction"

"Really?" I speak up and he meet my eyes.

"Really. She was independent and on the road to become a CEO in her company, for some reason she feared that I would slow her down but look at us now" He gesture around himself "Happily living together, true lovers for life and I have never been an obstacle for her future plans"

I nod, liking the story and growing a little hopeful regarding my own case. Maybe Rick is just scared? I am myself.

"Do you know any cases... eum.. like.. where a person didnt want a soulmate?" I ask.

"Yes, like I just said and there's plenty of people like that who prefer having the freedom to love whoever they want to"

"No, I mean.. after they've met?" He now stares at me wide eyed.

"That's impossible" He speaks.

"Impossible?" I feel a lump start to grow in my chest and I regret ever opening my mouth.

"After meeting it will only be painful if they avoid one another"

"And if they've touched?" He cook and eyebrow.

"They'll be miserable"

"Oh..." I lower my gaze and start to nervously fiddle with my fingers.

"Y/N.. have you met your soulmate?" He ask and place a gentle, comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I..." I hesitate "Yes?"

"Are you asking this because its your own experience?" I nod.

"So, did you not want your mate or did-"

"He didnt want me" I interrupt and exhale in an attempt to ease the lump in my chest.

"I see..." He let his hand fall off me and instead stare straight ahead; lost in thought. Am I the first case ever? Am I the only one who isnt liked by my own soulmate? Have I done something wrong or am I just unlucky?

"I know cases where one soulmate tries to ignore it but it will end up being very painful, it can even make you depressed since you're away from your destined half..." Mr Gum speaks and I hum in response.

"You need to talk to each other" He continues.

"Yeah sure, that wont happen"

"Sooner or later you will meet even if you dont seek each other out, the universe simply has a way of connecting the puzzle, so to speak..."

Our conversation ends but I still dont manage to get any work done. I can always just write about how bad soulbonding is but im still skeptical; hoping that it will work out and after speaking to my teacher I feel a little bit better.

School ends and my shift begins, like every other day but today is apparently different because im met with a sparkling Marcus as soon as I take my place behind the bar counter. I stare at him; trying to figure out what's different but cant quite place it. Is it a new haircut? No... His black hair is the same as always, out of control but still fits him perfectly.

"You look... younger?" I state and Marcus smiles widely, much more so than usual.

"I've finally found him" He whispers and I notice a blush spread across his cheeks, or his entire face but the thick beard cover his jaw so its hard to tell.

"Who?" Im confused by a split second before I realize "Oh! Your mate?" Marcus continues to smile while wiping off a glass, looking almost too exited to be handling such a delicate piece. My mouth forms an O before I leap forward to embrace him. He chuckles as he hugs me back with one arm.

"Oh my god that's amazing! Congratulations Marcus! What's his name?"

"Oscar, we met at the convenience store, completely random, we just bumped into each other" His smile never leave his lips and his eyes sparkle in a way I've never seen them before.

Heck im almost jealous...

"You'll find your mate one day too, I promise" His words are ment to be encouraging but to me it turns the whole room into a gloomy energy. I've already found him and it didnt end as happily as it did for Marcus... I flash my pearly whites and nod; deciding not to share the news, I dont want to destroy Marcus happiness, he'd just worry about me. I never even told Alex, im scared shitless to do so...

But I cant hide this forever?

Can I?

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.... A delicate aroma fill my nostrils and for a second I let it consume me fully, its a bliss, that until I remember where it's coming from...The door opens and Rick walks in, a cold expression on his features but I know he sensed that I was here because we instantly lock eyes with each other. I expect him to turn around and leave so I pull away from his gaze and get busy by wiping off the counter, trying to think of something else and focus on my work but I flinch when I suddenly hear his voice right in front of me.

"Vodka" I didnt think he'd actually approach me but there he stands. His eyes seemingly staring right into my soul.

Why does he smell so good...

"Coming right up"