I haven't dated anybody in a long time. It was before I started escorting when I broke up with my last boyfriend. It's a pretty simple idea though, I just spend time with him, kiss him, and only sleep with him (outside of business hours). And I'm excited about the idea of dating Micah because he's so kind and he's easy to talk to.

Honestly, I could sit here all day just listing all of the things that I like about him but it's Saturday and I have a very busy day. This morning, I picked up the employee documents for Bethany at the social work office but they're closed today so I'll have to stop by on Monday to give her those.

For the rest of the day, I have to go to the gym, get some grocery shopping done, and I have a client tonight. I'm hanging out with Micah tomorrow and I should squeeze in a call to Casey because I haven't talked to him in a while. I guess that's a good thing because it probably means that he's adjusting well to his new school.

I'm arriving to the gym in my sports bra, athletic leggings, and a jacket when my phone starts ringing in my bag. I pick up the phone to answer it as I'm walking into the locker room and on the screen, there's an unknown number. Curious, I answer the phone.

"An inmate from the DC Central Detention Facility is calling you. If you agree to the charges that may apply to this call, please press one," An automated voice starts talking as I'm putting the phone up to my ear. I immediately know that it's Davis who's calling me because I don't know who else would be calling me from jail. I know that I shouldn't accept the call but if I don't, I'm going to be wondering for the rest of the day why he's calling me.

So I push one, knowing that it's a bad idea, and I wait for the automation to transfer over to the caller.

"Hello, Eleanor," Just as I knew it would be, it's Davis on the other end.

"What do you want?" I get all of my things in a locker and then sit down on a bench near that locker to finish this conversation.

"That was a bold move, what you did," He informs me without really answering my question. "Framing me with the drugs? I didn't think you'd be so creative but I'm impressed."

"I'm hanging up," I warn him.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that you're not getting away with this so easily. I know that you don't think that I can do any damage from in here but we've both underestimated each other," He continues. "If you want to play hard ball then game on, bitch."

"You don't scare me," I promise the Davis, more annoyed than anything that he's calling me and trying to threaten me. He's in jail and I'm sure that he doesn't have much of a case so I'm pretty hopeful that he'll be in there for a while. "You're just too pathetic and stupid to leave things alone and maybe you should realize by now that I'm not going to let you get away with treating other people like pawns in whatever game you think that you're playing. It's game over and I have things to do."

"I have friends in important places," Davis informs me, obviously irritated at my jabs now. "Cop friends, corporate friends. So I think that you should be at least a little nervous. If I'm going down, then so are you."

He hangs up.

I'm left breathless because he said that like he knows about the prostitution. If he didn't, why else would he think that his 'cop friends' would scare me? And if he has corporate friends, that'd be how he could find out about what I do since a lot of my clients are high up on corporate ladders.

He can't prove it though, I keep trying to tell myself. And if he could do something about it, he would have done so already. Unless this is what he wanted, for me to get scared and for me to stew in my paranoia for a bit before he actually gets me arrested or something.

I don't understand why he has to do this. I mean, I know that I got him arrested but he made my life hell for six years and then even some after that because it took me some time to heal. He's done so many bad things to so many people, I don't understand why he can't just own up to that, accept it, and just leave me alone.

It's clear that he's not going to do that though and just when everything was starting to go well, now I have to look over my shoulder for what Davis is trying to plan to bring me down.

I can't get arrested though, they'll take Casey from me and then he'll be put into another foster home. Who knows where he'd be sent? I have to tell Jill about this, maybe she'll know what to do. She'll only assign me to the really trusted clients if she knows that I'm on the verge of being outed. She's been at this game for decades, she'll know what to do.

Right now, I just need to get through this day. I can't worry about Davis right now, there's nothing I can do about it at this moment. I stand back up, get my ear buds out of my bag and lock up the locker. I leave my jacket in there and start putting my ear buds in to play music while I begin my twenty-minute jog on the treadmill.

I spend about two hours at the gym and by the end of my workout, I'm tired and sweaty but I'm glad that I got to distract myself from the phone call that I'd gotten from Davis. With the car that Silas had sent me, I stop by the grocery store on my way back to the apartment to grab some stuff for the kitchen.

I then head back home and put the groceries away before I hop in the shower. I need a game plan to deal with Davis. Again.

I need to call Jill and then I need to decide on what I should do now. If I should quit escorting until I know that it's safe again and if I do, how can I afford to keep the apartment and keep Casey in school. His school is expensive so I won't be able to afford it with the type of job that a high school dropout can get legally. I need to figure out what the next steps are if I get arrested. How will I explain things to him? Or to Micah?

I could just be paranoid about the wrong things too. Maybe when he said that he's friends with cops, he just meant that he could convince some cops to mess up evidence and get him out of jail without serving a lot of time. There are other things that he could have meant by that statement. I can't make any rash decisions right now but I do have to plan for the worst.

I would like to think that Casey would understand if he ever found out what I do. He would understand that I do it for him, so that he can have a good future. He might feel guilty about that but I'll assure him that even though I do it for him, it's still my decision so it's not his fault.

Micah is an entirely different story. I've told him that I have secrets, I've tried to warn him, but I don't think that he'll understand. I can't blame him, honestly, because it's hard for people to dissociate sex from feelings and relationships. I have been able to just look at it as a business. I'm just doing my job and I don't think of it as cheating on Micah. Even though I technically know that it's probably not true.

Some of the girls that I work with have boyfriends who are okay with what they do. Maybe he could be okay with it. I know that I'm just trying to be optimistic but it's unreasonable to ask him to be okay with me having sex with other guys for money.

What if he gave me an ultimatum? It's either Micah or escorting? That's only a hypothetical, I can't worry about that decision right now.

When I call Jill, I vaguely explain to her what's going on so she assures me that she'll only schedule me with johns that are very trusted. That means that I won't have as much work but I'll have enough. And without as many clients, that means that I'll be able to spend more time with Micah so that's a silver lining here.

Other than that solution, Jill doesn't offer much advice though. She does walk me through the process of getting arrested, which makes my stomach churn because the thought of it makes me feel nauseous. I guess that I should have thought of that before getting into this business. She tells me that I should call her immediately, she'll get me a good lawyer and she'll take care of everything.

I trust her like a mother so I feel confident that Jill will make sure that I won't get put in jail or prison so that's good.

I eat some dinner and try to stop thinking about what's happened today before I have to go meet my client for tonight. I pick out my outfit—a short leather skirt and a sophisticated crop top that's black with a purple floral embroidered pattern. I put on my strappy black stilettoes and put on some dark lipstick with slightly dramatic eye makeup. I look nice. I definitely don't look like my entire livelihood may be at stake.

I'm meeting my client at a classy bar downtown. When we meet up, I order a martini and we sit down at a small two-person table for a little while just to have some drinks.

As we're talking, I feel progressively guiltier about even just being here. This is my first client after deciding to be official with Micah and it just feels wrong. I mean, it is wrong and I know that. I also know that this is what I do and I can't stop just for Micah. I wish that I could, I wish that the only man I slept with was Micah but I can't. I've been over this about five times today, I know that I can't afford to quit right now.

The man gave me a fake name of Ken when we met because they always like using fake names which is understandable. I use a fake name too. Ken is a bit touchy during our drinks; he likes to touch my thigh under the table or run his foot along my shin. I don't mind it—that's what I'm getting paid to be here for— I just can't stop thinking about Micah and how much I'd rather it be him touching my thigh or flirting up a storm with me instead of Ken.

After we have our drinks, Ken takes me to the hotel about a block over from the bar to a room that he already has. He's on business, he told me, so he's been saying in the hotel for about a week now.

Something that I've realized in my few years of this job is that people feel very comfortable telling me about their fetishes. For some people, the only reason that they get an escort is to act out their fantasies. I don't know why they can't tell their girlfriends or wives about their fantasies, I think that it'd save them a lot of time and money.

I feel like if you're married to somebody, you should be able to tell them what you're into without fearing that they'll judge you or leave you or whatever it is that these men are afraid of.

So I've seen a lot of fetishes and fantasies. I've been a schoolgirl, a maid, a cheerleader, even a cop or a business CEO. I try to avidly avoid the foot fetishes because, while I respect the people who are into it, feet make me want to vomit. I've submitted, I've dominated, I've role played, I've had threesomes.

Tonight, I'm a college student with failing grades and Ken is the professor. It's a cheesy fantasy that he probably got out of some cheap erotic story or a porn video or something. I always feel ridiculous with the roleplaying games, I always feel childish pretending to be somebody else. It's the grownup version of pretending. Like when kids are little and they play 'house' where they have kids (baby dolls) and cook dinner in their play kitchens.

Obviously, this type of pretending serves a different purpose but it just feels like we're playing like little kids and I feel ridiculous. But he's paying me buckets of money, so I will be as ridiculous as I need to be.

He's paid for four hours and that includes the drinks beforehand, so I spend about three hours in the hotel room with Ken as we let his fantasy come to life. At the end of it, I clean up in the bathroom and then I get dressed again. Being the gentleman that he is, he thanks for me for my time. In return, I thank him for his business.

I've worn him out so by the time that I'm leaving the hotel room, he's already passed out in the bed.

I took the metro tonight because I didn't want to deal with driving downtown with all of the traffic so I make my way to the metro station to wait for the train to take me back to my apartment.

I still have Micah on my mind; my guilt is overloading and I just feel disgusting. I've never felt like that before, despite all of the things that I've done for the men that I'm with.

It's two in the morning but I decide to try and call Micah anyway, just to see if he's still awake. I know that he goes to bed kind of early though because his classes start early. As I'm on the train, I do call him. My hair is still messed up and my makeup is probably smudged, so I wonder how many people on the train with me can tell that I'd just had sex.

Just as I expected, Micah doesn't answer his phone so I just leave him a voicemail. I'm tired and I just want to hear his voice but his voicemail isn't a recording of him telling me to leave a message after the beep, which I was hoping for, it's just the robotic voice of the default recording.

"Hey, Micah," I begin the voicemail. "I know that it's late, I just got off of work and I was thinking about you. I hope that you had a good day. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Or, I guess when you get this, it'll be today. Goodnight. And good morning."

I rest my forehead in the palm of my hand and I get this sinking feeling that I'm a terrible person for doing this to Micah but also knowing that for the time being, there's really no way out.