"So Eleanor," Micah's father starts conversation as dinner is served. "What does your family do?"

"I was actually raised in the foster system," I tell him as I'm cutting up my chicken breast. We're sitting at a table with another senator and her family. Senator Wilder and her husband and two sons who look to be about my age, maybe a bit older. "I'm not in contact with my birth parents at all. But my brother just started high school."

"Have you adopted your brother?" Erin, his mom, asks me. "That's very strong of you."

"I'm in the process of getting legal custody of him, yeah," I confirm with a nod.

"He's really smart," Micah adds. "He's going to a boarding school for really smart kids."

"Yeah, he's a freak," I add but I'm obviously joking.

"She's also fostering another kid," He continues. "She's really great with kids."

"Wow, so you're taking care of two kids?" Erin looks surprised by that. "Micah said that you're only 22."

"I am," I confirm with a nod. "I'm used to it though, I've pretty much raised my brother so it's nothing new."

"What happened to your parents?"

"Mom," Micah hisses at his mother.

"Sorry. That's none of my business," She quickly apologizes. "I'm really nosy so if I'm ever asking too many questions, just let me know and I'll try to keep my nose away."

"You're asking too many questions," Micah informs her.

"I don't mind," I assure her but of course, I'm not going to get into the whole story right now at this dinner with people that I don't even know. "It's just a long and complicated story. We'd be here until the next election if I tried to tell the whole thing."

That makes the table laugh, which is good. I can see Silas' table from where I'm sitting. He's sitting with just his family. His two real kids, his wife, and his daughter's family. As the conversation drifts away from me, I start to zone out as I focus more on Silas' table. His family looks happy, they're smiling but they're always smiling. I've never seen them in person, only on TV in interviews and in pictures. I wonder if they have any idea about what kind of person he is. I wonder if his wife even knows that he's cheated on her so much. He was sleeping with my mom for a decade and they were married the whole time. And now, he's hired escorts on multiple occasions. His wife has to at least have a feeling that maybe he isn't an all-star guy.

I wonder if Jay is going to turn into his father. I wonder if I was raised in their family if I would turn out like my father. An asshole who doesn't give a shit about who he hurts, as long as he gets what he wants. I don't think that I'm like that—I think that I care about the people around me. I care about Casey, I care about Josie. The only selfish thing that I've ever done is date Micah.

But if I was part of that table, maybe I would be that chaotically selfish. Maybe I would be the kind of person that tears down everybody else just to get ahead. They look like a happy family but how many people have they had to hurt to get here? And how many of their smiles are actually real? And if I was at that table, my smiles would be just as fake and I wouldn't have any perspective on life. I wouldn't care about other people who are suffering because I wouldn't know what it's like to suffer myself. If I was at that table, I wouldn't be a good person. None of them are good people.

Well, I guess maybe the little baby that his daughter just had is still a good person but he will soon be destroyed too.

Then again, I guess it's a possibility that they aren't miserable at all. They could just be smiling all of the time because they are generally happy people who live happy lives. It makes me feel better to think that they're miserable though and I know that makes me sound terrible because it is terrible to wish that strangers are miserable in their lives but I can't help it.

"So, where did you go to school, Eleanor?" Senator Wilder asks me with a friendly smile on his face.

"Oh, I..." I start to tell her that I dropped out of high school but then I look around the table and I'm reminded of who I'm surrounded by. Micah is going to Georgetown and I'm sure that everybody at this table graduated from an Ivy League or something just as impressive. I don't really want to admit to these really smart people that I couldn't even graduate high school. It's not because I was too dumb to graduate, I know that I'm smart and I could have gone to college if I had the time or money. But what else do I tell them? Lie and say that I went to Yale?

If I was sitting at Silas' table, I probably would have actually gone to Yale.

"I dropped out of high school," I finally admit because I wouldn't be able to pull off a big lie like that. What if somebody at this table actually did go to Yale and they started asking me questions that I couldn't answer? Like where I stayed on campus, what my major was, stuff like that. "To take care of my brother."

"That's admirable," Erin tells me. "You know, my brother never went to college and he started his own business. He's almost a millionaire now. You don't need a degree to do what you love or be successful at it."

That wasn't the reaction that I was expecting but I feel relieved that she didn't try to make me feel stupid or like I'm wasting my life just because I didn't go to college, which is kind of what I was expecting.

"Eleanor is really into poetry," Micah adds to the conversation. "You should try writing it, you could be the next Shakespeare."

"Poetry, really? That's so interesting," Harrison looks interested now and then he asks, "What got you into that?"

"Um. Well, I read this poem once called The Bridge Builder and I was really surprised at how much it resonated with me and how much I actually understood how the author felt. It's about a man who has to cross this chasm but there's no bridge. So he crosses it but it's really difficult and then he turns around and builds a bridge over it even though he already passed it. When another guy asks him why he's building the bridge, he says that it's for the people who come after him so that their journey is easier."

"I thought you didn't like to talk about your favorite poems," Micah says from beside me.

"It's not my favorite, it's just the first one that I read," I explain to him. "But I just like reading it, I'm not into writing."

That's not true, I've written some of my own poems but they aren't any good, they're just me blowing off steam and I know that if I tell Micah that I've written my own poems, he'll want to read them. But because I write them to cope with stuff, what I've written is really personal and I don't want to share that with anybody.

Again, the conversation moves away from me and I finish eating my food. I don't look back at Silas' table because it just makes me angry. And as I've pointed out, I know that anger won't change anything that's happened and so it's stupid to feel angry. It ruins my mood and it doesn't get anything done and I need to focus on this right now with Micah. I need to figure out what is going to happen after this dinner is over.

He's friends with Jay which tangles him in this web that is my life and that means that if I'm with Micah, I will probably be around Jay and Silas a lot. I can't take that. Just seeing them, anybody from that family, it makes me angry and I don't like being angry about the past. I don't like feeling so bitter thinking about what my life could have been if he had taken responsibility for creating Casey and me.

I don't want to be around them, I don't want anything to do with any of them. I just want to get Casey through high school and then once he's in college, I'm going to get the hell out of this city. I'll stop escorting and I'll find a more stable job, a normal and legal job.

This thing with Micah was nice and it was fun to be a little selfish for once. But just the thought of thinking that being with Micah means that Jay could just randomly show up sometimes makes me want to vomit. I can't handle that, especially because Jay knows that I'm an escort but he doesn't know that we're related.

He probably thinks that the reason that I wouldn't sleep with him is because I was sleeping with his father. Or maybe Silas will tell him the truth. Probably not. I don't think Silas has told the truth one goddam day in his entire adult life.

Anyway, at the conclusion of the dinner, I've decided that tonight is the last time that I'll see Micah. I just have to figure out how to tell him that.

"We've got to get going to the airport," Erin announces after dessert. "It was so nice to meet you, Eleanor. I hope that we see you again soon."

"It was nice meeting you too, thanks again for inviting me tonight," I shake her hand but she surprises me by taking me into her arms in a tight hug. I slowly hug her back and then she releases me.

Harrison hugs his son and says, "We'll only be gone for a few days but if you need anything, just call," He tells Micah.

"Sure, Dad. Have a good trip," He responds and then they say one last goodbye to us and to Senator Wilder's family before they take off so that they can make their flight to Oregon.

"Are you ready to head out too?" Micah asks me and he looks excited, probably still thinking about the sex that we decided to have tonight. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind right now so I'm definitely not feeling his level of enthusiasm. I just nod and then we politely leave the table. People are starting to get up and mingle a bit more again and I think that somebody is going to give a speech on stage later but I'm not too interested in that.

"Let's go say goodbye to Jay really quick and then we can get going," Micah says as we stand from the table.

"I'll just wait for you in the lobby," I am quick to insist and I pull my hand away from his so that he can't pull me in the direction of Jay and the rest of Silas' family.

"No, come with me," He grabs my hand again and starts lightly tugging in the Barkley's direction. "Jay is like, the only person that I get along with here. I want you to like him."

That'll probably never happen. I know that it's not his fault that he got to grow up with our father but I can't help but seeing Silas in him. I know that I don't actually know the guy but I just see him as a miniature of his father and I really fucking hate his father. He also was kind of an asshole to me tonight too so I don't feel too bad for not liking him.

But I don't have a plausible explanation that I can give Micah as to why I don't want to go over to that table and so defeated, I walk with him to the Barkley's table.

"Hello, Micah," Silas's wife greets him when we approach the table. Both Silas and Jay look at me first and then to Micah as if to pretend like they have no idea who I am. "I haven't seen you all night, who's this lovely young lady?"

"This is Eleanor. These are Jay's parents," He starts introducing Silas and his wife, Chelsea, but I don't need to be introduced to them, I just want to get out of here.

"Senator Barkley," I say quickly. "It's... nice to meet you." I nearly choke on my words.

"Anyway, we're heading out. Just wanted to say goodnight," Micha continues, keeping his hand in mine. I don't look anybody in the eye, I just look at the table and stay silent. This is the first time that I've met Chelsea and Maryanne in person but I'm completely uninterested in getting to know them.

"We're going to hit the golf course tomorrow," Jay tells him. "Are you in? You can bring your... date if you want to."

"Yeah, sure. You want to come?" Micah looks to me.

"No," I am fast to decline. "I mean, I can't. I'm going to have lunch with my brother before he heads back to school."

"Oh, where does he go?" Silas asks me and it sounds so casual that nobody thinks anything of it. There's not a chance in hell that I'm going to tell him where Casey goes to school though.

"A boarding school for freak geniuses," I stay vague in my answer and then look to Micah. "We should probably get going."

"Right, so text me the details about golf and I'll see you tomorrow," Micah tells Jay and then he eventually lets us leave their table to really leave the dinner.

Once we're in the lobby and headed to his car, Micah asks me, "So did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, your parents really are great," I say to him. "Do you think that they liked me?"

"They loved you," He assures me. "Especially my mom, couldn't you tell how much she wanted to know more about you? I mean, she really is always pretty nosy but she really liked you."

I'm not sure when or how I'm going to tell him that we can't see each other again but I have to do it before he takes me back to his house because I can't have sex with him knowing that this isn't going to work out. That is insanely cruel and unfair to him.

I'm feeling some anxiety pulsing in my chest as I get into his car. I have to say something now or never. This has to be it.

"Wait," I find myself saying as he's putting the key into the car's ignition. "Don't start the car yet."

He curiously looks over at me and asks me, "Is something wrong?"

"I can't do this," I tell him. I'm feeling so anxious now that I feel like I might start to cry but I focus on keeping it together. Of course, I do want to see Micah again. I want to hang out with him, talk to him, make out with him, hold his hand forever and tell him all of my secrets. But I can't do that with how close he is to Silas's family. I hate who I turn into when I'm around them or when I just see their faces. I hate how angry and bitter and full of hatred I become.

"Can't do what?" He asks me slowly.

"This," I motion between the two of us. "Everything is so fucked up and us seeing each other is just making it worse. I think that you should just take me home, please. And I don't think that we should see each other again."

"What?" He looks incredibly surprised now, and hurt, so I look away. I don't want to hurt him but I've only known him for a week so I know that he'll get over it. It's not like we're in love or anything. "Why? What happened?"

"My life feels like it's just spiraling right now," I try to explain to him. "Everything is getting so out of control. I need to focus on Josie and my brother. I can't be worrying about all of this too."

"What is there to worry about?" Micah asks me.

"I can't tell you," I inform him. "Isn't that so frustrating to you? That I can never tell you anything? Because then you'd have secrets too and they eat at you, you know?"

"I can keep secrets," He assures me. "Tell me what's going on."

"We've only known each other for a week," I remind him. "And we haven't hung out very much either so I think that it's just easier if we stop now and leave with a goodbye and go our separate ways. I come with too much baggage and I can't do this right now. I'm sorry. If you still want to fuck tonight, that's fine, but after tonight, we can't do this."

"Fine," Micah gives up as he starts the car. "I'll take you home then."

The car ride is silent. He's obviously frustrated and I feel bad but I know that I have to do this right now. There are so many things going on in my life right now that I just need to cut off the excess stress. Micah isn't stress but what comes along with him, that is stressful and I can't handle that.

Maybe once Davis is completely taken care of and Josie finds another home and I have legal custody of Casey, I can take a breath and deal with my father showing up in my life but right now, I can't worry about that.

"If I ever get my shit together, I'll give you a call," I offer him as he gets close to my apartment building. He doesn't say anything in return so I just lean back in the seat. "Or not."

I don't know what else to say. I should maybe apologize or something but I don't think that I can say anything to fix this. "You're being dramatic. We've been on two dates, it's not like this is our anniversary or anything. I'm sorry that this can't work right now but I told you the night that we met that I'm a mess. I warned you."

"I know," He says quickly. "I get it."

"No you don't."

"No. I don't," He admits as he parks in front of my apartment building. "But it's fine. You do what you have to do. Maybe I'll see you around, Eleanor."

"Sure," I sigh as I undo my seatbelt and I open the door to get out. "Maybe I'll see you around. Goodnight, Micah."

He stays quiet and so I just shut the door and I head up to the apartment. Hopefully Casey and Josie are asleep because I'm tired, sad, and overwhelmed. But when I open the front door, I immediately hear the bedroom door open and then Casey appears in the living room. I notice that Josie is asleep in my bed but Casey looks wide awake and alarmed.

"I thought you weren't coming home."

"Things changed," I mumble with a yawn. "What are you still doing up?"

"We need to talk," He tells me.

"Case, I'm really tired. We can talk in the morning," I tell him even though I can tell that he really wants to talk about something but I'm just exhausted and I am not in the mood to have some big talk with Casey. I feel bad and I love him but it needs to wait until tomorrow.

"What happened to you at the foster home?" Casey asks me, not letting me pass him to go to the bed.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Did Davis do anything to you?" He asks me and I can tell that he knows. I don't know how, but he knows about what Davis did to me in that foster home. Fuck.