I kiss him back when he moves his lips with mine. I can't control how amazing it feels when his lips seal over mine. The tension is so hard to deal with and I'm sick of it, I'll regret this tomorrow, but right now I'm not going to.

I move closer on his lap when our tongues move in sync. He leans back onto the bed pulling me closer into his chest before abruplty flipping us over so that's he's on top of me. I don't have time to breathe before he's ripping his tank over his head. Then he's back kissing along my lips as he makes his way to my jaw and back. I haven't been touched like this since him, and I've missed it so much.

When I kissed Evan it didn't feel like this. This feels so good, it's everything I used to have.

Jax moves to kiss my clavicle when he pulls my hair out of the bun and reaches for the straps of my tank top. I feel the arousal in my lower belly when he's kissing along my body, making his way back up to my lips. He pulls my tank over my head, leaving me in nothing but a small sports bra when I reach for his shorts and slip them off of him. I feel him grind into my thigh as I gasp feeling how hard and long he is.

I forgot about that.

He doesn't stop kissing me until we're both out of breath and my bra is ripped off into two pieces, throw across the room. He leans down kissing along the peaks of my breasts before going lower and swirling his tongue around the curvature of my breast tissue. Then my moans start when he takes my nipple into his mouth, sucking around it before palming my other breast, making me cum almost instantly before I contain myself.

He continues moving lower down my body before taking my shorts and underwear off at once leaving me bare to him. "God I missed this" he whispers into my stomach before lifting my thigh over his shoulder and driving his head between my legs. He takes my clit into his mouth making me mutter out moans constantly.

This hasn't happened in five years.

He grips my thighs harder, pulling me closer to him when his fingers move into my body, thrusting in a pace that nags me over and over again. "Jax" I moan as he finds a steady rhythm with his tongue thrusting it in a swirling pace inside of me. He keeps going though, until I'm bucking my hips to him and he's holding me still while I cry in pleasure.

I throw my head back onto the bed arching my back and grabbing his thick hair between my palms when he spanks the outside of my thigh sending jolts of pleasure throughout my body. I try containing my moans and try grounding myself to the bed, but I can't. I haven't felt this good in forever.

He speeds up his tongue, making me moan harder when I grip his scalp so hard I see starts and my vision almost goes completely black. "That's it" he whispers massaging my legs as I moan his name cumming around his tongue. He continues working his tongue the entire time I orgasm around him.

Oh my-, I can't function now.

He moves up my body before kissing along my chest making his way to my lips. I kiss him back before he starts rocking onto me. I take birth control for my period to be regular, and I know we shouldn't be doing this but I have to.

I pull him closer to me and open my legs when he lines up at my entrance. I don't have a minute to breathe before he's pushed into me, fully. I moan feeling how full I am as he holds my hip in one hand and face in the other. Arching my back again to get closer to him I grip his head kissing him harder.

He finds a steady pace, one that makes me go fucking crazy, it's fast enough to fuck me, but slow enough to winde me up. I can't stop moaning in pleasure when he's rocking his hips. I move my lips from his to his chest, and across his neck sucking on it while he fucks me.

On his continous thrusting he moves his hips to the left, and when he does I see fireworks. He hits my g-spot, hard enough that I cum instantly. "Jaxx" I moan into his ear as he sets me off.

"Fuck Ry" he whispers back as I feel him soften and cum inside of me. I hold him close, feeling it all as I rub my hand through his hair. He grips my hips plunging inside of me to cum deeper making me feel that much better.

When he's done he doesn't move, and neither do I. Until he flips over holding me still on his muscular thighs. He continues kissing me, he stays inside of me the entire time I continue kissing his lips before we break apart. I move to breath when he reaches into my nightstand. He knows I always keep tissues in there. He pulls two out, and pulls out of me before wiping his cum off the inside of my thighs. I stay completely sedated sitting on him before he kisses down my neck.

He pulls me around to sit on him entirely, as in my back to his chest, when he starts kissing down my neck. I feel his length between my ass cheeks when he pulls me closer to him and grabs both my breasts in his hands. He lines himself up at my entrance again and pushes himself into me as I sit on his dick, rocking my hips and we don't stop.

We keep having sex for three hours, never stopping until we're both completely exhausted and fall back into my sheets. He throws his arm around my waist and pulls me into his chest before cuddling in behind me and pulling my leg over his.

"God I love you Ry" he whispers into my neck before falling soundly asleep. And my tears break down my face, what have I done?

___

I can't move because I'll end up waking him up. He's soflty snoring into my ear like he used to do every night and it's so comforting that I'm crying my eyes out. I messed up, and I messed up because my heart feels like it's breaking in half again. He hurt me, he made me cry everyday for a year and here I am, sleeping with him again because he's my weakness.

And I think it's because I'm still in love with the man that hurt me.

I hear my phone alarm going off in the kitchen when I soflty move Jax off of me and slip out of my sheets. I'm sore, and it hurts to walk when I grab my clothes, finding a new bra, and slipping on my clothes I go into the kitchen to see what's going on. It's my alarm for picking up the kids, and I totally forgot about them.

I grab my keys before leaving the house and I leave Jax sleeping in the sheets. Wiping the tears from all over my face, I make myself look somewhat presentable before pulling into Maddie's school and picking her up. Next, I pick up Lance and finally I pick up Kurt from primary school. All while they have no idea what's wrong with me emotionally.

Just that their dad is currently naked in my bed.

I take Maddie to cheer practice and the boys to football practice before sitting in the parking lot crying my eyes out. When my phone starts ringing I wipe my tears and look at the caller ID to see Jax calling me. Instantly I cry harder, and harder. I decline the call and he keeps trying to call me but I can't handle it.

So I sit in my car for two hours waiting on the kids. When they're done I get them into the car and start driving home. "Mama, you okay?" Maddie asks from the backseat as I nod.

"Of course baby" I answer back ignoring the nagging thoughts in the back of my head. When I pull into the garage Jax's truck is still here. "Daddy's here?" Lance asks smiling as wide as he can. When I park the car he opens the door running out of the car and into the house before I grab Kurt and Maddie beige they're running into the house. I grab their backpacks and make my way into the house before turning into the kitchen to see Jax standing there.

He's dressed squatting down talking to Lance as he sees me. He winks before seeing my face, and after he does his mood changes. "Why don't y'all start on homework while mom and I start dinner? And go wash your hands," he tells them as they nod. He walks over to me and Kurt rubbing his head. Jax hugs him and kisses him on the head before he's running off.

"Can we talk?" he asks as I nod. He turns his back walking towards the pantry as I follow him. "I had to go get the kids" I start immediately as he nods.

"I know. But you've been crying, recently" he tells me turning towards me. He goes to grip my hip when I move away and he stops.

"Ry" he whispers as I shake my head no. "I still don't forgive you. This doesn't change anything" I spit out as he shakes his head yes.

"Yes it does. Ry, we aren't getting a divorce. Ry, I still love you." he tells me as I shake my head no. "Please don't start" I whisper as he grabs my face in his hand.

"We will talk about this later. But let me just tell you this. I know you loved fucking me, riding my tongue, my face, my dick, my waist just like you used to. We both know this means more than sex, I love you." he tells me rubbing my hips before he walks off towards the stairs to go find the kids.

I'm left in the kitchen as I lean over the counter holding my head in my hands. I can't believe that I've done this.

____

Jax doesn't say anything to me when the kids ask him to stay for dinner. He even stays and puts them to bed before coming back downstairs. He sees me standing at the sink washing dishes as he walks in and stops behind me.

"Wanna talk about it now?" he asks as I shake my head no. "Nope. We had sex, that's it" I whisper washing the cups before rinsing them off. "I have to work tomorrow morning so I think it's best if you left." I tell him not looking at his face as I finish and dry off my hands.

I turn when he's standing there with his arms crossed looking at me. "Ry" he whispers as I look away. He starts walking towards me as I back away again.

"I can't get hurt by you again." I whisper softly crossing my arms. "We had sex, and I'm sorry I made a mistake. I wasn't thinking clearly and you said everything I wanted to hear but I can't do this." I whisper to him softly. He comes to me and backs me into the cabinet before staring into my eyes as I look away.

"Look at me." He whispers grabbing both my hips as I look up into his blue eyes. "I don't regret it. I wish we would have had that these past few years. Ry, I promise you, if you give me the chance, I promise I'll never hurt you again. I know you have to work and so do I, I love you and I'll see you tomorrow." He tells me as he leans down and kisses me on the lips before he grabs his keys and disappears out of the house.

Leaving me in a confused mess.