Thankfully today I didn't have to work. Which means I woke up this morning and took the kids to school so that I could clean and do laundry. So when lunch time rolls around the whole house is spotless and I've already started packing up the moving boxes with seasonal items that I know I won't need.

Evan understood when I canceled on him last minute, but in my defense I told him that Jax and I had to talk about the kids and what we're going to do regarding them. Not us, this isn't about Jax and I. This is about our children only.

Jax pulls into the garage and uses his key to get into the backdoor when he sees me packing up boxes of pictures frames off the wall. He looks too good today, I know he just left the gym because he's in a black tank that shows off his chest and arms, with a black hat on his head and athletic shorts that hug his ass. I know he's had side pieces while we've been apart, there's no way he hasn't. Not when this is what he looks like daily. I don't have a problem admitting that he's attractive, I fell in love with him, I do find him handsome, but I also know my self worth. It's worth more than a beautiful man that crushed me.

He looks at me and smiles but I don't know why. I'm in a align tank that shows off a little of my stomach along with high waisted shorts and slippers. My hairs in a bun and I've brushed my teeth and washed my face today, that's about it. I knew I had a lot to do with the house so I didn't bother looking good.

"Hi." I tell him as he makes his way into the kitchen and opens the fridge. He grabs a bottle of water and starts eating the apple slices as I roll my eyes. I don't fucking care, he bought it with money that he puts into my account for the kids.

"Ry don't pack your shit. This house is yours and you know it." He tells me as I laugh. "No it's not. I just live here. I'm leaving, you built it you can have it back." I tell him as I finish the box I'm on.

"All I have is peanut butter and jelly stuff so you can have that for lunch if you want." I tell him pointing to the bread and peanut butter before I take a seat at the barstool with him standing at the counter in front of it.

"You wanted to talk. So talk make this quick." I tell him crossing my arms. He then looks down at the divorce papers I put on the countertop. He stares at them before opening the drawer and throwing them away as I roll my eyes. He then proceeds to make a sandwich on the pink plate that belongs to Maddie as he starts talking. "So divorce huh?" he asks opening the bread.

"Yes" I answer back as he smiles. "We aren't getting divorced" he tells me proceeding with the jelly as he spreads it across the other piece of bread. He does it while he continues eating the packaged apple slices like nothing is wrong at all.

"I want a divorce" I spit out a staring into his eyes. "And I don't" he tells me as he places the bread together and takes a bite.

"Let me ask you this, if I wouldn't have left you, do you think we'd still be happy?" he asks as I look down at my hands. "Maybe. I don't know" I answer.

"Yes, the answer is yes." he tells me as he continues eating. "What does this have to do with anything?" I ask as he takes another bite, eating over half the sandwich.

"I fucked up" he tells me wiping his mouth as I laugh, loudly. "You think?" I ask as he glares at me.

"It was five years ago and I'm over it now. I don't want to argue about this or ignore each other anymore. It's done, so please let me move on." I beg as he finishes eating and takes a sip of water. He cleans his hands and the plate before looking up at me ready for this conversation.

"Ry, I know I messed up. I didn't know what walking away did at the time. I really fucked up everything I had with you and I'm sorry. I didn't know how to handle my own shit, and I felt like a fucking failure when you weren't okay. I can honestly say that I tried my hardest after our first major fight over Lance, when I promised you that I'd do better. I tried, I felt like doing everything would make it better but then you got pregnant with Kurt and I couldn't handle it. I just felt like I had my wife back, and then, Lance came along fucked it up, then Kurt fucked with your emotions even more. I regret that day with everything in me and I mean that." he tells me as he stares at me. And I know he's not lying because I've always been able to read him.

"But that's the thing. You can regret it but that doesn't matter. You still did it. You still left, I was-, do you even remember when I called you over and over again crying my eyes out as I sat over the toilet puking my guts out over what you did? Or when I tried over and over again to get you to come back and you wouldn't. I tried for an entire year, when you didn't even care that I was going through postpartum depression, might I add because you refused to wear condoms." I spit out to him.

"I fucking know that and I'm sorry. I wasn't okay either and I've finally realized that I miss you after therapy. I fucking want us back Ry." he tells me trying to step forward to me as tears whelp in my eyes and I back away.

"You only miss me because Evan is someone new who wants me." I spit out as he shakes his head no. "Baby" he whispers making me laugh as I pull away farther.

"No, I am not your baby. What is wrong with you?! Five years JAX! I waited on you for five fucking years and I would have opened my arms willing to take you back because I was so in love with you. I was, I married you because I loved you with my whole fucking heart. I would have done anything for you. But you just walked away when I needed you the most, that's not a husband that's a fucking coward." I tell him as he stills.

"I'll do anything to get us back" he whispers to me as I look up into his eyes. I'm teary and emotional already and he's on the verdge of tears just looking at me.

"What changed? Was there someone else?" I ask wiping a stray tear from my face. "What do you mean?" he asks. "What changed to make you go?" I ask.

"I felt like you picked our kids over me in everything, no matter what. I knew that something was wrong, but when I'd find you willingly missing dates I had planned or in the middle of sex you'd just let me finish so you could leave, that shit hurt me. There's a difference between being a good mom and being overbearing, and you pushed me away for them." he tells me. I never even realized he felt that way, he never even told me.

"Why didn't you just say something?" I ask. "What would it have done? The only time we were okay was when we got away after our major fight the first time and it was just us. I thought you'd realize that you needed me just as much as I needed you but when we came back the cycle just started all over again. The only time we had good sex was when you got pregnant with Kurt" he spits out as my mouth drops.

"You fucking liar, we had sex all the time. I literally would let you fuck me whenever you wanted" I spit out. "I said good sex, not sex when you're limp as a log letting me fuck you." he spits out as tears fall down my face.

"What was I supposed to do? I was breastfeeding, taking care of Maddie, depressed and pregnant when I didn't even know it!" I exclaim.

"Talked to me," he tells me moving his hands to emphasize himself. "The one time I did you left" I spit out walking away. I knew this shit was a bad fucking idea, I knew it. I knew I that this shouldn't have happened today. I make it to my bedroom and I storm in ready to slam the door when he follows me.

"Don't walk away when I'm trying to talk to you" he spits out behind me as I turn around and push his chest as hard as I can making him stumble back. "Like you did?!" I yell wiping my tears. He reaches for me and grabs me into his chest stopping my hands from hitting him when he sits me on the bed and forces me to listen to him.

"I'm sorry Rylee. I fucked up, I don't know how to fix it" he tells me calmly. "You can't fix something that you've broke in half, stomped on, crushed, neglected, and ripped apart now can you?" I ask him as he reaches for my face in his hand and I continue crying as I push it away.

"I'm begging you Ry, please" he whispers laying his forehead on mine. I continue crying my eyes out as he reaches up wiping my tears in his hands. I want to say no, and force him to stop touching me but having his hands on me brings back all the good memories that we used to have, before this.

"Why did you hurt me?" I whisper out softly as I clutch his shirt in my hands. He reaches for my hips and lifts me off the bed as he wraps my legs around his waist like he used to do. He sits down with me straddling his thighs as he rubs my back in his hand and kisses my forehead.

"I'm so sorry" he whispers wiping my tears as they fall down my face, to my neck. I see a few slip from his face when he wipes them away and reaches for my hips to pull me closer to him.

"Sorry doesn't fix what you did" I whisper out, laying my head on his shoulder to contain my sobs. "And I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you give me the chance" he tells me rubbing my back and shoulder blade. I cry for five minutes, heavily sobbing when his sniffles and mine both mix.

When I pull back ready to talk to him he's crying just as much as I am. I reach to hold his jaw in my hand when he does the same thing to me like we used to. "Please" he whispers leaning closer to me as he rubs my face.

I don't expect to, and I don't know why, but in that moment I see a glimpse of what my husband used to be and when we both stare into the eyes of each other I'm brought back to years ago when we actually used to talk. He just stares at me continuing to have tears fall out of my eyes when we both lean forward and kiss the other at the exact same time.