《As Long As I Live》Forgiveness And Family
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*****
Mayra looked at her reflection in the rearview mirror of the car horrified. She could hear Aamir chuckle beside her and she threw him a look that shut him up instantly. Her cheeks were flaming red and there was nothing she could do about it because their car had already glided into their driveway.
She spent the night with Aamir in the hotel. What was her family going to think?
She pressed her palms to her cheeks as she blushed even more. This was going to be so embarrassing!
"You do realize that we're married, right?"
Mayra buried her head in her hands. Sure her husband seemed to be enjoying himself a lot, she could barely make out the humour in the situation.
"Of course we are. But .. but we.."
"Sweetheart," he warned, parking the car smoothly and turning to look at her, "if this is your reaction to just a night together in a hotel, be prepared for after our honeymoon."
She stared at him. "Honeymoon?"
Aamir sighed with exaggeration. "Yes Mayra, you know the trip a newly married couple take to get to know each other and - "
"I know what a honeymoon is!" Mayra said, exasperated at Aamir's teasing smile.
"Oh you do, do you?"
She threw her hands up in a sign of defeat and rolled her eyes at him. He was impossible.
He rested his head back on the seat and relished just sitting back and watching her, in no hurry whatsoever to get into the house. He was loving this new side to her. She was incredibly shy, a fact that endeared her to him so much that he had to keep himself from indulging in too much public display of affection. He didn't mind it though, he'd love to show her off to the world, proud that she was his and his alone but his poor wife seemed to be unable to face their own family after an innocent night, let alone brave the world with such actions.
Ironic, he thought as they had just confronted the media.
For the millionth time he asked himself how he could possibly hurt her. This was the same woman whose pain he had relished, whose helplessness he had craved and whose humiliation he had enjoyed. He had hurt her in every way, all the time. How could he have done all of that? How had he been so blind that he couldn't see her innocence, her simplicity and her purity. How could he have doubted her integrity? How could he have become such an animal?
How could he and her parents become so heartless, so unconcerned?
Mayra turned back to look at him. He was looking at her but she could see that he was lost in his own thoughts. She waved her hand in front if his face but he didn't respond.
"Aamir?"
She shook his hand gently and broke him out of his reverie.
"S..sorry, what?"
"Where are you lost?"
"No. I was just thinking," he said. "Funny, isn't it. You think that everyone inside is going to tease you and you're going to be so embarrassed. What I thing is that they are going to think I've hurt you again. They're going to be concerned about you. Who knows what the monster might've done to you?"
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Mayra felt assaulted by guilt and hurt. She was the reason why his own family hated him, were always suspicious of him. Faiza herself had said that she had come to loathing Aamir, even though she had once desperately wanted to marry him.
"I'm sorry," she said, ducking her head down, feeling very bad.
Aamir laughed, devoid of humour. "Why are you sorry, sweetheart?"
"Its all because of me. They.. they.."
"My darling, it has nothing to do with you. And I'm the only one responsible for it. I deserve it, Princess."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Whatever happened is in the past. When we've decided to move past it then everyone else should also."
Aamir looked away, nodding to what she was saying. She knew he didn't agree with what she said.
Sighing, she leaned forward and cupped his face lovingly. "Will you give me something?"
"Of course. Just name it."
"Promise me that we'll move past this. After this situation is sorted, we will never speak of this again."
"Mayra, we can't just sweep everything under the rug like this. You can't just make everyone erase everything from their memories because you want to save me from feeling bad or guilty. It doesn't work like that. They've seen who I am. They've seen the depravity to which I can fall, the cruelty of which I am capable. That's my real face, and they know it."
Mayra smiled at him softly, recalling how he had helped her regain faith in herself just last night. "Is that what you think of yourself?"
Aamir looked at her, the answer was obvious.
"What people saw last night when you took me to the hotel, the media and your colleagues, when you made that announcement, calling me your Angel, when you trusted me and didn't do anything.. anything bad when he.. he provoked you, what do you think you were being, depraved, monstrous or cruel?"
She sighed and held his hand. "Ever since my accident, you were the one that I've unconsciously leaned on for support because you were the only one who was always there for me. You weren't pushing me, not judging me for being weak. You showered me with so much love and attention but you made sure you never suffocated me with it. I.. I..
"Its true that I had built walls around my heart. I was too broken, I had nothing left, no one left of my own. Then everything changed in my life. Everything changed because you changed it Aamir. You showed me what our life could be like if we decided to move past what had happened. I embraced that possibility. I want to give us a chance, but for that we have to let go of our past. We must.."
Mayra's words were suddenly drowned by the bang of the front door of the house being thrown open and an extremely furious Farhan marching down the front steps, murderous rage in his eyes. He flew down the stairs, his wife, Khalid and Zara all following him trying to get him to calm down.
But the man was beyond pissed.
He walked up to Aamir's side of the car and threw the door open. Before anyone could fathom what was going on, Farhan had caught his son's collar and pulled him out and slammed him back against the car. "What did you do now? Did you hurt her again? SPEAK, YOU WORTHLESS GIT!"
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"Papa!"
Mayra flew out the car and ran around it to go running to her father in law. She clutched his arm and pulled at it to loosen the hold he had over Aamir's shirt.
Khalid desperately clutched the other arm. "Papa, Bhai didn't .."
"SPEAK!"
Aamir looked his father in the eye and said calmly, "I haven't hurt your daughter. Ask her."
Farhan turned his head to look at a fearful Mayra gazing up helplessly at him. "Did he..?"
Before Farhan could finish asking his question Mayra started to answer him, "No, Papa! He didn't hurt me! Not at all! He took care of me, believe me! Believe him!"
Farhan looked back at his son, disgust marring his features at the thought of trusting him and he jerked Aamir back, throwing him away from his touch.
Aamir took a few steps back to steady himself. His mother was instantly at his side, helping him stand steady. She looked at her husband in anger.
"How can you do this to your own son!"
Farhan fisted his hands, breathed deeply, trying to temper his rage.
"Tell me!" Rafia shouted. "How long are you going to punish him! Everyone has forgiven him, Mayra has forgiven him! When will you - "
"I will not forgive him!" Farhan yelled back. "Ever! He is my flesh and blood! He is my son! Mine! How could he have done that to his wife after all that I've taught him? How could he have failed me as a father? How could he have done this to me?"
Farhan paused, himself being surprised that he was crying. "I've failed, Rafia. I've failed as a father. I'm a failure."
Shoulders slumped, Farhan walked back and sat down on the stairs. He buried his face in his hands and cried. Rafia lowered her own head and followed him.
Holding her hand Farhan said, "We never gave our children these values. We taught them well, Rafia. I taught him well. I always thought that, but may be.. may be.. I didn't! I must've made a mistake somewhere. I must've missed out on something. It's my fault. Night after night that poor girl cried under my roof, at the hands of my son, it's .. it's my fault!"
"No. No, Farhan. You taught them well. It isn't your fault."
"It is, Rafia," he sobbed, for the first time his children seeing him cry. "It is."
Mayra held Aamir's hand. He looked absolutely devastated. Shame and guilt consumed him. He couldn't face anyone, not after this. He wanted to die, for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Unknowingly, he tightened his grip on Mayra's hand.
Mayra looked from father to son, both were crying and both were blaming their own selves. She was the one who caused this, somehow she was at the heart of it all.
She gently tugged at Aamir's hand until his teary gaze tore away from his father to her own. Leading him by the hand, she walked to where Farhan sat crying and crouched down in front of him. Aamir followed suit.
"Papa?" Mayra whispered.
"Don't you dare, Mayra," Farhan tried to scold her, his sobs muffling the severity of his tone. He knew full well what she would do, take the blame on her own head to spare his feelings, she had always done that.
"Papa, are you ashamed of your own son?"
Farhan looked at Aamir and for the first time Aamir saw not an ounce of fury, but a disappointment so great that it made him feel like the lowest piece of scum on the ground.
"Are you, Papa?" Mayra persisted. When Farhan didn't reply, she said, "I don't know about you but I'm proud of him."
Five pairs of eyes swivelled to look at her as if she had lost her senses. She smiled at Farhan and took his hand and have it a little squeeze. "You should be proud of the son you raised Papa. You should congratulate yourself for a job well done as his father. You know why?"
Farhan seemed genuinely bewildered. "Why?"
"Because he's my Angel."
Aamir couldn't believe what he had heard. He thought it was a figment of his imagination.
Mayra gave him a sad smile, "Its true." Turning to her parents in law, she said, "Its true. He is my Angel. Ever since I've woken up, he's been my support. He's never left me alone. He's taken such good care of me. Like.. Like any well-raised man should. And he did it because you raised him well.
"Has he made mistakes? Yes, he has, but who doesn't, Papa? All of us have. But Aamir had the courage to face his misdeeds and to rectify them. He had the strength to recognize his weaknesses and to fight them. He changed himself. For us."
Imploring him, Mayra asked her father-in-law, "Will you not let go of the past, Papa? Will you not appreciate the true man that your son has become? Will you not be proud that he is ready to sacrifice everything for his family?"
Aamir lowered his head, utterly ashamed and said, "I'm sorry, Papa. I'm just so.. so sorry."
Farhan looked at him but all he could see was his four year old baby boy who had broken his father's favorite watch, kneeling before him, crying, sad and afraid that he he had hurt his daddy and that daddy wouldn't love him anymore.
Farhan threw his arms around his son and crushed him to his chest, crying out two years of pain and hurt. They held each other desperately in a moment so precious that only father and son mattered, a man who gave his best for his child and a boy who wanted to be the best for the man he idealised.
Zara and Khalid ran and hugged the duo, and soon Rafia and Mayra were pulled in too. The group finally in that one moment became a family, bound together by love and by each other's pain.
As Rafia looked at her mouthed the words "thank you", Mayra decided that it was time for her to speak to her own parents.
*****
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