《The Alpha Instinct》Chapter Eighteen: My Anchor, My Anger
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People don't explain to you what it means to be marked or how it changes you entirely. The moment that Silver bitten me he'd marked me as his and my whole world shifted on it's axis. The sky became the ground beneath my feet and I was in a constant state of falling. It wasn't until he left that I even realized Silver had become my anchor that held me firmly rooted in the world. Now that he was gone I felt as though I was adrift, being tossed about in the raging chaos of my new reality. Before Silver it had been my need to survive, my desire to make sure my family was avenged that anchored me but now I only seemed to care if Silver was alive, happy and healthy.
Silver. Silver. Silver.
It was an endless loop of longing that constantly played in my mind and it was really starting to piss me off. It didn't matter that I didn't want to think about it—him. It didn't matter how hard I tried to fill my mind with other things, or how hard I tried to distract myself. He clung to the recesses of my mind as an unshakeable shadow.
I slammed my palms down on the counter making the people around me to jump in surprise, "Damn it!"
"What did the counter ever do to you?" A voice chirped beside me. I turned my face quickly to see a girl giving me a cheeky smile. Her skin was darker in complexion and there was noticeable scar on her cheek but it only seemed to give an edgy look to femininity. She chuckled and shook her head causing her ebony waves to sway back and forth, "You must be Grace. We didn't get to meet when you were here before—"
I give her a tight lipped smile, "And you are?"
"Oh..." She smacked a flour covered palm to her forehead, "Must be the pregnancy hormones making me all scatterbrained. I'm Nadia. You've probably met my mate--Ryder." She holds her hand out towards me with the same cheeky smile plastered across her face. I eye her hand for a moment before shaking it, "Ah, well It's nice to meet you."
I slip my hand from hers and wipe it clean against my shirt. She eyes me up before turning her attention back to kneading dough, "So what's got you so tense Grace?"
"Nothing." I reply quickly.
"Yes because nothing always has me beating up on inanimate objects as well." She says sarcastically. I frown as I look down over her and watch as she works the dough, "It's not anything worth dwelling over."
"Yet here you dwell." She is quick in her responses and that makes me bite the inside of my cheek in annoyance to keep from snapping at her. The door to the kitchen swings open before I can tell her to nicely mind her own business. We both turn are attention to the intruder to find the Ryder marching towards us with an intense gaze.
Nadia wiped her hands on the front of her apron. He stares down at her with his jaw clenching, "Nadia—is there a reason you are in the kitchen and not resting in bed as the doctor ordered?" He sounded as though he was about two seconds from losing his calm demeanor.
"Honey, I am perfectly fine. I haven't done any heavy lifting. The girls have been buzzing around me constantly making sure I'm fine. You're worrying over nothing..." She gave him a reassuring smile, clearly hoping to keep him calm.
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"You will get back to our room and into that bed. This is the last time I've having this discussion with you." He growls at her.
I watch as the warm eyes she had moments before turned into blazing pits of fire, "You listen here Ryder! If you try and put me back in that bed I'll take Grace's knife and skin your lovely hide and use it as a throw rug. Am I clear?"
The room became incredible quiet at her threat and the two of them stared off. I reached out slowly and removed the knife from the counter, handing it silently to another she-wolf nearby. Ryder let out a loud sigh before his gaze roamed over to me. I gave him a slight smile, trying to look as non-threatening as possible at the moment.
"Whatever, you do as you please anyway. I don't even know why I waste energy worrying over you—" He grumbles bitterly, " My reason for coming here wasn't even you." It's clear to me that Nadia has hurt her mate by his snappy tone of voice.
She rolled her eyes and turned away from him, shutting down their conversation. He let out another growl of frustration before looking away from her, "Noah wants to see you in his office." With that said he spun on his heels and march out of the room in an angry huff almost knocking over a poor she-wolf who couldn't out of his way fast enough.
Nadia started kneading the dough roughly muttering to herself under her breath, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" And then she broken down into tears. I stood frozen unsure what I should do, I wasn't very good when it came to crying. I backed away slowly as other women came to her aid giving her soothing words. I made my way out of the kitchen let out a sigh of relief once I was free from all the stifling energy. I felt much better when I was doing things I was meant to do—I had never been a home maker. I didn't see myself as much of a nurturer, perhaps that alpha genes had pushed those things away.
I'd never given much though about having pups or being a mother. The image of being pregnant with Silver's pup popped up in my mind and a part of my heart warmed at the thought. Quickly though I squashed it down when I reminded myself that he had left me. The anger surged inside me and I stalked down the hallway towards Noah's office with heavy steps as if I could stomp my feelings away.
I gave a knock on the door, "Come in!" Noah's deep voice vibrated through the closed door. I opened it slowly and poked my head to find him sitting behind his desk. He peered up at me for a moment and motioned for me to enter with a hand before he looked down again. I pulled my body through the gap in the door and closed it behind me softly, "You wanted to see me?"
"Please—" He motioned for me to take a seat. I frowned but a bilged him by moving across the room and taking a seat across from him. He folded his hands together in front of his face as if to pray. His eyes focused completely on me, though not in a challenging manner, "How are you?"
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His question actually took me by surprise. I squirmed in my seat a bit, "I'm fine."
"Hmmm..." He says looking thoughtful for a moment before letting his hands fall from each other, "How have you been managing your wolf since you left? Any issues?"
I chewed on my lip for a moment thinking about the night I had saved Silver from the hunters. As if sensing my hesitation Noah pounced on it, "I'm going to take that as something has happened..."
I let out a heavy sigh, "I was in complete control and then I wasn't. It wasn't like the other times..." I fidgeted with my fingers, "Silver—somehow he was able to force a shift on me and when it happened my wolf was completely uncontrollable. I was only able to gain control again because of a moment of distraction."
"It didn't feel right—I mean it felt like me but at the same time it didn't. It was almost as if..." I stop myself from finishing the sentence. Noah is staring at me intently, "As if what?"
"As if my wolf was doing exactly what Silver wanted to do—" My voice came out softly. It was something I had tried to block out of my mind. My wolf had always been a bit intense in her urges and I had a habit of losing myself in bloodlust because of my time spent in that cell. Yet even this hadn't compared to the night I'd saved Silver. I had been afraid of myself-- of what I had been capable of doing --of what I had wanted to do.
"It's called transference..." Noah said after a moment of silence between us. I looked at him in confusion, "What?"
Noah pushed his seat back and stood up, "It's something that I had been told about growing up. You see rogues are brought up knowing all about the pure bloods. It is there—or was their goal to built an army worthy of destroying the pure bloods. We are taught many things about them so that we know there strengths and weaknesses..."
He turns his back to me folding his hands behind him, "Transference is something that isn't very common but some of particularly strong bloodlines can do it. Basically his wolf's aura forced itself upon you and influenced yours to carry out his will. Usually this is would be difficult to do to an alpha because our wolves are not weak willed enough to be influenced, but considering he's your mate that must have left you wide open..."
"What is the point of something like that?" I questioned slightly appalled that a wolf would even want to do that to another wolf.
"It's a hive mind. A strong wolf will control the weaker ones and give them more power, blood lust—The weak are simply pawns in their game of war." He looked over his shoulder at me with a deep frown. I looked away from him staring down at my hands. The thought that Silver had used me in that way stung but my wolf quickly squashed it,
I know! I remember that all to well! I yelled at her as I lifted my hand to the healed bite mark. I ran my fingers over the puckered skin.
"You have to be more careful Grace. He's your anchor now, which makes it all that much more dangerous. You're practically a receiver for him now." His words made the anger stir inside of me. I looked up towards Noah, "Well it's a good thing he left me then huh?" I snap.
Noah's gaze softens and he leans forward placing his palms down against his desk, "Grace..." He says my name like a gentle whisper and I want to remain angry but I after a moment I wilt. My shoulders sag and I suck in a breath like I've been trapped under water.
"You've been marked already—this isn't something either one of you can simply walk away from. You soul has already been bound." His words are something I had already known in the back of my mind if this week without Silver had been any indication of how deeply rooted in him I'd become after the mark. I tightened my hands into tight fists and chocked back the urge to cry. I had never been one for tears—I'd believe those had long been beaten out of me but Silver made me weak.
"I can't...He left me like I was nothing..." I muttered with a strained voice.
A large hand was place over the top of my fisted hands. I looked up quickly surprised because I hadn't even heard Noah move. He was looking down at me with tenderness, "Trust me when I say this Grace. Whatever reason he had for leaving it had nothing to do with not wanting you..."
My lip quivered slightly, "How can you be so certain?"
"Because it wasn't so long ago that I was sending my own mate away..." It was hard not to trust his words when he spoke them with such sincerity. He gave my hands a gentle squeeze before pulling his hand back and crossing his arms over his chest, "Now the only question is what will you do Grace? How will you respond?"
I stared up at him as my emotions swirled through me like a chaotic storm. I didn't know what I should do but I knew what my instincts were telling me to do. They were telling me to chase after my mate. I was willing to take on the world if it meant being with him. As much as he had hurt me—I knew I could forgive him for what he'd done if he could just open up and be honest with me.
"Looks like I'll be taking a short detour before I head home." I say with a small smirk.
He gives me a knowing look as if that's what he had expected all along, "Just remember to be careful. It's important that the two of you try to control the anger or else you could have a worse episode then before..." I nod my head as I push up out of the chair and turn to walk out the room. My mind already focused on the goal of finding Silver.
"One more thing before you leave..."
I look back to him with a lifted brow. He gives me a smirk, "Give those pure bloods a little taste of hell for me..."
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Song: 'About Us'-JOY.
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