《LACUNA ✰ BNHA》63: [NAME]'S SUPERHERO MOVIE
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In which [Name]'s badass fights for the fame she deserves.
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Around her ankles and wrists were chains, attaching to the wall, yet still giving her a large range of motion. The [h/c] haired girl quickly stood up and tried to make sense of what was happening.
"Hey! Eri, are you there? Come on out, I'll even give you half of my stripper money! We can buy Animal Crossing and play together!" [Name] banged on the closed door, which was now locked. No response.
The [h/c] haired girl went silent and looked around the room that she was trapped in. A door that led to what looked like a balcony was locked as well.
In the corner of the room was a sleeping man, decked out in a colorful flower lei and sunglasses that displayed, in large rainbow comic sans font, the words "Big Daddy."
"Yooo, this man is shlumped," [Name] sat on the ground, talking to him (even though he was knocked the hell out) like the weirdo she was. After a couple minutes however, the girl was starting to get bored.
"Fuck, I need to charge my DS to play Nintendogs," [Name] mumbled.
She found an outlet with two other plugs attached and carelessly tore one out, only to hear a loud beep that sounded like a machine flatlining. [Name] dumbly stared at the monitor that was making the sound for a few long seconds, and then widened her eyes and started screeching bloody murder.
"Oh SHIT! THIS BITCH AIN'T SLEEPING, HE'S ON MOTHERFUCKING LIFE SUPPORT!" The [h/c] haired girl clumsily scrambled to plug the wires back in. After doing so, she staggered to the man's side frantically.
"Miss Keisha? Miss Keisha? Miss KEISHAAA?! OH MY FUCKING GOD, HE'S FUCKIN DEAD!" [Name] cried, slapping the shit out of him for any kind of reaction. Suddenly, the flatlining sound stopped and [Name] sighed with relief, sinking to the ground.
However, her relief was short-lived, as the door to the room suddenly whirled open to reveal an angry looking man in a typical Frat boy Hawaiian shirt and khakis. Over his face, he wore a toucan shaped bird mask.
"CHISAKI WITH DA TOUCAN MASK?!!" [Name] screeched with fear, shrinking against the wall.
"What the hell?!" He said angrily. "This is a PRIVATE PARTY for the allying of the LOV and Hassakai, although it's just a formality because the League is a bunch of baby bitches and I hate them. AnyWAYS-- YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE!"
From behind him, a shadow loomed into [Name]'s view-- Shigaraki, dressed in a coconut bra and a hula skirt.
"WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Shigaraki pointed, his coconut boobs jiggling violently with every word.
"Um.. I thought I saw Eri and I followed her?" [Name] paled.
"Eri" entered the room, and only then did [Name] realize that Eri was not, in fact, a 6 foot tall man with arrows on his head. Hey, atleast [Name] got the hair color right.
"Oh." [Name]'s brain cells committed mega-mitosis.
"How did you mistake Eri for a grown man..." Overhaul deadpanned .
"I don't know, I guess she never skips ab day?" [Name] laughed nervously, as the villains backed her into a corner.
"Schewpid girl! Wot is a little hero like yew gonna do against us! Yor brain iz tha size ov a crumpet!" Chronostasis laughed evilly.
"B-But-" [Name] paled, as her back hit the wall.
"No cuts, no butts, no coconuts," Shigaraki laughed evilly, then glaring at [Name] as she snorted at his words.
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Dabi and Toga, who were wearing flower crowns, burst in through the door, as if fighting 3 villains by herself wasn't already bad for [Name].
On command, Dabi grabbed [Name] roughly and shoved her in a nearby chair, attaching the chains tightly. [Name] struggled against them, but they wouldn't budge. Overhaul smirked under his mask and gripped [Name]'s chin roughly,
"So, what's your hero name, my little Lysol Wipe?"
"Okay, now that pet name is such a turn-off, no wonder you're singl-"
"It's Soleilko!" Toga squealed, pinching the girl's cheeks. "That's her hero name!"
"God damn Himiko, do you ever shut the fuck up?" [Name] glared.
"Now, I assume you have some valuable information we could use about the heroes?" Overhaul hissed softly, his golden eyes staring down [Name] like an eagle.
"Umm... Lemme think.... Nah, I got nothing." [Name] said, shrugging. "OH YEAH! I just learned that Present Mic can make real legit sound effects! So like, say if I pulled Izu's pants down in the middle of the hallway again, I could get Mic to make an air horn-"
"We said VALUABLE!" Shigaraki hissed, angrily gripping the girl's throat with four of his fingers.
However, [Name], paying no attention, had already gone on to stress-singing the songs that were stuck in her head. Hey, some people have weird coping mechanisms, and this just so happened to be one of [Name]'s.
"🤪 Picture 📸 my booty 🍑 up in 3D 😎 i'll shake 🕺 my booty 🍑 in my own movie! 🎥" [Name] said loudly and quickly, sweating nervously.
"Please, for the love of god, someone put a mask or some tape on her!" Overhaul groaned, covering his ears as she gradually got louder and louder.
"I have a mask," [Name] said, proud that she finally had a moment to use the hentai face mask she had been carrying around for months. Overhaul distastefully stared at the mask as he drowned the girl in hand sanitizer.
"Did you find anything on her phone?" Shigaraki asked Dabi, who was looking through it.
"No ass pics 😔 ..." Dabi sighed. "...Oh, you meant like, valuable information. My bad."
"MY ASS IS VALUABLE INFORMATION!" [Name] screamed, thrashing against Toga's gorilla-grip hug.
"I found uh... Who's 'Yagami Ya--'"
"UhhhHH UMM SHIT-- 🤪 PictURE 📸 MY BOOTY🍑UP IN 3D 😎 I'LL SHAKE 🕺 MY BOOTY 🍑 IN MY OWN MOVIE! 🎥" [Name]'s screamed at the top of her lungs as to distract the villains from finding her stash of ASMR anime porn.
"NooOOO! THA PICTURE MY BEWTY HAS INTENSIFOIIIIIDDD!" Chrono wailed towards the heavens.
"I'm putting my last finger down if you don't shut up right now," Shigaraki said.
'My guardian angel up there in Heaven, please save me. I swear I'll never draw penises on Eraserdad's forehead before his interviews ever again! Just please, please don't let me die here before I get famous, I need my own superhero movie, 😔.' [Name] thought with fear.
"Just kill her or give her back to her father for some cash," Overhaul groaned. "This girl annoys the everliving fuck out of me. No use for having her around."
"That kinda hurted my feelings, bro..." [Name] wiped away a tear.
As all the villains were deciding how to dispose of [Name], she decided to take a chance at beating them, or rather attempting to beat them and getting killed instead.
The girl swung the chair around, smacking Shigaraki straight in the face. His coconut bra flew off and hit Toga square in the face, sending her flying against the wall.
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"Oops! Guess my ass too phat!" [Name] said innocently, swinging the chair around again and smashing the chair into a wall, breaking it into pieces. Although the chair was gone, the heavy chains dragged her to the ground as she rolled away from Chronostasis and Dabi.
"Get back here," Overhaul hissed, quickly putting on 20 layers of sterilized gloves plus a shitload of Purell and grabbing [Name]'s waist and hoisting her up against this body. [Name] grunted and struggled against his tight grip.
"I'm gonna do it." [Name] took a deep breath.
"Do wha- FUCK!! YOU NASTY ASS COOTIE-HAVING BITCH!" Overhaul let out a blood-curdling scream as [Name] licked the side of his face slowly.
"Mm, tastes like cleaning supplies," [Name] thoughtfully noted, successfully evading Overhaul. "Damn, you're breaking out. You need a good skincare routine, king. May I recommend some Mario Badescu?"
Before [Name] could celebrate her narrow escape from Chisaki, Dabi pounced on her, and the two stumbled on the ground. [Name] was pinned on the ground as Dabi had a knee between her legs.
"Who the fuck is this 'Mario Badescu?' Actually don't answer. I hope he makes you happy," Dabi huffed angrily.
"Ow, Dabi, you're crushing my 12 inch cock and also balls," [Name] huffed, raising her knee to kick him in the stomach. Dabi chuckled as the kick did virtually nothing, and raised his hand in front of [Name]'s face as it burst alive with blue flames.
"[Name] grit her teeth as plasma engulfed her own fist, as both of them collided in a fury of hot energy. Dabi and [Name] repeatedly punched each other, trying to wear down each other's stamina.
[Name] then put all her weight, which was helped by the heavy chains, in flipping Dabi over, smirking as she pinned his wrists down, a blurred mix of blue and pink reflecting in her wild eyes. Dabi stared at her with awe for a couple seconds and grunted as [Name], pushed off his body and kicked Shigaraki in the shoulder.
"I guess you win this one, [Name]! I'll take the L this time, but next time we meet and fight, I'm gonna win so we'll tie." Dabi shrugged, laying on the ground and enjoying the view.
"Ha! You wish, burnt bacon weenie!" [Name] laughed between winces, trying to dodge the other villains' attacks.
"I hate you and your little competition with that girl," Shigaraki glared at Dabi.
"Sorry! Rules are rules, and I'm not allowed to be the one that kills her. We're friends," Dabi grinned.
Wow, my training with Hawks is working, [Name] smirked, as she was able to fend off the villains. It was hard, but she was able to land some offensive hits with her plasma as well, even with the heavy chains on her wrists.
As Overhaul got increasingly close, reaching his bare hand out for [Name], the girl jumped on the hospital bed and grabbed the sleeping man's head, her plasma-surrounded hand near his head.
"MOVE ANY CLOSER AND BIG DADDY GRANDPA HERE GETS IT!" She screeched.
"Stop!" Overhaul froze, glaring at her from behind his festive toucan mask.
[Name] suddenly jumped over Chisaki and gasped in horror as he reached for her ankle, missing and grabbing her anklet. The chain exploded into nothingness.
It was a close call, however the girl's crippling depression made a brief visit as she realized her favorite anklet was destroyed. [Name] pressed herself against the balcony door and breathed a sigh of relief.
"Why have you come here?" Overhaul glowered.
"I JUST HAD TO PEEEEEEEEE!" [Name] screeched, ducking quickly as Overhaul's hand slammed against the door. As it crumbled to the ground, [Name] smirked and dashed outside, preparing to jump off the balcony.
"MY REAL HERO NAME IS XXTHOTSLAYERXX! REMEMBER IT!" [Name] yelled from the ledge and shit™, the harsh wind whipping at her hair.
"Oh no yew don't, love!" Chronostasis smirked, striking her with one of his hair arrows. [Name] let out a string of curses as she fell on the balcony ground, barely able to move-- or rather, she was moving slower than usual due to Chrono's quirk.
[Name] narrowed her eyes as the powerful villains hovered over, rendering her unable to climb to the edge and escape again.
With a flash, Hawks's feather awoke from its dormant state under [Name]'s clothes, grabbing her by the shirt and flinging her over the balcony, away from Frat boy Overhaul, Swole Eri, and Shigaraki's jiggling coconut boobs.
"AHAHAA!!! PEACE OUT FLAT BOOTY HOESSSS!" [Name] screamed, flicking them off.
However, soon, [Name] realized that she was unfortunately falling to her death in what seemed like slow motion. The [h/c] haired girl was sure she was about to splat lifelessly on the concrete until Hawks's feather swooped her up again.
As she hovered in midair for a couple seconds, [Name] saw Chronostasis run out on the street and look up at her.
With his arrows, he tried to cut [Name] or Hawks's feather, but missed as the feather rapidly moved left and right, dragging poor [Name] along with it, too fast for Chrono's arrows.
"AAAAH! MY WEAVE! YOU ASSHOLE!" [Name] yelled as part of her hair was sliced off, making the front layers look choppy.
Hawks's feather zoOMED backwards at lightning speed, knocking the air out of [Name]'s lungs. The feather flew on for a while at a high speed, dragging her all the way to the next town over, causing people to look to the sky with confusion and slight fear as they saw a screaming girl flying over them.
"HEY! IT'S [NAME]!"
[Name] was dropped outside the UA dorms, right into Kaminari's arms, on the verge of blacking out from the flight over.
"Denki... Listen to me..." [Name] coughed weakly. "The secret formula to Krabby Patties is... is..."
And then she blacked out.
"NOOOO!!! [NAME] I NEED TO KNOW!" Kaminari dropped to his knees and wailed, hugging her close.
Kirishima rolled his eyes, but was glad to see the girl okay. Upon taking in her bloody and bruised figure, the two boys immediately stood up and started walking towards the nurse's office.
Kirishima quickly dialed Aizawa's number, his eyes not leaving [Name], who was safely in Kaminari's arms.
"Mr. Aizawa! We found [Name]! She's in my arms right now, drooling all over me!" Kaminari yelled after the phone was put on speaker.
"Please put the phone up to her ear for me." Aizawa said.
"But she's--"
"Just do it."
Kirishima flinched as he raised the phone to [Name]'s unconscious body.
"[NAME]! YOU DUMB BITCH! I'M GLAD YOU'RE OKAY BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE ASS BEATING OF YOUR FUCKING LIF-" Beep.
"Oops, my phone died," Kirishima sweatdropped.
I must be the main character in this world or some shit to still be alive after facing all of them... [Name] dreamed.
'Nah bitch, we were all kinda drunk,' the Shigaraki in [Name]'s dreams sighed sadly. 'But nice try.'
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OMG I LOVE BRITISH PEOPLE PLEASE DON'T GET MAD AT ME IF YOU'RE BRITISH IM NOT TRYING TO BE OFFENSIVE I LOVE YOUR CUTE ASS ACCENTS AND I LOVE YOU MWAH MWAH
also this isn't really that bad of an issue but i still need to bring it up. please don't ask me for an update like RIGHT AFTER I publish one. it's kind of annoying and rude in my opinion, and i'm a very nice person who tolerates WAY too much shit for my own good so that's saying something. but after i put a lot of effort into writing a 3k word chapter i don't want someone just saying "UPDATE!!!" as if i can just pull a new chapter out of my ass in 2 seconds. it sort of invalidates my work. maybe i'm just being sensitive but i really don't like it so please have a little more respect. i litrally don't mind if yall say smth like "cant wait for the next update 😻" like shiet like that is fine with me but for the love of god don't command me around like i'm your personal fckn writer because 1, I don't see you paying up and 2, i have my own life and my own struggles and my own shit days so lord forgive me if i don't update whenever it's convenient for others
**edit: damn i read this over and i was so mean im sorry i really do be going through some shit rn heart been broke so many times i swear im a sweet person usually 😹
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