In which [Name] gets shitfaced and gives out some smooches 😳

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suddenlystripped as class 1-a launched towards him. Todoroki and [Name] stayed back.

"Oh shid, we stripping now?" [Name] said, about to pull her shirt off. "Perfect practice for my future career! Haha, I'm just kidding, I'll totally become a pro hero."

"Not with those grades you won't 😂," Aizawa said, and instead of motivating her like a true, supportive father and teacher, fueling her crippling depression even further.

Damn, Aizawa-sensei do be speaking facts doe, Todoroki thought.

Speaking of excellent students (not [Name]) Mirio was currently beating everyone in class 1-a the fuck up.

"Damn, that willy doe 😳!" [Name] raised her eyebrows. Then, to not be caught in the battl- err, ginormous ass-beating, she awkwardly butt-scooted over to the side of the training room and watched silently as the fight ended with everyone getting punched in the stomach.

"I know his quirk! Can I say it? Can IIIII?!" Nejire waved her hand furiously.

PLEASE shut up, Aizawa thought to himself, but didn't say it out loud, because it was a part of his teaching contract to provide a 'positive and accepting atmosphere.' (despite having called [Name] a future stripper just mere minutes ago, anyways.)

Nejire excitedly said his quirk.

"Penetration?" [Name] questioned in fear.

"Permeation." A quiet voice stuttered from beside her. [Name] jumped with surprise to realize to see a dark-haired male standing next to where she sat, his head pressed against the cool cement walls. Had he been here this whole time?

He was quiet and looked quite uncomfortable at the minimal distance between [Name] and himself, so the [h/c] haired girl did him a favor and scooted away from him till his shoulders relaxed. Then she began to absentmindedly play with her numerous bandaids instead of listening to Mirio talk.

Finally, [Name] reunited with her friends (officially completed with their d*ck flattening), who greeted her with open arms. As the Big 3 left, a pair of dark eyes rested on [Name] curiously.

_____

"I'm so tired!" [Name] yawned, crumpling on the couch in the common room, while Iida furiously hand-waved at her to respect the furniture. (Can we get an 'ok iida?')

"You're always tired." Kaminari snorted.

"Yeah, tired of the fact that you're always detrimentally horny," [Name] grinned back.

"Just kiss me already, 😳" Kaminari wailed, falling to his knees.

"I require a smooch from my princess as well," Kirishima sighed overdramatically.

Please lord, please don't make one of these dumbasses my son-in-law... Aizawa begged mentally, glaring at the two to shut them up. "All you little shits listen well. A newspaper wants to do a feature on your class."

"WOAH! THAT'S EXCITING!" Kirishima and Kaminari fist-pumped.

"That's great!" Deku smiled.

"We have to look our best now!" Hagakure said.

"So who's gonna tell her 😔," [Name] whispered.

"Everyone shut up and stop getting excited. The article is supposed to be about your transition to dorm life." Aizawa grumbled, sending everyone a death glare.

"Ooh! So I can show the reporter dude my new life-size sexy gru cutout!"

"[Name].... Just please... Stop talking..." Aizawa cringed.

"Damn, so we're not gonna be famous? I needed more Twitter followers..." Kaminari sighed.

"You don't have Twitter followers because your contents is trash," Todoroki rolled his eyes.

"Top 10 anime betrayals..." [Name] sighed sadly.

"I hope the reporter has boobs," Mineta whispered to Sero.

"You have boobs," [Name] said, staring at his balls to make him uncomfortable, yet again. It seamlessly worked every time.

"If you think about it, announcer sounds like bouncer, which sounds like bouncy boob-"

He was snatched up by Aizawa's scarf before he could continue.

"Everyone in favor of giving Mineta anti-horny vaccine, say '😋','" [Name] stated.

"😋" class 1-a said.

"😋," all the villains in federal prison said, because they all suddenly got a strange urge to.

"😋," Everyone on Earth and their moms said.

":-:P" Bakugo tried to say, but wasn't elite enough to speak in emoji.

"Alright you're canceled, time to write some Bakugo x Mineta yandere fanfic," [Name] sighed. "I didn't want to have to do this but-"

"😋," The reporter said, walking in.

"Mr. Tokuda, I didn't say you could come in yet-"

"I was told I could be here from 8 to 6, and... It's 8. It's time. Everyone, I'm Tokuda, a reporter! This is going to be just like a reality show, so be in your natural state! Thank you for having me today."

While everyone was getting ready for school, the reporter even got a special edition video of [Name] making the cats nae nae for her Tiktok, and an action shot of Aizawa beating her ass and taking away her flying gorilla privileges for doing so.

And so, as everyone went about their day at school, [Name] tried her best to show off her ~luxurious~ lifestyle to the world.

"This is my side hoe 1," She said, wrapping an arm around Midoriya, posing for the camera and feeling like a celebrity as Mr. Tokuda took pictures.

Well I guess it's better than being 'best friend' zoned. Midoriya thought.

"And this is my side hoe 1 and a half," [Name] said, caressing Todoroki's cheek.

"I wish to be a main hoe." Todoroki sighed quietly, eating his cold so-he-didn't-have-to-boil-the-water soba.

"We reside in a society," Momo said sadly.

"Hm... Midoriya, what is your quirk?" Mr. Tokuda said, adjusting the lens of the camera.

"His quirk: He turns himself into a pickle," [Name] snorted, inhaling the powder from her pixie stick, and then having a coughing fit and possibly destroying her lungs forever. "Funniest shit I've ever seen."

"[NAME]! NO CURSING!" Iida said, causing the two to start arguing about multiple things.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T TWERK FOR THE PICTURES?!$#(#P*@$(@%*)#IS?" [Name] sobbed, clinging onto his mega thicc calves.

"So, [Name], what's your favorite thing about the dorms?" Mr. Tokuda sweatdropped.

"chicken 🐓 wing 🍗 chicken 🐓 wing 🍗 hot dog 🐶 and 🚪 baloney 🙈 chicken 🐓 and 👁 macaroni 🦀 chillin with 😌 my 🙋‍♀️homies 😎" [Name] replied, her face deadly serious.

"Okay.... Interesting..." He said, cringing a bit.

Yeah, there's no way this girl is All Might's heir. She's like on four different drugs right now. He thought.

As evening fell, [Name] and the rest of the girls were sitting in their lounge area, right after eating dinner and Mr. Tokuda's departure.

"Izu! come to the convenience store with me," [Name] put her hand on his shoulder, literally scaring the shit out of him.

"W-What?! Why?" He widened his green eyes.

"I suddenly got a strong craving for some ranch packets," [Name] grinned, and then dragged him out into the dark night before he had time to protest.

The two walked, Midoriya in silence, thinking about what Mr. Tokuda told him before he left, and [Name] talking about some or the other event that "made her cheeks clench in utter agony 💔."

"Woah, what is that?" [Name] gasped as she came across a few lively lit food stalls. On an unattended stall, there seemed to be a few cups with orange liquid.

"ORANGE JUICE!" [Name] screamed, and ran up to it. There was a sign that said 'free samples!'

"Do you want one?" [Name] asked Midoriya, taking one of the large cups and chugging it.

"No thanks, I'm full..." Midoriya said, still not paying attention to [Name].

"Ugh.. That was NOT mf orange juice.." [Name] wrinkled her nose, as a burning feeling shot through her throat.

"What?" Midoriya said, strapping out of his trance, and suddenly screeched. "[NAME]!!! DID YOU NOT SEE THE VODKA BOTTLE ON THE TABLE?!"

"I can no damn see 😂😂😀🎱🤬🅱️" [Name] her brain cells already becoming swole and massive from the burning feeling.

Honestly, Midoriya was terrified. Even worse was the fact that alcohol got into her bloodstream pretty fast, since she had less blood content than the average person because of her quirk.

[Name], being such a good girl had never ever drank alcohol, so he couldn't tell whether she was being her usual self or if the large amount of alcohol she had suddenly inhaled was actually affecting her brain cells.

But boy did he find out what type of drunk she was soon. To be exact, about 30 minutes later when it kicked in.

"I CAN'T READ OR WRITE!!!" [Name] sobbed, clinging onto the boy. He grumbled and dragged her down the street. Her school uniform was already soaked with tears.

"Okay, listen [Name], calm down. Everything is okay, alright?"

"NOTHING IS ALRIGHT!" She cried. "MY BALLS WERE STOLEN!"

"[Name], you don't have balls!" Midoriya stuttered.

"EXACTLY, THEY WERE STOLEN!!! 😡😭"

"Okay... There, there... It's okay..." He awkwardly patted her back.

"IzuuuuKuuuuuUUUU" [Name] hiccuped, giving him puppy dog eyes. "Do you hate me?"

"Do I hate you? What? No!" Midoriya said, holding her shoulders steadily, his green eyes softening as they met her wavering [e/c] ones. "How could you think I'd ever hate you?"

"B-Because I didn't see the bottle a-and... I may be stupid, but.... but..." The girl only burst into tears again.

"[Name], you're not stupid..." Midoriya said in a caring manner, attempting to calm the girl down.

"Y-You don't think I'm stupid?" She sniffed. "Then marry me."

"Of cou- WAIT WHAT?!" Midoriya screeched, his cheeks blazing red. [Name] was now down on one knee- actually, more so on her ass, as her body was completely unbalanced at the moment- holding up a shiny, diamond ring to Midoriya.

"[Name], where the hell did you get this?!" Midoriya hissed, staring at the shining jewel.

"You're such a walnut doorframe!" [Name] laughed. "That's why I love you!"

"[Name]..." Midoriya groaned exasperatedly, yet his heart skipped a beat. Was he really going to get wound up over something his friend was saying, while drunk? But still, the 3 words resonated in his mind...

As he zoned out, he didn't realize the body warmth of his childhood friend growing closer and closer, until her signature scent of strawberries and depression™ taking over his mind.

Then, he tasted alcohol, as her lips met his own. His green eyes widened, his mind going 1000 miles per hour, as his best friend and the love of his life was here, kissing him. Midoriya could help himself as his eyes became half-lidded. He moved his scarred hand to brush the hair off the back of [Name]'s neck as their mouths moved in sync.

[Name] deepened the kiss and ran her hands down Midoriya's warm chest, craving his warmth and comfort. Midoriya, beginning to gently trail his hand down her waist lovingly, suddenly paused.

At the sting of alcohol, now on the green-haired boy's tongue, brought him back to the present. He pulled away, and with a heavy, dark red blush covering his face, he said nothing and took [Name] home, despite her protests.

After he snuck her inside her room without alerting others that she was intoxicated, (which was hard considering she was wailing about shrek, like, the entire time) he sat on the couch in the common area to think.

The feeling of adrenaline when she said those 3 words kept shooting through his brain. He couldn't help but smile fondly as he recalled the feeling of her lips on his.

"Deku, you seem happy!" Ochaco asked, sitting next to him. The two were the only ones left awake, it seemed like.

Midoriya shrugged, spinning the diamond ring around in his hand. He would give it back to the [h/c] haired girl tomorrow.

"Oh, that's [Name]'s! I heard she was going to sell it today! I told her not to, since it was her mom's old ring! I guess she ended up not selling it! A miracle must have happened today to make her change her mind!" Ochaco grinned. "Or a convenient accident."

Midoriya tried not to visibly wince as the words brought him back to reality.

It was true. Her saying 'i love you' to him was an accident. She meant it as friends... Right? He knew that. There was no way he had a chance with her.

"Well, I'm going to bed." Midoriya sighed, standing up, his voice a dejected mumble. He was a convenient accident that she wouldn't even remember when she woke up.

Upon walking back to his dorm, he stopped in front of Bakugo's door, and before he could stop himself, he knocked.

"WhAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT! I'M LISTENING TO WOMB HEARTBEAT ASMR NIGHTCORE!" Bakugo screeched, sitting up and throwing off his 'pretty princess beauty sleep' eyemask.

"Give this to [Name]," Midoriya said, handing him the ring.

"I'm not proposing to that crazy bitch! Last week, she tried to use my pecs as a pillow!" Bakugo snapped, but took the ring begrudgingly.

"I'm not asking you to propose to her, although I'm sure you would love to." Midoriya sweatdropped. "Just.. Give it to her. It's important."

"And why aren't you giving it to her, you simp?" Bakugo glared suspiciously.

Midoriya's eye twitched as he suddenly felt like bragging to Bakugo about how they kissed, maybe leaving out some minor details such as 'she was completely shitfaced.' but decided not to, because it wasn't fair to [Name].

"J-just give it to her," Midoriya stuttered below Bakugo's mean looks, and stalked off to his own room, and flopped on the bed.

"nobody😭wanna🤕see👀us👥together🤝but💋it💅don't🧑🏻‍matter💖noo!" Midoriya yelled into his pillow.

As for a certain [h/c] haired girl, her dreams consisted of a vivid makeout session with her one and only green lover. Hint: It wasn't Midoriya. RIP Izuku, lmao.

_____

ꜱ

ok but womb heartbeat asmr hit different. i discovered it by chance and its so calming wtf

anyways this chapter is kind of a dumpster fire, and i won't be able to update since i have to grind 😌😚😜 for the mf ap exams which are NEXT WEEK and i haven't even studied shit yet so uh yeah i guess the real stripper is me 🤡