“I am afraid”. Shivang almost whispered looking at his hands.

“You are what?” Sulabh asked, looking at him with wide eyes. He was perplexed at the fact that his childhood bestie is afraid of something he doesn’t know about. Various possibilities rang in his mind regarding the reason Shivang was afraid but he failed to choose one specific. Shivang is a man of few words, always stoic with a neutral expression, He always likes to keep things to himself so it is highly difficult to force such a powerful emotion out of him especially vulnerability. Now when he is reacting in such a way it makes Sulabh wonder what exactly happened to his friend that made him feel so vulnerable.

Shivang turned his face disappointed at Sulabh’s response.

“Hey, buddy sorry for reacting like this. Look at me first and tell me what is going on? What is the matter that made you so upset?” Sulabh asked gently, regretting his previous actions.

“You” Shivang whispered looking at Sulabh. For a moment everything stands still in the eerily quiet hospital room. Both friends kept looking at each other. Gaze steady no one spoke anything,

” What?” After a while, Sulabh regains his composure and this is the first thing that left his mouth.

” What did I do to make you afraid of me?”

“What did you do? You are asking me what you did? You almost died. You weren’t breathing, not a single moment in you. There was not a single sign of life in you. You were cold and still in my hands and I wasn’t able to do anything. I wasn’t able to save you. What if anything happens to you? What if you never returned to me? What if I lost you forever? How will I be able to live with this? This moment made me realize how incapable I am. You were at stake and all I was able to do is stare.”

“What the hell are you thinking Vairagi? You are realizing right that none of this is your fault. You can’t be responsible for my or anybody’s life. You are no god Vairagi. Death is inevitable and you can’t always save people no matter what. When it is my time I will go but you can’t stop living because of this fear that one day I might disappear.”

“Can you please stop talking so leisurely about dying? And I know everyone is telling me that I have nothing to do with your condition but it can’t stop me from feeling hurt.”

“But why do you want to feel hurt about it? I wasn’t even with you at that moment.”

“Want? I don’t want to feel pain for fun Subh. I am just not able to let it go. This is suffocating me like someone is strangling me from within and I am unable to breathe. You won’t understand my feelings because you weren’t there to see your lifeless body lying in my hands.”

“I understand you are worried for me.”

“No you won’t understand, you can’t because it wasn’t me lying almost dead in your hands. Tell me how you would feel if one day I die in front of your eyes and you are just standing there unable to do anything?”

“Will you please stop talking nonsense Vairagi? I am not liking it a single bit.”

“You can’t even stand me talking about it. Think about me, I have to go through it. This was one of the longest, darkest, scary nights for me.”

“Okay sorry I won’t talk like this anymore. Now come sit and tell me what else is bothering you other than this fear because I can bet this is not all.”

“I am afraid of losing you, of living without you. I know one day you will go but I don’t want to live to see that day. I don’t want to lose you Subh. I am not ready for it and I never will be. You know a piece of my soul lies somewhere in you. If I will lose you I will lose that piece, a piece of mine which I will never get back. I would never be whole again nor would I ever want to be. You aren’t just somebody for me. You are beyond all this. In all these years we haven’t ever talked but I always looked at you when you weren’t paying attention to make sure you are fine. I never let you go once. Talking or not talking, you were always there as a part of my journey. Today when I was on the brink of losing you I felt dead from inside. At that moment there is nothing I can’t do to bring you back to life.”

“And you think I don’t understand this Vairagi. I don’t have the fear of losing you or I let you go in all these years. Do you think I don’t feel your eyes on me when you are looking at me or I haven’t looked out for you when you weren’t noticing? Do you think daily morning I was leisurely standing near my locker while I have classes in the opposite building for time pass or when class end scrolling with my phone leaning on my car in parking is a new hobby of mine? Hell, even a few students started thinking of me as a creepy stalker of yours by the amount of me stealing glances from you. I too live in a fear of losing you one-day Vairagi but I don’t want to let it ruin our present.” Shivang left a deep sigh after listening to Sulabh.

“The other reason I won’t let it affect me is that I know you are created to achieve greatness. You won’t go easily and I have to never lose you. There is a reason I am the light of your life. The job of light is to always walk ahead of the person and disappear in darkness to illuminate their path. I know in my gut there will be a time when you have to go through this too. I just pray for you to have the strength to endure the burning.” Sulabh thought, looking at Shivang's lost face.

“What are you thinking now Subh?”

“Can you promise me something Vairagi?”

“It depends on what you have to ask. I know you well so let me tell you I won’t promise you to stop caring about you and stop being worried for now. This is not going to happen.”

“Fine, at least listen to me first before assuming.”

“Okay speak what you want me to promise this time.”

“You don’t have to promise me the moon and stars. Just promise me that no matter what happens you won’t stop living or give up on yourself. No matter how painful it is, you will walk through it, and live. Also, you will never keep someone above you. You won’t promise someone to protect them with your life or till you live.”

“No this is not going to happen. I won’t promise you this. Are you listening to yourself, this is sheer nonsense?”

“I am ill and you can’t just promise me one thing I am asking.”

“Are you kidding me? This is emotional blackmail. You know no matter whatever happens I will always keep you above everything. So there is no meaning in promising you this when I know I won’t be able to keep this. The promise is a big word. It either makes something or it breaks something. Because as soon as one promises not to do something, it becomes the one thing above all others that one most wishes to do."

“Why won’t you be able to keep this Vairagi? I want you to promise me this.”

"Because For every promise, there is a price to pay and I don't want to pay a price I can't afford."

"Trust me you don't have to just promise me this once."

“Fine. But always remember the reason so many promises are not kept is the same as the reason they are made in the first place.”

“So you are promising me?”

“Yes but listen to me first. I will promise you if you will promise me the same. If you will promise me that you will never keep anybody above, you, not even me. Also, you will never risk yourself for anything.” Shivang looked at Sulabh with a smug smile. Sulabh frowned at the sudden change of situation.

“This is not fair you can’t do this.”

“Who started it? Two can play the same game.”

“Fine if you want it then let’s do it your way. We both will promise at the same time. Put your hand on mine and let’s promise each other.”

“Whom should we call a priest from a temple or father from church?” Before both friends promise each other their younger siblings tumble in the room interrupting the conversation in the middle.

“Choose fast,” Anubhav asked, looking at them excitedly.

“Why are you asking them to choose between them?” Samay asked, looking at his best friend confused, while their elder siblings also looked between both for answers.

“Ah, because only they know they want the wedding with Hindu rituals or Christian. Since they are about to exchange vows, I thought I should ask after all we have to prepare for it.” Anubhav finished with a mischievous smile.

“I think father would be better. This way the wedding will soon be over. The early they finish their vows; the early groom can kiss the bride.” Before both the elder siblings retort Samay too teased them. Shivang shakes his head irritated, meanwhile Sulabh throws an apple from a nearby basket at Anubhav.

“You are a jerk. Seriously, you are being annoyed day by day and your influence is ruining Samay too. My innocent boy has started being mischievous.” Anubhav snorted at Sulabh’s reasoning.

“How delusional brother? Your boy is not as innocent as you think. It’s just that you don’t know his true colors yet.” Anubhav finished with a mocking smile causing both Samay and Sulabh to glare at him while Shivang shook his head smiling at this exchange.

“You talked to me like I don’t know him. Everyone present here knows how well-mannered he is and how big a brat you are. I am afraid your company started rubbing off on him.” Sulabh said with almost a disappointed sigh.

“I am a brat you are talking like you are better than me. If someone’s company is rubbing off on another it’s his on me. Gosh, I started behaving well after we became friends. I try to be a better person in his company.” Anubhav complained looking here and there, awkwardly. After a silence of a few seconds, a boom of laughter rang in the hospital room. Trio Sulabh, Shivang, and Samay laughed at Anubhav's adorably flustered face.

“By the way what did you guys were about to promise each other when we walked in?” Samay asked, suddenly remembering the conversation between his brothers.

"We were promising that.." These words remained incomplete as the doctor interrupted them for further inspection of Sulabh's condition. The trio leaves the room giving space to the doctor and sulabh, they met their parents who just arrived outside the waiting room.

"Doctor, how is Sulabh?" All asked the doctor impatiently once he came out of the room.

"He is completely alright. You can take him home."

"Thank God the night is finally over from my son's life." Sulabh's mother breathed a sigh of relief looking towards the sky.

"Okay, kids get in the car with Sulabh. I am coming after fulfilling the hospital formality and clearing the bills." Sulabh's father announced his intention. Shivang's father too left to get the car out of the parking.

"Brother, let's go home. You are finally free from this bland hospital room." Anubhav chirped happily.

Sulabh searched his face for a few moments for any sign of a joke but realized he was serious," Really they finally gave me discharge?"

"Of course brother, why would I lie to you? " Anubhav retorted, annoyed.

" No, I was just surprised how they gave me discharge early."

"You are the first person who doesn't want to leave the hospital. Wait, Is it not like that you fell in love with a nurse?" Shivang asked with a raised brow amusement dancing on his face. Sulabh's jaw dropped at his friend's sudden humor.

"Vairagi in who's the company you are in nowadays. This is so not like you. Oh! God, I am hallucinating. Help me, please." Everyone laughed at Sulabh's mortified expressions.

"Okay everyone let's go home. We all are tired and need rest. Come." Samay spoke. All of them left the hospital together to get to their destinations. The whiff of a promise remained lingering in the air. A promise that had the power to change destinies whether given or not. Because sometimes, a promise is all we have to hold onto in tough times. But Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made. It is in such moments of decision that one's destiny is shaped.