that should be me.

lips quivering as he tried so hard to keep his feelings at bay, his eyes trailed everywhere but at the front, cupping his lips to stop the impending sob that was about to escape, jeon jeongguk found himself in dilemma. with shaky breath, he tried to refocus his line of vision to look ahead and he swore . . . he swore that he could certainly see how his heart is becoming pieces.

god, that should be me.

clad in white, the woman who was and is still the love of his life, his sunshine, his juliet, his lovely cinderella now stood at the foot of the altar as her hands were clasped with the man she now loves and not jeongguk, himself. The woman in white carried herself majestically, a smile adorning her beautiful face as she took everyone's breath away — even him//, the man who used to have her heart.

kim jiho was no longer jeon jeongguk's but kim taehyung's.

"congratulations to the newly weds!"

heart sinking down on the depths of hell, the man refused to acknowledge everything that he's seeing. no, tell me this is just a dream! as those words rang painfully inside his head, jeongguk could feel his whole world sinking until he felt like he was living in a dark oblivion.

no!

"jeongguk! jeongguk!"

jolting in his deep sleep with beads of sweat in his forehead, he came into a realization that his body had immediately sat up from his sleep. the first thing he noticed with his line of vision was they were blurry, that his eyes were already flooding with tears. shakily sighing, he wiped the tears that painted his cheeks as his nerves start to calm down.

"jeongguk?" heart almost stopping at the voice he had heard, his eyes immediately adjusted to the scene in front, he heaved a long relieved sigh as he noticed the another sleeping figure now fully awake and . . . he couldn't help the way his eyes burned with the impending tears once more.

a dream, it was only just a dream

"a—are you okay?" god, it was only a dream. thank the heavens, i— face painted with worry as the woman held jeongguk's hands securely, jeongguk could feel his heart melting at the feeling of her warm and loving hands against his. a dream. jeon jeongguk was glad, so relieved that he couldn't find it in himself to speak anything, to make himself utter something.

bright night as the moon illuminated in the starry sky inside jiho's hospital room, there where three things jeongguk didn't expect for this night.

one, he'd never thought he'd be able to hear that soft and lulling voice from her. the man never thought he could ever be blessed to hear her speak that way to him – soft and gentle with no traces of apparent hatred nor anger. he felt light and fulfilled for once.

two, he'd never thought he'd be able to experience the way she looked at him. jeongguk never thought that she, his beloved wife would ever look at him with adoration in her eyes, with those warmth and undying love. he felt like everything was so surreal to be true and this was all just nothing but a good dream that he'd never wake up into.

day fourteen never came and it has been almost a month ever since the surgery happened. he was hopeful and happy that even after everything, nobody was able to break the thin house of their marriage chains, today marks the end of the thirty-secondth day and for almost a month, jiho had been away from jeongguk on the day. the man only had the chance to see and hold his wife during the night where she's fully sedated and knocked out from the medicines she had taken for her recovering period. jimin hadn't wanted another stress for his little sister hence the reason why jeongguk could only be together with her in the shadows of the night.

the man never thought he'd be able to experience something like this.

three, he almost lost all his hope from his dream. the scenery and the way everything played inside his dream seemed to be like a reality that when he had snapped back into reality, he couldn't believe it and could only let out a year's worth of sighs. it was frustrating and undeniably exhilirating, he thought he'd already died and now here in the flesh . . . everything he'd ever imagined was right infront of him.

it's been so . . . so long ever since he'd felt this way — too much feelings as it brought him into euphoria.

"jeongguk, don't cry . . . please" oh how he missed her. soft hands cupping his own tired face as it carefully wiped the tears away, he didn't even noticed the way he had already started crying. upon hearing the encouraging voice of her, he couldn't help the way his eyes glossed with even more tears as he shakily wrapped his own hands to the small ones against his cheeks.

"i—i'm so sorry, love" he knew he wasn't forgiven and for all the things he had done, there are no right amount of words that'd be able to make up to all of the heartache he had ever done. jeongguk's lips were quivering with so much regret and unspoken words, he didn't know how to voice out any words, finding it difficult.

from the moment he regained consciousness, the first thing he had always wanted to do was hold jiho and tell her sorry.

"i . . . .i love you, it has always been you" eyes closing as if he was afraid to see the woman's reactions, he couldn't bear to see what jiho was going to do next. no words could match how he had been feeling and he wished that those words explained everything.

a turmoil of mixed feelings of happiness, sadness, embarassment and humility washed his shaking large frame. the man felt so vulnerable to the woman. feeling her skin against him, seeing her and hearing her voice made him feel things that couldn't help but make him weep in agony and gladness altogether.

this is just all or nothing hearing no response to the woman as he felt the way she tensed against his skin, jeongguk could only start speaking again as he opened his eyes and pushed every hesitation on the back of his head.

eyes meeting hers as he cupped her cheeks, jeongguk was willing to lose everything as he leaned closer for a heated kiss.

i don't want to think of anything, i don't want to lose you. i— jeongguk wanted to let jiho know how much he needed her, how much he hadn't wanted to let her go and–

jiho pushed him away.

"what are you doing?!" eyes wide with shock, jeongguk fell on his chair as jiho's warm demanor and voice was replaced with complete anger.

"i—i love you jiho. i love you, i don't want to div–" he'd spoke only to be cut off.

"what the fuck are you doing, jeon jeongguk?!"

"listen, jiho please. please, i don't want to divor—" jeongguk stood up and started reaching out to the woman before beig pushed away again.

"no, no, no" jiho shook her head in disagreement, covering her ears as if to block everything from jeongguk but the man had none of it as he held her hands against his own. "i still love you, i don't want to ruin our marriage. i love you, always had and i never loved li—"

the woman kept trashing against his hold, "no! shut up! i don't want to hear you—" the man wouldn't care less as he kept speaking only wanting to save their marriage. "i don't want to divorce jiho. i love you and only you, please–"

"no! let go of me!" jiho gathered all of her strength as jeongguk stumbled on the floor.

"you, how dare you?! you have the audacity to do this?! you're the one who wanted the divorce!" for almost the hundredth time, jeongguk felt the way jiho's outbreak tear him apart.

"jiho, please—"

"you wanted the divorce! you went and cheated! you betrayed me!" jiho sobbed in to his palms, "you told me you love someone else, you said you don't love me anymore! you wanted to leave!" jungkook felt his eyes watering as he sank to his knees as his hand gripped her elbow.

"I know."

"you wanted to rip our family apart into nothingness! you ripped me apart!"

"I know."

"how fucking dare you, jeon jungkook." jiho sobbed "you just can't come back." jungkook's eyes watered as he tried to touch jiho's elbows.

"I know, I fucking know." jungkook cried. "i'm a piece of shit. a son of a bitch. a huge fucking selfish asshole and I have no right to be coming back but . . . i swear to god, to the heavens above that I love you. jiho, I love you."

"you-"

"jiho, I love you. I love you, I love you. i'll say it as many times as you want me too, because hell, I just can't lose you. i don't know what to do with my life without you. i don't know how to breathe, i don't know if i'd ever be able to take it. i'd rather die." jungkook choked back a sob watching jiho shake. "I want to make this right. make us right. I don't want a divorce." jiho just sobbed, looking down at jungkook's honest pleading eyes.

"you're a liar"

"i love you"

"you're an asshole"

"i love you"

"you're a good for nothing man who cheated and broke my heart into smithereens!"

"i love you"

"i hate you" jiho whimpered, her voice staggering as it held only the truth. jeongguk could feel himself losing her sense of conviction with the way the woman seemed so broken. "i love you, jiho"

"i—" closing her eyes as a sob escaped, jeongguk couldn't help but reach out to touch and link their hands together, wanting to let the woman know how sincere he was. "i don't want to divorce either, jeongguk" the man's lips quivered as he felt a surge of more tears well up in his eyes and he could only sit on the bunk bed, wrap his shaky arms to entrap the woman against him.

"i don't ever want to hurt you again, jiho. i'll do everything to earn your trust. i don't want to lose you, i don't want to make you cry because of heartache again. i'll be better. i'll never want to see you like this, i'd rather die than hurt you again." jiho could only burry her face on the crook of the man's neck as she gripped the fabric on his shirt. "i'll carry you everyday, 'til the day i can't even stand anymore and 'til death do us part"

the woman could only silently weep against the man's grasp. "and jiho" the man slightly pulled away from the embrace as he cupped the woman's swollen cheeks, tilting the delicate face to look into his eyes. jeongguk's heart churned at the sight of tear-stricken eyes, swollen lips and tired eyes. "i love you, jiho" biting her lips, jiho could only let more tears well up on her eyes and soon enough, the two leaned in for a proper and promise kiss.

life might put them into trials, tributaries, this might not even solve anything and it could be just the start of everything, but as the two are willing to become a whole family built with love and trust . . . this might be the change the two are waiting for.

at the back of the door, a faint drip drop of tears could be barely heard.

"she got away" from me, kim jiho was almost at his palms reach but, she was never meant to be for kim taehyung.

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so, idk if someone would even still read this. i really hope someone did :) i' m really sorry for the late update! school already started and i'm adjusting to my night classes which kinda sucks. there's still an epilogue and a few chapters left so . . . please stay tuned!

the updates would be slow cause school :[ and ohmy holy guacamole, wattpad just suddenly deleted my stroy, "wedding dress" and i really cried. idk what to do, good thing i had a back up. (;-;) SO, if any of you are writers, i recommend to ALWAYS have a back up so your babies (your stories) won't vanish into thin air.