a raging lion, out of nowhere a rage taking the form of park jimin had tackled me on the ground as he gave a series of unforgiving and relentless punches, surprising both me and lilia.

"how dare you! how fucking dare you do this to my sister!" every word dripped with venom, his fists were like two canons blowing hard and hurting socks. eyes tight shut as i desperately covered my face to shield the unstoppable rain of punches, i could only let myself be beaten into a pulp. i kept my brown orbs closed as the muscle memory of having a momentary glimpse of jimin's face, all i could ever see were hatred and anger.

"you disgusting-man-whore!" a scream leaked with bitterness, the words that escaped in park's mouth were full of hatred and i couldn't help but squirm. i could feel goosebumps erupted on my skin as i knew, in this situation – i was the prey and he was the predator. this is the end, i'm really fucked up. of all people . . . of all people to see—

"guards! guards!" lilia's voice managed to enter my train of thoughts despite the growls and grunts escaping on the man hovering on top of me. lilia, huh?

i—i kissed lilia once again.

"what did my sister do to deserve this kind of treatment from you?!" park was screeching as i asked the same thing to myself. yeah, what did jiho do to deserve this from me? why do i keep fucking things up? thousands of queries rummaging my stream of thoughts, i couldn't help but question myself as i seek for answers.

what did jiho do to be hurt? nothing. jiho did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment from me. jiho's a devoting wife – she showered me all her love, her adoration and her time. she was all i could ever ask for but . . . all, all i ever did was to hurt her heart more than what jin had did.

why did i even cheated? because i was selfish. i was a selfish bastard who only thought of what would pleasure me. i threw the precious relationship and beautiful family i had with just the call of my carnal desires. just to feed my lubidunous state, i shattered the long years of love we had built.

do i even love jiho still? god, yes! yes, i love her. i love jiho with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my being! i love her so much that i can't imagine living without her, i love her so much that i've never felt so guilty. i was selfish and i was a fool! i want to skin myself alive, i feel so damn bad cause i initially had a resolve. i already had a resolve to break things with lilia and all it takes for me to bend was a simple kiss! what the fuck is wrong with you jeon jeongguk?! what the fucking hell?! you love jiho, right? you love her so much but what happened?! i don't want to lose her, i don't want to lose my family!

i wasted all the years of being a fateful and loving husband, i broke jiho and i shattered all the promises i made into nothingness. i'm the worst!

tears streaming down the corner of my eyes, i could only let them flow freely as i find myself at a loss. everything, everything is my fault. i—i deserve this, i deserve it all, for ruining jiho, for breaking her heart, for ruining her life. "what the fuck did my sister lack compared to that pompous leech you've been eating faces with!?" park asked once more as his hands swiftly peeled my arms from covering my face, taking that as an opening to finally release a hard punch, square on the jaw. "what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

i deserve this all. i deserve to be treated this way.

punches abruptly ceasing to exist, to think that it was finally over was what made me feel even bad. i wanted bruises on my skin, i wanted to be beaten till i can't even walk anymore. i want to feel physical pain, i want to feel pain cause that's the only way i could ever make amends! i wanted to be beaten but all i felt was getting myself lifted through my collar and steady on my foot, "no! fucking let go of me! fucking let go of me! that bastard deserves to die! don't you even think of touching me you fucking whore! that bastard deserves to meet satan sooner than later!"

vision a little bit bleary, only my ears were fully functioning properly as i heard how park struggled with what i guessed as the guards who peeled him off of me. i could smell the faint drip of caffeine tickle my nose which means that namjoon is the one helping me steady on my feet.

"hyung, please . . . please calm down" yugyeom. voice soft like a feather but firm like a tree, i could hear the way yugyeom tried to calm jimin but to no avail. "yugyeom!? were you together in this too!? fucking hell, why?! why the fuck nobody told me—"

grip tightening on my shoulder, i could feel namjoon's nerves ticking its way to erupt. "will you fucking shut up and calm down?!" for the first time in my life, i never thought that i'd hear namjoon shout like a madman. "will you just—" "shut up, traitor!"

vision becoming more and more clearer, my eyes could finally make out the people inside my office. a guard and yugyeom had a maddened jimin caged in their grasp while namjoon had been beside me and lilia was standing a good five meters away. "fuck,why am i a traitor?!"

"cause fucking both of you and yugyeom lied to me! both of you let my precious sister hurt!"

"what the fuck is wrong with you, jimin?! i don't know—" stop it.

"fucking hell to the no that'd get me bought. that fucker cheated on my sister with his goddamn secretary for all you fucktards know! all of you knew the ungodly acts that bastard did and none of you ever told me?! fuck all of you—"

"ch—cheated?!" namjoon whispered before his grip on my shoulder suddenly tightened and the moment our eyes met, i couldn't help but squirm under his scrutinizing gaze. "you fucking cheated on jiho with lilia?!"

feeling immediately small, i could only nod in agreement and the next thing i know, i was back on my knees as my cheek trobbed with pain. namjoon slapped me. "is this the fucking reason why taehyung ended the partnership?! of all people—of all people to do this, you?!"

"i—i'm sorr—"

"no, you're not. you're not sorry, you were never sorry! now i get it, i get why jiho had ceased to visit this office to bring flowers and joy in this boring corporation, its all because of you two! i can't fucking believe how blinded i was! how could you? how could you, jeon—" clutching my collar, i was met with a maddened namjoon as his hand almost blew another hit . . . only to be interrupted with a whimpering jimin.

"hyung" rage long forgotten as his small fingers treaded its way to clutch namjoon's sleeve, the man was welcomed to a suddenly reduced teary-eyed and troubled jimin. "what the heck, jimin this is what you wanted and why aren—"

"h—hoseok called me, he said jiho's in the hospital with taehyung"

"how come you never . . . never knew?"

pure hatred. park's voice were menacingly mocking, tinged with a bit of anguish and sadness. the voice was barely above a whisper but the way he uttered it with firmness made every bit of muscle inside my body hum with humiliation and self-loathe, a sniffle escaped in his lips followed by a shaky sigh, making me feel even more worthless.

"i—" even before i could've fully spoken, he refuted my words with a dry chuckle and a pointy gaze. "ha! what would i even expect? y–you never knew because you were so . . . so busy cheating" shaking his head in disbelief if there was another word that comes from humiliation, that was me.

"how fortunate for you, you must be leaping with so much happiness" voice dripped with bitterness i could feel my heart breaking. in my peripheral vision, i could see the way he had furiously wiped the corners of his eyes.

"i entrusted my beautiful sister to . . . To y—you and yet this is all i'd get. the only family member i had is about to" die. as if unable to speak the word like a premonition, jimin couldn't speak the word, but i knew, we both knew the right word that he had wanted to speak off. Sniffling "all because of you" me. all because of me. heart on my mouth, i couldn't tame the way my nerves pulsed in anxiety. the tears were at the corner of my eyes as jiho's current state clouded my thoughts – to say that i was devastated was an understatement.

the memories of the previous events always never fail to make me feel so weak and worthless.

"she has adenocarcinoma in the lungs, stage four cancer."

eyes widening in shock, at the moment my ears heard those dreadful words, i couldn't believe it. i wouldn't want to believe it. impossible. "you're lying, right? please, this isn't something to be taken lightly, you can't just say that my wife has a stage four cancer!" i'd let out with a voice shaky in anguish, i still couldn't grasp the news. jimin and hoseok's gaze zeroing against me, their gaze held an unreadable expression. how come are you two so calm about this? i just couldn't get myself to believe what the doctor had spoken, the news seemed so foreign against my ears, i refused to acknowledge it. never.

the only response i got from the doctor was a look of pity and that was the cue – a lump started forming its way against my throat, i couldn't breathe properly. everything, everything's just so unfathomable to understand.

"th—that's impossible, jiho—" everything seemed way to surreal to be a reality. stage four c–cancer? "the disease had almost spread all over her lungs and the only way to treat her is to have a surgery. we have yet to find a suitable donor that would match the patient's, if we haven't found one within the span of two days and things aren't going exactly in our way, we'd have to test family members to become live donors and take the half of its lungs for the patient"

cracking. the doctor nonchallantly informed us his way of treating and dodging the possible death of jiho as if he was just solving a puzzle problem, the way he spoke the news was something i couldn't help but feel sick. my head was spinning as my rational mind refused to listen.

after that incident with the doctor, it leads us to the present where jimin and i spoke one on one. no fists allowed as we sat on the bench just on the rooftop of the hospital and a good two meters apart. "i—i trusted you. i thought you're the last person to ever hurt my precious sister but . . . but you're the one who've inflicted the worst pain of them all"

shattering. i could feel the way all hopes started collapsing right infront of me. all the hopes of saving my family, the light that seemed so small in the lonely pavement now had been nothing but darkness.

stage four cancer. surgery. donor.

"you even have the audacity to ask for a divorce. how . . . how could you?" after a short talk with me, all of the secrets were now spilled. "now you're seeking for another chance? y–you don't deserve my sister. you're not deserving of a second chance"

not deserving of a second chance

whimpering. all at once, a flashback of all the treasured memories i had in my heart started playing in my head. the first love, the first friend, the first beautiful smile i had ever received, the first kiss, the wedding, the first time we made love and the first time my feelings had been ever reciprocated. remembering it all, i couldn't stop the way the treacherous tears from erupting on my eyes, the fat and angry droplets rolling in my cheeks. everything of my firsts was with jiho.

"no, no, no!" jimin shook his head in disagreement as he lurched towards me and gripped my collar, hovering on top of me. Long forgotten the peace talk and no fists allowed policy. "you have no right to cry! you have no right to shed tears for my sister! we don't need disgusting tears from you! i don't need your pity!"

no, it isn't pity.

"you were my sister's husband but now you're nothing but a cheating bastard! at the foot of the altar you swore to cherish and love jiho 'til the moment you die, but what did you do?" he started shaking my body. "what the hell did you do?! what the fuck did you do with my sister's heart?!"

"i'm sorr—"

"no." his other hand pointed straight against my heart with a devastated expression painted in his face, "you pierced, stabbed it with thousands of knives, tore it into pieces and played with it, leaving it only smithereens! so no, you're not sorry! you were never sorry" no. please, please just stop.

"you tore my sister apart. the only family left with me is dying, jiho wouldn't be this sick to the brink of dying if it weren't for you! and if it weren't your goddamn witch of a mother—" full blown wheezing and crying ugily, the bottled up feelings of confusion and self-hatred ate my heart. "i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i—"

"—even jinyeon was taken from my sister. you and your family are the worst people on earth!"

"yeon was taken from jiho by that bastard's mother. she claimed jiho had been cheating on jeongguk with me and that was the final blow of everything" remembering the way taehyung had spoken those words made me feel even immensely guilty of myself.

"i hate you—" a loud bang echoing in the vicinity before a flustered and glossed-eye hoseok come into the view, "jimin. jimin, jiho—we need to find a donor fast. jiho's lungs are failing her"

failing . . . her?

sniffling before letting out a huff and pushing me away from his body, jimin stood up as he left me on a turmoil.

"congratulations" park muttered sarcastically and my eyes was caught on his piercing gaze. a half-ass smile broke in his lips and the moment those two mounds of peak started opening and speaking, i wished i never heard his voice.

"i hope you're happy ruining other people's life"

hello there! can i just say how thankful i am for all of your support? cause i am sure as hell really grateful to each one of you! >_

what can you say about the story so far, love?