INTERLUDE ➑

at the foot of the altar, a path of roses is what i've promised but, only thorns seems to prick her delicate feet as she walked.

clock ticking thirteen hundred, my day was moving even slower. my blank eyes were focused on the white screen as my fingers were timidly placed on the keyboard, unable to move. the clock was ticking very slowly as the earlier events of the day seemed to drain the life out of me.

"do i get myself clear?" hoseok's voice lingered against my ears like a broken record. this is just like what happened with jiho in the past few days. the way their warm eyes dramatically changed into hatred was terrifying. what did i even get myself into? it's like everything is slowly falling apart.

bringing my hands to cup my face, i tried to think of ways to distract myself but everything just keeps coming back on jiho. sighing for almost the hundredth time in the day, another voice seemed to slip in the stream of my complicated thoughts.

"can you see this?! it's cancelled? the VANTE corporation cancelled the partnership! what happened? we were just a few days away from the acquaintance party, what did you two do?!" breaking the news to namjoon was inevitable and his wrath surely made my insides tingle with fear. even before i could tell the news to namjoon, myself, the VANTE corporation seemed to act way ahead as they personally sent a long explanation why they wanted to end the partnership.

"in this paper . . ." namjoon uttered slamming the document on the table, teeth gritting with anger. "it was stated that, i quote: ❝ the other party must've only been pushed to the brim because of pressure. it seems like the employees of RUNCHA RANDA never really wanted partnership with VANTE corporation and without further ado, we'll cancel the partnership to avoid any cold war and bring harmony back within the two companies ❞ what the hell is this?! you two are the only people i've let taehyung and jiho have interactions with! what the fuck is wrong with you two?! you both knew that this partnership was important for us to finally have a proper guidance in the business!"

keeping my gaze on the floor and having no words to explain both mine and lilia's side, namjoon demanded a written explanation of the reason. at that point of time, i badly wanted to snap at lilia for acting harshly.

"it wasn't my fault! your good for nothing wife started it!" lilia whisper-yelled earlier as she defended herself once we were alone in my office. what the hell did she just? feeling damn angry of the words that escaped on her lips, "what did you say?!" the woman huffed, "it wasn't me! it was all her fault! if only she wasn-"

disbelief running across my features, i could not hold the anger i have been keeping for so long. i was already feeling bad with hoseok painfully ruining my day, namjoon yelling at me and now, now - a lie. she has the audacity to lie straight in my face? what the he- "what the heck is wrong with you?! you're lying! how come jiho would start it when you're the one who came at the VANTE corporation all by yourself?! we never had a meeting with them yesterday! what's even worse is you came there not thinking you'd humiliate the name of the company! i've told you many times that its just a couple of days away and you should have patience but what did you do?! you fucking have to ruin everything!" unleashing all the bottled up feelings, the words flowed like an unstoppable flood.

a gasp and whine escaping on lilia's lips, she tried to win my sympathy but i had none of it at the moment. "this is why i'm being like this! you're taking that bitch's side!-" what the fuck did she just say?! "i'm your lover and yet you side with that hoe as if-" enough. "shut up! i'm not siding on anyone! i'm being a rational human here and don't keep on enforcing that you were right when you're obviously fucking wrong!"

"that-" stop talking. "get out" gaze fixating on mine, her surprised state tried to reach out to touch my skin but i had none of it. stopping on her tracks, my mouth opened on its own. "out. i need time to cool myself" "what?! no, jeonggu-" she looked at me with pleading eyes. "i said get out" "what the hell-" "i said out! fucking get out!"

and here i am barely functioning. flinching, the sudden ringtone that seemed to pull me out of my trance made me snap back to reality. fishing for my phone on the bag, i slipped my hand on one of its pocket . . . only to be met with confusion and even bigger turmoil of feelings.

"jeongguk, breathe!"

heart on the edge, my nerves were like ticking bombs inching its way to explode, make one single mistake and it could bring my mind snap into insanity. my heart was constricting in pain, as if every single and little muscle inside of the pumping organ in it were being tugged and pulled into agony. the oxygen that should help me breathe were like poison against my nostrils as i drown with the pain that lingers in my heart.

"-get a grip jeongguk!"

lips turning dry as my eyes' gaze were fixated on the blue envelope that yeon gave me, i was placed on a conflict as these brown orbs couldn't stop from pooling with tears. i knew that there were people who had already flocked on my office, the faint voice of namjoon's worried voice rang in my ears with my sudden breakdown but, i . . . i couldn't care less of them. i couldn't care less of what they wanted to do with me. i couldn't even hear any of the muffled screams that they've been trying to tell me.

all i cared now is how i could make these painful feeling away from my chest - because of yeon, because of his second letter. i've read it.

once i've had my phone on my hand, a blue envelope slipped along the action. wonder filling up my mind, i picked the paper and opened it . . . only to leave me completely blown away and breaking. i've just finished reading the second letter and here i am loosing my mind because of the words that yeon had written on the fragile piece of paper.

❝ does papa think mama is strong? ❞

the question was like a double-edged sword, the catch phrase that yeon placed on the very start of the letter caught me off guard. i tried to think so lightly of the phrase as i saw the silly picture that yeon placed just before the letter.

❝does papa really think that mama is strong?❞

a dry chuckle escaped on my lips but it slowly turned into a tight frown as the next words seemingly stabbed me inside out.

❝ mama isn't strong, she's just best at trying to be strong ❞

deep mauve eyes widening as my breathe hitched, the thought that i shouldn't have opened the second letter from yeon was starting to kick in. i knew that i shouldn't have opened the letter, there was a small voice saying that the letter yeon gave meant trouble.

"you didn't love jiho, you love me" there was this feminine voice- lilia's voice speaking to me, saying that i shouldn't have cared for yeon's thoughtful letter. i shouldn't have accepted it right from the start, i should have just flat out tucked the blue letter once it slipped, yeon would never know if i read or didn't read his letter in that way i could blatantly give yeon the hint that me and jiho are about to divorce in four days' span.

❝ mama isn't strong. she's fragile like a porcelain glass ❞

and yet again, upon imagining jinyeon's hopeful eyes when he placed the second letter secretly on my bag - that was enough to kill the resolve i once had, it was enough to make me carelessly accept the heart-filled letter that my son made.

i shouldn't have opened it. I should've just kept the letter hidden to the rest of the world. nobody would've known if i didn't read it-❝mama is fragile and she needs to be handled with care❞

❝papa used to say that mama is as delicate as a flower but mighty as steel and she's one of a kind. the only thing papa could've ever wanted❞

❝remembering the way you used to say that to me, i can't help but feel butterflies erupt in my chest. papa used to look at mama with love in his eyes. do you know how contended and happy you look when your gaze is fixated at mama?❞ no, it's- this, this has to stop. my heart, there was it again. the painful and constricting tug inside my chest, this is wrong. this letter would be the death of me. just why, why must yeon give me this letter. i am so confused and i-

❝if one could picture the way papa gazes at mama, they would probably melt into a puddle of jealousy❞ jealousy?

❝papa's gaze at mama is just- just, full of adoration and it can't help but make me feel like i'm seeing a real-time fairy tale with you two. does papa still remember what you said to me when i was much much younger than i am, today?❞ what are you trying to point out o me jinyeon? these letters, these letters you give me are they some sort of hints? why must you give me these letters? two of these are just all about jiho.

❝papa said that your meeting with mama was beyond impossible, but the gods must've given you your luck ❞ no. that was in the past and-

❝papa said that mama is a whole new galaxy, that mama is the lost galaxy that people has yet to discover. papa used to say that mama's eyes are two pools of bright and shining stars. stars that papa can't help but get lost and if given a chance you would spend a day just staring at those beautiful emerald orbs - admiring and loving it, never getting tired at staring at her eyes. mama's lips are mounds of a planet starting to form, it's always a fresh breathe of love that whenever papa's lips collide with mama's, he would immediately feel complete. papa said that mama is his whole wide world, that mama is everything that papa ever wanted. papa said that mama makes you feel complete and as long as you have her and me, you're willing to endure any pain. as long as you have mama's warmth wrapped against you, you're complete❞

papa is complete. the words stung deep inside of me, as i knew that the words i once said to yeon are nothing but flowery words thrown into oblivion. this is futile, whatever yeon is trying to do is-

❝but, yeon begs to differ. mama may be the galaxy for papa, mama may be the only thing that could complete papa but you know what, papa? i think, you and mama are a pair. without you, mama would be just a broken galaxy with no stars. without you, mama is lost, she would be a galaxy with missing pieces. she maybe a celestial being but she's empty, lost and broken. papa makes mama complete and even how much beautiful a galaxy mama is - she would die without you. mama's galaxy would be sucked into a darkhole and disappear.❞

yeon, i-no. every letter and syllable written in this paper just-just makes my heart bleed. everything, everything just- ❝papa said that mama is strong? yeon doesn't agree❞

❝mama is just best at fooling everyone's eyes. mama is just best at faking her feelings. mama is just best at forcing a smile to hide the thousands of pain she had been enduring inside - mama, mama is just,-❞ a smudge. as if a teardrop has just dried on the paper, i could see the way the ink was smudged unto the paper. ❝mama is fragile❞

❝i know that papa knew mama more than yeon has, i know you met mama first but- but, can't papa realize that mama's strength comes from papa? will . . . will papa just promise yeon that papa would never leave mama?❞ blurring vision as a sob unintentionally escaped on my lips. i hadn't noticed the way-

❝yeon would be a good boy, i would do good. yeon would never do anything wrong, i would try to be the cream of the crop on my batch. yeon would do anything- anything, just, just- will papa promise me that papa would always protect mama from her fears? will papa protect her from harm? will papa just . . . stay . . . forever?❞

no.

❝please i don't want to see you, go. papa is my superman right? papa is mama and yeon's one and only superman, you're our hero. you are my role model and i just wish, i wish, papa and mama's anniversary wouldn't end❞

stop.

❝will just papa . . . stay?❞ enough.

❝mama loves you, and i do too. would papa promise yeon to stay?❞

i'm a mess. i knew that this would happen. i should've known that this would happen again-i've became a mess again. i'm crying, i'm being weak and my feelings were a pool of confusion as it drove me insane but most importantly-

i'm getting confused to what i really want.

i'm hesitating, i'm questioning myself again and-

❝mama is weak, she needs papa to be strong. you're her strength, my strength❞ -i'm seeking jiho again.

no. the tears are choking me, the pain that lingers in my heart is unbearable to handle. why? why? i only have a few days left -it's just four days. it's just four days, four days left till i can finally walk, kiss and hug lilia freely but reading this letter confuses me so so much and i-❝papa is the stars in mama's galaxy and without you, she's nothing but empty❞

lips tugging into a frown with tears cascading down my cheeks, i remembered jinyeon's hopeful eyes as he beamed when he enveloped me into a hug this morning. i badly want to ask why yeon gave me such a letter, yesterday. i wanted to know why he wanted me to make all the pain go away - when i'm the main reason why his mama is crying. but now, reading this letter confuses me so much. my heart and my mind is a mess, my heart is in pain while my mind says no! no! no! don't think about jiho! she's nothing but the past, you have another one in the present! you're just confused!

why? what are you doing to me, yeon? just what are you trying to do to me? you're making me beyond confused, making me a mess and all i want now is - her.

kim jiho

"jeongguk! snap out if it" eyes meeting lilia's worried brown orbs, i felt her thumbs brushing away the tears on my soaked cheeks. i tried to feel the way her fingertips brought life to my skin but now, it was nothing - the feeling is bland.

"you're okay. you're going to be okay" am i? am i really going to be okay? body being wrapped in her embrace, i tried to feel the way her skin melts against me like it used to. i tried to feel the spark, the igniting passion that seeps within me whenever our skins touch but, it wasn't like it used to.

jiho.

i want jiho's warmth, i want her.

and i'm not okay.

─────── ⋅☆⋅ ───────

hello, i'm really sorry for the late update. yesterday was just a little too much. with the saddening news about jonghyun's death, i just had no will to update. i am letting you know (yes you, my dear sweet and lovely reader) that if you're experiencing a tight situation, i want you to know that you're important and we may not have met personally but i'm extending my tight virtual hugs and kisses to make a little peace in your troubled heart. i lava ya a lotto so so muchos ❤❤