so, i hope this chapter is not lame ;-; and i hope this wouldn't confuse you.

—xoxo, nick ♥

➐

" ─maybe you could've asked your boss to pair you up with your secretary and not some woman who couldn't tend to her husband's fucking needs" flinching as a shaky sigh escaped on my lips, another new series of words seemed to echo in my ears over and over. i'm going crazy.

after the incident with jiho at the restaurant, i decided to work on my own. visiting the restaurants and different caterers, i was still at zero progress after two hours of roaming around the city. none of the places piqued my taste and maybe it was because my heart was as heavy as of a stone, another factor why i couldn't concentrate. and here i am now, back in the office working on the pile of papers that had increased unbelievably.

i was such a fool. a fool for even running after her when he had walked out of the room five minutes after. it was all my fault, as soon as i realized my mistake, i was already too late. i didn't have the courage to call her back to to help me. i knew she would flat out reject my call. i didn't call lilia too. if i did ask for her, it would only prove how incompetent i am, it would prove how jiho was true to her words and i was just some fucking man-whore who didn't want to work with her because of personal reasons. reflecting to what happened, it was undeniably my fault why things ended badly, again.

i had the chance to apologize and finally have a proper closure before we divorce and yet, i let it slip away - again.

i'm sorry. i've practiced those words, i've practiced a whole lot of phrases. i kept mumbling a whole paragraph in my head to apologize when our meeting start but all of it came crashing down when she was right infront of me, in flesh. when she's just right infront of me, every words gets caught inside my throat and i couldn't speak anymore. carding a hand on my hair and ruffling it, an annoyed whine mixed with groan erupted in my lips.

i had the chance. i had the chance to apologize for everything and i always blew it up.

sighing for the hundredth time, i was just about to fish out my phone from my bag when i noticed the envelope that jinyeon gave me. "read it when you're alone, okay?" thinking so lightly of my son's words, it wouldn't be bad to have at least a peace of mind for awhile.

"what─ " confusion filling up my head as i seeked for answers to thousands of question, the moment i opened the envelope that jinyeon gave me this morning before i went to work, the only word that seemed to enter my mind was ─ why?

what's jinyeon trying to say to me?

a picture and a letter — the moment i opened the envelope, an image slipped on it and i could've sworn that my heart skipped a beat.

jiho? why? why would yeon attach a picture of jiho?

eyebrows creasing against my forehead, i opened the letter inside as i unfolded it to finally read the words that jinyeon wrote.

D-5? what does that mean?

brown eyes grazing the contents of the letter, jinyeon has written quite a lengthy message. feeling warmth bloom in my heart, a surge of proudness started to seep inside my chest. but confusion still lingers inside my heart.

why would yeon give me a letter containing jiho's picture?

reading the contents of the letter, the smile that used to paint the corners of my lips slowly turned into a frown.

❝ isn't mama so pretty in the picture, papa? ❞ Pretty?

❝ roses are red, violets are blue. i know a gem, more precious than anything – it's a person named, kim jiho. ❞

eyes widening and mouth suddenly turning dry, i was then left wondering again. what is this letter for? wanting to stop from letting my eyes read the letter, the words that was written next are as if jinyeon could read my mind.

❝ please don't stop reading papa. ❞ continuing on letting my eyes wander through the text, i sighed shakily.

❝ when god made mama kim jiho, he was showing off. ❞

those words seem to ring a bell, why does it sound so familiar?

❝ delicate as a flower but mighty as steel, papa said that when god made mama, god gave every little trait of everything to mama and she is the most beautiful woman that papa saw ❞ what is yeon trying to do? why would he write me this?

❝ when god made mama, there where three things that god used — warm heart, sunshine flower and steel strength ❞

no. yeon, what, just what is this for?

❝ on top of the list that mama has is mama's warm warm heart. mama's kindness is beyond compare and yeon highly agrees to that ❞

❝ mama is my wonderwoman, athena and aphrodite. no superwoman can ever beat mama's kindness ❞

why? what is this letter for?

❝ mama has a bright smile. mama's smile gives yeon warmth. whenever mama gives me her brightest smile, butterflies would erupt in my tummy to my chest. ❞

butterflies in chest. as if on cue, my mind started imagining the way jiho's lips tugged into one of her breathtaking smile, remembering it was enough to make my heart swell. true, jiho's smile is the best among the rest and — a sudden pang erupting in the deep recesses of my heart, the smile that used to be true were now replaced with a frown whenever we would meet.

"you don't love me, anymore"

sighing shakily, those words haunted me once more, echoing in my ears as it left me chasing my breath. swallowing deep, i continued to read as i pushed the irrelevant thoughts away.

❝ mama has a powerful kiss. whenever yeon has a booboo or is in pain and everything just doesn't go with what yeon wants, with just one kiss from mama's lips – she can take every pain away. i love mama's kisses the most ❞

jiho's kisses. whenever i felt so lost and everything was just a mess, i used to run to her and i could clearly remember the way how her lips could make me feel at ease. i remembered the way she would pull me in her arms and caress my back while continuously giving warm and caring kisses. she takes all the pain away in just a flick of a hand. why am i remembering this things?

"—why— why did you kiss me?" breathe caught up inside my throat — now, when our lips meet when i kissed her, it was like a poison against hers.

❝ papa used to say that mama is the light that entered in his dark and lonely world. when mama came into papa's life, everything started to move even his alone heart ❞

everything started to move. i was the loner and she was the infamous little mermaid of the swimming team, we were different and yet . . yet she saw me and was willing to become my friend and i—

❝ mama is one of my inspiration and papa said that mama is his, too ❞

inspiration, yes – she was my— lips letting out a choked and strangled sob, even before i knew it — i was shedding unconscious tears again. no, this is wrong. why am i acting this way?! i'm done, we're done! we're going to divorce but why—

why, i— what are you doing to me jinyeon?

❝ i love mama the most and i know papa is too, right? ❞

no. as if thorns cutting me inside out, once the words that were engraved on the paper was read, i couldn't stop the way my eyes pooled with even more tears.

❝ my teacher said to yeon that the people who has the kindest hearts are the ones who've experienced hell firsthand. kind people are kind because they never wanted others to feel and experience the same way they did ❞

❝ it makes me think that maybe mama is one of those too. maybe mama is one of the people who've been hurt and scarred deeply, that's why her smile is so pretty ❞

eyes widening and realization hitting me like a truck. all of jiho's shared secrets, traumas and fears in her childhood to teenage years came flooding like a whirlpool. no. I–

❝ sometimes i would see mama crying. i wish, yeon could take the pain away all by myself. ❞

swallowing deep and cupping my lips to control my sobs, breathing was getting difficult as i clutched the cloth laying on top of my chest – crumpling it. i'm the worst. wanting to read the next words on jinyeon's letter, i flipped the piece of paper only to be met with confusion. eyes finding a carefully crafted envelope as it was glued in the middle of the letter, curiosity got the best in me as i opened it – only to have my heart ripping into two.

❝ behind every smile lies a painful scar hidden deep within ❞

❝ isn't mama pretty when she smiles? ❞

heart churning against my chest, all i could ever think about was the way those beautiful smile faded away because of me.

❝ everynight, i could see mama crying in the living room and as much as yeon wanted to comfort mama, yeon couldn't find the courage to hug mama. yeon feels weak and honestly, seeing mama cry is so painful. yeon is weak and coward, all yeon did whenever mama cried is watch her from afar. yeon should've comforted mama but yeon is afraid. i wish i could be brave but i'm scared of hurting mama even more ❞

❝i wish papa would take mama's pain away, cause yeon doesn't know how ❞

heart constricting in sorrow, all i could ever do was cry louder as my heart sank on the floor. too occupied to think of the way my coworkers would hear me, i weep uncontrollably. the words written in yeon's letter were like spears stabbing my chest over and over. i don't know how to make the pain stop, i don't know why my heart hurts like this when it shouldn't even be.

❝ papa is mama's romeo, right? ❞

eyes widening as my vision became blurry with the treacherous tears, i could only shake my head in disbelief. honey, no. papa is not mama's romeo anymore. i am not even fit to be called jiho's, anymore.

❝ then, like romeo will papa take mama away from her sorrow? ❞

i can't, honey.

❝ cause like romeo and juliet, romeo swore at the altar to keep juliet happy, right? ❞