um, so i'm rly sorry for the late update my honey and oh! there's going to be alot of time skips so, keep in mind of the time! —xoxo, nick ♥

INTERLUDE ➏

09:00

it's almost been an hour, an hour ever since i've arrived in the office and yet i couldn't have the energy to do anything. i couldn't find the strength to have my brain gears work and analyze. there's a stack pile of paperwork beside my desk and i know it'll take more than one sitting to finish and read all of those papers but, i can't.

i can't think properly — my mind won't let me.

" —aren't you the one who pushed me away?!"

eyes widening as i felt the way my heart churned against my chest, breathing became hard. for almost the umpteenth time in this morning, the words she had said as tears run down on her porcelain cheeks were so clear and vividly replaying inside my thoughts.

it's true. i'm the one who pushed her away and i wanted that to happen and yet—

my eyes trailed unintentionally to the golden ring that hung on my finger — in a spur of moment, my eyes suddenly saw the image of jiho throwing the golden ring to me. hands inching its way onto one of my pockets, i shakily fished the ring she had once wore.

"—you said you don't love me, anymore—" as if spears stabbing my heart raw, i couldn't help the way my eyes glossed against my vision, i'm a mess. sighing shakily, all i've been doing for the past hour was stare blankly in the white screen as my hand rest futilely on the keyboard.

i was okay, right? i was okay way before i entered this office. i was okay and i was functioning as if the argument with jiho never happened. when i carried her this morning for yeon, i was able to smile and pretend as if we never had a heated argument. i was fine, i was good . . . and i know what i was supposed to do before i came here, i know what i'm opted to do but now . . . i can't focus—

—i can't think and when i do, the image of her—

the image of her speaking her heart out would flash inside my head and it would leave me wrecked. i've never seen, heard nor expected for her to lash out every kept voice she had deep within, i've expected that kind of behavior to unfold when i first said about the divorce but it was just too much.

everything was just too much and i couldn't think — no, i am unable to think.

everything just leads to her, every little thing i do would just be me ending up thinking about the way she had said those words. everywhere i look i'll just remember the way she cried and let everything be heard. it's just like one minute i'm okay but then once i find myself thinking properly, out of the blue, i would hear her voice saying how much i hurt her, saying how much i was in the wrong and saying how much i am a despicable being.

i would keep on thinking about the way her lips opened as she cried and then, once every action that happened this morning had stopped playing, a loop of another replay starts to flash inside my mind like a broken record.

what's happening with me?

it's just an argument and it was normal. it's normal to fight and it's normal for her to speak out her heart but, remembering it is enough to leave me in a pool of tears. my eyes would be flooded with tears filled with regret, sorrow and a bubbling feeling of being torn into pieces.

"—you don't love me and i'm no longer needed" isn't that the truth? isn't what she said, the truth? there's nothing wrong with those words but, why? why out of all the things that escaped in her lips, those words seem to stab me over and over until i can't breathe anymore.

sob escaping my lips, before i even noticed it, my face where on a pool of tears again—it's confusing and frustrating why i'm like this. i wanted divorce and i wanted us to separate, this is what i wished but why? why does it always hurt?

why do i always find myself crying like a mad man?

shaking body and lips trying so hard to shush the painful sobs that can't seem to stop, i cupped my face as it slowly leaned on the wooden frame of the table. it hurts, my heart hurts and i don't understand why.

everything just hurts.

tightly clutching the ring she once wore, my eyes started to cloud with even more tears. the words engraved on the jewelry made my heart swell as i felt it ripping into two.

GGUK ♥

"jeongguk, are you okay?" warm calloused hand patting my tired back, my eyes was met with a pair of worried eyes whose dimples showed as he spoke to me. "you look like a mole rat with those bloodshot eyes. if you're sick, you can—"

"i'm fine" nowhere near okay, i breathed the words as i tried to control my nerves. i haven't eaten anything – too conflicted and occupied to even eat, i wanted to feel as hollow as possible as i dreaded what was just about to happen.

it's 13:00 and any minute from now, the meeting will happen.

"are you sure?" i'm sure i'm not okay, i'm nowhere near it. my heart feels heavy and my eyes wants to shed tears. all i've been doing for the last three hours inside my room was mope and weep like a child. i even refused to hear the briefing from lilia about this gathering.

this meeting is just a slap in my face. the moment i saw my agenda today, i dreaded the time this activity would come – meeting with the partner company which means meeting with the VANTE corporation.

VANTE corporation — taehyung's company.

if my company would be meeting the VANTE group, then the devil himself would be present and who else would be present too?

kim jiho.

just the thought of her can make my heart wheeze in pain and weirdly – warmth.

countless of footsteps started echoing around the vicinity as it echoed against my ears, it takes more than common sense to know that — "they're here" namjoon's voice chimed, there and then, i felt myself feeling stiff as chill run down on my spine.

"yes" not wanting to meet the persons eye to eye, i kept my head hung low as my line of vision focused on namjoon's foot. let's just get this over with.

one word to describe the meeting was ice as cold – in my case. i was like a deer in headlights, all along the meeting i felt so small as namjoon and taehyung talked about their future plans for the partnership. namjoon seemed to be so enthusiastic about the proposals from taehyung and even if i should speak out my thoughts, i can't find the words to utter as i'm too conscious of the woman seating across me.

jiho.

"—jeongguk" snapping me in my thoughts, once my name was uttered by namjoon the only word that came from my lips when he nudged me was, "yes, how may i help?"

eyes meeting namjoon's disappointed ones, i felt ashamed as sighed when he shook his head, "i said that you'll be the one to help taehyung's secretary to find the perfect place for the gathering celebration. we've both agreed on making a party for the two companies since we'd be partners for a long time starting today"

"—i" help taehyung's secretary? eyes widening as it trailed on jiho's figure across of me, i was met with her indifferent emerald ones. i—, heart thumping against my chest, i was getting lost again. "um, i —"

"you don't want to, jeongguk?" feminine voice echoing in my left, lilia broke me from my trance. "if you don't want to then i can—"

no. no, no, no not in a million years!

"no!" voice slightly louder, i almost screamed. no, i can't let that happen. even if i'm currently not in good terms with jiho, i can't possibly let that happen.

"no?" lilia pressed, her hand holding mine under the table, i was met with her brown questioning ones. "no. i'll do it myself, i don't need your help."

why, lilia? why must she always want to start a fight?

eyes locking gazes with namjoon's as i pulled my hand away from lilia's, "i'll do it"

"okay, then it's settled. we'll leave the organizing of the party with jeongguk and jiho. we need the results on the day after tomorrow"

really, luck is just on my side.

17:00

"you don't want to have sex anymore"

pout on her lips and whiny irritating voice echoing in my ears, i closed my eyes as i drank the remaining contents of the soju in my hand while trying to listen to the television program. lilia has been trying to get me under her pants and i'm clearly not buying it, my body wasn't reacting like the way it used to.

it was such a tiring day.

my heart was still heavy as rock but it was a good thing that i've long stopped crying.

after the meeting, namjoon had dismissed the company earlier than the usual — i knew that i should be happy for that but remembering the way taehyung and jiho walked together out of the building made my insides tingle with anger.

this weird feelings are creeping the hell out of me.

"come on, jeonniee" feeling the tips of her hand trace my jaw line, lilia soon trailed kisses on my cheeks down to my neck. i tried to feel the spark that her kisses used to give but right now, there was something missing.

pushing her gently, "please, lilia i'm sorry but i'm not just—"

rolling her eyes and huffing while crossing her arms, "—i know, i know i've heard that excuse for like hundred times already. you're nervous for the divorce and you're not just in the mood. i get it, i get it yada yada"

"i'm really sorry"

"i know. i just hope that day fourteen comes quickly so we could have one of the steamy sex we used to do"

"yeah," i murmured feeling my heart beating with shame.

seating beside me and leaning her head against my shoulder, i thought i was finally able to relax but she had to ruin it again. "by the way, why did you even refused to switch task with me? like, it was no big deal that jiho and i would pair up for the assignment"

". . ." tell me, is she joking with me? do i really have to answer that common sense question?

"hey, tell me why" she pressed but i ignored.

". . ." finishing the soju, i fished for a can of beer and drank on it.

"hey! stop drinking that beer!"

". . ."

"hey! i asked you a question why are you pretending that you didn't even hear it?" shut up.

". . ."

"yah!" taking my beer away, she cupped both of my cheeks as our eyes met.

"yah! i said tell me why?" having enough, i locked gazes with her.

"don't you have any decency left?"

brown eyes widening as her hands lost grip of my face, she opened her mouth to say something but i cut her, "look, jiho and i are divorcing and i know what you're trying to do this afternoon. you were trying to ignite a fire in jiho. why would you always want to start a fight? namjoon was there, do you want the both of us to lose our job?" i was getting mad for no apparent reason and i couldn't understand why. the thing about jiho shouldn't get me this worked up but i don't know what's happening with me.

"i – "

"i get that you want me to separate with jiho as soon as possible but why can't we just wait until she gives the divorce papers in the court? why do you have to start at her? i've told you many times that jiho wasn't the type to scheme things, why can't you understand that?"

"look, jeong—"

"this was the second time. the first time we're almost caught red-handed was on my son's family party. you insisted on going with me. don't you know that that could've started rumors? and right now, this! you badly wanted to switch with me in front of namjoon!"

eyes averting from mine, her gaze hung on the floor. "i–i'm sorry, i just can't wait till we finally marry"

"just five days. we only have five days left can't you wait?"

"i can! i—i just love you, okay?"

"yeah, i know"

"say it back"

nodding "i love you too" and for the first time in forever, saying those words left a sour aftertaste in the tips of my tongue.

smile gracing her lips as our eyes locked gazes, lilia started to lean closer to my face as her lips soon pressed against mine. closing my eyes, i tried to feel the way this lips used to send sparks and make a swarm of butterflies erupt against me but—

—it doesn't feel the same anymore.

it feels hollow and empty, it was soft but that's all there is to it.

i love lilia, right?