*_* double updates cause it's BTS comeback. *begs* please leave comments 😭

—xoxo, nick ❤

❺

"jeon jeongguk, this is min yoongi. i have been contacting your phone for god knows how many times and fuck you for not answering! i had no choice but to let jimin know about this! i am fucking maddened to the core to inform you that we found jiho on the street of matryoshka wounded, bruised, clothes tattered and jin was —"

heart on the edge and panic on the course of my veins, i was on the verge of losing sanity the moment i heard the words escape on the caller— jiho, rape, jin. jin was about to rape jiho and i—

"you good for nothing man, we found jiho about to get raped in the middle of the night and guess who fucking almost took advantage of your wife?! newsflash fucktard, it's kim seokjin. kim freaking seokjin, i fucking thought you were going to stick like a glue to jiho!? once jimin hears that voice call and finds out about this fuckery, the small man would flip and all hell will lose. you know the sunshine is overprotective of her sister! and let's not talk about hoseok, he may only be her cousin but do you know what you got yourself into?!"

i won't ket him touch you, i promise. feet hastily making way, i couldn't care less of what jimin and hoseok might do to me as i immediately ended the call, my lips quivering in thousand prayers. i couldn't help but let the tears pool in my eyes – scared? i was beyond terrified of what would've happened to her. where? why and what did i do that it would go wrong? everything is all my fault, this is my fault. jiho, oh my – jiho – what have i done? i was supposed to be there, i was supposed to be her shield and yet i wasn't there—

–wasn't there to protect her from the evil once again.

beads of sweat on my forehead and looking as miserable as ever, i didn't mind the way my legs throbbed in pain as i've been running for god knows how many kilometers has it been – there was only one thing in my mind and that is to see her, assure jiho that i'm already beside her, that i won't let him touch him again that i—

"fuck you, jeon" heart dropping on the floor, the moment my feet came to the site, the first thing that greeted me was a pissed off yoongi as he hissed in disappointment. "i've been contacting you! i've been contacting you for freaking thirty minutes and yet you wouldn't answer, what the fuck was wrong with you—" pushing the man away and having enough of his rants, there was one thing on my mind as it trailed everywhere—

jiho—i need to find her. i need to tell her, i need to say sorry, i need to—

the place was filled with police cars and i could make out jin's sunken figure on one of them. at the sight of the putrid and mad man, i couldn't fight the way anger boiled in my veins but as much as i wanted to punch the man until he's nothing but a pulp – i fought the urge and bit the insides of my cheek as there was much more important matter at hand and that is to find my wife.

jiho—jiho, where—where—

eyes widening and heart on my mouth, my body found it suddenly hard to breathe once my eyes trailed on the far right corner of the street.

prickling. an invisible crack seemed to start at the edge of my heart and the pain was unbearable. hand reaching out to hold the cloth on top of my chest, the emotions of fluttering pain seemed to erupt and it's making me so so confused.

she, once again – once again, jiho was wrapped in the protective arms of kim taehyung.

cracking. biting the insides of my cheek once more, an unknown surge of inexplicable feelings started to choke my throat. it suddenly felt as if thorns were growing inside of my body, tearing me inside out – why? why?

body pressed against each other, jiho tightly held taehyung's large back as she rested her head on his shoulder as a piece of cloth was draped on her trembling body, all i could ever do was watch breathlessly as the scene unfold in my eyes. why? why is it that it hurts this way? gaze lingering on the floor, all i could ever do was wait as i stood frozen, my feet glued on the ground.

i feel that if i broke the way they held each other, i would trespass in their world.

is this what i get for being always late? but, do i have the right to feel this way? am i not over with jiho? we're about to get divorced and this is pity. everything is just pity – the way my heart churned, the way i find it hard so breathe and the way my eyes couldn't stop pooling with tears . . . this is only guilt and pity, nothing more and nothing less.

this is nothing but pity, right?

seeing the way taehyung held her close, i couldn't help but think that i used to be her safe haven. when things were rough, i used to be the one who could calm her as if the only thing she belonged to was in my arms. i used to be her happy pill – used to be the source of her happiness but, why?

why am i thinking of these things?

i don't love her anymore, right?

right?

tears had stopped flowing on my cheeks and my heart felt so heavy, "you lead the way and i'll follow your car behind" once taehyung finally took notice of my presence, i found that he was now protectively carrying jiho on his arms and jiho in return tightly clung to the man in her sleep. i used to be the one who held her that way.

"i don't have my car with me" it got towed and i could care less on what happened.

"then, suck it up. take my lift cause i ain't leaving until i know jiho's home" wanting to protest, i almost opened my mouth to argue. give me my wife, you're no longer needed and who the fuck are you to demand— "why should we—"

"try and oppose me and i'll fucking let the whole goddamn world know how fucked up you are." is he threatening me? at that statement, i felt his anger drip unto me as our piercing gazes met, his had an intent of killing, "i've had enough of you, jeon jeongguk and if it only just fucking because of jiho – i'd have you out of the picture"

"i—" cutting me once more. "you think you're already forgiven just because you're here? well, fuck you, cause you're damn wrong. because of you – this fragile angel—" taehyung's voice wavered, tightening her embrace on the woman on her arms, "—i can't start how much i fucking hate you"

too tired and knowing it was futile to fight because it was me who's at fault, i kept my mouth shut and took the lift. taehyung sat jiho on the passenger seat and i would be lying if i said that it didn't bother me the way he held jiho's hand even in her sleep – cause i am sure as hell throwing spears in the back of my head. seeing a stranger— a man carrying your own wife inside your own home took a lot of ounce of patience and self-restraint. it took a lot of self-control to not beat kim fucking taehyung inside my own house as i watch how he carefully placed jiho in my own bed. how dare he, how dare he mock me.

"i'll have you out of the picture—" eyes averting its gaze, i tried so hard to control myself and to add up with the headache, why won't those words stop pestering me? can't this day get any better?

biting the insides of my cheeks, this is just all so much to handle. everything's just hurting and i don't know what to feel anymore, i am getting confused. i fucked up in saving her. i fucked up in having jin taste my wrath for blackmailing jiho. i fucked up as the man of this house. i—

"rest, jiho"

"don't—don't leave me" eyes widening and gaze immediately flickering on our bed, jiho's eyes were open as she clutch taehyung's hand, trembling. "i'm—i'm scared"

as if on cue, i couldn't help but walk away. she—she used to do that to me, used to seek for my attention when she was scared, used to want me close, used to—need me.

why, just why does it hurt so much?

am i not the one who wanted the divorce?

guilt?

yes, yes. this is guilt. this just guilt. eyes trailing on the calendar, i noticed that it's only five more days. five days left and i'll be happy – i'll get what i want.

i'll be happy, right?