❷

she was in his arms.

jiho was embraced by that man, he held her tight, enclosed her protectively in his build as if protecting her and yeon from the harsh reality – that image, why does it keep on appearing inside my mind?

why does it keep on flashing? why must that image pop inside my head out of nowhere and whenever it appears inside my thoughts, a lump that i can't seem to remove would build up, making it so hard to breathe as my eyes would sting as if wanting to let tears break free into my eye sockets.

jiho looked as if she perfectly fit in the missing gaps of kim taehyung's body. just thinking about it was enough to pull strings in my heart.

kim taehyung

"what the hell was that damn kim taehyung's problem? where the hell did he appeared from and why the fuck did he punch you!?" lilia's voice rang like an alarm clock as she pulled me from my train of thoughts.

"lilia—" my eyes trailed on her physique and all i could see is red flashing in her eyes, i was on her apartment again and her she was, fuming with anger. we had just arrived from yeon's school as she was now draping a cotton with ab antiseptic unto the cut just above my lips and right cheek while i hissed at the pain.

"who gives him the right to just give you an uppercut out of nowhere?! like who in the right mind—" he has the right, he had every right to do that.

"stop" i shushed her, having enough of her rants as it annoyed the hell out of me.

"no, that man is out of his mind! he came out of nowhere and hurt you just like that and even threatened you!"

"you good for nothing man-slut, how fucking dare you"

man-slut. the word hit me through the core, i couldn't help but remember the way his eyes bore unto me after he had blew a tight square punch, his words were draped with complete disgust and hatred as he clutched the collar of my dress shirt.

"how fucking dare you bring your mistress in this event, do you have no shame or are you void of all human feelings to be sensitive enough to think that jiho wouldn't be hurt?! you monster"

it was my fault. i couldn't help the guilt eating up my heart.

it was me who was wrong,

it was me who really deserved that punch from kim taehyung.

eyes turning glossy and lips quivering, i saw how jiho broke. the moment she stepped foot on the gymnasium for yeon's event, i saw the way her eyes and nose turned red almost immediately as she tried so hard to fight the urge to breakdown. my eyes noticed the way her gaze lingered on lilia and yeon as lilia carried my son, shaky breaths escaping on her dear lips.

why the fuck did i agree with lilia?

"why don't you stay here for the night?" i heard lilia speak once again and for the first time in two years, madness seeped through my skin.

"why did you insisted that you wanted to come, with me?" i spoke gently, trying not to show how pissed off i am with myself and with her.

"duh, i'm your soon to be wife and i'm going to be your son's mother that's why—" yeon's mother? am i hearing things ir my ears just fooled me?

"no, yeon would be in jiho's custody" a gasp escaped in lilia's lips as she eyed me, disbelief spreading across her features.

"why?! he's your son! technically if you two are already divorced, then the boy should be with you! with us, with me!"

"no"

"why not?!" she questioned and for a moment, i remembered a fragment of a memory.

yeon and you are my everything. if anything happens to yeon, i don't know what will become of me.

i remembered the way she spoke. i already broke so many promises, i can't just do it "no, yeon is off limits"

you've done more than enough to hurt me.

"yeon is going to be jiho's the moment we divorce"

"why?!"

"because—,"

"gosh jeongguk, he's your son! if we get married, he should be with you. jiho's going to be incapable when the two of you seperates, what will your son become off if he grows up without his dad? jinyeon's still young, erasing jiho from his memories would be just a piece of cake and–"

"enough!" i can't believe her, i can't believe how she could speak it so nonchalantly, removing jiho from yeon's memories? what—

"i'm leaving" i spoke, finding her irritating at the moment.

"so, now you're going home to your wife! ha! you're funny jeon, don't you see the irony?"

"don't you see how funny to see that it was your fault i got punched?"

"me?! but—"

"we shouldn't be demanding of having yeon, it was already a miracle that jiho agreed with the divorce without making a fuss. if you're a human, you would know how a mother loves her own child" with that statement, i left and drove home.

heavy heart inside my system, i entered the manor making no noise as much as possible. my eyes glanced on the clock,

23:08

striding through the hallway and lifting all the possible energy i had left, i made my way to the master's bedroom as i only want to rest.

"mama, i love you" faint noise echoing in my ears, i find myself following the sound and here i am, standing at yeon's doorstep as it was slightly open.

"mama loves you too jinyeon. now you should sleep honey, just because you don't have any class tomorrow that doesn't mean you should stay up late, baby" she leaned in, placing a tender kiss on yeon's forehead.

"but, i wanna make sure if you're already okay"

"mama's okay"

okay? she clearly looks the opposite of okay. eyes trailing on her, i realized how much she had lost weight. in the span of just five days, she was already looking so weak – her eyes weren't twinkling like the way they used to, her smile was half lidded, and most of all, she looked so skinny for her own good.

this, all of this things happening on her is all because of me – the stress, the pain in both emotional and physical is slowly killing her and—and it's all my fault.

breathing was difficult.

"mama, i wish papa was here to make everything okay" at the mention of those words, my heart felt so tight as a shaky sigh escaped on my lips, unable to control the abrupt falling of my tears.

"mama wishes too—"

the little boy's eyes started to close as tiredness started to lull him to sleep. the moment yeon's eyes shut, jiho's lips opened once more before a tear slipped on her cheeks and i wished – i wished i just went straight to the master's bedroom.

"–but papa doesn't care, h–he–he stopped loving mama, baby"

monster. kim taehyung was right, i'm a monster.

a monster who hurt the fragile kim jiho to the core beyond repair