《Counting To Fifteen [Grey's Anatomy]》chapter thirty nine - a dilemma

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was peeved that Mark was taking over as the parent.

It was a stressful role, sure, but Daisy liked it. Daisy liked taking care of Calypso and being the one Calypso came to when she needed help or comfort.

But now Mark did everything.

Mark helped Calypso with her homework and Mark taught Calypso how to tie her shoes and Mark read Calypso bedtime stories and it was so frustrating to Daisy.

Daisy didn't know how to do anything other than take care of Calypso. It wasn't like she was trying to be difficult, but she just couldn't regress back into simply being a little kid again, being just Calypso's sister again. She didn't know how to step back and let anybody else take care of Calypso.

She liked playing parent anyway. Being a kid wasn't something that Daisy enjoyed.

Er...that was half true. Daisy mostly hated everything about being a kid.

But she was convinced that kids movies were the greatest thing ever.

Presently speaking, Daisy was sat on the couch watching Finding Nemo. It intrigued Daisy to watch so many kids movies she hadn't ever seen during her childhood, and it made her feel like she was keeping in touch with her innocence.

Kids movies always had a happy ending, and that made Daisy happy. It eased her anxiety, too, to know that she didn't have to worry about the climatic problem being solved. She knew everything would be perfect by the end of the movie, and all the characters would be happy. Daisy sort of wished real life was a kids movie, too.

While Daisy was entranced by the fish on the screen, Calypso was entranced with the city of Seattle.

The girl had her nose nearly pressed against the large glass window that spanned the living room, looking out onto a dark city with pinpoints of light everywhere she looked.

"I bet there are a billion people out there." Calypso spoke softly. "Or...or two billion people. I bet two billion people live in Seattle."

"There aren't even a billion people in the United States." Daisy pointed out to her little sister, Calypso frowning.

"Oh...a million then. I bet there are a million people in Seattle."

Daisy knew that was far from accurate, but she decided to keep quiet and let her sister continue to fantasize about the big big world.

"How many people do you think live in Seattle?" Calypso turned from the window to look over at her sister.

"Hmm, fifty."

Calypso grinned widely, shaking her head. "That's not possible. There are way more than fifty people here. There's, like...a billion."

Not a billion, Daisy corrected in her head. But she smiled anyway for her sister, turning her attention back to the TV screen.

Daisy was so interested in the clownfish trying to find his son and his sort of dumb blue fish friend. Daisy wondered if fish had feelings in real life.

"Caly." Mark spoke from the kitchen, holding up the week's newspaper as Calypso turned from the window.

The seven-year-old let out a loud groan. "I don't even need those anymore. 'Cause if you think about it, it's already May, and school is gonna be over in a month and then it'll be summer and nobody ever reads in the summer."

"Daisy reads in the summer."

"Because she knows how to read. And it's fun books too, not the newspaper. The newspaper is so boring, and...and I'm sick of reading about politicians. I don't even know what politicians are." Calypso spoke exasperatedly, tired of all these reading exercises and certainly tired of the newspaper.

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"Dirty people." Mark summed up the jist of it.

"Then they need to take a bath or something because I am sick of it." Calypso spoke firmly, making her opinion on the matter known.

Mark thumbed through pages, stopping when he saw an advertisement. "Look. They did a section on the puppies at the shelter. We can read that part."

Calypso did have to admit that she loved puppies, and she was sort of tempted. "Do I get to keep one of the puppies if I read a whole sentence by myself?"

"Uh...no."

Calypso frowned, turning back to press her nose against the glass window. "I quit reading. Reading is the stupidest ever."

"Just come read for five minutes, Calypso. It'll be over the sooner you come over here." Mark sighed. Trying to get the kid to do her reading exercises was like trying to teach a giraffe how to ice skate.

Calypso ignored Mark, deciding instead on letting her eyes scan the vast city outside of the window. Seattle was so pretty. Calypso wanted to stay in Seattle forever.

"Caly."

The girl's eyes felt heavy, and she was sleepy. She wanted to go to bed and not have to look at the fine print that made her head hurt. She would be so grumpy if she had to sit there and stutter over words for a few minutes.

"Caly." Mark tried his best to reason with the kid. "Why can't you come read for five minutes?"

"Because I'm tired, Dad." Calypso spoke firmly. "And I want to go to sleep."

Daisy wasn't interested in clownfish anymore as she turned to face Calypso, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What did you say?"

"I said I'm tired." Calypso realized her mistake, and was trying to play it off. She hadn't meant to say it, and she hoped Daisy wouldn't be mad at her.

"That's not what you said, what did you say?"

Daisy knew Calypso wasn't stupid, the girl knew what her big sister was referring to.

Calypso hesitated, staying quiet so as not to make Daisy upset.

"You have a dad." Daisy reminded in a not so nice tone as she snapped. "And you don't get to replace him just because it's convenient for you."

Calypso frowned, furrowing her eyebrows. She didn't think it was right that Daisy was being mean to her over a word she had accidentally said, over a man she had never even known. "You're not being fair, Daisy."

"I'm being more than fair. And I'm right." Daisy spoke firmly. "You don't get to pick and choose your family and act like Dad never existed."

"I'm not-"

"You are! You're acting like he's old news! You don't get to do that!"

Daisy was so sick of Calypso. Daisy was angry at how stupidly naive the girl was, how grossly attached she got to anybody she spent five minutes with.

Daisy was angry that the girl was willing to forget any notion of their father, to replace him and act as though he never existed.

Dad did everything for them. He would've done anything if the girls asked for it, he would've given them his last dying breaths if the situation called for it.

He did everything for them, and the notion that Calypso was willing to sweep him aside so easily made Daisy want to cry.

Daisy felt tears spring to her eyes, but not because she was sad. She was frustrated, and angry with her little sister. They were hot tears of fury, and it took everything for Daisy not to scream at Calypso.

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Calypso didn't seem to know what to do. She felt as though if she breathed the wrong way in this moment, Daisy would explode.

The girl hesitantly turned to Mark for help, not wanting to say the wrong thing.

Though Mark was scared to speak, too. This felt like a heavy situation, one that was to be kept between the two sisters. Mark was scared that if he tried to insert himself into a situation in which he had no right to do so, Daisy would snap at the man worse than she ever had before.

Mark was happy, though, about what Calypso had said. Even if it was an accident, Mark felt like things were moving in an incredibly positive direction. He hadn't been sure when the right time was to have a talk, but he was certain it was tonight.

Or...maybe it wasn't the right time to talk with Daisy. Maybe he'd wait until tomorrow when the girl had cooled down to talk with her about the court date that had been set.

But maybe he could pass the idea by Calypso tonight.

Things would be happy then, Mark decided. Things would go smoothly and everything would be set in stone.

But presently, things weren't happy. Things weren't going smoothly at all, and the fire behind Daisy's eyes as she stared at the man made Mark think maybe Daisy wouldn't want to stay at the apartment for good. Maybe she would pass him up on his offer.

Daisy's chest felt tight. She wasn't sure if she was angry, sad, annoyed, or all of the above.

Daisy was angry with Calypso. Daisy was angry that the girl was so quick to move on. She was envious that her sister was able to waddle about with no emotional baggage from past experiences. Though Daisy wouldn't ever forget her parents, she was envious in the way that Calypso didn't hold onto the past.

And Mark. Daisy was so angry with Mark.

Mark ruined everything.

Daisy couldn't stand being there a second longer with the people that were making her angrier than ever, and the girl retreated to her bedroom where she could vent her anger out in private.

Daisy decided she was done. If Mark wanted to be the parent, then Mark could be the parent. Daisy didn't care about being the protective one, about teaching Calypso all the little things there were to learn. Daisy didn't want to teach her anything.

Finding Nemo was long abandoned in the living room, and Daisy didn't care about finding out what the happy ending to it all was. Maybe the dad would die, and Nemo would forget about him completely. He would move on, and find some other stupid fish to be his father.

Daisy wasn't supposed to care, because she told herself taking care of Calypso didn't even matter anymore, but Daisy was peeved that Mark was taking over as the parent.

• • • •

Saturday was a slow day.

Saturdays were usually when Daisy went to psychiatry, but Dr. Sen was out of town for the week, and he had asked Daisy if she would be okay if her session was a few days later than usual.

Daisy had said yes, of course, because other than her paranoia, things hadn't been too bad.

But Daisy found herself in need of a session. Her anger that had pent up so deeply last night had subsided, but she still wanted to talk things out. She wanted to express her feelings to somebody and get it all out of her system.

Without her psychiatry session, Daisy found her Saturday dragging by so slowly, and she was left alone in the prison of her torturous thoughts.

Why was Calypso moving on so quickly? Why was she able to leave everything behind so much easier than Daisy was able to?

Calypso really didn't remember a single thing about their parents? There wasn't the smallest detail she could recall?

A quiet knock sounded out, and Daisy looked over from where she was laying in bed to see Calypso stood in the doorway. The girl looked a little nervous, as if she expected Daisy to still be harboring all of the anger she had built up from last night.

"Do you want to color with me?" Calypso's voice came out quiet. The girl couldn't stand the thought that Daisy was upset with her, and she wanted all to be right in the universe again. She thought maybe a good coloring session would make all things right in the universe.

Calypso sort of expected Daisy to shake her head no, or maybe even pick up yelling where she had left off last night.

Daisy merely nodded slowly, picking herself up off of her bed. She padded her way over to her little sister, and the two made their way down the hall to the youngest's bedroom.

Calypso's room was so cozy. She really had made the room her own with her scribbled drawings tacked all over the walls.

Perhaps that's why she had grown so comfortable so quickly. Daisy's room was still as blank as when she first arrived at the apartment nine months ago, the girl scared to actually decorate for fear they'd leave. Maybe decorating would help.

Calypso brought out her huge box of crayons, retrieving two blank pieces of paper and placing them on the wooden desk.

Calypso took a seat at the desk as Daisy pulled the chair in the corner of the room over, sitting down beside her sister.

Daisy debated what to draw. Calypso seemed to know her vision, immediately plucking up a bright blue crayon and beginning to sprawl lines across the paper.

Daisy decided maybe she would just draw a flower. Something tame and peaceful and pretty to take her mind off of everything.

Things were silent for a few moments, the only sound to be heard was that of crayons running over vastness of white paper.

Tension was thick as the two sisters sat side by side—almost touching, but not quite. There were silent thoughts brewing in the two brains.

"I'm sorry." Calypso spoke up first, her voice coming out quiet. "If I made you upset last night. I didn't mean to."

Daisy shook her head. "No, it's...it...I don't know why I was upset. It doesn't matter."

Calypso frowned at that, because it very clearly did matter, and the girl didn't want her sister hiding her sadness away.

"I get why you were upset. And...I'm really sorry I can't remember him." Calypso mumbled, noticing the way that Daisy's face contorted into sadness at the reminder that Dad was nothing more than a faraway memory for Calypso.

"He sounds really nice, when you talk about him." Calypso continued on. "And I wish I could remember him. Both of them. I try really hard to remember but I...I can't."

Daisy said nothing, her thoughts troubling her as her eyebrows knit together.

It wasn't Calypso's fault, of course. The brain was a very delicate thing, memories were a very delicate thing. Daisy knew it wasn't Calypso's fault that she couldn't remember her mother or father.

"I'm sorry. If I made you mad." Calypso apologized again. "And Mark's sorry too. He told me he felt bad, 'cause we talked last night after you went to bed."

"You talked?"

"Yeah. We talked about lots of things." Calypso confirmed as she slightly nodded. A tiny smile came onto the girl's face, one that spread deeper and deeper, her dimples popping out and everything. The girl looked genuinely happy, as if the thought pressing on her brain was a good one.

"Mark's going to adopt me."

Daisy wanted to tell Calypso to quit being so certain about that particular fact she had been speculating for months. Calypso was going to get her hopes up, and Daisy didn't want that devastation for her.

But Calypso's tone was firm, as if the words she had just spoken were set in stone and factual.

"What?"

"He said so. Last night." Calypso explained, that smile still stuck on her face, unable to be wiped off. "Or...I guess he didn't say so. He asked, if that was okay and if I wanted that, 'cause he has a court date set for August."

Daisy wanted to pretend like she didn't care, the girl nonchalantly making tiny scribbles on her paper as if her heart weren't beating fast.

"What...what did you say?"

Calypso looked at her sister quizzically, as if the proposed question weren't even a question. "I said yes."

Daisy swallowed hard. She was curious how she would play into all of this. How she would be incorporated. "What about me?"

"What do you mean?"

Daisy didn't want to be left alone. If Calypso was staying here forever, Daisy wanted to stay too. She knew she had been a handful for Mark, but she was under the impression that they were good. Would he really do that? Was he going to take Calypso and leave Daisy high and dry?

"What about me?" Daisy spoke again, her tone quivering pathetically. "Did he say anything about me?"

"Oh. Uh...no, I don't think so." Calypso frowned as she recalled the talk that was had last night. Daisy looked visibly distressed, and Calypso was confused. "Did he not talk with you about the court date?"

"No." Daisy's tone was approaching a whisper as her voice threatened to break, Calypso quickly scrambling to make things better.

"It's okay, though! 'Cause you know he's going to, he's probably just waiting to talk to you. He wouldn't just leave you, Daisy, you know that."

Daisy wasn't quite so sure, though. Daisy had been temperamental, and difficult. Mark had every right to not want to take Daisy in.

And these ticks too. The weird patterns and the paranoia and the tapping and the counting. Nobody wanted the kid with the weird quirks to stick around, and Daisy knew it too.

She felt a counting spell coming on as she sat there, placing her crayon down as she let her fingertips tap against the wooden desk.

Daisy didn't know what she would do if Calypso and her were separated. Daisy didn't know what she would do if she would have to sleep in the cold holding facility without her sister.

Daisy always swore by her independence, but she wanted to feel wanted. Daisy didn't want to leave and be swept aside.

"Daisy." Calypso spoke gently, watching her sister's consistent taps. "We'll be okay. I won't stay if he doesn't let you stay, okay? I promise we'll be together."

But Daisy knew Calypso was bound to resent her eventually. It was a perfect place, a perfect placement. And as could've been predicted, Daisy would screw it all up for Calypso yet again.

It was a system full of error, because whichever way you looked at it, somebody was bound to hate Daisy.

If Calypso left with Daisy, the girl would always hate her sister for tearing her away from a placement that had almost been so perfect.

If Calypso somehow convinced Mark to keep Daisy around too, he would just end up hating her. He would never actually want her around, and he would only grow annoyed by her presence.

Either way, Daisy hated Daisy. She hated the way she was able to mess everything up. She hated the way she couldn't ever just relax. She hated her stupid brain and her stupid quirks. Daisy hated everything about Daisy, and she herself was annoyed with the stupid obsessive- compulsive freak.

Daisy stood up from the small chair, taking a couple small steps to exit Calypso's room.

"Daisy?"

"I'm taking a walk."

Daisy's voice was firm as she spoke, the girl taking short steps down the hall.

Mark wasn't to be seen in the kitchen nor the living room. Maybe he was in his bedroom or something, but Daisy didn't care. She pulled the front door open, letting it close quietly behind her.

Daisy had to devise a plan. If Daisy was without Calypso, the girl was convinced she would actually die. She couldn't do it with her, Daisy needed Calypso around.

Daisy knew that knocking was the polite thing to do. Barging into somebody's home was an invasion of privacy, and it was never acceptable.

But Daisy felt fresh tears spring to her eyes and she knew she was bound to break down. There were people in the hallway walking by, and Daisy couldn't stand to wait moments alone in the hallway as people walked past and watched her cry.

Daisy's hand found the doorknob as she pushed the heavy oak door open.

Arizona and Callie were stood in the living room, packing things up into a cardboard box. They looked vaguely concerned that somebody had entered their home with no warning, and even more deeply concerned with how troubled Daisy looked.

"Can you guys adopt me?"

Arizona narrowed her eyes at the sudden question. "What?"

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