《Counting To Fifteen [Grey's Anatomy]》chapter thirty - a holding facility

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felt as though she could finally breathe again.

She had always technically been able to breathe, of course. Oxygen was an essential sustainment to human life.

But this was a different kind of feeling. Daisy could breathe, each inhalation was easy and relaxed. She wasn't constantly worried that she would get hurt, she didn't feel the need to check over her shoulder every waking moment.

Daisy was happy, and she felt at ease back at the holding facility. It wasn't as spacious as Mark's apartment of course, the girls had to share a small room with two twin beds. The rooms weren't as warm and cozy as Mark's apartment, there was always a cold draft circulating through.

Daisy didn't mind it though. She was comfortable, and she let a small smile take over her face as she let out a deep breath, laying back on the concrete-like mattress.

Daisy looked over to the opposite side of the room, frowning at the sight of her little sister curled up in bed facing the wall. It was nearly two o'clock in the afternoon, the six-year-old shouldn't be sleeping, she should be bouncing around.

Maybe she was just a little bummed out about having to leave. But Daisy knew that her sister would be fine after a couple days.

The thirteen-year-old got up from where she had been laying, making her way over to the few things that Calypso had unpacked from her suitcase. Daisy found the scribbled drawings that Calypso had made on top of all of her things.

Calypso usually took great pride in her coloring, working as hard as she could to stay within the lines.

These pictures were lousily colored though, different color scribbles all over the characters she was coloring, as if she decided to give up and take out all of her frustration on a coloring sheet.

"Your pictures are pretty." Daisy finally spoke up, clearing the stiff silence in the air as she attempted to cheer her little sister up. "We could hang them up on the wall, decorate the room a little bit."

"No thanks." Calypso's voice came out small, her words muffled by the thin, tattered blanket on the twin bed.

"Are you sure? Octavia probably has tape or thumbtacks in her office, I'm sure she wouldn't care if we-"

"I'm good, Daisy."

The tone of the little girl's voice made it very evident that she wanted to be left alone. As much as Daisy wanted to respect Calypso's space, she didn't want to leave the girl by herself. The holding facility would prove to be lonely and miserable if the girls didn't stick together.

"Can I sit?" Daisy asked after a moment.

Calypso remained silent, not responding to Daisy's request.

The girl did, however, pull her legs up to her chest, making room for her older sister. Daisy took that as a non-verbal invitation.

The older of the two girls pulled herself up onto the small twin-sized bed, letting her head rest back against the cold cinder block wall.

It had been a mentally and physically draining week for both of the girls. Daisy probably could've curled up right there with her sister and taken a cat-nap if it weren't for the panicky thoughts filling her head.

This was undoubtedly a good idea, Daisy was sure of it. She didn't regret taking the steps to ensure that the sisters were safe.

Her brain was still in a constant state of panic though, and Daisy wasn't sure why. Maybe it was fear of the future. They had safely overcome a placement, just to most likely be shoved into another within the next month.

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But that wasn't right now. Daisy had a tendency to worry too much about the future, that was a habit she desperately wanted to break. The future isn't something she needs to worry about right now.

Right now, it's just Daisy and Calypso, and that's all Daisy's ever needed.

"I think this is gonna be good for us." Daisy spoke up, a light smile playing on her lips. "I think we can make this room look happier, and...and it'll be really nice for us to not have to worry about placements right now."

Calypso grimaced, the expression having gone unnoticed by her sister. It was very evident that the sisters viewed the word placement to be two entirely different things on two opposite ends of the spectrum.

Calypso had always thought of placements as a good thing. An experience in which she got to meet new people and play family, even if it was for a brief period of time. The holding facility was such a lonely place, Calypso was very happy anytime she got to leave the bleak atmosphere to go to a placement.

But Daisy thought placements were the worst thing to have ever graced the planet. It's always unbearably awkward in the beginning, having to get past the whole introductory stage. And then comes the fear of what's going to happen. Having to constantly worry about if anyone's going to get hurt. Daisy was far more content with just sitting at the holding facility and taking care of Calypso herself.

"Do you think we'll ever find a placement?" Calypso asked, a combination of sadness and heavy exhaustion straining her voice.

"I don't know." Daisy answered truthfully. "But I mean...that's not the worst thing in the world, is it? I like getting to stay here and having some time to figure things out."

"But what if we just...stay here forever?" Calypso proposed the question. "What if we never find anybody? What...what do we even do after that?"

"We're not gonna be alone forever, Caly." Daisy chuckled lightly. "And even if we are, we won't be in the facility forever."

Calypso knew her sister was right, they wouldn't be at the facility for forever. The plan had always been that when Daisy turned eighteen, she would adopt Calypso herself and the girls would never have to deal with the stupid holding facility again.

But Daisy's eighteenth birthday was five long years away. Strangers can meet and get married within five years, newborns can become full children within five years, able to walk and talk completely. Five years ago, Calypso was one, and her parents were still alive. That made five years seem like forever ago, and Calypso couldn't stand waiting another five years.

"It feels like it's gonna be forever." Calypso mumbled out, keeping her eyes glued on the wall as the wheels in her head kept on turning.

Daisy desperately wanted to comfort her sister, but she wasn't quite sure what to do.

She tried to remember what her own mother used to do to comfort her. Mom used to comb through Daisy's hair with her fingers to ease the girl, and she always knew what to say.

Daisy was drawing a blank, genuinely speechless. She wasn't Calypso's mom, and she never would be. Daisy was far too clumsy and inexperienced to play the role of mother and give Calypso the comfort that she needed.

Silence was better than fumbling the ball and saying the wrong thing, Daisy supposed. Besides, Daisy was fairly positive that Calypso wasn't very happy with her over this whole situation anyway. Maybe it was better to just not say anything at all.

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A short, double-knock on the oak door made Daisy turn her head, the girl being met with the sight of her social worker.

"Can you come to my office so we can chat?" Octavia requested of the thirteen-year-old, Daisy immediately nodding as she pushed herself off of the bed.

"I'll be right back." Daisy assured her little sister, although Calypso didn't seem to care very much. The girl ignored her, and Daisy could only frown as she turned to exit the room, walking a bit until she reached Octavia's office.

The cork board hung on the wall behind Octavia's desk was cluttered with all sorts of papers, drawings in which the children placed under her supervision in foster care had drawn for the woman. A majority of the drawings were of Calypso's own artistic talents, and that made Daisy smile.

Octavia wasn't the girls' mother figure or anything. She wasn't an aunt, nor a big sister. They didn't consider each other family at all, and yet Daisy held a sort of love for Octavia that she couldn't quite describe.

Octavia cared deeply for the girls, and she worked hard to ensure they were comfortable wherever they were staying. Octavia cared deeply for the girls, and Daisy loved her for it.

Presently, Octavia was sat in a very serious manner behind her desk, her hands folded as she pursed her lips.

Daisy wasn't sure why, but the woman's body language made her nervous. She felt like she was about to get yelled at.

"Am...am I in trouble? I did something wrong, didn't I?"

"No, no, you didn't..." The woman sighed in response to Daisy's question. "You didn't do anything wrong. I just...I want to talk about everything."

"Okay..." Daisy nodded slowly, prompting the woman to continue.

"I had a chat with Calypso earlier, and I'm just a little confused." Octavia frowned. "I mean, she's describing that place as a heaven and you're describing it as a hell. I'm not quite understanding. Did he only hurt you? Or...or did he treat only you badly?"

Daisy hesitated a little. As much as she wanted to completely dissociate herself from Mark, she knew he could get in a lot of trouble if Daisy didn't tell the truth and clear Mark's name.

"I...I mean...he never technically hit me. And he was nice, it was just, um...towards the end, it just got a little scary." Daisy spoke quietly as she struggled to justify why she had called Octavia in the first place.

"It got scary?"

"He was yelling. I don't know, I just...I sort of thought he would lash out and...and..."

"So he never actually hit you?" Octavia clarified. Daisy found herself stuck again. She realized it sounded as though she was a liar, and she wasn't. She really had thought that Mark would hit her.

"I guess...not technically, no. But...but I swear he was going to if we stayed, that's why I called. He was going to."

"You can't..." Octavia trailed off as she sighed, tilting her head to the side as she looked at Daisy. "You can't call abuse on somebody just because you're scared, Daisy, that's not how it works."

Daisy felt her lips pull down in a frown, growing more defensive rather than upset. "I was protecting us."

"I don't think Calypso needed protecting." Octavia made the point, Daisy's brows creasing. "She loved it there. I mean...she even said that she felt given more time, Mark would've adopted you."

Daisy wasn't trying to be mean, but she couldn't help but let out a sharp laugh.

"Calypso also thinks that unicorns are real; I would take that with a grain of salt."

"I'm serious, Daisy. You guys had such a good placement, and you just..."

"I just messed it up?" Daisy guessed, figuring she knew exactly where the woman was going with her words.

"That's not what I said."

"But you were going to." Daisy's voice wavered. The girl cleared her throat to shake the emotion in her voice as her tone grew more accusatory. "That's what you were thinking, that's what you always think. It's always my fault when-"

"Daisy." Octavia interrupted the girl, shaking her head. "I'm not saying that it's your fault. All I'm saying is that I wish things had worked out, this seemed like a good placement."

Daisy agreed with half of that statement. It had been a relatively good placement, it wasn't bad. Daisy was just looking out for future scenarios.

But Daisy didn't agree with the other half of Octavia's statement. Daisy knew that Octavia secretly blamed the girl for what had transpired, she always did. It was always Daisy's fault that things went south.

"Next time I just shouldn't do anything then, right? I should just let him hurt us? Because I didn't call when Mr. Walter was hurting us, and...and it was my fault that we got hurt. But then I do call, and it's still my fault. How is that fair? Why...why do I have to-"

"Daisy." Octavia spoke gently, noting the emotion that was blatantly coming through via the tears in the girl's eyes. Daisy was frustrated. "It's not your fault, it's never been your fault. You did a good thing calling. We just need to figure out where to go from here with a placement."

Daisy didn't feel good. She felt guilty for something she had done to protect Calypso.

Daisy had upset Calypso, and she upset Mark, and she really upset Octavia. Daisy could see it written all over the woman's face.

She didn't know where to go from here. It seemed as if every move that Daisy made was the wrong one. Maybe she just shouldn't do anything anymore. Maybe she should just sit on the sidelines and go back to the way she used to be, the useless life she used to live.

And another placement? So soon? Daisy was sick of all the placements. Why couldn't they just stay at the facility forever with Octavia?

There was an eternal silence that stretched the small space between Octavia and Daisy. The middle-aged woman peered thoughtfully at Daisy, clearing her throat to slash through the silence.

"Calypso wants to go back."

"I don't want to go back." Daisy shook her head.

"And why not?"

"Because he...he yelled at me. He yelled at me, and...and he got angry."

"Because you left and walked around the city by yourself? I think I'd be angry too."

Daisy wanted to audibly groan; Calypso was such a tattletale. Octavia didn't need to know that tidbit of information.

Daisy wanted to stand right up and defend herself.

Mr. Walter was there with him! Mark was plotting to hurt us with Mr. Walter's help! I'm not crazy, I was protecting us! Mr. Walter was there, I saw him!

Daisy instead stayed silent, letting the fatal warmth of embarrassment take upon her cheeks.

"Calypso spoke wonderful things about Mark. The placement she described sounded perfect. Would it really be the worst thing to go back?"

Yes.

It would be the worst thing to go back, for Daisy at least.

Of course Calypso loved it there. Mark actually held conversations with her, and he tucked her in, and...and he read her bedtime stories.

Not that Daisy wanted bedtime stories read to her, that would be incredibly demeaning to the girl's self-proclaimed maturity.

But there wasn't any effort. He didn't care to pay attention to her in the way he did Calypso. Daisy tried not to care, but she did. She wished she could like Mark as much as her sister did, but she just didn't. He didn't care.

Besides...Daisy was pretty positive that Mark knew she had called Octavia. Who else would have gone out of their way to do such a thing? Daisy would be fatally embarrassed if Mark knew she had called CPS on him for yelling a little bit.

"I don't know." Daisy spoke softly. She was incredibly unsure about having to return to Mark's apartment. Calypso would be as happy as ever, but Daisy would go right back to feeling so guarded all the time. Placements were the worst.

Octavia pursed her lips. "We'll think about it. Or we can look for a new placement. Don't worry about it right now."

Daisy would try her best, but she knew how cruel her brain was. The only thing that the organ ever did was worry, plaguing her with thoughts of uncertainty 24/7.

Daisy would take solace in the cinder block walls for right now though, because as jail-like as the holding facility was, it felt the most like home to Daisy.

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