Hi! I'm that girl who always seems so happy and hyper, well I'm not...

I hide... I hide behind a smile so that I don't have reveal my true self for many, many reasons...

I'm not one to talk about my problems, I'm actually considering going mute but still, and I also don't want people to think of me as a "poor pitiful me person", because I'm not, and here's why...

Yes, I have been bullied, physically bullied, mentally bullied, cyber bullied, you name it, basically anything you can think of, but you... you get used to it after a while.

Yes, I am thankful for shelter and food, especially food, I'm quite skinny due to my high metabolism, but I do eat a lot, stress eating.

I guess I should get on with my story now...

Well, it all started when I was in grade 4, before then I was a straight-A student, perfect grades on every report card (I'm sorry I really don't like bragging but I'm telling the truth) anyways, on the first day of 4th grade there was this new girl, let's call her Friend1, Friend1 and I quickly became best friends, because I was always a new girls' first friend, I was... kinda, desperate for new friends, then she met these two other girls, let's call them Bully1 and Bully2, they made a new group and actually called themselves "The Y.O.L.O Chicks" they would say rude things about me whenever I came over to talk to my one and only friend, they would say things like: "Oh, great, here comes (my name)" and they would roll their eyes, or they would say: "Why are you friends with that loser? Come on, you deserve better." I felt so alone, eventually they broke apart due to Bully1 moving schools and I was so happy to finally get my friend back.

Then there was this other girl, let's call her Friend2, she was honestly the meanest girl I've ever met, but yet knowing the kind heart I have I felt bad for her because she bullied everyone and nobody liked her, so I let her join me and Friend1, we became a trio, yeah... literally the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life, she tried to steal Friend1 from me and she was the only friend I had, eventually she succeeded and I was alone again...

A week later she started calling me VERY rude and inappropriate words that I would rather not say because younger people may be reading this, eventually more people would start to join in and it turned to physical, I would get stabbed with pencils in French class and they would tell me I was worthless, this one day I got in a really bad fight because I got tired of them and stood up for myself, they punched me in the stomach, I had been in a few more fights after that, I went to the bathroom and cried, my teacher had to come and find me to make sure I didn't run away or something, I told her everything but of course, nothing happened, things at home were horrible as well, I was physically and mentally abused by my dad, he slapped me and insulted me almost everyday, this one day my mom told me she had to go for surgery and she was gone for 4 days, I was left with my dad and my little sister and my little brother, it was a nightmare, then another day my mom was in a car accident and she spent the night at the hospital, I ran next door to my grandma's that night without telling my dad, which just gave him another reason for him to yell at me.

I sat alone and cried every single recess, in fact I almost failed grade 4, my mom eventually had a parent-teacher interview and my teacher literally said to my mom "I think your child may have early-childhood depression." after she came home she told me and she thought it was all just an act for attention, she told me to "Stop acting like your depressed, you're making me look like a bad mother." my mom isn't the bad parent though, it's my dad, thankfully my mom and dad separated and now they're going through a custody battle.

I get cyber bullied on Instagram a lot, before I moved schools I would post pictures of myself sometimes and I would get mean comments on them, so I took them down and decided to never post a picture of myself ever again, I still haven't to this day and it's been what... 3 years?

I eventually turned to self harm but my mom still doesn't know about it, this went on until grade 7, I finally told my mom I was being bullied and I moved schools, my first day was horrible, I was already anti-social to begin with so I really just wanted to get it over with, when I got home my mom asked me if this school was going to work for me and I told her no, she just said "Well, you'll have to deal with it because you're not changing schools again." I understood that and accepted it, we are fairly poor so I don't ask my mom for much.

I only have one friend at my old school, she was new also, she came when I was in grade 6 and I tell her everything, she is my best friend out of everyone, I haven't seen her in a long time and I cry sometimes when I miss her.

I kept attending that school and I ended up loving it, turns out one of my friends from my junior kindergarten year is in that school too, I was only in that school for one year which was junior kindergarten, this is my third school, anyways, he has similar problems as me so I find him a good friend to talk to, of course I have other friends to talk to as well, I feel like I have a place now and I'm not just a loner wasting space, I still have trouble with my grades though, I'm now in grade 8 and the custody battle has been going on for almost 2 years now, it's finally coming to an end though, yes!

I still do self harm, it's quite addicting, if you are reading this and you've never self harmed before but are considering it, I'm just telling you, DON'T, it just makes things worse and leaves you with scars that remind you of your past, it becomes addicting, yes, I have considered suicide and yes, I have attempted it, twice.

The first time I tried to starve myself, I didn't eat for about 3 days and my mom asked why I wasn't eating dinner, I either threw my lunch out at school or I offered it to someone else, eventually I gave in and I started eating again, my mom and dad were still together at that time but if course, my dad didn't notice and he probably wouldn't care either.

The second time I jumped off the roof of my house when I was home alone, I ended up with a sprained ankle and a minor concussion, my mom asked me how this happened and I told her I was playing outside and I was balancing on the walls of our sandbox and I tripped and fell.

I also used to get bullied for liking My Little Pony (I'm 13) shoutout to all bronies and pegasisters out there xD, also because I like anime and Pokémon and Yu Gi-Oh, but the majority of my friends do too so I'm not too bothered about it, anyways...

I also found out about 3 months ago that I'm bisexual, I started liking a girl in my class and I've only told my closest friends, I don't want a lot of people knowing, ESPECIALLY, the girl I like.

Recently I had an anxiety attack in gym, which I have quite often (my first one was in grade 1 due to family issues) my teacher decided to set me up with a counsellor, I've had one before and it does not help me, at all, so I talked to her and I took this survey that she handed me, she told me I have generalized anxiety, I already knew this and it's actually worse than she thinks, she also talks to my brother, though he's a drama queen, he thinks he has the worse life ever because he's the middle child and because he has ADHD, my favourite singer has ADHD (Avril Lavigne) and so does my step-dad, my brother has to take pills because of it, he also has to take anti-depressant pills because he's more open about being suicidal than I am, I actually have a lot of weight that I have to carry on my shoulders because I'm the oldest, and since I'm over 12 I have to go through processes in family court, but I'd rather not get into that.

I have an older brother too, though I rarely see him, he's my half-brother, we have the same dad but a different mom, he's literally my brother-from-another-mother, sometimes I miss him, I barely recognize him anymore, he turned 20 in September, he's too much like my dad, and frankly he's the only sibling I will actually hug.

I tried calling kids help phone once but my phone was out of service at the time, I just gave up on my hopes and decided not to talk about my problems.

I've realized over the years that suicide... it isn't worth it, there are people all around you that love you and care about you, even if you don't realize it at first, if you are ever feeling suicidal just remember that many people love you and it would break their hearts if they lost you, and that I care, even though you most likely don't know me, I care about everybody and I'm always here for anybody, if you ever need anyone to talk to or you need advice, I'm here, you can just private message me @AbiGames13, because I've mostly been through it all, and even as I'm writing this I'm shaking, I hate talking about my problems and I hate crying in front of people, it's just my personality, I guess it's because my dad made me feel like I had to build of wall of toughness around me and to never show emotion, ever.

If you need an escape from reality try finding a passion you love, I have many passions like, music, photography, weather, acting, singing, I'm also a dancer, and I love playing piano, all of these things make me very happy and take some of the pain away for some time.

There's more I could add to this story but I choose not to.

I'm sorry this story is so long, and that it doesn't have a happy ending as bullying is everywhere and is still happening to me, I can't wait for high school! (Not really...)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and I'd like to give a big thanks to JBKantt for creating this book and allowing us to share our stories and open up to new people :)