Pardon my english, the punctuation and the grammer but Ill try my best to tell my story.

Im natively from Honduras, I was born and raised there until I was 6 but Im mixed, my dad is Puertorican and well let's just say physically and mentaly I'm a lot more different than my Hondurian side of the family so I hope that clarifies a bit why I have really bad time trying to explain a bit of my story and getting back to it. I was really loved by all my family, there friends and my friends and everything actually changed at the age of 6 I had to go to the US 'cause my parents decided it was the best decision for me and my feature. I wasnt skinny or obese, I was avarage and had the correct weight for my age, height and body mass.

I came to the united states, was transfered to a new school and everything was OK until I got to my 6th grade vacations. I got slightly over weight and the problems didnt actually start at school... They started at home.

I had a very strong personality, my family made me that way since my father wasnt the best person in the world, my mother suffered a lot and well that affected me in a variety of ways so I drowned out my sorrows by eating. I was eleven if I remember well and was starting to go to fisical and emotional changes and well eating sweets made me happy and nobody started to have a problem with it until one of my brothers (Im the youngest, the only girl and I have 3 brothers... all four of us have different fathers. 2 of them have a father in common, 1 of them have a different father and theres also my dad so my mom didnt have good luck with men and etc) he noticed I was getting chubby and started calling me names like Milo (Short abbreviation for a thousand pounds), gorda (fatty) and Tinki (my favorite cartoon out of the teletubies that I used to watch when I was little.

Thats when it all started, as time passed by all of them started to verbally harras me with nicknames and since I was starting puberty the insecurity kicked in and I started changing. First my personality did a 90 degree change; I wasnt my naturally happy, optimistic self... I was more lonesome, pessimistic, quiet and shy and I really started caring a lot on what people said so as soon as I got so insecure about me getting a few more kilos Imade a complete wardrobe change for things to help me cover my body, to help cover up the changes.. I used sweaters, lose shirts and sticked to jeans and dark colors.

When I was 12 they made the decision to go bach to Honduras and stay for a few years, we stayed for 5.

I was very curvylinear at the age of 14 or so I was told, I wasnt as fat as I saw myself to be or was told but as soon as people at school cought on to my change and insecurities... They helped to build up more, they started verbally harrasing me but I didnt go to an adult for help or told any of the teachers... I would just drown it out in music and never pay attention, nobody really got near fisically harrasing me since they knew that if my dad found out he would definitely sew them or the howl entire school but I wasnt really the kind to want too stand out or cause any problem, so I would just stay quiet and not pay attention to anybody or anything... But the words hurt then and they still hurt now, I tried suicide a lot of times but sometimes I was to weak or even sometimes I just didn't succeed

When I was 16 they decided to send me back here so I could study and not forget my already shitty english, I was in 10th grade. Nobody bullied me but we use to joke a lot and a guy started joking abouy me and my body, as I told you I wasnt fat but I was the average and people still consider being average fat so he would call me fatty or joke how my body was and thought I would laugh and smile, everything hurt and everything wasn't good at home since I was still called names and such... I did have good friends but I never dared to talk about myself, never dared to show them how fragile I actually was. I would help give out advice to people who I noticed we're as broken as I was and help them out, and as Ironic as it sounds... I couldnt even help myself out of my own hell.

I didnt have any fisical scars but I had a lot of scars stored under my skin, saved and locked in my heart and soul... From those who failed to be with my true thick and thin, from those who told me they loved me but didn't really feel such and important word...

There is one specific date that I would never forget, when everything just broke down and even I did since I could'nt take anything anymore.

August 8, 2015

To this date I'm 17, I still have a lot of insecurities and mi family is still on the roll with verbal Harrasment, though my mom has helped me get through a lot of this.. But I still have a lot more trust issues and insecurities as before.

We were having a family trip to enjoy the last days of summer. My two brothers, both of there wifes, all of my nephews (7 in Totall), one cousin, his wife and there 3 children and some of the families freinds went to this amusement park which had a beach beside it.

The oldest brother (which I'll call BRO1) and my cousin (COUSIN1) had a thing for drinking so they bought two 8 packs of Heinikens (beer) and a bottle of Gray Goose Vodka. The second brother (BRO2) wasn't happy about it but didn't say anything and we all went to the beach each carrying something since we cooked something before actually going and COUSIN1 and his oldest son (BOY1) we're carrying the cooler which was packed with water bottles, soda cans and juice packs for the kids and in another small cooler they carried the beers, everything was pretty much great and we set everything down. Me and BRO1 had a problem a week before and Ive always been the type that if you don't talk to me I won't talk to you, but I thought we were ok since he talked to me that day

I just know that everything ended in my drunk Brother BRO1 insulting me the whole entire day, me trying too ignore it until I couldn't take it no more and told him to leave me alone, him punching me and then Him and BRO2 ending in a full on fight.

Thats just how messed up everything is with my family...