In the first grade I started going to a public school. I had been in a Catholic pre-school since 1 years old and it was hard. I'm very open minded and optomistic so easily I made really good friends that I still have today, but as fast as you can make friends, you can make enemies. There was this one person who always made backhanded comments and would talk shit about me to my friends, so eventually my only friends were these 2 boys. Don't ask me how but we all knew about crazy shit in 1st year so people would call me a lesbian IN THE 1ST GRADE! These friends stayed by me of course but the instant I pretended it want happening THEY pretended like it wasn't happening. It was like this for a while from 1st-4th grade, my mom actually always came home to a year-stained daughter and was sick of it so she called the principal and said what was happening.

This girl was telling me grown ass stuff like "I bet you'll be a prostatute in a few years" and stuff like that

This girl had taken EVERYTHING that meant anything from me. My self-esteem my self-love, my confidence, my sense of goodness. The only thing I ever got to keep was my sense of humor.

So once she stopped I was in the 5th grade (I know this is dragging on) and I was always afraid of people for maybe a month before I became myself again.

Then my mom started, she would judge me and just break down everything I ever built back up from this little girl she wouldn't listen to my side if I got a 100% it could've been a 101% if I want my hair in a braid it could've been a ponytail if I want to look in a mirror I'm self-absorb I have too many guy friends, I'm always complaining, why couldn't she have a son?

Little stuff

Well the summer before 7th grade I got a letter inviting me to study in Australia and I was estatic my mom shot the idea down saying I wasn't cute enough to be kidnapped but you never know or I wasn't as smart as the other kids.

That's when I started cutting my wrist

When she noticed she smacked me and ripped out some of my hair

Thus beginning a beanie addiction

Well the summer before 8th grade was spent in tears because that was the summer of the Austrailia trip, I had met someone going on that trip who was the most amazing person ever he was my best friend and now he's my boyfriend.

But he didn't stop the cutting

So I started talking to a camera

Not literally

I started doing YouTube and it literally saved my life voicing everything and seeing myself be myself and seeing each thumbs up it was the best feeling and it made me feel wanted.

You made me feel wanted

And I couldn't ask for anything better.