My bully is my mom. This is really hard for me to talk about. I don't think she knows entirely the effect her words have on me. I have never felt at home in my house. My parents weren't the hands on parents they should have been. I've been alone my whole life. I've raised myself, taught mysel right from wrong, picked myself up when I fell, clothed, bathed, fed myself for almost 18 years now. Loneliness is the worst feeling I have ever felt. I have cried enough to fill an ocean and am honestly shocked I haven't drowned in my own tears.

My mother is not nice. But she isn't mean either. She's strict while not being strict at the same time. Her words are harsh and dig deep scars with every letter. We fight constantly and she is always yelling about how I don't act like part of the family. The thing she doesn't see is I'm not. I have never felt like I was made welcome from her. I have never felt like I could run to her for help. So I never have. I am in my house because I have no choice right now. The only thing I regret is that we have such a bad relationship. My mother has broken my heart and stomped on the pieces more time than I can remember. I don't remember love I remember pain.

She has this way of making me see and feel the worst of myself. I feel worthless and unwanted every time she talks to me. Every fight ends in me sayin something I don't mean and always leaves me crying shut in my room for hours if not the whole night.

I'm not sharing this to get pity because I don't want it. But I know there are kids out there in the world with the same/worse home situation than mine and I want them feel heard and understood. I don't want them to be alone like I am.