Growing up I never really cared what I looked like or what my weight was, but none of us really cared when we were younger either. Going into middle school was a big change, new classmates, new teachers, new friends. I remember literally skipping into the classroom the first day of school as happy as can be. I had decorated my locker into a glittering mess. Something that would stop you dead in your tracks.

Anyways the first few days were fine, nothing special had really happened. But one day I came to school and normally I sit in the second row and there was a group of boys that always sit together by the window still and they kept glancing towards me. First I dismissed it as just boys being boys but then it would happen every day, followed by laughter and pointing. They would start whispering and little did they know I could still hear.

" fat ", " ugly", " stupid ". Those were the words they used mostly, I remember trying to fight back tears in class, trying to focus on the lesson.

Eventually I went to tell my parents and they had told me to stand up for myself and it's exactly what I did the next day. I had told them to stop but it backfired on me when one of them mimicked me in this high pitched voice then turning around to laugh with his group. It was the worst feeling in the world, to go to school then come home to bickering parents.

I began to look in the mirror more often, checking my weight every single day. I wore sweatshirts and jeans every day no matter if it was summer or winter, I had never left the house except for school. It had gone to a point if someone other than my friends and family saw my face I would be utterly embarrassed. So I had begun skipping school Desprete to escape those boys who picked on me. I didn't understand what I ever did to them, I didn't understand what I did to deserve this. Because no matter how much makeup I put on, how much I starved myself to be skinny it continued.

Every time we got passed this form for schools with mental disabilities everyone would pass theirs to be saying that I needed them. The bathroom had become my escape to cry during lunch, my friends were asking why I never talked to them anymore. Why I was so confined. But when I tried to speak nothing came out, I had built a wall around myself. I couldn't sleep because every night I would get nightmares reminding me of the things I had did to myself while grieving which I rather not mention.

I didn't want to complain though because i know I should be grateful that I am offered food and shelter. That kids around the world who have to travel miles for water would gladly switch places with me.

I can't say it ended because I'm still working on that but I hope someone can relate to me and find comfort that they are not alone. Please do not include my name/username I would like to stay unknown.