It started in preschool.I was the chubby kid in the back of the class and always keep quiet.While recess,I was playing with my guy friend on the seesaw but this girl wants the see saw so she push me off.I cried and told my teacher about it and I moved to a different school.

Second grade,this girl hates me soo much and I don't even know why.She called me "ugly" "fat" "worthless" and she always gets the attention of my best friend (who is not my friend anymore) and she said she was her best friend and not me.I didn't tell anybody because Im afraid it can only get worst.I was happy when I she transfer schools.

Fourth grade to Fifth grade.This guy bullies me emotionally.He always told me I was worthless and fat and black (I am not black,Im just really tan back then) He told lies about me,He told the class that I got a crush on this guy but its not even true.I cried when I couldn't take it any longer but I only cry silently.I told my teacher about it but he only lecture him but he didn't stop until he move out of school.Yes I have friends but they didn't know I was being bullied they thought it was just a joke but it really hurts.

Sixth grade,I met a guy who I was friends with in the first grade and we became really close until he said he loves me and I love him back but we were not official because we are still young.I was happy and hopeful but when I had an accident (Im fine now.) The lights fall on me and I inhale the powder inside the light so I couldn't breath well.He helped me but I taught I was happy until...he said he couldn't love me anymore.I was confuse yet hurt.My first love/crush just broke my heart.I didn't sit next to him the next day and when I look at him and he look at me I just lost it and broke down.I look up to him all I saw was worry and sorrow.I hug my friend and lie to them about how I really feel.He heard it and he didn't do anything.Then I started cutting,eating less and read more.He saw me cut and said why would I do it.I look at him with a smile and tears and said.

"Whats the point of me living if I always end up getting hurt."

He took the scissors out of my grasp and said. "Your family needs you,your mother needs you.If you die everyone will feel bad.Everyone wants you happy"

We grew apart and he started hating me,calling me names but I still remember what he said to me when he saw me cut.

"You're too beautiful for this"

Seventh grade.The 'populars' are always on the spotlight,they bully other people and when the person their bulliying said they are bullies,the populars said it was a joke.But to us people it was a sick joke.I look at the girls of the populars,they have high grades (sometimes they cheat) they have skinny bodies and amazing gorgeous hair,they have iphones (I don't really care about those materials),they have a wardrobe like fashionistas.They were the teacher's pets.I look at myself,big thighs,baggy shirt,pimples (its normal),oily face,fat,and messy wavy hair.But I learn to like them but there is this feeling that I don't understand.Was it guilt?Hatred? Pain?

This girl I hated was in that group but I don't wanna mess with her.She was beautiful,she has a boyfriend.She teases me alot.All of them except the others.It got worst after I discovered my father has another family.

It crushed me

It hurts me

It bothers me

Pain.

I skip meals sometimes.I didn't eat at lunch.I eat less until my grandma notice it and force me to eat more.I look at the mirror and saw a really hideous girl staring back at me.I was fat,worthless,dumb and weak.I hold it in.I don't want anyone to know.I saw on facebook that I should fake a smile.And I did.

I told my mom about it,my best friend,and my uncle and they said just ignore them.

Till this day,I still skip meals and cut secretly and the scars are unnoticeable.Why should I care about others opinion on me?

This is sociaty where people say be yourself and they still judge you.

I look at my self in the mirror and said.

"You are strong,you are confident,you are you,you are beutiful"

I started drawing sad imagies but its very complicated soo my family wouldn't understand it.I notice how I didn't cut anymore,I didn't care about their opinion on me.They might think Im snobbish and stuck up but I know myself than anything.

I feel like I am in a fairytale,I was soo young and soo fair.Until I see reality and I realize how it broke me.