So um hey I guess, -sighs- here's my story, apologies if it's too long

Second grade

I was one of the youngest students, actually the youngest in my class, maybe a year or two difference, (7 years) while the rest were 8 or 9. I didn't realize a few of my classmates disliked me just because I spent a day in pre-k and was in first grade the next day ( my pre-k teacher said I was too advanced and my age was giving me an unnecessary disadvantage with the school system).

I remember one guy in my class liked me, let's call him "bully 1", he used to do stupid stuff to try grab my attention like call me names, take my pencils and stuff, ya know the way small immature kids showed interest. Then idk it escalated to physical bullying, where he'd grab me by my collar and pin me to the wall, I used to feel so small and weak specially when he'd lift me up my feet.The worst was when this one time, he got punished and had to stay in and I had to finish up my work or something like that, and our teacher went out to do something.

Anyway he just started calling me names and I ignored him. That was a mistake, next thing I know he's tackled me to the ground ( he was one of the strongest and tallest kids in our grade) and straddled me, he just looked like a giant to a mini me, then I felt his hand slip up my skirt,groping me...there... and whimpers left my mouth immediately.

I mean I was a kid, I doubt I knew what sexual harassment was I just knew it felt wrong and deep in my gut I felt sick. I tried getting away which earned me a few painful punches and slaps, by some miracle our teacher came back just when he started pulling my panties down. My teacher informed my parents and I got counseling from the guidance counselor

Sixth grade

I was getting bullied but didn't realize it. My "friend" used to be one of those really pretty girls and I was, well I was pretty too just a bit overweight and still the "nerdy kid" who thought she was the shit cause she spent a day in a grade the rest spent a year in, but I never thought that for one second. She used to manipulate me emotionally because she knew it'd hurt, lots of my classmates hated me because I used to get top in class always and the teachers liked me. They would verbally abuse me, words like "you're ugly", "I'll rearrange your face", "you think you are what? you are nothing but fugly", "nobody even likes you" or "do you think anyone cares about you?".

She'd say terrible things behind my back yet deny them and defend me infront of my other classmates. I won't lie, I was spineless at that time, I was the smart kid whose parents never really showed or payed enough attention and love to. I wanted to feel wanted. I-I-I- I just wanted to feel love like I saw the other kids get.

One day this "friend" of mine blamed me for some rumor she sparked and then there was this mob that was ready to hit me, I remember crying quietly as I hid in the teachers desk, hearing them shout and scream obscenities and insults,through the locked classroom door( I managed to lock myself in) someone even threatened me with a scissors. I couldn't take it and covered my eyes pleading for them to stop. No one knew about the bullying, not even my parents though I guess the teacher somewhat knew but never had legitimate evidence. I had no friends after that. It was everyone against the "smartass bitch", I felt complete isolation.

Ninth grade

You'd think changing schools and entering high school would bring a change right? Wrong. Somehow my past life in middle school caught up with me and bit me in the ass, how? remember "bully 1"? somehow we ended up in the same school and within minutes I was known as "bitch freak" with a couple of more words I can't say without crying. I became secluded and lost all faith in the world to be honest. I was a dead man walking so to speak. literally

One time my gym teacher sent me to the storage room to get a couple of baseball bats, and guess what? "bully 1" had to assist me. My classmates started jeering and mocking me, shouting out obscene things, to my surprise "bully 1" barely said a thing as we walked to the room. I got in first eager to be done with this task when I heard the door slam and lock, "bully 1" had locked him and I in. Oh shit? yes oh shit is right. He didn't say anything as he approached me and I started backing away in fear, but it was pretty hopeless with the wall behind me preventing my escape.

Those were the worst minutes of my life, spent pleading, begging, crying and choking in my own fear as he pinned me to the wall, groping and touching me everywhere... everywhere. Then afterwards he threatened me and cut me on my arm with a small knife. That became the first time of many days when I went downhill, I became depressed, lost sleep, began self-harming and contemplating suicide. I lost my will to live and it soon got to the point where I couldn't care if I got hit by a car or not, all the while I still got hit and shoved by my other classmates and molested by "bully 1"

I'd love to say things changed, that they stopped. But I stopped lying to myself long back or having hope. Nobody wants me, or will ever want me. I'm the trash everybody likes to use and discard, the mistake my parents can't keep up with, the invisible shit living amongst you. Just worthless and weak, unable to help myself. I'm sorry for wasting your time with this, but I had to say this to someone before I did away with myself. Remember to be yourself, even if you aren't appreciated.