My life was perfect .. Until my cousin died in a car crash ... I remember the funeral walking up to her lifeless dead body laying in the casket bringing tears into my eyes. I reached up to her hand and chills went up my spine then said "I promise I'll be nice to my sisters , I'll never forget you I love you " . I kissed her head and walked away knowing I'd never see her again.

The funeral ended and we all headed out side , I followed my family to where we were going to burry her. My Dad handed me a white rose and I went up to the coffin and threw it down onto the coffin . The men in black started to lift her down and I sobbed into my dads chest , knowing that things will never be the same.

A couple days later , I headed back to school where things took a turn for the worst. You see, I being the positive person used to think that everyone liked Me, sadly I was wrong .

These boys came up to me at lunch ,"Hey , Hold your tounge and say Apple" said one of the boys . I thought they were being funny so I did it "as whole" they laughed and I just thought they were trying to be my friends right?

Time went on , I went home and got a phone call from a guy pretending to be my best friend at the time. " if you come back to school I'll kill you" .

I dropped the phone and the message finally got through my head.. I was being bullied.

Sixth grade :was the year my life fell apart.My uncle and cat died which were two horrible things that happens that year.. And the bullying got worse..

I would walk into school and "popular guys" would come up to Me and say "Ewe" "fat ass! " , skank ! "... "kill yourself ".

At first I ignored ignored it but, as time progressed it only got worse ..

I stopted eating .. I went from 140 pounds to 100 .. I was broken yet no one noticed the pain behind my mask..

Seventh grade :came home one day and saw my Facebook was hacked.. People sked me

"are you lesbian? " and Etc . I had no idea what was going on .. Until I clicked on my page ..

Just walked out of the closet

Time :20 minutes ago

Who was to see me naked I'll pay

20 minutes ago

I told people that the person who posted this wasn't me and obvidly I like men . I have nothing against gays or lesbians at all .. And no one believed me.

I ran to my mother crying , broken about what has happens .

Time passed , I found my cat dead on my sisters bed.. And that broke my heart ..

The bullying continued and I felt numb

So I took it out on myself.

I began to cut at age twelve , the pain was so releving that I felt happy. My friends found out and were pissed, my teacher did as well and turned me in . I hated her so much for it but she saved my life...

I remember seeing my mom in tears and thought to myself I need to stop .. But how?

The same year I started to get abused, by this boy I loved he would hit , bite, punch and scratch me making my life a living hell, I thought he'd change he never did .

Freshman Year: I entered highschool . Around October I began to get bullied again , and I ended up relapsing . Two years clean all gone to waste .. I thought of myself as a monster .

Then one day I opened up, I was sitting in band when this guy awnsered the phone and told me to go to guidance. Later he asked me why then , I told him in private.

He became my rock , and he kept me going through my rough times . Later that year I met someone and fell in love.

For the first time in a very long time I was happy . He treated me like a Princess , and he was my knight and shinning armor.

Everything was fine for two months, we went to prom together , we kissed , we had so many adventures I thought he was the one!

I was so wrong

**May 29th 2013**

This Date haunts me

I remember going up to my boyfriend of two and a half months then saying I love you, kissing him goodbye as I headed to my moms car.

Everything was fine , until we arivied at her work event .

Babe we need to talk .

My heart stopted as I read that sentence , I replied .

What's up babe? :)

I think we should see other people , I'm sorry .

My world came crashing down, the one person who kept me happy , safe , and loved left me .

I cried, I screamed, I was in so much pain . "Hello?" he awnsered his phone , " Why? I needed you." I sobbed then I hung up.

I found out later that he cheated on me, left me cause I self harm , and that if we were to do anything it be All my fault .

He broke my heart, I don't know if I could ever feel that way again for anyone.

Sophomore year :The year went by pretty good at first till around January . I started to get bullied again but I didn't cut.

And my band director and I grew close, anyways he found and was pissed from my two friends. I was called down to the princible and had to explain everything.

My life WS hell, but the on march I got up and sang warrior by Demi Lovato who, saved my life.

When I sang that song.. I got a standing ovation .People who barley knew me, cried, were in tears made me think . maybe I am alive for a reason .

Made me happy that I stayed .. I learned that maybe just maybe people really do vate .

My friends turned against me and I fell apart , but I learned who my true friends were .

Maybe junior year will be the best year ever!

....

I was so wrong .

Junior Year: Around October my band director got sick , and he went out for weeks, months it happens last year as well .. No band or chorus teach

Around November my principle came in then said that he was retiring. .

My heart stopred , the man who saved me was leaving . People around my cried while I was numb .

I missed him .

But we got a band director and chior teacher so things were ok.

Around January I reunited with my band director. I was so happy, I missed him terribly but he changed.

I went to play my Baritone messed up , and he told me " I wasn't going to get in , I suck and should even go for it." . My confedince level dropped .

The man who I loved, looked up too , broke my heart . And you know what, I didn't get in and I'm still sad for it.

But things started to get worse

A month later around March I fell in love .

He was so sweet , kind , and loving..

**Flashback too freshman year**

Auditioning was a nightmare, and I saw this tall guy with brown hair and glasses looking at me.

We started to talk and became best friends, I watched him go through relationships and was always there for him.

We fell for ecother , and when he got a girlfriend I let him go .

I mean he can't still like me right?

** march 2015**

The Variety show was in a few days , I was nervous then he texted me out of the blue .

We talked for days and I began to fall let my guard down. Then he asked me for nudes... I let him..

He said I was beautiful , incredible . he didn't want a relationship at the moment just fun .

And you know what I did? I let him see all of me . I fell hard, variety show came and I made a plan to go up to him during my song .

I did and then after I had a panic attack , during intetrmisson my best friend made me go up to him.

He blushed said I did good then he told her she was so beautiful . Ouch.

Later at the after party he flirted with a bunch of girls in front of me breaking my heart into pieces.

I went home and after all I went through this year .. I cried then an old habit came back. Cutting.

But then things got better, I found a boyfriend, made new friends , got my license and became stronger.

My life hasn't been easy but, I'm here for a reason . To not only share my story but, make a diffrence in someone's life.

Cause staying is so worth it.