Okay, this might not count, and it certainly will sound stupid.I bully myself. There you go. I don't know when it started, but it hasn't stopped. It's not like it's just non-stop. Okay, so, people insult me all the time, normally I don't care, but sometimes something in my brain triggers and I start torturing myself, mostly name calling. But then I start hurting myself so that I'll forget it. I don't know, I know it's me, but I truly don't get why I hate myself so much.I don't tell people ear to me because I don't want them to worry.I do talk about it to my psychologist, I'm being tested for any mental disorders. The only thing I openly dare say is that I feel "bad". The only two who care don't understand it and others think I'm melodramatic. I might be.Every time I feel really happy people start judging me, I become childish and it looks like I'm high. I've never even been high. After a while of judging I can't take it and I start telling myself I'm idiotic, arrogant,... after that the voice fades away. Then I feel like an empty shell, it feels like some sort of reset/coping mechanism. I become more observant but I won't care for anything, not in a dramatic way, I will just not care, then I become "normal" again.And it all comes full circle.Best way to describe it all, "tiring", so so tiring. I'm tired.