I have experienced bullies since I was 5. First I was always being hitted by someone that I totally respect, and it keep affecting my behaviours and my personalities. I'm a talkative person, but still a sulker, I'm not clever, or pretty. I messed up everything! When I was in the kindergarden, I played swing. And out of nowhere, a girl pushed me, caused my head hitted the ground hard, and my nose bled. When she saw me crying, she ran over, crying too, and told everyone I had a fight with her.

Pre-school. The stage where I knew boy's behaviours. And for the girl, she ended up in a same pre-school as me. She started the bullies, all again. When I thought I have enough, I told my mother, and she met the teacher. Yes, she told them to take care of me. She called me 'Baby', "Coward", and she spread rumours about me.Fortunately, the school has ended.

Primary School: The most important change. I didn't knew why this particular pupils has problems with me. Since I stepped into the class, she stared at me in disgust. She stole whatever I had, my money, stationeries. I don't have friends, but every time it's recess, the popular girls rounded me up and snatched away my food. I couldn't fought them because:

-They are the daughters of the rich people

-They are the daughters of the teachers in the school

One day, when I was 9, my class was at the third floor, the girl that I mentioned earlier pushed me from the stairs. Lucky her, I got away uninjured. She always said this,"( my real name ), I wonder. 2 years ago you beated everyone to be number one in the class. Now, why your marks are off the charts?"

Hurt, I responded, "That because of you, bitch." There's satisfication when I said this. My family, not a normal family. My parents were always fight, and it depressed me.

Every day for 6 years, I always met my caunselors. They're nice.

12 years is the point. In 6 months, I will face the most important examination.

And yet, another troublemaker. He knew about where my mother came from, and always called names and make fun of it. I wanted so badly to tell my mother, but then, she will make a comparison between me, and my sister. My sister is a clever and pretty girl that worth dying for.

Then I had enough. I told my teacher, and he stopped. Well, just for 2 months. There's more I want to write, all the bullies, cuts, that I experienced, but then, I don't want anyone to pity at me. I'm just another invisible, useless girl that ever born.

Everyone despises me. I ended up crying at my caunselors. Becaused of my examination and me, stressed and depressed, they took the case to my discipline teacher. As a thougt, I lose the case. And the teacher said that it was my fault. I cried my eyes out from the office, nearly bumped into my headmistress.

"( my real name ), I knew your sister" and I just like, URGH! What the helll?! Why on Earth everyone keep talking about my sister?!

She seems like noticed the tenses.

"Don't worry about him. I'll talk to his mother. Now off you go to your class, study hard and continue your sister's legacy!"

I realizes that the jerk was not in the class. After 30 minutes, he came, he held his hand. "My mother wants to see you." he state it calmly.

"NO!!" I objected, but he kept persuaded me. And he gave up. He walked away.

I took a deep breath, which was interrupted by a high pitched voice. OH MY GOD!! IT'S THE FREAKIN' TEACHER!!

She cursed me, she spilled all her anger at me.

"Look at you, pathetic. You know that when you make( his name ) met with the discipline, his father will beat him up when he gets home!"

I thought, he deserves it,right? If she can't control her own son, don't blame the others for her mistakes.

"If you keep troubling people, it's better if you wasn't born at all!" Okay, that tore my heart open. She left, and me, shaking till the core, crying silently and none of them bothered to comfort me. even the teacher's voica can be heard by all of Year 6's students, none of them came.

Since that, I unofficially changed my name. i wanted to run from my identity. Firstly, I called myself ...................................................

I choose a religious school, a famous one, so that I can avoid all of this. since the incident, I write stories, day dreaming, wishes fantasies come real. I wish i have super powers so I can defend myself!

It went smoothly. Then, I always sleep at classes, I had bad tempers, easy to make me pissed off.

They all isolated me, and some of them spread rumours, called me names, and pranked me. They said I'm a freak, just because I called myself ................................................

As I said, I want to run from the true me. I'm afraid of myself. I'm a phatethic, failure, stupid, ugly, fat and dangerously hyper active+ tomboy-ish. They always told me to keep distance from boys, but they're the one who broke it. Don't blame me, though.

I heard they accused me for stealing, which a crime that I didn't do and commit. They tortured me mentally and physically. They kills me slowly from the inside.

Finally, I make a wrong, bad move. Because of that, I got kicked out from our hostel, and became an outsider.Before that, the seniors torture me, pushed me until my edge. When I waited for my trial, I became anxious. Because I sat near the door, every footsteps I heard make my heart pound. And house never be a heaven for me. My grades keep failling, now they all knew why. After that mistake, they came to me, soothed me. For a while, I felt love.

Present day= Age 14.

I have a crush. But then, he confess that he fall in love with my friend. I'm totally shattered. Boys and girls are the same. They keep teasing me. "Arie loves ( his name )"

and more.

I suffered from traumatic past event ( amnesia ) and I accidentally switched my friend's names.

That's a nightmare.

Recently I realizes that someone I totally love will switch school, but he loves my dorm mate. Another disaster. And, I still love the guy that love my friend. He's cute ( yucks! )

I just get my papers 2 weeks earlier, and the bullies became worst because I, the freak girl, childish, daydream, fantasy can beat the first class students that are pretty, clever, polite ( proper girl ) for being the only student in my batch that got A for English. And even worst, me, the girl who always sleep in classes ( habits ;) ) mostly History, can answer a question that even they who paid 450% attention can't answer but I answered it fluently. And I'm the highest among my classmates.

There's a girl, she always pick up a fight with me, checked my History paper, and said that there's a question that teacher marked it wrong. I checked it, and she, pissed off.

"You want the teacher to go right? So you can be the highest?!"

I responded, irritated with her.

"What's wrong? I can meet teacher during recess." I spotted the mistake and walked towards her. You see, I'm not an ordinary girl. My walking style is just like the queen, arrogant. Meh -_- Let me live my life!

After she corrected it, I smiled triumphly towards her.

I know this might be the most boring ever story, because I'm not interested to write about reality, even about myself. I loves fantasy. that's the only way I can escapes this cruel world, my identity, my family.

When I write this, I'm halfway through the holiday. I'm going back to the bullies this Sunday and my homeworks are not yet done. Thanks to the torture.

I make a suprise for them. The wardens accepted my submission form to stay at the hostel! And the bullies starts, and my grade fails me. I've got an F, D, C's. Maybe they were right. I'm a complete failure.

I'll be good as dead if my parent's know.

maybe you thought, 'Oh, you're not as worst as the others!' Yeah, try my shoes for a day and tell me how it feels. For a while, because of my class is located at the fourth level, the highest, I always stare at the corridor, imagining myself sit, jump, feel the ground embraces me.

I tried, once.

But my frenemies pulled me.

If you hate me, why don't you let me dead?

Sorry if its too long, or uninteresting.

But I hope that they stop it. It's been 8 years, maybe more, and my amnesia makes me forgot last year silibus ( topics )

I'm as good as dead. bullies, heartbreakers. I hate them, they despises me. maybe you don't understand. Maybe.

i hope I'm not alone in this world. 'Loners.' they called me. 'Arrogant.'

"Slut, Whore, Pathetic, Stupid, Failure"

For records, I think the world fails me. I afraid of myself, that's why I changed name (Unofficially)

Because I'm afraid of the temptation. I'm afraid if I can't resist it, maybe one day I'll accomplish it. Jump.

I want someone to love me, help me. Seems like none of my friend does. They kicked me out. They said I'm not suitable for their 'girly' conversations. You know what? I hate gossips ( no offends )

Thanks for spend some of your time reading my uninteresting story. I hope that you'll never EVER try self harm. But, I tried. And it ended up with stitches. 9 stitches.

Your compliments are appreciated