I was never really bullied as severely as most people in this book. I still was though.

It started in preschool, actually. At first, I had a few friends, we were all naive and oblivious to the bad people in the world. My memory back then is a little fuzzy, but I can remember the one girl. All the teachers loved her because she was so 'sweet' and 'nice'. I'm not sure how she got this back then, but she called people names. The person she liked to pick on most was my best friend, but I was much too shy to say anything. I could barely lift my eyes off of the floor to look at anyone. She began picking on me as well, taking my toys and throwing them to the ground. It wasn't a big deal then, though. I barely noticed.

The next time I was bullied was Kindergarten. The school I was at was a blue ribbon school, best elementary school in the district. The fifth graders were horrible, though. Even when I was in Kindergarten, I was ignored by some people, afraid of everyone, and I still didn't have a concept of friend. I usually just sat in the corner and talked to them, thinking they were nice, but they just sort of ignored me. The fifth graders were much too direct. They called me names. I got upset when they just called me something minor, like 'shrimp'. They laughed at my height. I was really short back then and they found it hilarious. I was still naïve, so I guess it wasn't in horrible.

For the rest of my elementary school, I found a few great friends. They never were mean to me and if I hadn't moved, I'm confident I'd still be friends. Some of the really nice fifth graders started inviting me to play kickball with them. I'm so grateful, they helped increase my confidence a lot (although I was still the same around strangers outside the school). However, that was the time when the cliques and popular kids began coming around. I hung out with them, having been friends with them in first or second grade. After a while, I realized they were almost ignoring me. My personality wasn't fun enough to fit in. I still hung out with my best friend, messing around, having fun.

In the summer after fourth grade, I moved. I came to a new school, new people, I knew nobody, since it was fifth grade and everyone had established friends. The town was a bit smaller, so not a lot of people moved and came to the school. Luckily for me, I loved horses. That got me someone to talk to right away. Quickly, she introduced me to all of her friends, but I figured out they were sort of popular. I still didn't fit quite in. Occasionally, I talked to them, but normally I just walked around the playground, alone. Sometimes I played the kickball they had there, but once people stopped, I was alone again. Eventually, I began talking to guys and found another girl to talk to. She was really mean, and it was pretty bad. She bullied me, and that's probably why I don't have that many friends right now.

I told her who I "liked", actually just saying someone random to get her off of my back, and that was a horrible decision. I think she told all of her friends.

Now it's middle school. 6th and 7th grade, I didn't have too many friends. I was pretty lonely, until I met someone near the end of seventh grade. I hang out with her and she's great, but because I'm going to a different high school, we'll be separated. Some of my friends that are guys (people I met in 8th grade and have only gotten closer to since) are going there, and since the school is of academic excellence, I think there will be less teasing and you can hang out wi anyone without being judged. I hope high school will be better.

So basically, my whole life, I've been ignored at school and I only recently realized how lonely it is to not have friends. Good thing I still have someone to stick to.

Middle school has hardened me. I would have never been able to bring myself to submit this in fifth grade. Now I have a lot more confidence and can make friends better now. A skill I've learned is how to completely suppress, not just hide my emotions, but I don't really think that brings any fun to life. Just laugh, and try your best not to be depressed. Life is much better that way.

Sorry about just ranting about my life. I'm not great at writing about myself. Well, that's about it. 👍