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"You know I was actually catfishing you, right?"

Sona was in shock. She looked at Aksith's face who looked anything but comfortable as she continued staring at him. They were in his car now, both in the backseat. Somehow everything felt cold to Sona, the air she was breathing, the handle she was clutching and even her throat was dry.

"I am Vedika. . . . " he mumbled again. "Are you not mad, Sona?"

"Stop lying," she said, in her mind all the conversations she had about Abhay to Vedika was circling. All the time she had ranted to him about her. She knew Vedika before Aksith and they even became good friends. And now Vedika was not a 'she' but a 'he'? That too Aksith who was pretending to be her online?

"I am not," he sighed, thrusting his phone towards her. It was ThePenPlaza app. His username was TheSoul. He was clearly Vedika.

She felt her breathing going haywire, her heart was clenching and the next second she punched him right on his head.

"Ouch!" he winced.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" she punched him again and again. "Aksith you piece of shit! How could you? Why?"

Aksith caught both her arms, she was practically sitting on him as she glared into his amber eyes. He gulped, she glared more.

"I-I am sorry," he stuttered. "I didn't know it would make you so angry?"

"I thought you were a girl!" she screeched. "I talked to you about my periods!"

"You still talk to me about your periods!" he defended himself.

"That's not the point!" she shrieked.

She narrowed her eyes, her fists clenched as he held onto her wrists. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked into his eyes, trying to decipher him. Trying to decipher his emotions. But she couldn't. She had never realised that Aksith was so good at being silent when he was hurting.

"Sona," he called her out hesitantly.

She bursted into tears.

"Sona?" Now he panicked, he let go of her wrist and touched her shoulders instead. "Sona? Oh my god, Sona I am so sorry —Hey, don't cry, I don't know what to do!"

"Y-You still d-don't know how to handle a c-crying person," she hiccupped her words out as tears rolled down her cheek. Aksith hesitantly touched her face, wiping them away. She clutched on his collar, burying her face in his chest and he froze.

"Sona?"

She didn't say anything and neither did she move, slowly he relaxed and put his arms around her. All she could think about was how much she'd hurt him. How much he might've cried because of her. All that just made her cry harder.

"I'll always be with you," she mumbled.

His heart was beating fast, Sona could hear it. Her fingers curled around his cotton shirt and she felt the warmness of his body. Resting her eyes shut she was washed with overwhelming emotions.

"Aksith?" she softly said when he didn't respond.

"I want to tell you something, Sona," he sounded scared. "T-That's why I am here."

"You aren't here because of my book signing?" her bottom lip slightly pushed out as she moved out of his chest. He gave her a soft smile.

"Of course that is the main reason," he patted her head.

She bit her lip, her eyes moving away from his face. "Did you talk to Tarni?"

His heart beat just accelerated more under Sona's palm, he was anything but calm but in her eyes he looked like a placid lake.

"Yeah," he licked his lower lip. "Yeah, I did."

She waited for him to speak but he wasn't looking at her anymore.

"I read the letter," her words shattered the silence.

Aksith gulped, his cheeks red. "I-I see."

"Aksith," she said, her voice hoarse. "Why Aksith?"

Why so late? Why did you never tell me? Why did you suffer so long on your own? Why? Why? Why? There were so many why's she wanted answers to.

"I don't deserve you, Sona," he whispered.

"Shut up!" she yelled at him, immediately raged by his words. "Who gives you the right to tell me if I deserve you or not? Or anyone else for that matter?"

He pursed his lips, reluctant to make eye contact, but she held his face in her hands and made him look at her. Her eyes were still wet and soon Aksith's eyes were turning red too.

"I-I did something bad, Sona," he said, his voice breaking. "That's why I don't deserve you."

Her lips twisted in perplexation, she didn't wait for him to continue as she spoke. "You have no right to tell me that, okay?" she sounded angry and angry she was. "Aksith, if you've liked me for so long. . . why did you never tell me? Did you think I would think bad of you? That you were trying to show interest in Tarni just because you liked me? I would never think that because I know that's not true. . . "

"Sona," he held her hand that was still on his face. "I might've not liked Tarni about the half of how much I've liked you."

Her heartbeat stopped. "Why did you never tell me?"

He looked away again.

"Don't tell me some friendship excuse!" she said. "It's not going to work okay? Tarni would never feel bad if you liked me and neither would our friendship be destroyed! She was always the one bugging me to get together with you since college days!"

He didn't respond.

"Say something, Aksith!"

He gulped, taking her hands he moved them away and with much courage he started speaking. Slowly, little by little Sona saw Aksith peel of his layers. Slowly and slowly he started talking truthfully.

"You remember when my dad died?" he whispered ruefully. "Do you remember how I didn't talk to anyone else but you? Why was it Sona? Because you weren't like others, constantly looking at me with pitiful eyes. You treated me just like Aksith without caring if I had a dad anymore or not."

"And the time when I was having a hard time coping up. You always checked up on me didn't you? Just like you always did."

"And Sona, the times when I was also failing my classes because of it. You were always there to hold me up when I was falling."

"That poem, I wrote it in my darkest times, Sona," he smiled with difficulty. "It was the darkest time of my life and the only light I saw was you and even if it's something sad or heart breaking it's the best way I could describe my love for you in words. I don't know how long I've felt that or how long I will keep feeling it, but all I know is that now it is a habit."

"Aksith. . . ." a sob racked through her chest.

"Sona," he coaxed her softly as tears streamed down his face, "I really love you so much that I wouldn't mind seeing you with someone else. Because your happiness is what matters more."

"Shut up!" she weakly muttered as she pressed her fingers on his fingers. "Shut up."

She could feel his mouth curving up under her skin, he took her hand and kissed the inside of her palm and then her wrist and then its side.

"I never told you. . . " he said, his voice shaking. "I never told you because I am the reason you never got Abhay's letter, Sona."

"What?" her eyes were blank.

He took a deep breathe. "T-This is not how I wanted to say it," he chuckled in self-depreciation. "But the letter Abhay gave you, I took it. Why? Because I was selfish. I wanted you all to myself, Sona. And when his letter came in I saw it before you and I took it and then I saw you cry for days because of him. You know how much guilt ate me up? But I bore it because after what I did, after I saw you cry like that I realised how much of an asshole I was. But then I never got the courage to tell you, Sona, because I was so scared you would leave me. Even as a friend. How could I live?"

"Aksith. . . " her voice reflected her pain. She couldn't believe what he was saying. She tried searching in his eyes for any sense of lies but she gave up. Even if he was lying, even if he was telling the truth, how would she know?

"Look into my eyes, Sona," he said moving his face closer. "I am not lying. I am not."

Her expressionless face cracked, she started crying again. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. This Aksith was the same person who held her when she cried, even though he knew what she was crying for. If he would have never taken the letter how much heartbreak could she have saved? How much tears could she have saved?

"Don't look at me like that," he pleaded, his amber eyes glassy. "Please."

Not only had he being there for her when she was in love with another person, he was also the reason for her tears. He was the reason she was scared of Abhay breaking her heart again. Even if she told herself she was over it, it didn't mean her tears were nothing, was it? Will she let her 18 year old self forgive Aksith? No. But the now Sona. The now Sona couldn't hold a grunge against him even if he wasn't her best friend. She felt so conflicted, so hurt, especially when her older self resurfaced within her.

"You can hate me, Sona," he said, his voice sounding like he was already accepting the worst from her "You can hate me all you want but not forever, okay?"

She blinked, not understanding what should she even tell him when she was confused herself. "I was so heart broken that time Aksith."

"I know," he whispered. "I hate myself for that Sona. I hate myself so much."

"I-I can't," she chocked on her tears. "I can't even hate you."

"Don't cry for me," he rubbed her cheek with his thumb. But she only cried more.

The next second was too blurry for her, as his face faded with her tears and he whispered his apologise she felt him kiss her forehead and then his lips grazed passed hers so softly that she barely felt it.

"I am sorry," he said, as if he was apologising for kissing her. "I am so sorry, Sona. I always was and I always will be."

He passed her an old letter.

🦋🦋🦋

Sona's head was aching, as she sat in the passenger seat with her head on the dashboard all her tears had dried off. Aksith was still in the driver's seat, quiet and unmoved as if he didn't exist. She could've walked away, could've decided she didn't want to face him now but all her energy had dried off. She didn't have the power to even move.

"I'll drop you home," he said so quietly, she didn't even nod but he started the car.

When they reached home they were silent for a while. Aksith was about to open the car door when someone knocked on the window. He paused in his movements, glancing at Sona as he clicked the door open.

Sona feebly looked up, standing by Aksith's car was none other than Abhay.

"Sona?" he frowned, looking at both of them. He came to her side and opened the door, all she could do was get down with swollen eyes.

"What's wrong?" he touched her face lightly, his dark eyes setting on Aksith in a fierce glare.

He in return didn't say anything but purse his lips. He got into the car again but Abhay stopped him.

"What did you do?" he rolled his tongue inside his cheek. "I told you to stay away, didn't I?"

"And I should listen to you, why?" Aksith rolled his eyes and he came to their side.

Sona felt another head aching coming, she clutched on her arm with her head down as she leaned on the car.

"You know what you did," Abhay scoffed. "Don't try to act like a good friend."

"You are just being jealous," he said, his eyes weak but his voice strong. "Jealously doesn't suit you Abhay."

Abhay clenched his fist, taking Sona's wrist he pulled her to his side. "Don't keep her around for too long next time, or else. . . ." there was clear threat in his voice.

"Stop it, Abhay," she mumbled to him.

"Or else what?" Aksith taunted as he crossed his arms. "I don't listen to you. When it comes to Sona it is her only who I listen to."

Abhay scoffed again. "Sona's matter is mine matter."

"Why? Who are you to her?"

"Something you'll never be!" he gritted out.

"Stop it!" Sona yelled more forcefully. "Shut up, both of you!"

Both the men just glared at each other.

"Sona," Abhay turned to her. "He's the reason you never got my letter. I always—"

Sona thrust his letter into his face, her eyes still red. "He told me, okay? He told me already by himself."

His eyes widened, his lips parting as he stared at it and then at Aksith who was now all quiet.

"Also," she wrenched her arm out of his hold. "You don't get to come in my matters like that, Abhay! Not in this or in another. You can't tell me who I should hang out with or which of my poem should and shouldn't be published!"

He flinched from his tone but a layer of guilt marred his face.

"And you," she turned towards Aksith as she continued to yell. "You don't get to decide who deserves me and who doesn't. You don't get to keep me in the dark for so long!"

With that she walked away from both of them. Inside she realised that it didn't matter who it was who would hurt her. Her best friend or her best friend's brother. It didn't matter if it was unintentional or a mistake. It didn't matter if they wanted best for her either, or if they even loved her. Hurting was a part of it. An inescapable part of it.

She understood that heartbreak was inevitable when it came to love. And she had to face it all by herself. She couldn't run away from it. After all, heart break was only felt when the closest person to you hurt you.

aksith or abhay?⇒

i cried while i wrote this lol and then i fell asleep.

want another wtf moment? or should i end the book hahaha?

if you've read this far and still not followed me wtf 🥺🤚