《Butterfly Hearts ✔》05 | I am sorry
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Two days had already passed in a breeze, not entirely a pleasant one. Sona had spent her days hiding from Abhay, so miserably was the time that and all she wanted to do was lock herself in the small hotel room, away from the bitter cold that encaged her outside.
What more, Tarni was acting weird but she knew exactly why. Sona had never confronted her after her outburst regarding her diary. And that was the reason why she still felt no comfort when she hugged the book close to her heart.
"What am I doing. . . . " she almost singed her tongue as she sipped her coffee, her gaze dropping on her diary.
"Hey, Sona," someone slide into the seat opposite to her and she wasn't surprised to find it was Aksith. He was carrying a plate of South India breakfast he had brought from the buffet as he warmed himself on the seat.
"Hey," she mumbled, poking the hole in the table cloth with her pen.
"Is that all you are going to eat?"
She pursed her lips not liking his tone at all. Sona felt so disorganised after blurting out her biggest secret to him, she felt so unsettled like there were ants crawling on her skin. She left like a part of her was stark naked to him, so vulnerable to him and she couldn't even hid it.
Aksith's amber eyes narrowed down to her face, he saw the dark circles under her eyes and sighed. "Sona, I will not tell anyone. You know my secret and I know yours."
She let out a sigh and nodded. Yes, she did know his secret--- he liked Tarni. And he knew hers--- that she was desperately in love with Abhay. Why did she still feel she had more to lose?
"You remember what I told you, don't you?" he asked.
She blinked, zipping up her jacket as she looked at the smile forming on Aksith's face. He tried to hide it but he failed miserably. "You have to find a reason to talk to him."
Sona's face turned red. "What stupid reason, if you say so yourself, can I give?"
He clicked his tongue, rubbing his chin as he stared hard in the distance.
"You are staring at Sakshi from section J and also making her feel extremely uncomfortable," Sona chirped.
"W-What?" he dragged his eyes back to the girl who was sitting in front of him, her lips pulled up in laughter as his ears turned warm under the muffler he wore. "Anyways," he cleared his throat. "As I was saying, you need to talk to him."
"And how will I do that, mister?" she raised her eyebrows.
"Tarni!" he exclaimed rather proudly. "You are closer to him than you think."
Sona's teasing look immediately melted into a sad one. "No," she pushed away the half empty coffee cup, "I won't use her like that."
"Technically it's not using----"
"No," she relented strongly, her brown eyes now blazing. "I will not even talk about him to her. Not even a bit."
Aksith who was in midway of giving her a fist bump awed in defeat.
"That reminds me," she closed her eyes. "I have to talk to her."
🦋🦋🦋
Alas, Sona had forgotten it was going to snow, the cloudy sky covering every ray of morning light and the harsh wind slashing her skin reminded her to grab an extra jacket. She looked funny, covering from head to toe in wool. In fact, she had covered her nose too, but not so much that she couldn't breath in this already unbreathable atmosphere.
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She was texting Vedika, her online friend as she made her way towards the hotel garden. The internet was so poor that it took a minute for her message to get sent, in the end she just put her phone away after a goodbye. Her brown eyes fell on the group of students that were huddled behind the breakfast benches, laughter ringing as Bollywood music vibrated in the icy air.
Sona huffed, wondering if listening to Chikni Chamali early in the morning was suppose to energise her. She saw Aksith preaching on the table, his eyes glued to his phone but when his friend poked him on his shoulder his eyes fell on her direction and he waved at her. Sona gave a timid wave back but she didn't walk in his direction, in fact her feet took her to Tarni who was the centre of attention in between the people surrounding her.
"Aksith, teri wali hai na?"
She heard a boy whistle and her face turned crimson, her eyes widened at the teasing. She acted like she didn't hear them. Aksith on the other hand smacked his friend on his head rather loudly as he rolled his eyes.
"Shut up."
Tarni was singing rather joyfully with Priya and Khushi, holding her fists into imaginary microphones as the boys laughed at them. Sona wrapped her arms around her body, she didn't really feel comfortable with boys. Especially the only who would tease or laugh with no reason. Abhay never did that.
"Tarni," she swore she said her name so softly but then why was everyone looking at her? Her face turned red, her eyes dropping low to see her knee length boots.
"Ha, Sona?" her best friend jerked her neck to get the hair out of her face, she pushed through the people and made her way towards her.
"Umm. . . ." Sona stuttered. "Let's go," she pulled her far away from the prying eyes of the people. They stood under a tree, at the other end of the garden and their classmates went their own way.
"What happened?" Tarni asked, "Are you not feeling well? Do you still have a cold?"
Sona scrunched her eyebrows in frustration and pursed her lips, she didn't like the tone she was talking to her in. "I am sorry," she sighed out the words.
Tarni dropped her façade faster than a racing car. "You should be," she scowled.
As Sona looked at her best friend she realised she had many things to be sorry for. "I am really sorry," she said again. "It's just that--- I don't like it here. I always take more puffs than I should because its so cold here."
Tarni's scowl immediately fell. "Sona. . ." she held her shoulder. "I am sorry too. Maybe I shouldn't have pestered you to come."
"No, it's okay," she looked away.
"You probably hate it here."
"Not really," she rubbed her red nose. "Aksith keeps me company sometimes."
"Fuck! I am sorry!" Tarni flared her arms and hugged her. "I didn't mean to abandon you!"
Sona snorted at her choice of words. "Come, on Tarni you know I don't expect you to spend every living second on your life with me."
"Thank you," she broke away from her, flickering her short hair out of her eyes. "I would've thought you are obsessed with me."
"You wish," she rolled her eyes.
And just like that everything was okay between them.
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when pieces of pieces,
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when pain of pain,
echo through me
i still stay the same.
when you bleed me out,
when you numb me cold
i break down
i break down
you've damaged my soul.
as even in the darkest of times
when i wish i ceased to exist.
i wait for you
i wait for you
you give me a purpose
even if it's pain.
and i am looking at the moon again
wishing it would heal me
what a fool i am
to still search for love
to still search for love.
"Sona!" Tarni yelled out among the music that was blasting of the Bluetooth speaker. She was still jumping and dancing to the song as she waved at her best friend, successfully diverting her attention back from her phone. "Video!"
Sona knew what to do, she went off her poetry app to her camera and started recording a video of them dancing, laughing at how silly they were acting. Sometimes Sona thought how exciting it would be if she could dance too, run and jump like every other person did. Her asthma never let her do that.
"Sona?"
"Ha?" she turned her head and almost fell down on her butt as she saw Abhay standing behind her with his hands in his pocket. She was panicking again, her lips parting in fright as she saw him walking closer. He was already so close! Why was he walking closer?
"W-What?" she shut her mouth immediately before she spoke something she regretted.
"Come," he held her hand out and her eyes bulged out of her sockets. When Abhay noticed she wasn't making a move he withdrew his hand and rubbed his neck instead.
It was too late when Sona realised the video she was making had completely turned into another angle and was now recording the snow ground. She put her phone back into her pocket and stood up with shaky legs. She almost stumbled because her the numbness from sitting too long and that landed her straight into Abhay's arms.
"U-Umm," her face was on fire and she moved away from him in lightening speed. His cologne was making her dizzy, standing so close to him was making her dizzy, touching him was making her dizzy.
When she saw him walking away without a word she followed awkwardly, her heart in her mouth.
"Are you okay?" he raised one of his eyebrow when he saw her red face.
Sona nodded her head rapidly, as if if she did it any slower he wouldn't believe her.
"How are you?" he cleared his throat, "Are you following the instructions the doctor gave you?"
"Yes," she chewed on her lip as she felt gazes on them. She wanted to run away and her legs were so ready for that.
"I heard," he paused and frowned, "That a guy named Aksith liked Tarni?"
Her eyes widened in disbelief but her heart had calmed down a little bit. Was this why he wanted to talk? To go all protective brother mode. Sona's eyes moved towards the dancing crowd and she spotted Aksith at the end of the garden. His amber eyes clashed with hers and his mouth was wide open. He gave her a thumbs up and winked at her, a teasing smile on his face.
Sona gritted her teeth, if only he knew how much of a big trouble he was in and that she was saving his arse right now.
"N-No."
"No?" he sounded very sceptical.
"We were just joking that day!" she said speedily remembering how she told Abhay she didn't like him. She winced at the incident and at the ordeal she was in now, wondering how more awkward things would get. She still wanted to runaway.
He was still frowning, not really believing her words and Sona cracked her knuckles. "You are lying."
"I am not!" she almost shouted, many heads turned towards her and she hid inside her coat. "Sorry" she whispered, looking at her boots submerged in the snow.
"Sona," he dragged her name in warning. "Be careful of him. Boys are not what you think they are."
At this she frowned, realising he was warning her to be careful of Aksith too. "He isn't like that."
"Guys don't have good intentions," he continued, his voice deeper than usual.
"Are you saying you don't have good intentions either?" she snapped at him and immediately slapped her mouth.
Abhay looked taken aback, his dark eyes filled with surprise at her outburst. "Sona. . . ."
"Sorry," she waved her hands rapidly, "Sorry, sorry. I-I didn't me---"
"Sona, Sona, Sona," he held her hands that she wouldn't stop waving. It was making him dizzy. Her gloved hands were clasped into his and she just turned redder by the second.
"I am sorry, okay?" he said, feeling a little flustered. "I am sorry I came off as rude. But Sona, you are already 18, you have to learn how to take care of yourself, na?"
She pouted at him, her eyes stinging at his words. "I take care of myself," her words were soft like the snow under their feet.
"You know that's bullshit," she flinched from his words. "Tell me truthfully, are you taking care of yourself properly?"
She shook her head slowly, still sulking at being scolded. She moved her hands from his tight grip and clenched her coat instead, biting her lip.
"Tell me, am I saying anything wrong? What I am saying is for your good, right?"
Sona nodded slowly, she didn't like how he was treating her like a kid. Her nose was stuffy and she rubbed it harshly. "Don't treat me like a child."
"Well, you act like one. How am I suppose to treat you differently?"
Suddenly she was fuelled with angry and she looked straight into his dark eyes, a scowl on her face. "Treat me like you always do na! Like I am invisible!"
She ran away from him, just like her legs wanted to leaving him dumbfounded.
Hey guysss.
I thought since my exams were over I would be energized to write but that's not happening :(
I've been feeling low for no reason. Fretting over my decisions, future and what not. I feel my writing is gone shit? Idk, I couldn't get myself to write and I didn't like what I wrote. Probably because I've been comparing myself to other writers🙄👌
idk i feel like i can't write romance?? like idkk wtf but its so hard to write romance. much harder than i thought that's why i have a subgenre always. i don't think BH has a subgenre and i am trying to write a full fledged romance but idk how i am doing?
Hopefully I will come out of it sooonnn!!!
Anyways I wanted to ask about something. When it comes to title of stories. Most of them are very standard. Like, they are of words that would come to your mind. Like, Her Roommate, His girl. idk. Those kind? And similar ones. Honestly the non-poetic ones.
I wondered if my book titles were kinda more poetic. And idk that could be one of the reason that doesn't attract audience.
My titles are poetic because well, they are inspired from sound lyrics. Fragmented Clouds. Not a standard name or even close to algorithm.
What do you think?
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