(TW! death mentioned)

Your grandmother

You don't remember much about her

You remember her eyes

They were the same color as yours

Her smile

Her laugh

Her amazing yet awful fashion sense

But most importantly

You remember her funeral

At least you think you do

You remember the morning

Your mother woke you up with tears in her eyes

She told you "Grandma just passed away"

There's a gap in time

Then you're in a car

In a dress or maybe a sweater

You remember resting against the window

The glass is cold and you're hoping

Praying even that this is all just some very sick joke

Maybe even a ploy for a family get together

But it isn't

You remember hiding

In your grandparent's old home

Hiding in the guest room because it was too loud

Too loud and crowded and full of strangers

And you were scared

Too much was happening at once

Everything moved too quick and then suddenly

You were outside

Walking with your cousin down a dirt road

Towards a house you passed by a lot

A house that owned horses

You stood on the fence petting a horse you don't remember

You remember watching the ants pass over your feet

Since when did you put on sandals?

You looked back up

And that was it

You don't remember what happened next

The rest of the day passed in a blur

You didn't go to school for a week

In that week you never cried

You didn't cry at all

Not at the funeral

Not in the car

Nat the minute you found out

And that's what you remembered distinctly

Everyone cried except you

Everyone was sobbing except you

Everyone processed her passing except you

And like it or not you still haven't

You skipped grief and pushed away the pain

You suffer for doing that

You can't think of her now without bursting into tears

And even if you don't remember her

You miss her

You miss your grandmother