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《Badly Written Poetry From A Fucked Mind》When You First Thought It

(TW! Implied self harm)

You don't remember when you first thought it.

Maybe it was after an argument with your parents

Maybe your brother wouldn't stop

Maybe he made a joke that went a bit too far

You don't remember when you first thought it

But you remember your first thought after

'I'm being dramatic'

Because it's what you were always told

You were known to blow things out of proportion

To overreact from the smallest issues

So when you first thought it you brushed it off

You don't remember when you first thought it

And you really don't remember the first time you did it

It was a brash decision, one you now regret

But ever since that day you just can't stop

Because even though your brain may not remember that day

Your body certainly does

And it won't let you forget it

Its why you wear longs sleeves in the summer

Its why you despise bathing suit season

Its why you resent yourself when you see your arms

Because you don't remember when you first thought it

You don't remember the first time you did it

And you don't remember the first time you hid it

You wish you could go back

To shake your younger self by the shoulders

Screaming 'Please don't do it, you won't be able to stop'

But you can't go back

So here you sit

Unable to remember when you first thought it

And only seeing the scars of when you first did it

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