[AUTHOR'S NOTE!]- I have by far gotten many messages in the past saying that this is one of the funniest things that they have ever read, so warning for that and also WARNING there are MANY GAY references in this chapter. . Keep in mind this was made over a decade ago. Also the chapter is a hot mess so, yeah.

Chapter Forty- It All Makes Sense Now

Dan burst through the door, tears flooding his face, searching for something.

Emma and I looked at each other suspiciously, and stood up to see what the matter with Dan was.

Once we stepped cautiously into the foyer Dan practically collapsed on me sobbing.

Emma helped me move towards the stairs so that I could sit down, and not be crushed by Dan's weight. He continued sobbing crying out "He doesn't love me anymore!!!"

Emma looked at me a little freaked out and asked "He?"

I just shrugged, but then in the doorway Robert wearily walked in clearly drunk not noticing us at all. Tom was next to him and said flirtasously "Tickle Tickle" and holds his hands up ready to sneak up on Rob.

"What the hell?" Both Emma and I say at the same time.

"It is not what it looks like" Tom said swearving slightly on his feet, being caught.

"It's everything it looks like!!!" Dan shouted, almost causing my ear to explode.

*FLASHBACK*

[Dan's View]

It was eleven thirty and we were all sitting at the bar. I was on my fourth beer, they were on their second.

The hunky gorgeous one was talking about how attractive Cassie was. When I'm sitting right here! I mean her hair isn't even that shiny, with all those curls she can never manage to brush it properly. And those lips will never be as puckered as mine, just sitting there waiting, ready for a little taste of the R if you know what I mean.

And please blondes can never sustain a decent tan. I mean take Tom for instance, he is so pale and my man the Robber of my heart is staring at him instead of me.

And Cassie never picks out the right clothes for her figure and she does not know how to color coordinate...

*BACK TO NOW*

[Cassie's View]

"Okay I don't want to just sit here and listen to this if all your going to do is insult me!" I said clearly offended, I could sustain a tan... if I really wanted to.

"Do you want to know where your man's lips have been this evening?" Dan said slurring just a little.

"WHAT?!" I shouted outraged. Tom wouldn't do that.

"Exactly" Dan said pointing a figure at Emma and me.

*BACK TO FLASHBACK*

[Dan's View]

So Rob was getting bored and we cannot have that. So he came up with a shot drinking game to see who was the manliest. My money was on Robby, I mean he is the sexiest man alive.

Four shots in and Rob hadn't broken a sweat. Ten shots in and Tom was looking a little dizzy on his feet, but that could have been just because he was staring at my man.

*BACK TO CASSIE*

[Cassie's View]

"I don't like where this is going" I whined.

"SHHH! I'M IN MY MOMENT!!!!" Dan shouted.

"This explains so much" Em said half to herself.

"I know the whole 'Cassiebear' thing! I bet you wish it was Robbybear!" I said laughing.

"What's it to ya?" Was all Dan said.

*BACK TO FLASHBACK*

[Dan's View]

And then Rob said "Tom you're so far away" and I thought But I've always been right here! But it was never enough was it? WAS IT?!

"I do have a girlfriend you know" Tom said.

Yes Tom think of Cassie! Think of that home wrecker!

*BACK TO CASSIE*

[Cassie's View]

"Whose home have I wrecked?" I asked offended even more if that was possible.

"YOUR MUMS!!!" Dan shouted getting annoyed with all our interruptions.

*BACK TO FLASHBACK*

[Dan's View]

"But do you have a boyfriend?" Robby asked.

I don't have a boyfriend. Come on its ME!!

"No" was all Tom said.

"But do you want one?" Robby asked raising an eye brow flirtatiously.

I WANT ONE! I WANT ONE!

*BACK TO CASSIE*

[Cassie's View]

"OH. MY. GOD. It is true!" Em said, shocked.

Dan put a waverly figure to her lips and said "Shhh"

*BACK TO FLASHBACK*

[Dan's View]

"Maybe" Tom said.

How could he do this to me? I shared a house with him!

"Come over here Slytherin Prince" Rob said leaning in.

WHAT?! Why did I have to be in Gryffindor? The sorting hat wanted me to be in Slytherin. I mean I could also speak Parseltongue!

"Your Draco to the rescue" And as Cedric leaned in more with the same passion in his eyes before he kissed Cho Chang. I quickly looked to Draco. It was if he had found his male Pansy Parkinson.

And as their lips touched it felt as if the crusiotic curse was being preformed over and over again. As they gasped were gasping each other's names in their passionate kissing I screamed in a fit of agony. "BITE ME VAMPIRE BOY! BITE ME!!!"

But Draco said "Yeah Bite Me" To my Rob. And he replied "With pleasure" and lingered at his neck.

As they began necking I felt as if my soul was being split into pieces, as though I was trying to make seven different horcruxes and even phoenix tears couldn't heal the pain.

*BACK TO CASSIE*

[Cassie's View]

"Phoenix tears really Dan?" Emma asked trying not to laugh.

I was too shocked to speak.

Dan mumbled in annoyance "Hermione"

*BACK TO FLASHBACK*

[Dan's View]

I was getting into hysterics now shouting "I was the one who was with you when you died! I was the one who brought your body back to your dad! I mean for God's sake I'm the CHOSEN ONE! He couldn't even kill a stupid weak old man! Who was dying anyway! I even did most of the job for him! I spent hours shoving potion down his throat, and fought my way through a lake of infieri! AM I NOT MORE WORTHY?! AM I?!!"

Rob perfect Rob tried calming me down, but flashing was surrounding us. He flashed out his wand and cried "VOLDEMORT!"

*BACK TO CASSIE*

[Cassie's View]

"Wait wait wait! Voldemort appeared in this pub?!!!" I asked.

"Yes in the real flesh!" Dan said his eyes growing wide, with a small twitch.

*BACK TO FLASHBACK*

"You're not going to kill me this time! I'm a vampire FEAR ME!!!" Cedric screamed, which caused me to scream "Then bite me! BITE ME!"

Cedric ran out and I followed him screaming "Expelliarmous!"

But before I left I heard Draco say as he bowed down in front of the Dark Lord.

"My Lord it wasn't as easy as he made it sound! He wasn't that duped up on potion! It wasn't that easy!!" Then he looked around and screamed "Bye" and ran after us.

*BACK TO CASSIE*

[Cassie's View]

Tom said, still standing in the door way, "Okay it's exactly how it sounds"

"Oh my god, my boyfriend made out with a guy" I said starting to hyperventilate.

Dan swung his arm loosely around my shoulders and said "Malfoy if you steal my boyfriend, I steal your girlfriend!"

Then Emma in my ear whispered hurriedly "Run Cassie Run"

But it was too late. Dan smashed his slimly lips to mine. There was nothing I could do but wait till it was over!

Dan finally pulled apart and said "Take- wow Cassie- Take that!" I felt incredibly violated and Tom looked frighteningly pissed.

As Tom was about to hit Dan, Rob intervened.

Dan exclaimed "Oh now you want to help me. Now I'm worth something to you! I knew that night meant nothing to you! Nothing!!!" and he slapped Rob across the face.

Emma was crawling on the floor, hanging on every word asking "What night?! WHAT NIGHT!?!?!"

Rob stared at Dan with that certain gleam in his eye. "Feisty, I like Feisty"

"I always knew you would" Dan said breathing heavily.

"You want to go upstairs?" Rob asked flirtatiously.

"Of course Patty Cakes!" Dan screeched jumping into his arms bridal style.

Rob carried him up the stairs as Emma screamed "I GET IT I FINALLY GET IT!!!!!!!" as she ran around the entire house then went into the hall closet to our left.

Tom looked at me swaying "So how was your night baby?" then he fell on top of me, passed out.

[Emma's View]

I dialed in the darkness of the closet Rupert's number. When he picked up I shouted "I get it I finally get it!"

"Get what?" He asked sleepily.

"Their GAY!!!!" I screamed an evil smile forming on my lips.

"...I'll be right over"

[Authors Note]: I have no knowledge if any of these actors are gay and I am not saying that they are. This was for entertainment purposes only.