LUCY

I look at Jeanie's hand, to her ring. It looks the exact same, except for another gold band sitting before it on her finger. I swallow hard, doing my best not to burst into tears. I am already getting so many looks from Franny and Elias, I don't need to give them anything else to pity me about.

I will not cry.

Elias helps me stand, and we all walk in the house. Franny and Jeanie are hugging, while Travis and Jared are chatting. We make it back to the table, and they all sit down. Franny tells them all to start eating, but I don't feel hungry anymore. I keep looking at Travis, wanting to tell him we need to talk, but it may not be the right moment. He just got engaged again.

Jeanie and Travis are sitting so close to each other, I might puke.

I look at Elias, who is staring at his sub on his plate. I follow his gaze, and look at his food, confused as to why he isn't continuing to eat it. Then I see his clenched jaw and narrowed eyes, and I know it has to do with me.

He was probably just as shocked to see Travis as I was. He's never seen him, but as soon as they said his name I felt him tense.

I could have been wrong. I was too shocked by the fact that he was standing in front of me to totally recognize Elias' reaction. I'm pretty sure Travis wasn't expecting me to be here either, judging by his expression.

It doesn't matter. What I feel doesn't matter. He's marrying Jeanie, again. There is no point in wishful thinking, that maybe he would see me and his feelings would change. He literally came here for Jeanie, not me.

It was never me.

You'd have thought I'd have come to that realization earlier.

Me too.

Everyone at the table is still eating, and laughing, joking. Franny and Jared don't stop asking Travis questions about his year away, and Jeanie just watches Travis, hooked on every word coming out of his mouth, explaining and answering their questions.

I want to listen too, but that would hurt. I think I need to stop hurting myself further before I become too damaged.

I can feel Elias looking at me.

He meets me eyes as I lift them to his face.

I try for a smile but it doesn't quite reach my eyes.

He nods slowly. He understands.

Or, at least, he thinks he does. I can see in his eyes he's confused, but I thought it would have been clear right now that I am still in love, with the wrong man. He must know that seeing Travis doesn't change anything.

Speaking with him won't change anything either.

But it is still something I need to do, to clear my mind and conscience, even though I thought I did when I unhypnotized him.

There are still things that need to be said, and I can't ignore them forever, and I might as well get them over with. I might just apologize to him again, but I can tell there is something else itching at me to say to him.

If it's "I still love you" I might be in big trouble.

Even if that statement is true, I don't need to tell him that.

Franny and Jeanie begin to clear the table, and the boys begin to stand.

I have to speak with Travis before I lose the guts to.

"Travis," I speak into the silence, and everyone turns to look at me. I swallow, but keep my focus on Travis' face. "May I speak with you?"

Elias, next to me, physically sags.

I pretend I don't even notice him.

Travis nods. "Sure. We can go outside," he says, and I see him squeeze Jeanie's hand before letting go of it. A pang of longing goes through me, but I push through it.

I follow Travis to the front door and out onto the porch. I walk past him as he holds open the door, then watch as he closes it. He immediately folds his arms over his chest, his expression guarded. Never had I seen him act so cold to me.

This may be harder than I thought.

"I'm glad you're back," I say, starting small. I look down to the ground, at my feet, not sure what I am saying or doing. What am I even going to say to him? How am I supposed to say it? This won't go well at all unless I find my footing.

"Me too," he says softly, and I look up, meeting his gaze.

His eyes are kind.

Maybe he isn't mad at me.

"Look," my voice is quiet, "I know I already said it last time I saw you, but I feel like I need to say it again." I hold back tears, sniffing. "I'm really sorry. I haven't forgiven myself for what I did, and for what happened to Jeanie. I could have prevented her from getting shot and you wouldn't have had to go away."

Travis shifts from one foot to the other.

I let out a shaky breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything that's happened, is all my fault. I messed up your lives."

I can't look at him anymore. I look over my shoulder, trying to calm myself down, to breathe, but my chest seems vacant of any air. I feel as if rocks are crushing my lungs and I feel myself begin to hyperventilate.

"Lucy, it wasn't your fault."

Those five words suddenly bring air into my lungs again.

I lift my face to his.

Travis shakes his head. "It was John. Yes, you made the mistake of keeping me from Jeanie, of lying, of pretending that we were a real thing. Yes, I agree, you made that mistake, and that is your fault." He clears his throat, and surprisingly these words don't make me feel better, but he continues, "but Jeanie getting shot, and me going away, that wasn't you. That was John. And me going away, that was me. I should have stayed, but I chose to run away when I couldn't have Jeanie."

You could have had me.

I flinch at my thought.

"I was running away," he says, but it's said more to himself than to me. "I should have stayed, figured it out. But what's done is done, and all we can do is move on."

I feel a tear run down my cheek without warning.

Travis looks confused.

I wipe it away. "Sorry." I clear my throat. "It's just hard to move on. Especially since we... dated and got engaged, and I've been in love with you for years... I don't why I said that, but it's what I feel in my heart."

He sighs. "I'm sorry, Lucy. You know how I feel."

I nod. "I know, which is exactly why it's so stupid that I still feel this way after one year. I thought the feelings would have faded already, but they haven't."

Travis narrows his eyes. "How do you know?" He asks.

I stare at him. "What?"

"How do you know the feelings haven't faded?"

I actually laugh aloud at the question. Was it even a question? "Travis, I got jealous when I saw you and Jeanie together. I longed for that moment in my life to happen. It did, but definitely not in the right way."

He smirks a little, as if amused at the memory.

That memory was not amusing for me. It was wonderful.

"Lucy, have you found someone else?" He asks.

The first person to come to mind is Elias.

No, it's not Elias.

He's just in love with me.

Travis smiles. "You just thought of someone." His tone is triumphant.

I shake my head. "I'm not in love with him. But he is with me."

He narrows his eyes. "I have a guess."

I frown.

He smiles.

I groan inwardly. He knows.

He didn't even have to say. His eyes give away his answer.

"Elias knows that I still like you. I had to tell him. But he told me he was going to wait, even though I've continually tried to get him to go out with someone else. He wouldn't listen."

"They're stubborn," Travis states.

I frown.

He answers my unspoken question. "A man in love, he's stubborn."

I glare. He is so not helpful.

I thought that maybe this conversation would show me something, but nothing is happening. I didn't know what I expected. To suddenly get over him?

"Lucy, why do you still love me?" He asks.

I let out a deep breath. "Because... you were my first love, and for as long as I could remember, you were there. You were the person I told about my Dad beating me, and you were the first man who ever made me feel safe. I wanted so desperately to find a love with a man who I knew would never hurt me. You were that man."

"I was," he says. "I never protected you from your dad, Lucy. You know that. That was years ago, when you told me that, and yes, I wanted to protect you, but I never did."

I shrug, not sure what to say to that.

I don't know why, but I immediately thought of Elias, and his words to me when he told me that he was going to let me stay with him, because he didn't want me to get hurt when I would see my dad. He didn't want me to be in trouble with him not there.

He is trying to get in court to appeal for my dad to go back to jail.

All this does is further convince me of his love for me.

But he's protecting me, as we speak. He is in the process of getting my dad back in jail.

What does this mean to me? I'm grateful?

"Lucy." Travis brings me from my thoughts. "You don't deserve me. You really don't. You are one of the strongest people I know, because of everything you've been through. You deserve a man who is gonna love you with every part of himself, he would do anything for you. It's how I feel when I think of Jeanie. I'd do anything for her." He takes a step closer. "Your dad hurt you, and scarred you in ways most people have ever known, yet you are here, whole, standing with a will to keep going. Don't settle for me."

I shake my head. "I-I know. I don't want to."

"Then don't." He nods. "Don't."

I look into his face, and I suddenly don't know why, but I don't see him the way I used to. I thought that this conversation would show me how much I still love Travis, and how useless it will be to try to fall out of love with him, but right now all I see is my past love.

Yes, I will forever love Travis. I won't ever stop.

But maybe that's all he'll ever be to me. A first love. The man I needed when I was growing up without a real father. A man who I knew would protect me and who was the best friend I had in high school.

A smile reaches my lips.

So, yes, maybe this conversation did show me something.

"Travis." I meet his eyes. "I'll always love you. I don't think you can unlove someone. I guess you just... find someone you love more. So thank you, for speaking with me, but mostly for being my friend when I needed you the most. You literally showed me what a real man looks like, and I'll never forget that."

He smiles, taking my hands in his. "And you showed me how I should treat a woman, and I think because of what you told me of your father, of the kind of man I never should be."

I smile back, his words comforting me.

I guess things that hurt, all you can do is learn from them and move on.

Am I really, finally, over him?

Yes.

At first, all I heard was no.

I grin.

Travis chuckles. "What?"

"I think I just found out that I'm not in love anymore," I say, and he laughs.

"Good. Do you have anyone in mind?"

I shake my head, and elbow him in the stomach. He groans, and shakes his head. He opens the front door, and we both head in.

The whole kitchen is silent, as if they were waiting for me. I watch as Travis goes to stand next to Jeanie, who is standing next to Franny, leaning up against the kitchen counter.

Elias is standing across from me, staring at the ground, eyes wide.

I smile as I look at him.

Then suddenly it clicks, like a light switch in my brain. Suddenly, he doesn't seem like my boss anymore or a colleague. He's my friend, a really good friend, who cares a lot for me. And with my heart full at the moment, I realize how much I care for him.

Maybe it's love, maybe it isn't.

All I know is I am feeling a lot of it.

I walk over to him, and is about to tap his shoulder when he looks at me. His eyes meet mine, and the first thing I notice is the complete contempt he has, as well as the puddle of tears threatening to spill over onto his cheeks.

I don't think I've ever seen him this close to tears.

What's wrong?

I look at Franny and Jeanie, and their faces are in fear and regret. I frown, just about to ask them what happened, when I hear Elias let out a hard breath.

Looking directly at him, I see the tears down his cheeks.

"What's wrong?" I finally ask.

He works his mouth. "How could you?" he asks, his voice strained. My mind immediately goes to everything I've ever done or could have done to him that has made him like this, but nothing pops out at me.

What does he mean?

"What did I do?" I ask, but he is already walking past me to the front door. I instantly look at the girls. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry, Lucy," Jeanie says, smacking her lips together. "Franny and I were talking about you, and the hypnotizing and everything, and I didn't know. I thought you had told him," she whispers, swallowing hard.

I feel all the joy from the moment I had a few seconds ago fade to nothing, then back to panic.

"He asked us what we were talking about, and that's when I realized he didn't know, and I told him you would tell him, but he kept insisting. We told him a lot, not the whole story, but he got the gist."

I swallow the lump forming in my throat, and tear after Elias, needing to try to explain to him what happened. He could be thinking anything of me right now, but it is most likely not pretty and I don't blame him. I deserve every bit of this anger, but I at least need to explain my side, my thoughts.

He needs to not hate me.

It was in this moment, as I yank open the front door and run after him that I realize how much in love I am with him. If Elias never talked to me again, never once acknowledged me from this moment on, it would kill me.

I think I would die.

I can't lose another man to my stupidity and selfishness. I have to be better now that it's already happened once.

Elias is standing in the middle of the yard, his hands on his head. He must not have thought I would come after him.

"Elias!" I call out to him.

He doesn't even look at me, he just keeps moving toward his car.

I don't stop until I reach him, but he is already in the car, turning on the engine, hands on the steering wheel. I can't let him leave. He has to understand.

He has to.

"Elias, wait!" I say, pounding on the window. He reluctantly lowers it, but doesn't turn his head to look at me. His jaw is set, his whole body tense. He looks like he is in pain, which hurts me as I look at him.

I caused this. I didn't tell him.

Why am I such an idiot?

I want to cry. I need to cry. Maybe it'll help with the explanation, but I know if I start crying now I won't be able to speak.

"Don't go, I need to explain."

He shakes his head. "No, they explained enough," his words are sharp, his tone sounding piqued. But his eyes, his eyes are calm beyond measure, which scares me the most.

"But I haven't."

He meets my eyes. "How is your story any different?"

I swallow. "It isn't."

Elias nods. "I know. You'll have to ask them if you can get a ride home because I'm going back to the office."

I nod. "I'll come with you," I say, knowing I'll have more time if I ride with him to the office.

He immediately shakes his head. "No, you can have the rest of the day off. Spend the day with your mom or something. But I need you to not come in for the rest of the day."

A tear slips down my face. I nod.

I step away from the car, and he drives off.

I watch him go.

I'm pretty sure I just lost him.

ELIAS

I try not to watch as Lu goes out with Travis, but I can't help myself. Everyone else here thinks of it as normal, but they must not realize how much in love she is with Travis still.

I know better than everyone else here.

Nothing truly scares me more. I fully expect her to come back in here all perked up after her chat with Travis, even more in love with him than ever. I don't know what she expects from this conversation, but I know for a fact this is going to go horrible for me.

Did I even truly have a shot?

Maybe thinking I could wait for Lu is stupid. Her conversation stuck with me more than I wanted it to, and she is so sure that I will regret waiting. I know that I still love her, and that's not something I can just forget.

So how can I even think of letting her go?

Just this morning I was fighting with Lu about whether or not I would continue to wait.

Thinking of the pain this will probably bring me would scare any man off from the prospects, but I think the worst pain is not being with Lu. If I walk away from her now I will regret it for the rest of my life.

You can't have love without pain.

I learned that lesson with my Dad, when he was taken from me.

But I wouldn't change it. Because he was still my dad up until the time he was killed, and even now he's my dad. I'm just living without him.

Even with Rich. He's in prison and may be there for another fourteen years.

But I still love him.

It's worth it.

And so is Lu.

With my conviction strong, I clear my own plate and stand with the rest of the party. Jeanie and Franny are leaning up against the counter. Jared has disappeared, but I think Franny said he had to go take a phone call.

Apparently he's a policeman.

I try to pretend like I'm not listening to the ladies conversation, but it was very difficult not to. They aren't talking as if they are trying to hide something from me, and as soon as I hear them mention Lu's name, I realize they are talking about her.

So obviously, I listen.

"Aren't you concerned? She's obviously in love with him still?" Franny asks Jeanie, who is watching the front door.

Jeanie shakes her head. "No. There's nothing she can say that would make him choose her, I'm not worried at all." She turns to her friend. "I mean, it's not like he forgot she hypnotized him. He's not an idiot. This is just like high school."

I frown, shifting my position.

Hypnotized him? Lu?

"Lu hypnotized Travis?" I ask, still confused.

The girls both turn to look at me, their mouths open. They must not have realized I was listening, which makes my eyes narrow.

"Well?" I ask.

Jeanie shakes her head. "If you don't know, Lucy should tell you."

I frown.

Why are they hiding this? What are they really talking about?

"Lu hasn't told me anything. So what are you guys talking about?"

Jeanie looks as if she's going to reject my offer again, but Franny sighs.

"He deserves to know."

Jeanie shakes her head. "Lucy should tell him. It would come better from her."

"Bull." I shake my head. "Tell me, please?"

They both sigh and nod.

I smirk to myself.

Franny starts, "Lucy has been in love with Travis for years, especially in high school. They almost dated, then Travis fell in love with Jeanie. They got married after three years of knowing each other, and Lucy basically cut off her connection with Jeanie because of it. I don't know what she did."

Jeanie cuts in, "After I was married for seven months, Travis left me, and divorced me. I never knew why. I never saw him again after that, until one year ago, I saw him again at a festival, with Lucy."

I frown.