JEANIE

He's not here. He left. He must have known I was coming, and decided he didn't want to see me. He's gone. I missed him, and it's all my fault.

These are the thoughts that have been running through my head all morning after I slept on Travis' couch, which wasn't as comfortable as it looked.

I spent all morning waiting for him to come back, then I decided he may be in town, so I took a trip down there and walked into every store, searching for him. I may have looked so crazy, frantically searching for someone who is so obviously not here.

But I didn't want to accept it.

He had to be here.

Even with all my confidence I would find him, it slowly dwindles into nothing, and all I feel is numbness, if that is even a feeling I can feel. But there is nothing else, except the empty thoughts of Travis, who is evidently not here.

Maybe I really am kidding myself. Maybe it's just my desperate, frantic thoughts that brought me out here in hopes that I could reconnect with my loved one. How stupid am I to think that Travis would be here, waiting for me, wanting me to take him home.

I try to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks, but I can't stop them. I sit down on the ground, leaning against the wall, sobs taking out my body. I can't see or feel anything except the tears that will not stop pouring. I feel my chest beginning to soak with tears, but I couldn't care less.

Maybe I am just hoping these tears somehow bring him back to me. He always heard me when I cried, even if I tried to hide it from him, he always knew. If I cry loud enough, scream loud enough, he may come back to me, coming to comfort me like he always did.

But no one walks through the front door.

He must have known what he was doing. He stayed off the radar for the whole year, but then used his credit card? It doesn't make sense. At first, I thought it might have been a sign that he wanted me to find him and come here, as if sending a message. Jared thought so too, because if he really didn't want to be found, he could have just continued on the way he was and it would have taken him a lot longer to find him.

I have to come back to the fact that Travis is not here though.

So maybe the credit card was a mistake. He may have just slipped, and then realized that if I had been searching for him, that would have popped up, giving us his location. He may have realized what he did was too late to fix, so the best way to save himself was to just leave.

I place my shaky hand over my mouth, trying to stop the sobs. It doesn't work, but at least it muffles my cries.

My stomach is heaving a little, creating an ache in my abdomen. I sit up, flinching at the sharp pains that it brings, but I ignore it and get into a more comfortable position.

It doesn't matter though. I can't stay here, hoping and wishing he is coming back. I have a life to get back to, and apparently Travis will not be a part of it anymore.

This may be for the best. It shows that he doesn't love me anymore, which is better than having to talk with him and have him explain in person that he doesn't love me.

It still hurts.

Consoling myself at this point is stupid.

Nothing but time can heal this wound.

I hope.

My flight leaves in about an hour, which just pushes me to my feet. I should be there early anyway to go back home. I stand, wobbly. I hold onto the counter and walk toward the front door, where my bag and purse lay waiting for me.

As soon as I get back from the town, I immediately get all my stuff ready and put it by the door.

Then my emotional instincts kick in and I decide I need to wait just a little longer.

Just a little longer.

I grab both of the bags and walk down the trail.

The town lay before me, and I can't help but peek my head inside a few stores along the way to the airport. But after re-convincing myself how stupid this is, I don't look anymore, but stare straight ahead, telling myself it's not worth hoping at this point.

I get another taxi ride to the airport.

The small airport stood before me. I have been staring at it for the past few minutes, not wanting to enter. To enter would mean there is no going back, no more searching.

This is the moment I give up.

Right here, right now.

I step into the airport, a huge weight dropping onto my shoulders. I recognize the weight as grief, and I realize that I will be dealing with this weight for a long time. It will stay with me for a very long time, and I will have to deal with it until I move on.

It seems like an eternity, because ever since my marriage, I didn't think that I would have to stop loving Travis. But here I am, in the late afternoon of a chilly day, leaving behind the last place Travis stayed.

Because I pushed him away.

If anything, this is all my fault. I didn't trust him. I didn't believe him.

Maybe I really do deserve to not have him.

He deserves someone so much better than me. I was so distrustful and cruel to him when all he was trying to do was love me and keep me safe. Yet I pushed him away, too blinded by anger and frustration of not being with him.

"Maybe I was right all along. You've never loved me, and this is just a way to get me out of your life."

"No! Never believe that. Jeanie this is real. I'm not making it up. I love you."

"Those are just words, Travis. How do I even know that you were even hypnotized? How do I know that Lucy ever-"

"Jeanie Stone. I am, and forever will be, yours. Never Lucy's! And I never knew you were going to be here tonight. I didn't follow you. Please believe me."

I close my eyes.

If only I believed him then.

I cup my mouth again with my hands, feeling more tears come. I can't cry here, not now, not with all of these people around me.

But crying doesn't care if it has an audience.

The tears flow when they want.

I bury my head in my lap as I take a seat, waiting to get on the plane. I try to quiet my cries as people start to fill up the waiting room, but they are muffled at best. I know people are looking at me, so I stand and run as fast as I can to the bathroom.

The bathroom is empty, so I stand at the sink, placing my hands on the cold edges, gripping it tightly as I stare at my face in the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy, red lines appearing around my eyes. I was never a good crier.

Usually a public bathroom is my least favorite place to go, but at this moment, it is my sanctuary, my resting place before I go out to go on the plane. This is a moment that I will probably relive in my memory often.

The tears are still coming down my face.

I clutch the sink even harder.

My sobs echo throughout the room.

All I can hear myself repeat over and over again as I am blinded by my own tears in, "I'm so sorry, Travis. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'm sorry."

My cries will go unheard. No one else except me will hear them.

But I have a sense of peace and relief fall over me, even though I know it isn't permanent, and it will not last very long, but it's a start.

This is my beginning of moving on.

I wash my face, splashing it with lots of water. I dry my tears with many paper towels. When I look at myself in the mirror again, I look a lot better, but you can definitely tell I was just sobbing uncontrollably, but I make myself not care what all of those people think of me.

I am slowly healing. There will be tears.

No one else would understand.

So no need to explain or even think I could.

Besides, they probably don't care.

I walk out of the bathroom, head held high. A few heads turn my face, but I don't even look, keeping my focus on my chair that I vacated a few minutes ago.

I take my seat and turn to my phone.

My flight gets called on time, and I am one of the first people to board. I find my seat, which is next to the window, and I get comfortable.

No one comes to sit in my row, and never was I more thankful for anything else in this moment.

I glance around the entire place. There aren't a lot of people here anyway.

We begin take off after another ten minutes.

I clutch my seat, remembering how I just did this yesterday. I had such hopeful thoughts that time, thinking of how confident I was. I was going to convince Travis to come home with me, and I knew I wasn't going to leave without him.

Yet here I am.

Without Travis.

I guess I better get used to that fact.

TRAVIS

I walk down the stairs, hurrying. I didn't realize how late I was going to be when I left Jared and Franny's house, so I needed to make sure the plane didn't leave without me.

I get through security without any problems and when I get to my gate, there is barely anyone getting on the flight. I only have to wait fifteen minutes before they begin to load people onto the plane. I am one of the last people on the plane, but my seat is in the front, so I didn't mind so much.

I take my seat.

Once everyone is aboard, they start telling everyone all the safety measures and stuff, but I hardly pay attention, my focus on getting to Jeanie.

Who knows what she thinks of me now. She might think I left because I knew she was coming.

Jared mentioned being able to find me because I used my credit card for the first time, and that it was so random, but it was Jeanie's ticket to finding me. But it may have come off to Jeanie that she may think I used it by mistake and then had to leave suddenly because they knew where I was.

I honestly didn't even think of how lowkey I was being during the past year. To be honest, I just wanted to live as simply as possible and try to move on. It didn't work, but I guess I did the job of hiding very well, even if that wasn't my goal.

She must be so heartbroken.

It hurt me to think of what she is thinking of herself right now.

Which, Jared just told me she would come home eventually when she realized that I wasn't there, but I spent the past year without Jeanie. I didn't want to wait one more day because we just missed each other.

The plane takes off.

Surprisingly, the flight doesn't seem too long. I spent most of the time reading, staring out the window, listening to some music, but mostly just thinking.

I finger my back pocket.

I pull out the ring and lay it in my palm.

Jeanie should hopefully have her other ring I gave to her when I proposed, but I snagged a golden band from the store on the way here. It was about two bucks, but I felt as if I needed to give her something else, especially if she didn't have her other ring.

As soon as I see her, I think my one knee will drop.

We all begin to unload from the plane, and I am the first one out. I walk out of the airport, and score a taxi. I tell the man my destination, and wait as he puts it in his GPS, then takes off. The car ride is silent except for some soft music playing through the speakers that I could barely hear.

The quiet is welcome.

We arrive at the town, and I almost grimace. I didn't exactly think I would be back here so soon, but here I am. It doesn't look different, but I guess it only has been more than twenty-four hours since I was here last.

Almost forgetting what I am supposed to be doing here, I hike the trail.

It seems longer than usual.

As soon as I spot the cabin, it takes everything in me to not shout her name.

I run into the house, pushing the door wide open, ignoring the sound the door made as it slams into the wall.

"Jeanie?" I yell into the house, walking into the living room. It is empty.

She could be in the back.

I go and check.

No.

"Jeanie?" I call out again as I look up the stairs. I half expected her to appear at the top of the stairs, beautiful and wonderful, but no one appeared.

My heart plummets into my stomach.

Where could she be?

She should be in the cabin. She wouldn't be in the town.

Unless...

No, don't tell me she's left already.

I walk into the living room, and see a rumpled up blanket sitting there, along with a pillow at the one end of the couch, where someone would have slept. I sit down on the couch, fingering the blanket.

She was here.

She must have left a few hours ago.

After she thought that I abandoned her.

I toss the blanket across the room.

But I stand, and walk across the room. My return flight is in a couple hours, so I have some time to burn before I go home again.

To Jeanie.

I smile.

I can't wait.