JEANIE

I take a sip of my coffee, setting it back on the table. I wrap my fingers around the mug, wanting to feel its warmth. I look around the coffee house, seeing if I can spot her.

It took everything in me to invite Lucy. I had wanted so badly to just forget about what happened and not relive awful memories, but I knew that wasn't fair to her. I'm sure all she wanted to do was move on with her life.

Just like I was trying to. Like I am trying to do.

The door opens, producing a jingle.

I turn my head to see Lucy walk into the room. She whips her head around the room, no doubt in search of me. Just before I can raise my hand and call out to her, she sees me. I don't miss her grimace when she looks at me.

Looks as if I'm not the only one who has a feeling this might go badly.

Lucy sits across from me, not meeting my gaze. She wiggles in her seat, trying to get comfortable. Her hair looks unkempt, and I realize that she is not a good morning person. I almost laugh at one memory I have about that but I don't want her to feel even more uncomfortable, especially if she thinks I am laughing at her.

"Hi," I whisper, and she still doesn't look at me. "I'm glad you're here."

It is then that she met my eyes.

And she smiles.

"Really?" She asks in a low voice. I nod, wanting to affirm that she is welcome.

I had texted her the place and date and time yesterday and I was glad she was free. All she texted back sure, so I wasn't certain how she felt. But I know now that she still feels ashamed. Which is the exact reason I wanted to meet with her.

She needs to know a very important detail.

"Yeah. We needed to talk, so I figured I'd be the one to start. Well, after you started two weeks ago, with apologizing," I say, remembering how fast she ran out of the house after she uttered her apology.

I had remembered feeling shocked. I hadn't expected it.

She probably wasn't expecting this either.

I grab her hand that lay on the table, and grasp it tightly. She looks at me with a strange expression on her face. Of course she was confused. I hadn't said or did anything last time we met.

"Lucy, I'm sorry."

Her brows furrow.

She opens her mouth to speak but I hold up my free hand.

"I should have said something when you came to see me. I'm sorry. I guess I was shocked and a little upset. But I forgave you as soon as you mentioned the bullet. And I know it must be eating you up inside."

Lucy's expression gives away her surprise.

I smile. "You're not the only one who can read people," I chuckle.

She dips her head.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hear your apology, and I accept it. I forgive you. And I hope we can be friends."

Lucy doesn't lift her head. Instead she slides her hand away from mine. I half expected her to get up and run again, but instead she covers her face with her hands.

Then comes the sob.

A few heads turn our way, but I take the time to ignore them. I didn't expect to elicit a sob from what I said, but I suppose I always knew Lucy acted with her emotions on her sleeve.

I move from my seat and go to sit next to her. I slide into the booth next to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her close. I feel her sobs rake her body, but I hold her close and don't let go.

Her sobs quiet down. I slowly release her and she brings her head up. I see a confused look on her face as well as a smile.

"How?" She whispers, trying to wipe away her tears.

I show her a smile. "Lucy, you were one of my best friends. And you made a mistake. But that doesn't mean you can't come back from that. I understand why you did it, and if I thought about it, I might have done something similar if I was in your shoes."

Lucy's eyes are red and puffy, but she doesn't seem to care so I didn't.

"Thank you," she whispers, and I pull her in for another hug.

"You're welcome," I say into her hair.

She pulls away and sniffles. She wipes her eyes with one of the napkins on the table, trying to make herself look presentable. I'm not sure if I should stay next to her or go back to my original seat. I decide to stay.

"So..." She laughs. "Uh, I guess this was why you wanted to talk to me. To be totally honest with you, I thought this was going the opposite way."

I shake my head. "No. It was past time we made up."

She matches my smile with her watery one.

"Although to be fair, I started all this," she whispers, sniffling again. She kept wiping her face on the napkins and the waitress came back with tons more. We both just smile at her and she gives us a wink.

I shrug. "It's okay. I was only sad to lose my friend over a guy."

She nods. "Yeah I guess that was pretty stupid," she mutters, scooting away from me just a little. I took that as her subtle signal for me to go back to my seat.

I smoothly slide out of her booth and back into mine.

Lucy, when the waitress comes back, orders a smoothie. I watch her, trying to read her eyes over her last sentence. And when I peer into them, I come up with one thought.

She still loves him.

It makes me falter a little.

But I push it away. It could just be my jealousy invading, although I don't know why. Travis was so torn up over the fact that he was hypnotized, and he literally chose to marry me instead of Lucy.

So I keep that thought to myself. Although I wouldn't be sure it would come out during conversation. I only hope I would have more manners than to let my tongue slip like that.

"So, how's life?" Lucy asks, and I can tell she is genuinely interested.

I tell her how life is with my Mom, in mine and Travis' house. I still like to think of it like that, only because it gives me hope that I'll find him.

And she tells me of her life with her mom. I've always liked her mom, as I spent so many afternoons at their house. She was always an angel who cooked food like one.

"I visited my Dad a few weeks ago," Lucy says, and I can't hold back my surprise.

Even though we haven't been close these past few years, I liked to keep track. I heard of how her dad went to prison, and I always thought how good that was for Lucy. She hated her life, her home life with her dad.

It is then that I really appreciate my Mom.

"How was that?" I ask carefully, not wanting to open any wounds as may be healing.

She sighs. "He said he might be out within this next year."

I frown. "But..."

"Apparently he's been good, they might let him out sooner. I don't know, all I know is that I don't want him back in my life if he does. I mean, I always knew he would get out eventually, I just lost track of time."

She is shaking.

Oh Lucy.

"Did you tell your mom?" I ask her.

Lucy shakes her head. "No. I didn't really tell her anything about that day. I only went for her. She begged me to go. She still suffers from her PTSD, so she wouldn't allow herself to go, which was fine. But it had been a year after-"

She cuts herself off, looking at me with a sad expression. I smile and ignore it.

"After Travis," she continues, "So when I moved in with my Mom she had been pushing me to go for a year now. This time I guess I was too tired of making up excuses. She's persistent, my Mother."

I smile, remembering that well of her mother.

"I think it was good of you to go," I say, treading carefully. "I think that's brave of you, especially after what he did to you."

She chuckles bitterly. "I'm a lot like him, you know. When I looked into his eyes, I saw myself in him. I think that scared me more than just seeing him."

I don't push her to explain.

Lucy gets a scared look on her face as she utters these next words. "I think I'm a horrible person, Jeanie," she says, and her voice trembles. I swallow, not knowing what to say to make it better.

I shake my head. "No, no you aren't."

She gives me a look with tears hidden in her eyes but I see them. "I did something unspeakable to you. I got you shot. You could have died. I took away Travis' freedom because of what I wanted. And I am just like my Dad. I became the very thing that I hated."

Afraid she is going to start crying again, I lay some money on the table, grab her hand and pull her from the booth. She doesn't resist and let's me pull her out of the building and into the parking lot. I spot a bench near the end of the park that is next to the coffee house. I walk straight there, dragging Lucy with me who is beyond tears.

I sit her down, and stand in front of her.

"Lucy Bleu, look at me."

She obeys.

I decide that standing in front of her, with her looking up at me with a torn expression on her face seems too much like I am going to lecture her, so instead I kneel. And we are almost at eye to eye.

"You are not your father. You didn't get me shot, John did. He ordered that, you didn't. You might feel like this was all your fault, but so could I. So could my mom, or Franny. But it isn't any of our fault. It alone rests with John. No one else.

"And yes, you stole that from Travis, but you are more sorry about it than I think anything else. You wish to come back from that. And you admitted that you were wrong, and admitted it to me, straight to my face to make amends. You are not your dad. You never were. You were always one of the strongest people I knew because of your dad. Not because you are like him. Your father is not strong, he is weak. He beat you. It's gonna take a lot for him to come back from that."

Tears start to come down Lucy's face.

"And you too. But you are. You've started, and it might take a while. But eventually, hopefully, you'll find that peace again. Maybe in yourself, or maybe with someone else. But please, don't beat yourself up. I don't hold any of it against you."

Lucy shakes her head. "Thanks, Jeanie... but, I think it's gonna take a lot more than that to convince me. But thank you, really."

I stand and she joins me.

I don't know what to say. I expected the same reaction as the one before, in the coffee house, but I guess this dug a lot deeper than I thought. I know she bases so much off of how she feels, and right now she probably feels the worst she's ever felt, and that is saying something, considering what her father did to her.

But I stay silent on it for the rest of our meeting. Lucy had to leave half an hour after we went outside, which we spent walking around the park. I watch as she drives away, feeling a little fuller than when I first came.

All I know is that I gained my friend back.

One that I missed more than I thought I did.

TRAVIS

Stay with me. Stay with me.

I cradle her head in my arms, trying to stop the blood coming out of her shirt. I could see her face draining of life and energy until she was gray.

"Travis-" She speaks, then coughs up some blood, coating her mouth with it.

I could barely see her face through my tears.

"Yeah," I answer desperately, wanting to savor this moment I had with her. I didn't know when the ambulance was coming, but I knew it was going to be too late.

I was going to lose her. My Jeanie.

"I love-"

I smile, wanting to hear these three words. But only two came. I look to her face, wanting to see if she would utter the last one, but I see her eyes.

They are dead.

Her hand that was clutching mine had gone limp and fallen to her side. In fact, her whole body went limp in my arms. I hold onto her tighter as I rock back and forth.

No. No, no, no. I can't lose her.

She can't be lost. There's so much I have to say.

I try to console myself. I can at least look at her, one last time. It'll be okay if I can just see her one last time.

But when I look down at her again, she's gone.

My eyes open.

I sit up immediately, and look down at my hands. I expect to find them covered with blood, but they aren't. I am filled with relief.

The light is shining into my windows, making it impossible for me to go back to sleep. I am fine with that though, considering I have the same dream every night and each time it's ten times worse.

Every night I lose Jeanie. Either to death or to someone else.

I thought about going back home. To just get a glimpse of her. To maybe watch her from afar, wishing for something unattainable.

But then I thought of her anger toward me. I knew she was never going to forgive me or accept me again so going to see her would only bring me pain.

Then I thought of how she could be with someone else. And it tore me up inside.

I don't want anyone else to have her. Only me.

Just the thought of it made me want to die.

I have to clear my head. I have to go do something, anything, to get these thoughts out of my brain. I know I need to go into the town today to get some supplies since some of my appliances have stopped working after a huge storm came the other night, and I had been putting it off. Today's the day. I am going to get another toaster.

It's amazing what I could live off of with a toaster.

So I grab my wallet, a pair of shoes and a granola bar and I am off.

The walk down the trail to the town seemed longer. Or maybe it's just hotter. I usually don't go down this early in the morning, but I'm not going to wait until the afternoon.

My head needs to be cleared now.

The town is quiet, which is unusual. It was typically brimming with people, but I guess everyone around here likes their sleep.

I generally do too. It's just that sleep doesn't like me at the moment.

The store that carried all the technical stuff is open, so I walk right in. There is no one in the store and when I look at the sign that has all the hours of it, I realized they had just opened.

Perfect timing on my part.

An older gentleman sits at the register, half asleep.

I walk around the store, grabbing all the things I need. It consisted of a new toaster, a part to the microwave I need, a heater, and a hammer. My last one broke.

Once I have everything I need, I lay them all down on the counter, scaring the half asleep man out of his pants. He looks at me, startled. Then he just starts scanning everything soon after, as if he wasn't just asleep. I chuckle a little under my breath.

I give the man my credit card after I realize I don't have enough cash.

The stuff is put in many bags, which will make my climb a lot easier. I thank the man, and walk out of the store.

Just as I pass that store, I reach the TV store. There are multiple TVs lined up in the display window, showing the news channel.

I had learned to stay away from all the news, even when I was younger.

But this particular news caught my eye.

Only because it had a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Reynold. It looks to be an older photo, but the caption under the photo brought a chill to my heart.

Then it all clicks. It was John. It was my ex father-in-law.

He got Jeanie shot.

My anger shot up, remembering how much John disliked Jeanie.

He hurt her.

He had her shot!

I thought of what this put Jeanie through, and her mom! I tighten my fist as I continue to watch the screen in hope they would show a picture of Jeanie, but there is none. It just keeps showing pictures of John.

But then at the end of the preview, it shows her face.

My Jeanie.

It suddenly fuels me.

Maybe Jeanie doesn't hate me after all. Maybe there is a slight hope she is searching for me right now and all I have to do is show my face.

Or maybe it means I can go home.

I can go see her.

The thought of seeing Jeanie, holding her in my arms, fills my heart with joy. There would be nothing I would enjoy more than to see her again, to kiss her and tell her I love her.

I almost drop all of my stuff, even though I don't need these anymore.

I am going home.

To Jeanie.