I lay on my giant bean bag and think of her.

The way her voice sounds when she's excited about some little thing, such as a the little silver bullet pinging back to the stop of a silly arcade game, or how it turns dreamy when she talks about pursuing her career in medicine.

It is strange, because when she talks about becoming a doctor, she sounds cautious, like she's worried that I will shoot her aspirations down. Which is odd because her father is the greatest neurosurgeon in the state of North Carolina. And, who wouldn't want to brag about wanting to save lives?

She is bound to be something great because she is great.

Which worries me. I have thought every second of every day since kindergarten about this girl and now she actually knows I'm alive. Which also worries me.

I feel alive when I am with her--actually, I feel nervous and anxious and all above terrified, but that's only because I don't understand how I can feel all this. It's like I'm the dog and Kelly has finally given me a bone and now I'm rolling on my belly begging to be pet. I grimace at that analogy, but my brain is a jumbled mess after tonight. I click my smart watch and listen to Siri announce the time. It's late and at the speed that my brain is working, there is no way I will be falling asleep any time soon.

My parents are away on a "business trip" as my father put it though we both know that it's their wedding anniversary this weekend. It's comical that my mom and dad still think that they have us fooled that babies are dropped off my storks and grownups don't have lives.

Someday, I wish to have a companion that loves me as much as my parents love each other.

But I don't see how a person would care to be with someone when they have to adapt to their way of living. Humans are selfish in that type of way.

But humans also want contact of any type that can get. Including me.

I had gone to the football game. My very first high school one. Kelly had asked me if I was going during lab today and I didn't have the willpower to tell her no but I didn't want to lie to her by saying yes when, in all honesty, I didn't want to go. Sports never appealed to me which would explain why I have stuck to academics my whole life.

Also, there's nothing to be enthusiastic about when you can't see the play actually happening. It's one of those awkward cheer when everyone else cheers, boo when everyone else boos, sort of thing.

I hate it.

"I think you would have fun," she had said in that velvety voice of hers that makes my cells hum under my skin. I can still feel her running her hand along my forearm in a way that caused goosebumps to cover my flesh at the simple touch of her skin against mine. It was embarrassing but Kelly is good at ignoring these kind of things. I think she is used to it. I think she also enjoys my uncomfortableness which would also explain why she uses it as a way to get her way.

Sometimes, I can feel her smile. I can't see it, but I know that if I could, it would knock me straight on my ass.

I am very, very, inane when it comes to her.

I don't talk to many girl--many people to be honest, but I can talk to Molly without a problem. I can have Molly touch me--though it's innocent as the day is long on both ends--and my heart doesn't launch in my chest like the Falcon 9. I can listen to hundreds of voices, and hers will stand out like needle pricking at my skin.

It's crazy how my body knows the second that she enters the room. It's like my soul calls for hers and the extraordinary thing is, I think hers answers back.

But that's insane because she is her and I am me.

But that doesn't mean I can't fantasize that things were different. I have lost count of how many times I have pictured her face and imagined her voice with my hand beneath the fabric of my boxer. Locker room talk of other guys doing this exact scenario circulate on a daily basis but I ignore most of it. I don't like to think of what she is doing to them in their dreams.

Just hearing about it makes me want to puke. We all have a different version of Kelly. But my version seems to be the closest thing to the real one. Or at least that is what she wants me to see.

Just the mere thought of her saying my name is enough to drive me crazy.

It's a haunting pleasure to hear Kelly say my name in real life. Which is what I think about now as boredom over takes me. Sighing in aggravated desire, I close my eyes and run my hand down my navel and into my sweatpants.

I imagine Kelly's plump glossed lips and the way she exhales randomly during class. I envision her skin pressed against mine in a way that would mesh us as one but just before the desire to be close to her fully blossom, Hannah stirs outside my door, her toenails ticking across the hardwood floors.

"What is it, girl?" I ask and prop myself up on my elbows. The lab makes a noise in the back of her throat like she does when she sees a rabbit or squirrel.

I may almost be eighteen but that doesn't mean every horror movie doesn't pop into my head when my parents are away. I bite back wishing I would have went to my grandparents with my little sister when Hannah wines again.

Wish I could see what she is making a fuss over.

A tree branch ticks against my window and I nearly jump out of my skin. At the realization that it was a piece of bark and in fact not a home invader, I slump back down against the smooth fabric of my lounger and sigh.

The mood is gone.

Then there is a knock on the front door.

Hannah barks soundly once as I reach the stairs. I stop abruptly. I know this house like the back of my hand. I haven't had to be directly guided by my guide dog since a few months after arriving home and that was over four months ago. So why was I now startled that I almost came to my demise on the stairs?

Kelly Henderson. That's why. She invades every corner of my common sense and my brain disconnects from the real world.

"Thanks," I murmur to my dog before slowing my pace and counting the stairs to the very bottom. Eight steps. Four strides to the front door.

"Hello?" I say into the open night air. Hannah stays quiet beside me. That's the only thing that keeps me calm about the late night visitor.

"Hey."

My body warms immediately. "Kelly?" I don't have to have an answer to know that I am correct. With the late hour and the fact that she is here at my house sends an instant panic straight to my heart. "Is everything okay? Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

I know exactly how I sound but I can't fathom the thought that something is off, that something is wrong. What other reason would she be here?

"No, no, Nate, I am fine," she assures me but her words are slightly slurred making her voice sound strangely more alluring. I open the door further as if to invite the sound in. "And you are fine too."

I freeze and cock my head to the side. Have I fallen asleep during my hormonal attempt to calm my frazzled mind?

"Um, Kelly, are you drunk?"

A childlike giggle escapes her mouth and flies into the foyer along with the cold night air. "Yes," she hiccups. "Very."

"D-Do you want to come inside? It's freezing out here." I don't know what possessed me to say this.

"Your parents wouldn't mind you sneaking a girl in after midnight?"

"I'm sure they would but they're not home." I swallow and bring my hand over my hair as a nervous gesture. "My dad went with my mom to Wilmington for a weekend getaway."

I'm sure they would kill me though I know for a fact Chris would pat me on the back. He always used to sneak girls into the house when he was in high school.

"You rebel."

"It's something new I'm trying out." The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them but I don't feel weird about this. Us talking. It's nice. It's normal.

"It looks nice on you." I can practically hear her teeth chattering as she says this. How long has she been out here?

"D-did you walk here from your boyfriend's house?" The thought of Kelly with someone in the way that I dream of her being with me leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

"He's not my boyfriend," she says in a rush.

This is news to me. "He's not?"

She ignores me in a way that only Kelly Henderson can and I feel her brush against my arm which props me up against the door. I catch a whiff of her sweet perfume as she walks past me.

I expect Hannah to start barking or even growl, which she tends to do when someone is in the house that she isn't familiar with, but she does neither. I don't know why, but this makes me smile which I cover by running a hand over my face.

"How was getting food with your friend--what was her name? Mandy?" Kelly is talking again in her drunken babble and her voice covers the entire house in a type of a blanket that cocoons my senses.

I can't stop the grin that pulls at one end of my mouth. It amuses me as much as confuses me that Kelly is purposely messing up my friends name.

"Molly," I correct her.

"Right, right." Kelly walks past me again and I know this because I can smell her perfume which mixes me with smell of... Vodka? Tequila? Both?

The aroma of it all makes me knees weaken and I have to lean against the closest wall.

I need to play this cool. It isn't everyday that Kelly is in my house.

She already thinks you're a pity puts, man, my subconscious barrates me and my own inner voice makes me feel smaller as her uncommon silence carries on.

"Your place is nice," She comments politely. Her words don't really click with me. I'm too busy calculating every breath I take as to not take up too much room. She comments on an embarrassing photo that is hanging on the livingroom wall. There's a smile in her voice and the pure sound of it snaps me out of my own mind.

"Which picture would that be?" One step, two step, one more step... I sit on the couch and nonchalantly cross my arms as if that will stop her from seeing how my breathing as increase with nerves. I try really hard to act cool about this but we all know I am not considered cool.

"A younger you is standing by a telescope smiling like he won the lottery." She laughs and my scalp prickles. "There's another boy standing off to the side pulling on the sides of his mouth to make a face."

I smile and nod, knowing exactly which picture she is talking about. "That would be my brother, Christopher. He is usually the clown when a photo is being taken. It makes my mom so mad because she's always wanting a normal picture and Chris never allows it. No matter what age."

"I didn't know you had siblings."

I nod again. "Christopher is a senior at the University of Asheville and my little sister is in the sixth grade."

"A sister?" She sounds surprised and then he voice turns dreamy. "I always wanted a little sister."

My sister is one of a kind with her boustrous personality and wisdom beyond her age. She drives me nuts but I love her. Charlotte was the only one who didn't make a big fuss over me losing my eyesight. Mostly, because she didn't understand at the time but still.

"You can have her," I joke and hear Kelly softly laugh.

I can feel Kelly's eyes on me and shift awkwardly under her gaze.

"Where is she tonight?"

I clear my throat. "She's staying with my grandparents while my parents are away."

"You didn't go with her?"

I feel my face blush unwillingly. "My parents tried but it's kinda embarrassing when you're almost eighteen and you can't even be trusted to stay home alone."

"Is it hard?" She boldly asks. I know she regrets saying this the second the words leave her mouth.

"Is what hard?" I ask as calmly as I can. I am used to the questions by now but I never want to initiate a conversation about my condition.

I think me answering her question with one of my own as now made her rethink asking in the first place because she hesitates. "Navigating around, doing it alone--doing it in general."

I shake my head, a wolfish grin breaking surface because it's a cunny thought that I have made Kelly uncertain instead of the other way around. "In general yes but not here," I answer. I force the amusement off my face the best that I can so I don't make her feel guilty for asking. "I know this house like the back of my hand. I could find everything even if I wasn't blind and I had my eyes closed. Not to mention my mother is extremely OCD and is a big believer in schedules so life runs pretty smoothly when things are in the same place every day. But my sister likes to pull pranks by moving my stuff so I wouldn't say it's easy every day."

She giggles and goosebumps break out across my skin.

"What's her name?" She asks.

"Charlotte." I want to tell her that she is named after the city my parents conceived her in but I feel like that would be oversharing.

"That's a pretty name. You were always so tall."

Her sentence gives me whiplash but I have come to the terms that this girl will always keep me on my toes. I take a lucky guess and assume she is still looking at those embarrassing photos my parents love having on the walls of our home.

"People used to think that I was the oldest and my big brother was the youngest. It used to make him so mad." I scoff thinking of Chris's behavior when people assumed this. "I'm still taller than him."

"Do you miss him? I mean," Kelly quickly clears her throat and I hear rustling of feet pad side to side, "because he's away at college and stuff?"

"He comes home every other weekend and he calls. I think my mom misses him the most but yes. It's quieter when he's not around. Less sports talk."

Please don't talk about the game tonight, I silently beg her because I wouldn't know how to answer and I think this is going fairly well.

"Football?" She asks excitedly.

The thought of crushing said excited makes my stomach drop. "Baseball."

"Awe." If she is disappointed she covers it up well.

The cushions sag beside me and my body grows stiff at the proximity of her. I hold my breath but so I don't breathe her in.

"Nothing beats a good ol' knuckleball."

In a gust of wind, I exhale and find myself smiling again. "How drunk are you, Kelly?"

She snorts. "I'm not that drunk. The cool air walking here sobered me up immensely."

I whip my head in her direction. "W-walked? You walked here? In the middle of the night? All by yourself? That's, like, two miles!"

Doesn't she know that it's girls like her that men like to have in their trophy case? And the fact that she is clearly intoxicated just asks for more problems. Why did she drink so much tonight, anyway?

"Calm down, Daddy. Would you rather I drove?"

My body stills and my heart stops in my chest. Actually halts in shock and a little of something else that I am ashamed to claim. Kelly laughs at my reaction which makes my cheeks heat more if that is even possible. My body burns like the surface of Mars.

"I'm sorry," Kelly hiccups and she laughs some more. "Nate, do you happen to have some water I could drink?"

I nod and start to get up and away from this predicament my mind and body is having with each other but Kelly forces me back down.

"Just tell me where and I will get it myself. I didn't come here to bother you."

I clear my throat because her hand print is now searing on my shoulder.

"Second cabinet on the top," I say in a rush. I go to push the bridge of my glasses up and over my nose but my fingers fidget with nothing when I remember that I am not wearing them because I was planning on going to sleep. "Tall glasses are on the bottom shelf and short glasses are on the top. Thought I would tell you that incase you were feelings like a lot of water or just a couple swigs..." I can't stop talking now.

"Thanks for the options." There is humor in her voice and my cheeks now burn more. Even the tips of my ears sear red.

She gets up and for a second, I wish for her to leave. Why was she here in the first place? She has hundreds of friends, she could have easily picked one of their houses to crash instead of mine.

"Second cabinet, right?" She asks from the other room.

"Yes," I answers but my mind is elsewhere. All I see is darkness and all I hear is nonsense whether it is my own mind or Kelly behaving the way that she is. Wanting it all to make sense, I reach into the pocket of my sweatpants and pull out my phone.

Music. Music always helps block out what doesn't make sense in a world where all you see is blackness.

Suddenly, someone is touching me. My hand shoots out to keep them at bay. I will never get used to being surprised in this sort of way. But the wrist belongs to Kelly and I can feel her pulse pounding under my fingers that circle her wrist.

"S-sorry." Oh God, please don't be scared of me. "You just c-caught me off guard there."

"I forget sometimes..." She says and my limbs thaw slightly so the point that I let her go. She takes one of my earbuds from me and places it into her ear.

I want to stop the music but I decide to talk instead because talking seemed to come a tad easier with Kelly than it does with anyone else.

"This is weird for me," I admit.

"Oh, come on, Nate. Don't be shy. It's just some music."

Maybe for her, but music is my escape. "Still, it's strange."

I can feel Kelly's exhale against my cheek like a kiss. "Strange that I'm here or strange that I'm interested in your taste of music?"

"Both," I boldly admit.

"We're friends, okay?" She bumps my shoulder which watches me off guard again. "Get over it." Kelly giggles as I blink in shock that she keeps touching me in different ways. "And for the music, there's a good chance that I know it. I'm kind of a musical genius."

My tongue seems to have a mind of its own as if Kelly had slipped me some alcohol as well. "There's more to music than Bieber and One Direction."

She gasps and I laugh carelessly. "Bite your tongue!"

Kelly keeps her head close to mine so that she can listen to my music as well. She smells so good. The aroma of whatever she has drank tonight mixes with the pleasant smell of whatever she is wearing and it's enough to make me want to move closer to her.

Kelly shifts beside me and for a moment I panic that I actually tried sniffed her or something. She asks me to turn it up and I do quickly as if to hurry this along. If she could read my mind right now, she wouldn't want to be beside me anymore and I rather like having her close by.

"Oh. My. Stars," Kelly nearly shouts. "You like Ryan Cabrera?"

"Yeah. I like his sound." My blood is still pulsing in my ears.

"I love him!" She exclaims and twists her body towards me on the couch. "I used to have--or maybe I still do somewhere--all of his albums when I was younger. I like his sound too. It's really laid back and raw. You have good taste."

I can feel her moving her hips on the cushion beside me and my body grows still again as if I moved, I would make her stop and move away from me. She sings loud enough for me to hear over the actual song blaring in my ear and her off key voice makes me grin.

Right now, sitting on my couch and away from the outside world, Kelly seems so carefree. She is laughing and dancing and I wish more than anything I could see her right now.