"They can fix my eyes?" Nate nearly chokes out.

Lucy unclasps one of her hands and waves it in the air. Tim lays his hand on Nate's shoulder as she does so. "I shouldn't say that, but there's high chance that this could approve your sight to almost being 20/20. Those are high odds, Natty. The procedure is the safest we have yet to see and the doctors seem to think very positive about it."

I think the gears in my brain have grinded to a halt. Procedure? Nate has talked about possibilities but he has never confirmed one.

"When?" Nate asks. There's a smile that could ignite the sun itself, so bright I have to look away. My eyes roam the faces of his loved ones, all equally happy about the news. Even little Charlotte is jumping for joy as she still clings to my leg.

"We can schedule it as early as next week," Tim answers, gripping Nate's shoulder again. His lips are pressed together as if he is trying not to cry in front of his children. "Of course, there will have to be a pre examination to make sure things are up to par but by next month once the bandages are gone--Oh man, look out world!"

"And right before college, man. Couldn't have been better timing," Christopher adds while he balances against the wall.

As if the wind blew a cloud, the sun dims, and gone is Nate's smile. What was going through his head?

"Let's set up the appointment."

"Yeah?" Lucy exclaims, leaning against her husband for emotional support.

Nate nods and reaches behind him, his hand searching. His hand searching for me. I grab onto him and he pulls me up to meet his side. Without thinking, I press my lips to his clothed shoulder, breathing in his scent that makes my head dizzy.

How amazing is this? Nate could possibly get his sight back. In full! This was no longer just talk, it is really happening.

A lazy smile plasters on Nate's face as he bends to the side and kisses my hair, doing the same by pressing his nose to my head and inhaling. My hands tighten around his upper arm.

"Jeesh, Mom. Why wasn't this in your weekly letters?" I know Nate's big brother means this as friendly banter but it doesn't stop the blush from covering both mine and Nate's cheeks.

Nate playfully flips Christopher off which makes his mother gasp in horror and cover Charlotte's eyes. Christopher returns the favor which makes Tim laugh wholeheartedly.

"Pretty soon you'll be able to see me do that right back, brother."

"Enough of that," Lucy scolds with a mothering look. "There's cake in kitchen your nurses sent us as a goodluck treat."

"Cake!" Charlotte squeals and runs through the house to the kitchen.

"Don't run, Chuck!" Tim shouts after his daughter. There is a crash from the other room that has all three of the Haynes scurrying to the rescue.

When Nate and I are alone I tug on his arm to get his attention. "You never told me about this," I say not accusingly but wondrously, my throat clogging with unhashed emotions. "I know a lot of it was talk but this is great news, Nate!"

He simply shrugs which has me confused. He has proclaimed that he would do anything to see again. Now, that might be coming true and he is doing a very good job at masking all of the emotions that should come with this news.

"I didn't want to get your hopes up if it doesn't work. It could not work, Kelly."

"My hopes? Nathaniel, this has nothing to do with me. I shouldn't even be included in this decision. I love you whether you can see or not."

My world stops.

Oh, no. Oh, man. I did not just... I can physically feel all the color drain from my face.

"You... You what?"

"Nothing," I quickly say trying to hide my slip. "Just that I'm not going anywhere whether the surgery works out or not." But we both know what was said. My stomach twists and my heart pounds profoundly in my ears.

I should own up to it. Yes, I love you, Nathaniel Haynes. There is nothing not to love! You make me feel safe, whole, so darn happy that at times I'm worried I will combust into a thousand and one pieces.

But saying it and admitting it to yourself are two completely different things.

As if luck decides to be on my side for once, as if to take pity on me, Nate's brother comes bounding around the corner to usher Nate into the kitchen for celebratory cake. He takes him by both of his shoulders and nearly pushes Nate out of the room. Nate drags his feet but doesn't stop Christopher from taking him away from this very poor timing, extremely exhilarating, situation.

Should I leave? I definitely feel like I should leave. I cannot believe I let that slip!

I have been contemplating my feelings for Nate for some time now and every conclusion comes to just this. I love him. I love him so much that it scares me. I no longer think I can function without Nate. It would be like losing a limb. You could move around, find new ways to get through the day, but your life would never feel fulfilled without that missing limb.

"Kelly, come eat cake!" Mrs. Haynes instructs from the other room.

Taking a deep breath, I run my now sweaty palms down my bare thighs, and make my feet move towards the kitchen.

The Haynes are gathered around the island in the center of their kitchen with plates of cake placed in front of them. Charlotte is the only one that has already started eating, frosting smeared all over her face and even in her bangs. But Nate's parents and brother grin over at me as I awkwardly make me entrance while Nate looks off into the distance, fingering his plastic fork.

I want more than anything to know what's going on in that head of his.

Knowing Nate, he will ignore my slip up because he will be too shy to bring it up again. Maybe I should say it again. Just put it all on the table and move on. But what if my love for him scares him away? I don't think I could bare it.

"How big of a piece, Kelly?" Lucy asks as she raises the knife to cut into a circular chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. It read BIG LOVE in blue decor.

"Oh, um," I swallow and will Nate to look my direction. He doesn't. Instead he continues to look towards the window, his face in deep concentration. "I'm not really hungry."

I couldn't think about eating anything with my stomach in knots the way that it is now.

"It's really good, Kelly," Charlotte mumbled audibly, cake flying out of her mouth as she shovels more in.

"You should have some," Nate pipes in. His voice makes my head snap in his direction. "It's not like you have to squeeze into that cheer uniform anymore."

My breath leaves me in a whoosh when a smirk graces his lips. I find myself moving across from him at the island and I brace my elbows on the countertop. "I guess a small piece won't hurt."

The Haynes have the kitchen dimly lit for Nate's sake, who has now ditched the glasses and is looking in my direction. It's slightly nerve racking that he chooses now to watch my silhouette as I eat cake. I don't know how I will manage to mindlessly ogle him when he can catch me doing so.

"You quit cheerleading, Kelly?" Lucy asks.

"You're a cheerleader?" Christopher pipes in, his eyebrows skyrocketing to his hairline.

"Was. And yes, I did." I bite another piece off my fork and look down at my plate.

"What's a girl like you doing with this geek?" Christopher asks laughing to himself. This is one of those situations that one would laugh along because it's just a joke but this was something neither one of Nate or myself find amusing.

It is the top insecurity on Nate's lists of reasons he believes I'm crazy to pay any attention to him.

"Guess I just got lucky," I answer, my eyes darting from Nate to my plate.

"How come you quit, dear?" Lucy interrupts with a warning glare to her eldest son. "You have always been so involved. I hope you're not fizzling out. You should give yourself a break every once in a while. It's good for the soul."

I smile at Nate's mother. "I like to think I'm cleaning my life up some, leaving more time for the important stuff." My eyes roam to Nate again but his focus is back on the window. With burning eyes, I turn back to his family with a sad smile.

"Kelly here is top of her class and is going to med school," Lucy gushes for Christopher's ear.

My face is getting redder by the second from this woman's praises. She is worst than my own mother. "I will Apply for med school after Pre Med. Haven't exactly got accepted yet."

"She will, though," Nate says. A look that could appear as pride overtakes his features and it makes my heart speed up in my chest, slamming against my breastbone like a bird wanting to get out of its cage. "She volunteers at the clinic in Greensboro too," Nate adds. He has gone back to pushing his cake around his paper plate.

"Looks like you've met your match, Natty," Christopher jokes with a punch to his little brother's shoulder.

"Sure have," he murmurs gazing back at the window.

By the time the sun descends in the sky, I am full of cake and compliments along with worriment that I ruined things with Nate by talking before I could think. He hasn't touched me the whole night as well as right now as he walks me to the front door.

He is inside his own head and it is killing me that I don't know what he is thinking.

Lucy and Tim bid their goodbyes as they clean the kitchen while Nate's siblings wave as Christopher carries Charlotte on his shoulders up the stairs.

"I love you, Kelly!" Charlotte shouts from the stop of the stairs.

Nate stiffens beside me.

My heart gives a thud and the sudden need to cry resurfaces. "Love you too, Charlie," I say back but I don't think it is loud enough for her to hear me. There is a rather large knot of emotion in my throat that is the only thing holding back my tears.

"Well, goodnight," I say to Nate and wait for him to either open the door or move out of the way.

"Did you mean it?" Nate asks out of the blue.

"Mean what?" I say trying to play dumb.

Nate closes his eyes as if to gather his wits before speaking. As his words leave his mouth, he opens his eyes enough to look over my head. "Did you really mean love as in cared about my, like, feelings or did you mean more than that?"

I momentarily stop breathing. I count to twelve until my lungs decide to work again and I draw back in oxygen. I figure it is better to hash this out now then have more unbearable moments like the past hour.

I'm about to open my mouth and answer him when his mother walks back into the foyer. "Nate , honey, I need you on the phone with me to schedule the checkup. It needs to be done before it's too late."

"Can you give us a minute, Mom?" Nate says with a sharper tone than usual.

Mrs. Haynes' brows lift and she stands her ground. "You will see each other tomorrow at school, Nathaniel. Now say goodbye and get into the kitchen to make this phone call. It is important."

Nate's hand reaches up and rubs the back of his neck. An annoyed expression is now on his face but before either one of them can say one more thing I quickly make my exit.

"I'll talk to you later," I say and shut the door behind me.

I stomp back to my house in a huff. I royally suck. Why do I always ruin things when they're just getting good? All I want to do is lay face down on my bed and see how long it take to suffocate myself without force.

My own parents say their quick hellos as I stomp up the stairs, ignoring my mood swings like they're the plague and I clamp down on top of my bed.

That's when I let the tears full of self pity flow. They are the kind that make you feel sadder the longer you cry.

I start to think what my life would be like if Nate was never assigned as my partner. Would I still be climbing the self righteous pole to make myself look all holy and mighty, volunteering at anything I could get my hands on just to ease my guilty conscience? Would I still be dating Danny and pretending like nothing ever happened with the accident? Would I still be telling myself that it was just that, an accident?

I have come to the conclusion, as I lay there in my bed, that I would take nothing back. I would gladly rip my heart out in front of Nathaniel than go about my life pretending that I am okay. I would never be okay without a bright light such as Nate in my life.

So I sit up, wipe the tears from my face, and put back on my shoes because I have a window I needed to climb through.