I knock on Maddy's front door loudly a few hours after the graduation ceremony. My parents, Nate, and I went out to dinner afterwords. The thing about a small town is there are not a ton of restaurant options so everywhere was filled with my graduating class.

It was awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. Nate nodded hello to a few people he knew and I smiled politely to my classmates as we took our seats in the overcrowded building.

We suffered through an hour of not talking about what was really on our minds, about how Mom could barely eat anything and seemed sort of out of breath the whole dinner.

Dad and Mom are always uncomfortable around each other but this was almost unbearable.

Nate spoke about college and how he can't wait for me to experience it myself. I almost wanted to throw out my idea of traveling instead of college to see what they would say, to see if maybe I could get some sort of reaction from them.

No one asked where I was going when I took my own car and said I wouldn't be coming home.

Maddy answers the door her eyes widen in shock to see me standing there. She's wearing shorts and a sweatshirt, her blonde hair piled on top of her head, I feel stupid in my white sundress.

"What's up?" Maddy asks so casually.

"You didn't show up," I say trying to control the anger in my voice. I push my way through the doorway and into the living room to see Finn sitting on the couch and Peyton playing on the floor.

Maddy takes a seat on the couch too, all of them look at me. Maddy's blue eyes are dark in the center and turn into clear blue around the edges, Finn's eyes are opposite: dark on the edges and clear in the middle, while Peyton's are all clear blue and so innocent as she stares up at me.

"What's the big deal?" Maddy asks.

"You didn't tell me! I waited for you and I called you," I say trying to control my voice and failing.

"My phone broke last night," she says then looks at Finn with a shrug. "I didn't want to go. I've been telling you all week how stupid it was," She says without making eye contact.

I throw my hands up in the air, "no one wants to go, but we all go, Maddy."

"God, Westlyn, why does it matter so fucking much?" Maddy uses my name to mock me. I can tell because her eyes seem to be smiling and I pause before I answer, which makes her smile more. She always wins.

"I just wanted you there."

"You have other friends."

"Don't pull that one," I say blinking back tears. Finn is looking at Peyton and refusing to meet my eyes, "didn't your parents care?" that question makes Finn's head snap towards mine then he looks right to Maddy.

The silence in the room is deafening. I feel like I'm back in my living room two years ago awaiting the news that my father and mother were about to deliver, where it felt like the world was about to come crashing down right in front of me.

I often feel that way in front of Maddy like it was so all or nothing with her. I'm trying to beat her at her own game and I'm terrified that it is going to blow up in my face.

Peyton pulls herself up using the couch and takes three wobbly steps towards me before falling on to her bottom. She looks towards Finn with a huge smile on her face, "good job, Peyton!" Finn says while clapping his hands and grinning. She then looks back and forth between Maddy and I waiting for our reaction.

Maddy laughs, "good job, P."

I smile and clap for her as she reaches her tiny arms up towards me. I pick her up and hold her closely. I rest my cheek against her soft golden curls and take a few deep breaths. I'm attempting to collect myself. I'm trying to decide if I should continue this fight with Maddy or if I should walk away and hide like I normally do.

"So your parents were okay with it?" I ask again looking up and staring at both Maddy and Finn. Maddy looks at Finn and Finn glances at Maddy.

"They're dead," Maddy says looking at Finn quickly then towards the ground. Finn does not make eye contact with anymore. He fidgets. He plays with the edge of his athletic shorts and runs the other hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry. I, uh, I didn't know," I stumble over my words and place Peyton on the ground.

"Of course you didn't. We're going to the party tonight right?" How can she be so fine with everything?

I want to tell her that I don't want to that I'd rather just hangout here and do a whole lot of nothing since my brain has been in overdrive since Maddy didn't show up for graduation. But how can I say no to her after finding out that information?

"Yeah sure."

Finn finally makes eye contact with me, "if you guys need a ride home or anything you can call me."

Maddy rolls her eyes, "Yeah Peyton's ready for field party number two!" she says while lifting the toddler into the air and listening to her giggle.

"It's not ideal waking her up but I'd rather do that than let you guys drive drunk or anything," Finn says.

"Okay Gramps, we'll be sure to call you," Maddy laughs.

I shake my head, "I'm not drinking. I'll get her home."

"God you two are worse than having parents," Maddy laughs at her own bad joke and walks out of the room leaving Finn, Peyton, and I.

Finn opens his mouth then closes it, like he wants to talk but can't figure out the words to say. I sit down next to him on the couch and hope that he will say something to make me feel like less of an ass for forcing Maddy to tell me about their parents, but he doesn't.

He just keeps glancing at me every couple minutes like maybe there is more to their story.