.

Peyton is side-stepping around my bed as I write an essay for one of the many classes I'm taking this semester. She just turned a few weeks ago and the idea of walking is just as terrifying for her as it is for me.

To say I wasn't prepared to be a father is a severe understatement. I had a crib, diapers, wipes, cream, clothes, binkies, bottles, and all the other materialistic crap babies need to survive but the emotional and physical aspect of being a father did not come easily. Or naturally.

Maybe it's because I had no guidance in the parenting department. I have been raising myself for as long as I could remember and I've been attempting to raise Maddy since she was basically born.

It hasn't been the best or easiest childhood for either of us and one I'd rather not think about, but it's hard not to think about when watching Peyton.

Maddy walks in, her backpack hanging off one shoulder, her cellphone in the other hand. She throws her bag on the floor of my bedroom and sits on my bed.

"Hi," I say trying to break Maddy out of her phone-trance.

"Hey," she says, almost like she's surprised to see me.

She puts her phone down and picks up Peyton and lays down on the bed holding the baby tightly to her chest. Maddy is terrified of everything having to do with P except for cuddling with her, which Peyton is starting to hate since she's more mobile now.

"How long have you and West been friends?" I ask putting my novel and laptop to the side.

"Seriously? I just got 20 questions from her about you, I'm not answering yours too,"

Maddy says.

"What did she ask?"

"Basic things," She starts a count on her right hand, "Peyton, Peyton's mom, too much information that she does not need to know,"

"What about P's mom?" I ask.

"If she's in the picture," Maddy answers with a sigh.

"Interesting."

"No," she snaps.

"What?" I ask.

"You are not getting involved with my best friend." I can see the desperation in her eyes. For someone who acts so tough I know how scared she is.

"How can she be your best friend if i didn't even know she existed until two days ago?" I ask.

"I obviously can't have her over here, Finn. She can't know things. You getting involved with her is probably the worst possible thing for me," Maddy says.

Maddy looks broken. Her eyes are wide and glassy with unshed tears that I know she won't dare to let out. She is always worried. Worried about losing me and Peyton and what's left of her terribly un-normal life.

"It wouldn't be anything serious. She's pretty and I don't know," I say.

"No, Finn. You saw a sad girl sitting at a party alone and you want to save her just like you are saving me and saving Peyton," Maddy says.

I almost go to argue about Peyton but I decide better of it because another fight about how adoption would have been an excellent choice for P's future and probably the better choice for all of us is not in me right now.

Maddy loves Peyton almost as much as I do but my sister is very black and white. She can understand the concept of loving something or someone so much that you can let them go, where I can't. I couldn't let Peyton go.

"Why's she sad?" I ask.

I know I should drop the conversation but my curiosity is getting the better of me. Maddy sits up and keeps Peyton on her lap. Peyton squirms until she lets go and she comes crawling over to me and uses me to stand up, she smiles triumphantly, and I wish that she could be this happy forever.

"I don't know," Maddy responds.

"But you're best friends?"

"We're best friends because we don't talk. It's safer for me that way and I don't know what she's hiding but I'm guessing she would rather keep that hidden too, probably from the bitches she calls friends. I swear, Finn, the other girls West is friends with are right out every terrible teen movie you've ever seen. Or I've ever seen. It's gross. I refuse to even look at them," Maddy talks with her hands. She is more herself in this moment than I've seen for a while, it's refreshing. It's nice talking about other people than our too big problems.

"She's okay with you not going near her other friends?" I ask.

"Duh. Then she has a reason to ditch them too. Plus I'm more fun."

"I'm sure you are," I say rolling my eyes, "speaking of fun I think we should talk about Saturday and you coming out of the woods half dressed."

Maddy gets up and walks towards the door, "nah."

We live our lives balancing on this fine line between me being her father and me being her brother. One that is difficult for me to navigate in instances like this where I know what's right but at the same time I have no clue how to fix this, even if I could.

I walk to her room, open the door, "fine, we don't talk about it. Just remember we can not afford another baby."

"Well then good thing I've always been the smart one in the family!" She calls as I close the door.

***

The next day, it's 12:00pm and I'm on my work phone with my boss and attempting to make some baby version of mac&cheese for Peyton's lunch when my cell phone rings, the number is Maddy's school.

"Yes, I understand. I'll be in the office tomorrow, it's no problem. Alright, bye." I say as quickly as possible while trying to ignore the fact that going into the office tomorrow is completely a problem. I quickly grab my ringing phone and answer, "Hello," right before it would have turned off.

"Mr. Sullivan?" Asks a female voice on the other end of the phone.

"Yes, who is calling?" I ask.

"Maddy had an altercation with another student. We need you to come down to the school for a meeting with the principal."

"What kind of altercation?"

"That will all be explained, Mr. Sullivan. See you soon." And she hangs up.

I grab a container of baby snacks out of the cabinet and throw on Peyton's shoes, hand her the container of snacks, while buckling her into her extremely complicated carseat and then finally head towards the school.

At least Peyton isn't in the middle of sleeping this time. I'm sort of nervous for what Maddy could have done but also pissed off that once again she's only thinking about herself.

Not the fact that I have P, school work, and regular work to deal with at home.

I'm brought right in to see the principal, Mr. Dolan. He is wearing an expensive looking suit with his gray hair cut short, he looks pretty damn mad until he sees Peyton. That is one of the benefits of having a baby. No one can be that mad when they see her.

"Lets just get right to it," I say, "What happened?"

"Maddy punched a boy in the face, most likely breaking his nose."

My eyes widen in surprise. Maddy has never been the violent type. She could kill with words but never with action. "Did she say why she did that?"

"No, she said she 'felt like it'" he uses air quotes.

"That is very unlike her." I say.

"Indeed it is. We've never had disciplinary problems with her before, so I'm assuming this is something deeper than just an act of boredom. I'm sure you'll be able to get to the bottom of what actually happened and let us know if we need to punish the victim as well?" Mr. Dolan asks.

"As well? Meaning you are punishing Maddy?"

"I'm sorry, we have to. School policy. three days suspension because it is her first offense."

"Since it's her first offense she can't just have two weeks of in school suspension?"

He shakes his head, I can tell her sort of feels badly. I'm sure it's because of Maddy's file sitting on her desk and him realizing that her 21 year-old brother has sole custody of her and of a baby. I'm sure the file also explains the reasoning behind all of that and no one is really immune to the saga that is Finn and Maddy Sullivan's life.

"She is waiting in the office. You can take her home now."

"Thanks," I mumble making my way out of the office. I'm just thankful that Peyton didn't start screaming or something making my parenting style or lack of more obvious.

"What the hell happened?" I ask as soon as I spot Maddy standing outside the office with West.

"I punched a guy. You should be proud he was at least a foot taller than me and 100 pounds heavier."

"You're suspended, Mads. Three days."

"What?" She asks the seriousness of the situation finally settling in.

"It was completely my fault," West says putting her hand on my arm.

"How?" I ask.

"The guy she punched has basically been stalking me. He was waiting by my locker for me and when I decided to just walk past my locker instead of stopping at it he grabbed my arm. Maddy punched him then. It's been this ongoing thing," She says to me, "I'm so sorry."

"I guess good job than Maddy. But seriously three days. That isn't good."

"You think I don't know that? Shit." She says then looks up at Peyton who's smiling widely at her like she's in on the joke.

"Well good thing I need a babysitter for tomorrow. I have to go into the office."

"No," Maddy says.

"Yes," I say.

"I can help. I mean, after school. I'll bring Maddy all her work then we can study and watch Peyton so you don't fall behind."

"Works for me," I say.

"No," Maddy repeats her eyes widening.

"Why not?" West asks.

"Because I'm probably going to be grounded."

"What?" I ask then stop myself because this is Maddy's way of keeping West completely separate from the life she lives. She wants West to think she has some normal life with parents who actually ground her for getting suspended and care that she punched some guy.

"Oh, yeah. Probably," I say and Maddy gives me a grateful look before we say goodbye to West and head home.