"What?" Maddy says while leaning against my headboard. We are in our normal afterschool positions. I'm sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed and Maddy has her legs straight out leaning back. We have books open between us that we haven't really looked at.

"Who's the baby?" I ask finally, after going over and over in my head if I should even ask.

Maddy and I are best friends. Best friends meaning we both fully understand that we would rather not talk about anything important.

Maddy believes I have nothing to hide and I understand Maddy has more to hide than the average person.

"Finn's kid," she says with a shrug.

"You're an aunt?" I ask surprised.

"I guess."

"Why haven't you ever told me that?" I ask. That isn't really a secret. It is a huge part of her life, I would think. If my brother had a baby I would want the kid to be a part of my life, at least.

But Maddy and I are very different but also too alike.

"We never talk about Finn. Why would I tell you?"

"She's your niece, Maddy. She is a part of your life," I say.

"I'm not around her much," Maddy looks down and I know she wants to close this topic but I'm not ready yet. There is something so intriguing about a guy showing up with a baby to a field party and not knowing anything about either of them.

"How old is she?"

I can tell Maddy is getting pissed by my questioning, "one. She just turned one and Finn just turned twenty-one. I'm sure that was going to be your next question," Maddy smirks, her blue eyes wide under raised eyebrows.

"Hmm, where's her mom?"

"Gone. Left right after she pushed the kid out. At least that's what Finn said, I wasn't at the hospital. I'm sure Finn exaggerated a little. I don't know if someone can actually push a kid out then vanish."

"That's terrible," I say with my hand over my heart ignoring Maddy's rant.

Maddy rolls her eyes, "Finn said he sort of knew it was coming. She insisted we keep all the baby stuff at our house, saying she had no where to put it right now. Finn said he went to the bathroom and when he came back she was gone."

"This was after you moved here?" I know I'm pushing my luck with the questions.

"I moved here before Finn did. He waited until Peyton was born," Maddy sighs dramatically, "can we please start our calculus now? I'm completely clueless."

"Sure."

Maddy showed up in our dingy high school two years ago when we were sophomores. She was this too cool girl to show up in this too small town in the middle of nowhere. She was wearing shorts and combat boots with her long blonde hair falling almost down to her tailbone. But it was obvious she didn't want to be bothered. She wanted to be alone and maybe just get through the year without any casualties.

I found myself drawn to her, probably because she was so unlike the girls that I've been going to school with for the last ten years and she looked almost broken but also strong. And I wanted to be like her. I didn't want to paint a stupid smile on my face so I could pretend to be the same girl I was for those ten years because I wasn't.

The same day Maddy showed up was the same day my world fell apart.

Thursday morning right before my brother, Nate and I were getting ready to head off to school Mom and Dad decided they wanted to talk to us. It was so rare for Dad to be home at 7:00 in the morning that I sort of knew something was wrong.

Nate is two years older than me, a senior at that time. He was oblivious to the growing tension in our large open living room. He wanted to get to school to see his girlfriend, he actually said that.

"Nate, please," Dad said and my stomach turned.

"We have some news," Mom looked towards Dad and he took her hand in his.

"You're pregnant?" I blurted out and I don't even know why because that would be happy(ish) news. I mean Mom was old so the baby could potentially have some issues but we could overcome that.

"No, Hun," Mom said then took a deep breath, "I have breast cancer."

It felt so funny to be sitting on our worn brown leather couch where we sometimes watch movies on snowy nights and how I could feel Nate's heart beating in my ears along with my own.

How I could actually see the whole world crumble underneath my dirty old Converse sneakers.

I waited for some sort of tidal wave to break through the windows and take me away from this situation that I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around. I waited for someone to jump out and tell us they it was all some sick-twisted joke. I waited for the tears to fall down my cheeks but those also never came.

Instead Nate said, "we've gotta go," and we went.

Maddy was sitting in my seat in our first period English class and that is when the tears came. I cried over my seat, I ran to the bathroom, and for some reason Maddy followed.

"This isn't about a chair is it?" She asked and I don't know how she knew but she did.

"No," I told her. But I didn't tell her the real reason. I just said "no" and Maddy accepted that with no questions asked and I knew that we were going to be friends. I knew I needed someone that would just accept the tears with no comments or judgment, which was so unlike the friends that I already have here.

She handed me some balled up toilet paper, I wiped my eyes, and we headed back to class. She sat in the seat behind me and it was okay.

Our friendship has stayed pretty much the same for the two years she has been in this school and I'm okay with it. I think she is too, until I break our unspoken rules and can't keep my mouth shut.

"You know we can go to your house sometimes and watch Peyton for Finn if he has things to do," I say.

"Thanks, but Finn has everything handled," She says with a small smile that tells me that she is hiding way more than I probably could have ever imagined.

And I think I'm ready to finally figure her out.