The rain continues to soak my clothes as I slowly walk back to my house. Did I just lose the best part of my life? Did I screw up so much that I had lost her forever?

What was I supposed to do now?

The house was silent as my mother wouldn't be back until late Sunday and for once I was glad to be away from the twins.

I was completely in love with this girl, how could I do this to her.

I wanted to drink, I was desperate for a smoke but I think back to the last time I had gotten stoned in front of her at school and refrain from both drinking and smoking. I didn't want to fuck up anymore than I already had.

My phone rings a couple of times but I ignore it. Toby could wait. Katherine hadn't tried to contact me either and whilst I was grateful for the break, I only hoped that I hadn't lost her as well.

I sit on my bed for hours that night, my head in my hands. I was a total fuck up.

I don't when or how but I wake up the next morning, lying on top of my bed with my clothes still on.

What time was it?

I open my phone to see even more calls from Toby and a few from Carter and Blake. It was 11:00am.

Groaning, I stand up to turn on my shower. I wait for the hot water to work before taking off my clothes and standing in the shower. The hot water runs from my hair down my back and it helps clear my head.

There was only one thing to do now.

I had to make it up to Em. I had to make things right, I was in love with her and I knew that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

After washing myself I grab my towel and wrap it around my hips. I walk into my room and can't help but look over at Em's window. I wasn't surprised to see the window shut and the blinds closed.

I busy myself for a few hours by doing some stuff around the house, I fix the sink in the girl's bathroom that my mother had been asking me to do for a while, and even unpack the dishwasher. It was raining which meant that I couldn't do anything outside.

When I can't find anything else to busy my mind I walk upstairs and sit on my bed. How could I make it up to her? Should I buy her an expensive bracelet or something? I groan aloud, I knew very well that she wasn't someone who wanted expensive jewelry. I also knew that a gift wouldn't make her forgive me, she wasn't shallow enough.

I grab my leather jacket and walk outside, I ignore the pouring rain and just focus on the task ahead of me. I was going to talk to her, explain it to her. As soon as I look towards her house I see her exit the front door.

Relief fills me, maybe someone was on my side.

She keeps her head down as I call her name. She ignores me.

"Emily," I try again. Ignored.

Did I really fuck up that much that she wouldn't even acknowledge me now?

I jog towards her, I had to try again. I loved her.

"Emily," I call again. She ignores me again so I grab her arm gently. She doesn't even look up at me.

I get a glimpse of her face and guilt floods through me. She looked so pale, her eyes were dull and her hair was in a messy bun. She wore sweatpants and an oversized jacket that I knew wasn't hers.

I ignore the jealously and stare at the still beautiful girl standing in front of me. Something was seriously wrong. Was all this because of me? Did I do this to her?

"Are you okay?" I find myself stupidly asking. Of course she wasn't okay, I betrayed her in so many ways.

She looks up at me and I'm taken aback by the hatred that I see in her eyes. Did she really hate me that much?! Did I fuck up so badly that I had made her this angry? Of course I had, I was a fuck up and a waste of space that never deserved someone as pure as her.

"Am I okay?!" She repeats angrily. I stare at her, the same surprise at her outburst still evident on my face. I had never seen Em this angry and upset, I had seen other girls look at me this way after I had fucked them over or something but for some reason, when Em did it, it actually hurt me. A lot more than I care to admit.

"You're a fucking asshole Aiden. All you do is care about yourself and don't think of how your actions affect those around you. I hate you. I wish more than anything that I had never met you because all you do is ruin my life." Emily yells. Her words hurt me profoundly and i'm even more taken aback. She was right. She pulls her arm from my grip and I don't fight it, I had caused her enough hurt already. She looks up at me with a hatred that I had never wanted to see from her, once again my heart aches that I had done this to her.

I hear her engine start and then suddenly; she's gone.

🎵🎶🎵

She was right, I was an asshole, I only cared about myself and I never cared about those around me. I didn't blame her for hating me, I didn't blame her for wishing she had never met me.

In fact, I wished that I had never met her as well because that would have saved me a lot of heartbreak. From the second that I had seen her, I just knew that she was different. She was absolutely gorgeous but didn't realize it or use it to her advantage like all the girls I used to fuck had.

Why did I have to fall for the purest girl that I would only break at the end?

The need for a drink returns even more intensely than earlier and this time, I don't fight it. I walk into the house and head straight for the liquor cabinet. I open a bottle of Bacardi and take a swig straight from the bottle. I grab a glass and pour some Bacardi in it before sitting on the couch and downing it quickly. I down another glass, and then another.

Suddenly I'm halfway through the bottle and feeling a lot better.

My phone rings and I answer it without looking at the ID, maybe it was Emily.

"Aiden?" I hear from the line.

"Toby," I groan. My words are a slur.

"What the fuck bro, I've been trying to reach you since yesterday!!!" Toby scolds.

"Blah blah blah," I reply. Toby stays silent for a moment.

"Are you drunk?" He finally says.

"I don't know, am I?" I reply childishly, rolling my eyes. What was he, my father? Jokes my father wouldn't give a fuck.

"Fucking hell Aiden, I'll be there in 10." Toby responds frustratingly before hanging up the phone.

I drop my phone beside me and shrug before downing another glass. Was this stuff starting to lose its taste or was it just me?

I wonder what Emily was doing right now. Was she at home and in bed with Dale or Luke watching a movie? Who cares though right? She hated me which meant that I was going to get over her.

I stare at the empty glass in front of me, I guess what they say is true; you only know the value of something when you lose it.

I hated that I didn't realize I loved her until it was too late, I was an idiot. I AM an idiot. I had to let her go, she deserved so much better than me. I knew that, everyone knew that, she probably knew that.

She's everything that any guy could ever want, she was kind, caring, sweet, beautiful. She was the dream girl, she should end up with someone like Justin who was the dream boy, something that a fuckboy delinquent like me would never be.

I knew I was drunk, but I also knew that these were sober thoughts, I had just been ignoring them.

I ruined her, I ruin everything I touch. She was way too pure for me, I was bad.

I had been in love twice in my life, I would never forget either time but with Em it just seemed more real. I guess she'd always be that for me, the girl that was just too good for me.

It took me so long to fall for her as hard as I had and I knew that, but I also knew that it only took me seconds to ruin whatever chance we ever had. I was impulsive. Reckless. Now I just felt empty.

She lived beside me so it seemed like I would never stop seeing her and wanting her. She would never be mine, I fucked that chance up and now I would have to live with it. This is why I became a player in the first place, because I fell too hard for a girl. But she seemed like nothing compared to how I was feeling now. I guess I'll never learn.

"The fuck Aiden?" I hear Toby's familiar voice breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Toby, you came!!" I grin. Damn, alcohol made me bipolar.

"Of course I did Aiden, you're my best friend," Toby sighs, sitting across from me on the other couch.

I can't help but smile at my best friend, at least I always had Toby.

"Why are you drinking Aiden?" Toby sighs, massaging his temples, "I thought today would be the best day of your life after making it official with Em. I understood why you didn't answer last night because I just assumed you were with Em but why are you drinking now?"

My happy mood turns sour instantly; "I think Em broke up with me, even though we were never together."

"What?" Toby questions.

"Katherine's back," I reply.

Toby freezes and stares at me; "Aiden what the fuck, start from the beginning."

"Yesterday before I was meant to meet with Em, Katherine showed up. We were making out and Em saw it before I stopped it. It looked like we were fucking." I say casually. Alcohol made this stuff so much easier.

"What the fuck Aiden, why were you even making out with her?!" Toby scolds, rubbing his face.

"I didn't mean to, it just happened," I pout.

"Fucking hell Aiden, so then what?" He groans.

"I went over to her house to try to apologize and she basically told me that I was a player and would never change, then I saw her again today and tried to apologize again but she told me she hates me," I admit. I feel something wet on my cheek but I ignore it, it was the alcohol.

Toby groans loudly, rubbing his face, "she doesn't hate you Aiden."

"She does, you didn't see the look in her eyes. She told me that she wished she had never met me," I reply.

"No Aiden. She doesn't, she's hurt and she has a right to be, you fucked up. But you cant just unlove someone, she loves you, I'm positive of that." Toby replies confidently.

"I think you're wrong," I reply subconsciously. Well more like slur.

"Whether I'm wrong or not is something we'll discuss in the morning, you need to stop drinking," Toby sighs, standing up and walking over to me with his hands out.

"I'm not ready to stop," I reply, taking another swig straight from the bottle.

"Seriously Aiden?" He questions.

"I'll only stop if Em comes and stops me herself," I grin cheekily.

"What?" Toby replies.

"If she loves me then she'll come!!" I state, I was right. I always was.

"Grow up Aiden," Toby rolls his eyes.

"Excuse me!? I'm bigger than you!!" I reply offended.

"I don't think she wants to see you right now," he reminds.

"But I want to see her, I miss her!!" I pout.

"You need to give her some time away from you if you want her to forgive you," Toby attempts to persuade.

"I do want her to forgive me," I reply, taking another swig.

"Great, bedtime." Toby tries again.

"But I can't give her any time away from me!!" I continue.

"Why the fuck not!?" Toby groans.

"Because I love her," I whisper to him.

Toby freezes and stares at me for a few seconds before looking away; "of course the idiot only realizes he loves her when he loses her."

"Did you just call me an idiot? Now I definitely won't go to bed for you," I reply childishly.

Toby sighs; "Aiden, please give her some space, you'll lose her for longer if you don't."

Why does he want me to leave her alone? I can't leave her alone. I love her too much. I take another swig of the bottle.

***

It had been about an hour and I was just telling Toby about how pretty Em was.

"I thought you'd have passed out by now!!" Toby groans, cutting me off.

"I won't pass out, I'm not even drunk," I slur. I laugh at myself, who was I kidding, I couldn't even talk.

"Go to bed Aiden, and stop drinking!!" He attempts for the 100th time tonight.

"Only if Em comes over," I grin, taking another swig. I was now 3/4 through the bottle and everything was spinning.

"Fuck!! Fine, you win. I'll call her now," Toby finally gives in.

I cheer, I liked winning.

Toby walks into the kitchen and I hear him talk into the phone. I wonder if she'd actually come.

A couple of minutes later, Toby walks back to the living room and sits on the couch as I take another swig.

"She'll be here in 15."

"15?! Why so long? Is she with another guy?" I find myself questioning vulnerably.

"I don't know Aiden, but because of you're annoying ass she's leaving wherever she was now," Toby sighs impatiently.

At least she'd be here soon.

Finally I hear the sound of a car pulling in and Toby runs to my room to get a spare towel before going to the door and letting Em in. Even Toby was nicer than me.

"Hey Tobes," I hear her angelic voice. I instantly smile, she was here now.

"Thank you so much for coming Mills," Toby replies.

"What are friends for if not helping out each other when they're drunk?" I hear her joke but her words make me sad. I didn't want to be her friend.

"Where is he?" I hear her ask.

I stand up, careful to not stand too fast and throw up before I walk over to her. Why is the floor moving!? How long has it done that for!?

"Collins, you came!!" I grin, why is the ground still moving!? Why was the ground called the ground?

Em quickly wraps her arm around me and it makes the floor stops moving a little. She was touching me again!!! This is awesome!!!

"Let's get you to bed," she sighs. She was beautiful, maybe I should tell her? Girls like compliments right?

"You know Collins, you are very beautiful," I tell her confidently. Now she has to forgive me!! She was very beautiful, I look at her just so I can take it all in. Her face turns red and I grin; "I love it when I make you blush."

"Alright mate, that's enough," Toby chuckles. Why was he trying to make me stop!? I had to tell her now while I could and while she was talking to me!!

"But I need to tell her that I do really like her," I convince Toby.

"Well then maybe you should tell her tomorrow," He laughs.

"Come on Aiden, please go to sleep," Em begs, her face still the adorable red color.

"I will," I begin, ignoring Toby and Em's sigh of relief, "If Collins goes to sleep with me."

"Seriously man?" Toby questions. I nod grinning.

Toby sighs and then looks at Em expectantly.

She stays silent for a few seconds before finally responding; "yeah that's fine."

I grin at her.

"Alright, help me get him to bed? He's one heavy motherfucker," Toby chuckles.

"Are you calling me fat?" I ask Toby seriously. Why was he so mean?!

"Sure bro," Toby replies rolling his eyes.

"That's not very nice," I respond sadly. Em laughs at me and I find myself glad that Toby had called me fat, it made her laugh and I loved that sound.

Em and Toby help me to bed, but I was just really happy that Em was sleeping with me.

"Aiden you need to get changed," Em says. If it was anyone else then I'd ignore them but it was Em, so I listen to her. I take off my shirt and jeans throwing them on the floor. The small action takes a lot of energy and focus because of my drunk state.

"I'm going to go home and tell Robert that I'm staying here as well as get changed," Em sighs.

"No!!" I interject, trying to stand up. Why was my bed moving?! Had it always done that?

"Why?" Toby asks rolling his eyes.

"I want her to wear my clothes, I like it when she wears my clothes," I explain.

"Really Aiden?" Em groans.

"Yep, or else I won't go to sleep," I grin cheekily, I didn't want her to leave, then she might not come back. I also loved her wearing my clothes because they made her mine.

"Fine," she agrees.

Toby chuckles and gets her some clothes. I lie down with a grin on my face.

Em walks out and Toby instantly comes down to my level; "bro, you need to tone it down. Tell her how you're feeling when you're sober tomorrow, not right now!!"

"Why? I want to tell her now!!" I sulk.

"It won't mean anything now, if you tell her tomorrow then it'll mean something," Toby explains.

"Fine." I reply.

"Thank god, she doesn't need drunk you professing your love for her tonight," Toby rolls his eyes.

Em steps out of the bathroom and I panic, "shhh Toby, she'll hear us."

Toby shakes his head in annoyance and Em comes and lies beside me frustratingly. She looked so pretty, even when her skin was pale and her eyes were dull. I smile at Em happily, she was really lying with me!!

"I'll come over tomorrow with Carter and Blake, I'll invite Dale, Charlie, and Luke as well," Toby says.

"Do you really think he'll be in the mood to host?!" Em asks Toby, giving him a pointed look.

"Not at all but I wasn't in the mood to babysit tonight and paybacks a bitch," Toby grins. Em laughs and it makes me smile. I put my arm around her waist and pull her closer to me. I wanted to be close to her.

I fall asleep almost instantly, my arm around the girl that I love.

***

I wake up with a pounding headache. I only remember fragments of last night.

I feel a stir beside me and my head shoots over to look at the source. Relief floods me as I see Em.

"Collins?" I question. Did she forgive me!?

"Yeah," she mumbles.

"What the fuck happened last night?" I ask.

She sits up, "you got way too drunk and wouldn't go to sleep unless I stayed with you."

"So you did?" I ask in surprise. I didn't think she'd care that much after yesterday.

She laughs lightly; "I didn't really have a choice, plus, that's what friends do."

My heart aches when I hear the word friends, obviously drunk me hadn't made anything right with her. I don't know why I was hoping to be more than friends after everything I had done. My head pounds and I lie back down.

Em stands up and I open my eyes to look at her as she walks into my bathroom in nothing but my shirt. She looked so hot in my shirt, I adored the claim that wearing my clothes had on her.

She walks downstairs and I lay back down. What would happen now? Obviously she still wasn't back to normal with me, I didn't blame her.

I hear her light footsteps enter my room and I look up to see her holding a glass of water and tablets.

I smile at her gratefully as I down them, hoping they will soothe my pounding head.

"How are you feeling?" Em asks, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I'm so sorry Collins," I apologize for everything that I had done in the last couple of days.

"It's fine, like I said, that's what friends are for." She replies, obviously thinking I was just talking about last night.

"So we're just friends then?" I can't help but question. I loved her, I didn't want to be just friends.

"Please Aiden, don't go there. Can we please just pretend that whatever happened between us didn't and we're friends again? I want you in my life," she begs.

I stare at her, trying to detect any sign of her wanting me the way that I wanted her. I don't find anything. I needed her in my life, if she wanted to be just friends then that was fine with me, but I was not going to stop trying to get her. I couldn't. I was too far gone now.