I didn't sleep last night, I couldn't. I was worried about my sisters and found myself continuously looking at my window. I had closed my blinds, promising I wouldn't open them again unless I knew Emily wasn't home.

Emily.

I can't believe it was my fault that she almost got raped last night. I knew what I had to do, and that was to end our friendship. I was hurting her, I hated how she wasn't mad at me for what happened. She was too pure for us, I guess I knew it all along. It was kind of like the yin yang in a sense, she was the only thing good and pure about me and I was the only thing dark about her. She and I were never meant to be friends, I was meant to sleep with her and then forget all about her. I was definitely never meant to burden her and open up to her the way I did, and she definitely was never meant to trust me the way she had and earn my trust in return.

She would graduate school with straight A's, get into the college she wanted so she could study medicine and probably cure cancer or something, marry someone like Luke, and have the perfect family. And I was meant to stay here, looking after my sisters and my mother and live the dark life I deserve.

I don't know why it affected me so much, knowing I had lost her, I understand that she was one of, if not my best friend, but for some reason, it felt like more. I was now eternally grateful that I had gotten that tattoo when I did. At least I'll always have a part of her.

The guys and I were all going to skip school today and just hang. A well-needed guys day. Mom had taken Elle and Mia to school and gone to work, not knowing my plans for the day. It was now 10:00 am and the boys would get here any minute.

"Honey, I'm home," I hear Toby yell from downstairs. Chuckling I make my way to him.

"We going downstairs?" Toby asks grinning.

"Yeah man," I reply, making my way down to the basement where we usually hang out.

"So what's the deal? How's Mills?" Toby asks.

"Fuck knows." I reply frustratingly.

Toby gives me a questioning look.

"She didn't even get mad at me last night after what the fucker Bates did, she was more pissed I didn't tell her about him rather than how she almost got fucking raped because of us," I rant.

Toby rolls his eyes, "It's not your fault what he did. He's a shit head."

"It is my fucking fault, he did it to get back at me probably because he saw me beat up that creep that hit on her before," I continue ranting.

"Nah man. Did she seem okay today?" Toby questions.

"Wouldn't know, last night I told her I was done with the friendship," I admit.

"You did what?" Toby yells, astonishment lacing his every word.

"Come on man, you care about her as well and all we're doing is hurting her. Tiffany, Bate's, even her and Luke's relationship," I roll my eyes in self frustration.

"What's Tiffany got to do with it?" Toby questions.

"She tipped the water on Em that day because I wouldn't sleep with her," I reply.

Toby smirks a little, "well why wouldn't you sleep with her?"

"Wasn't feeling it?" I question, a little weirded out by Toby's knowing look.

"Why weren't you feeling it? Other stuff on your mind?" He continues, the knowing look just widening.

"Guess so." I reply, his smirk only grows; "fuck off man."

"Just saying, ever since you and Tiffany began this fuckbuddies thing you've never once missed an opportunity to sleep with her, hell you never even went more than a week without sleeping with her. You barely even went a day without sleeping with anyone," Toby says.

"So?" I ask.

"You like her." Toby smirks knowingly.

"What?" I ask.

"Emily, you have feelings for her," Toby repeats, but this time he says it as if he was talking to a child.

"Fuck off man, I do not," I reply, rolling my eyes.

She was my friend and I cared about my friends. Toby had no fucking idea what he was talking about.

"Man up Aiden. Just admit it already," Toby rolls his eyes impatiently.

Before I can respond with a witty remark or prove that I didn't, Blake yells from the door making his presence noticed.

"Sup motherfuckers," I quickly give Toby a serious look discreetly telling him that this conversation stays between us and he nods, once again rolling his eyes.

"How's Em going? Is she any better today?" Carter asks, walking down the stairs with Blake, them obviously coming together.

Toby rolls his eyes, "he friend dumped her because apparently we're bad for her."

Carter looks shocked and even Blake looks taken aback.

"Fuck off guys, look what happened last night." I point out, rolling my eyes at Carter's obvious disappointment.

"She's hot as man in that tempting innocent way, that shit's going to happen with or without us," Blake reasons.

"Yeah well without us it won't be as common and then Luke can protect her," I state.

"You can't expect us all to stay away from her just because you've decided we're bad for her, she's one of my best friends and I'm not an idiot like you who's willing to give that up," Toby interjects seriously.

"Don't be an idiot Toby. If you really gave a fuck about her then you'd see how much shit we've caused for her," I demand.

Toby just rolls his eyes, "Toby, can't you fucking tell that after seeing her with us last night that we drew a target on her chest? Bate's saw her with us and now she's become a pawn in his fucking game?!" I yell.

Carter and Blake look surprised that Toby and I were fighting. I understood why, we never fought.

"If she's his new target wouldn't it be stupid for us to leave her without protection!?" Toby yells back.

"When he sees she was just a one-time thing he'll lose interest in her, until then she has Luke," I attempt to reason. I see Carter look down and I know he wants to say something but I'm glad he doesn't. Blake looks speechless.

"Whatever man. I'll ignore her at school for your little self-pity but I'm going to hers on Saturday for that show. I'll make sure she knows it's the last time. I'm outta here." Toby rolls his eyes angrily, walking up the stairs and out of sight. I hear the door slam, his engine start and then I don't hear anything.

I look up at the other guys, Blake still looks speechless but Carter looks like he's still trying to hold something back. The action pisses me off more than I care to admit.

"Something to say Carter?"

Carter holds up his arms in surrender at my harsh tone; "I'm just saying that you do have a tendency to fuck up some of the best things in your life, but you're the leader. Even if I don't agree, Blake and I will cut her off for as long as we need," Blake nods in agreement with Carter and I roll my eyes, at least they'll do as I say.

"Let's play pool or something," Blake speaks for the first time during this whole conversation.

Carter and I nod and we all head over to the pool table.

***

Carter and Blake had left about an hour ago, I still hadn't heard from Toby.

Whatever, screw him. If he can't see that I'm just trying to protect my friend then he can go fuck himself.

Rolling my eyes I look at my window, it seems I had spent about 50 minutes of the hour I had been in my room looking at my blinds. What did I want to see?!

Trying to distract myself, I decide to go on my phone. I instantly find Instagram and scroll down. Before I can help myself, I end up going to the search bar and begin typing. Without even registering it, my fingers automatically type her username; Emily_Collins2002.

I find her profile instantly and click on it. I notice that the most recent picture was from 2 days ago, it was a picture of her and Dale, she looked as good as usual, the only thing ruining the picture being Dale's face pressed up against hers, matching cheesy smiles adorning their face. I look at the caption; heart emojis. I notice instantly that Dale replied; "love you Em", I also see Charlie's comment; "as if you guys are that cute."

For some reason, jealously spreads through my body, were they together? She would have told me right?

How the fuck is she meant to tell me if I'm ignoring her?!

Anger courses through my body and I instantly stand up turning off my phone and shoving it aggressively in my jeans pocket, grabbing my leather jacket and keys I storm out of my room and towards my bike to get her out of my head. My mother shakes her head at me but asks no questions, she knew I'd be back soon.

I sit on my bike and drive towards the cliff, at least I could focus without her body being pressed against mine and the annoying tingles I always seem to feel.

Fuck, I just thought about her again.

I press down roughly on the accelerator and the 30-minute drive is over in just 15 minutes.

I leave my bike and sit on the log. What was wrong with me?!

Why couldn't I get her out of my head?! I've never had this problem with a girl before. I mean, Katherine was similar in some ways but it was different, at least I only thought about her when I wanted to or something reminded me of her. With Emily, she never seemed to leave my mind.

Could Toby be right? Could I have fee-feelings for her?

No way, I don't do feelings. I fuck girls and leave them, no matter how much they ask for more.

I think about it for a second, do I get jealous when she's with another guy?

I mean, I do a little but only for Dale and Luke, and it's a friendship protectiveness I feel for her. The only 2 guys that she actually talks to apart from my guys.

No way, I'm going mad.

But then how come Bate's tried to use her to get to me? Better yet, how come he did fucking get to me so much, enough to cut off one of the best things that ever happened to me?!

I think she's fucking gorgeous, I mean hot. She has a killer body, tan legs, and a face that seems to tempt a lot of people, and she's one of the only people in the world I can easily tolerate for extended periods of time but that doesn't mean I have feelings for her.

Even if I did have feelings for her and by some miracle, she ever felt them back I'd just break her heart like so many other girls I already have. It would do nothing but give me MORE reason to stay away from her. I would have hurt her reputation, got her in shit with Tiffany, nearly got her raped, and then to top it all off; broke her heart.

Why does everything she does seem to do drag me in? It's like I wouldn't change anything about her, well maybe I'd make her less attractive, then all those other fuckers that stare at her would back off my girl.

Wait, did I just..

Fuck.

As if.

No fucking way.

I'm fucking crushing on Emily Collins.

I need to call Toby.

It was now Thursday, Dale was over at my house so we could get ready for the big game. I hadn't spoken to any of the guys since Tuesday. They didn't even turn up to school on Wednesday and I hated the fact that it was probably because of me. I saw Toby, Carter, and Blake today but I didn't see Aiden at all. At one point I had tried to talk to Carter and Toby but as soon as they saw me approaching them they walked the other way, Blake throwing an apologetic look, Carter throwing me a small, pained smile and Toby just looking dead miserable.

Charlie and Luke were wondering what had happened as well because none of them showed up to lunch. We didn't have bio today, it was bad timing as well because I would have given anything to talk to them. I didn't know if Toby was still coming over on Saturday for the marathon, or any of the guys for the pool day. I assumed that neither was happening but I had promised myself that I wouldn't be one of those girls who let the absence of the guy she liked affect her. Because of this, I made sure that Luke, Charlie and Dale were all still coming for the pool day.

"EMILY COLLINS," Dale yells, shaking me slightly.

"What?" I yell coming back to reality.

"I've been trying to get your attention for like 20 minutes," Dale rolls his eyes.

I give him a look.

"Okay maybe not 20 minutes but a good couple of minutes," Dale admits, his exaggeration made me laugh.

"But seriously baby, what happened? Charlie called me before I came and said you've been out of it all-day and the guys weren't sitting with you," Dale asks gently.

I hadn't told Luke or Charlie about the tracks or about Bate's, or anything. As far as they knew, I was just as clueless as them as to why the guys had stopped sitting with us and Aiden had been absent for the past few days.

I sigh, I needed to tell someone. Maybe Dale was the best person to tell. "Let's go upstairs to my room, I'll explain there."

Dale nods and follows me upstairs, we sit on my bed and he watches me expectantly.

"Dale, you have to swear not to tell Charlie what I'm about to tell you. I'll tell you as much as I can but if I can't answer something then you'll have to accept that because what I'm about to tell you is only half mine," I beg. Dale nods in agreement and looks at me curiously.

"Aiden, he races illegally at what's called 'the tracks'. Luke races as well and I overheard he and Toby talking about it so naturally, I had questions. After a while, I had somehow gotten Aiden to explain it to me more although he didn't know I knew he and Luke raced there. I confronted Luke and eventually convinced him to take me there one night. Aiden wasn't happy to see me there but I made him promise to take me again or else I would go alone and it's really dangerous there. On Tuesday he took me there as he promised but something happened," I begin nervously.

"What happened at the tracks Em?" Dale asks gently.

"There's a guy that races Aiden and they hate each other, we'll call him Fred, and he's really powerful. He saw Aiden defend me when another guy hit on me and obviously realized that we were friends and he cared for me. I was obviously an easier target than Carter, Toby, and Blake so when me and another girl went to the bathroom, he got his men to grab me." I explain, Dale looks shocked but lets me continue.

"I don't know if their plan was to just get to Aiden by grabbing me or do something to me that was even worse but before they got too far, the girl had gone and gotten the boys and a fight broke out." I speak quietly, I was hesitant to tell Dale this part of the story.

"What were they doing to you before Aiden got there Em?" Dale asks, but I can tell he knows, he's just hoping he's wrong.

"Grabbing me," I admit. Dale looks like he's about to cry.

"Aiden got there though before anything too serious happened," I try and explain, hating the fact that Dale was upset because of me.

"So what happened? Wouldn't Aiden and the boys not let you leave their sight then?" Dale asks after a minute of composing himself.

"I don't know, Aiden thought that the reason Fred had tried to hurt me was because of him and I guess he felt like I was just safer without him. Since then, none of the guys have said a word to me and Aiden's kept his window firmly shut." I finish.

Dale takes everything in before he eventually speaks up; "what a first-class douchebag, nothing is being achieved by cutting himself off from you. If he cares about you that much then maybe he either shouldn't take you to the tracks anymore or stay with you so nothing like that happens."

I nod in agreement, happy that one of my best friends agrees with me and has my back.

"So why haven't you told Luke or Charlie?" Dale questions.

"Luke would get way overprotective and start suffocating me, blame Aiden and maybe even try and start a fight or something and I don't want to introduce Charlie to the tracks because they're really dangerous and I don't want anything to happen to her," I reply. Dale nods in understanding.

"I probably wouldn't tell either of them either, but if nothing changes then you're going to have to at least tell them that you had a fight or something with Aiden," Dale says, something about his tone kind of suggested that he thought it would change by then, but he doesn't say anything.

"I know," I sigh, choosing not to question him on it tonight.

"Well tomorrow we have that party and it's a perfect excuse for you to get smashed and forget all about it," Dale sings happily.

I laugh at him, we both know I probably wouldn't drink. I was sure both he and Charlie were planning on it and one of us had to be sober.