Nationals. We were on the way to nationals. Even though I was only the manager and not a player, I was restless.

I looked out the window of the bus and thought about the posible outcomes. If we win we go to nationals. If what am I talking about? When we win.

I closed my eyes to sleep the rest of the way, but my mind was racing. I sighed quietly and took out an earbud. I looked over to the next row over to see Semi-kun looking at his phone.

"Hey Semi-kun," i said which got his attention. I patted the seat next to me, suggesting he sit next to me.

He slid over and looked at me. "What's up Y/n-chan?" He asked and gave a small smile.

"Are you nervous?" I said quietly and looked away. I felt stupid. I shouldn't be so nervous. I have no right to be feeling this intense pressure.

He looked forward recognizing my small aversion to eye contact at the moment. Usually I kept good eye contact but now I felt so uncomfortable. It was better with Semi-kun there though. Caring mother vibes.

"Yeah... I can't say that I feel confident. I trust my team and myself, but something about being a third year and knowing this is the last chance makes me worry a little," he said and then regained eye contact. "You're a third year Y/n-chan, I'm sure you feel it too. Look around. Even Tendou is less talkative."

I did notice this. And now that he mentioned being a third year a small piece of my heart broke off. Three years with these dorks. Three amazing years of being their manager.

I took a deep breath and thanked Semi-kun for calming some of my nerves. He ended up sitting beside me for the rest of the bus ride while sharing our favorite memories of the volleyball club.

When we got to the hotel we were staying in everyone settled in quickly and then went down to the gymnasium to do some warm up exercises.

I went down with them and helped with drills, made sure they didn't hurt themselves, and acted as a really shitty ball boy.

While they practiced serves I leaned against the wall to avoid getting hit. I watched Ushijima-kun serve his famous serve and had to wonder. Can he serve softly? My curiosity bested me and I walked over to ask him.

"Hey Ushijima-kun, can you serve a serve that is.. soft? Like not intended to crush someone but maybe to a small child?" I rushed my words out quickly.

He looked at me like I was being ridiculous. But more of the *you are being extremely ridiculous and I'm going to show you with stoic yet annoyed facial expression to answer your question so I don't have to talk.*

By now everyone stopped and looked at us.

"Y/n-san, go stand in the middle of the other side of the court," he said and I obeyed. Was I going to die now?

I stood and then positioned myself for a receive.

Ushujima-kun tossed the ball up and served it very lightly. It flew over the net and straight to my arms. I received it with a steady bump and it went up.

My face changed from *here is the last place I will be alive because Ushijima-kun is going to kill me and I didn't even get to pet my dog one more time* to *wow that was to soft it was almost cute.* an amazed glaze crossed my face.

Shirabu came up to me and shook my shoulder lightly. "Uh Y/n-san.. are you okay?" He asked.

I smiled. "I just received one of Ushijima Wakatoshi's serves," I said loudly. Everyone kinda stood there watching me stand in my moment of glory which was way bigger in my head.

Shirabu walked me back to the wall I had been leaning on and then patted my shoulder lightly.

After finishing the small practice I went to the baths and I assume the boys did too.

When I was finished I walked into the boys sleeping room. It was big while mine was small and lonely.

I tried to explain to them how being one girl in a strange big city alone in a small room was kind of intimidating. They tilted their heads like puppies and gave me confused looks.

I shook my head and got up to leave to my room.

"Ehh Y/n-chan if you get too lonely I'll keep you company," Tendou-kun said and looked up at me slowly.

Heat rose in my face and I just awkwardly smiled and left.

In the morning we got everything together and headed over to the gymnasium at the right time.

When we got there the tension rose greatly. I had no words to say due to me contributing to the tension as well. So instead of talking I smiled.

I made eye contact with every one of them and smiled. It seemed to cause temporary relief. I tried projecting my confidence onto them.

Small subliminal messages telling them to hold their chins high and slow their racing hearts.

Once it was almost time for the game they started warming up.

"Nice kill!" "Don't mind!" And squeaking shoes echoed from the court.

Once we finished Karasuno started warming up. They seemed focused. And strong.

I looked to my team to see if I needed to hype them up more but they looked calm. Not like a library calm but the kind of calm before a storm.

Be cautious Karasuno. We're bringing you a whole storm.

Everyone lined up, bowed, and then retreated back to their positions.

It was starting. This was our gateway to nationals. We were going to win.

I sat next to the coaches and tried not to distract them with my internal screaming and

hyperventilating.

Set 1 : win

Set 2 : loss

Set 3 : win

Set 4: loss

Everything was tense. Everything was either playing in slow motion or going too fast. I could barely breathe.

The fourth set was over. They all came back to the bench. Coach said a few words and I watched them all. Their expressions and intent focus on Coach.

They all looked so mature. They didn't look 16-18 they looked like men. Real stunning men.

Small thoughts of "if I have a son I would be proud if he turned out like any of them.. even Tendou" and "If I had a ring I'd propose to any of them."

Three years with this team. Three years of becoming friends and closer. We were family. I looked at the ground while remembering what Semi told me earlier.

I was a third year. I had a college I was accepted into. But it didn't matter right now. This was the most important day I could think of.

"Y/n," I heard my name. I looked up to see Coach and everyone looking at me. "Would you like to say something to them?" Coach asked again.

Me. He asked me to talk to them. He had asked me many times before, but this was different. I took a deep breath to stop my voice from wavering.

"You all are incredibly important to me. And right now this day will forever be an important part of your life. So make it count. Remember this day as the day you all went to nationals. This day will reveal things about yourself and your teammates. After you go and win this set, you will look at each other and there will be a feeling stronger than team. It's called family," I said and tried not to cry. I didn't but my voice was strained from not wailing the whole speech.

They all looked at me and nodded. I nodded back and smiled. I didn't notice at the time, but even Coach looked at me with approval written across his small smile.

It was a short set since it was the fifth. Everything moved quickly.

Heavy breathing, stretching arms, hitting the sense back into their legs was present on both sides. I was barely even breathing by now.

The red head served the ball over.

We receive, set, spike.

One touch. They receive, set, spike.

Blocked. The ball falls. Ushijima saves it. Set, he spikes.

They receive with.. #10's shoulder? One more, over the net.

We receive, set, and spike.

Back and forth two more times.

They receive, perfect set, Karasuno charges towards us, slower. Not by much but just enough to be in sync.

Time slowed and Karasuno's #10 jumped from the back row. Higher than his teammates. He flew into the air while swinging his arm perfectly directing the ball right past Tendou.

One receive.

Out.

Then silence.

We were all standing. Coaches, managers, spectators too. No one dared to breathe. The ball echoed faintly and my heart dropped out of my chest. A lump formed in my throat and my eyes were wide, trying to process what happened.

The ref's whistle blew signaling that Karasuno had won.

Time returned and screams rumbled the court. People crying. People yelling. People hugging each other.

It all of the chaos I heard Tendou's voice.

"Farewell, my paradise," he said in a still state. That's when I started crying. My nose scrunched and my mouth curved down. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes and I sniffled. I wiped my nose quickly and stood up straight, even though I felt like falling.

Tendou Satori you have just shattered my heart with those three words. Because this too is my paradise. Being here with you all. Cheering you on as you fight in the name of Shiratorizawa. Being your manager and watching you become who you are meant to be.

The tears fell down my face freely. The Coach noticed but only waited until he had returned home to grieve.

They lined up and bowed to each other. They shook Karasuno's hands and with one more moment on the court they all yelled.

"Arigato gozaimasu!"

I took a deep breath. But choked on it. I saw them walk over to us and I dreaded having to try and muster up something to say.

I looked up at them approaching us.

Yamagata, Shirabu, and Kawanishi walked together while trying not to cry. This scene only made me cry harder. I saw Goshiki with tears streaming down his face. His uneven breaths heavy and loud.

I turned around quickly. Why? I don't know. But I couldn't look at them. I knew I had to. What manager turns their back on her team? I turned around again and faced them.

They stood in front of us waiting for words. But all they got was, "We'll have a meeting when we get back. Once the award ceremony ends, get onto the bus." From Coach.

He turned before he left and looked at his team. "And you'll be hitting a hundred serves later."

The coaches walked away but I stood in front of them.

What do I say? Oh someone tell me what to say.

But nothing came out. I let out a sob and ran to hug Goshiki first. I was much shorter than him so my head leaned against his shoulder.

I was going to hug all of them individually.. didn't know how that was going to work, but then they all came in and we shared a group hug.

Tears dropped from their eyes and onto the hard floor.

This was worth more than another speech. This moment was worth a thousand words. It was understood how proud I was of them. How much they realized at that moment how much I cared about them.

They knew it all along though. Deep down they knew I loved all of them with my whole heart.

The award ceremony took place and everyone clapped for them. One more time. At least for us third years. Not including Ushijima-kun who most definitely play again.

After the award ceremony we piled onto the bus. Silence was present. But tears seemed to have run dry for the moment.

I sat next to Tendou and leaned against him. He was Tendou. What else can I say for you readers to understand why I wanted them to sit together.

Their relationship had come the farthest. She had her best memories with him. And his with her. The friendship was unbreakable.

The long bus ride was a time for the players to rest some. Emotionally and physically.

They parted ways after that. Everyone said short goodnights and returned to their homes to be comforted by family.

The next practice. Everyone stood waiting to start their one hundred serves. But Ushijima stopped everyone.

He slowly, but thoroughly made his way through individually addressing his kouhai.

Goshiki-kun cried again, but I don't blame him. He was Shiratorizawa's future Ace. I had no doubt in my mind that he was going to make us all proud and being honor on Shiratorizawa's reputation.

I was proud of this team. I was proud to be a part of the team. All I wanted was to stay here with them for a little longer.

Letting go was hard, but from watching them for as long as I have, I learned that progression always follows. Will I come to their games? Of course. Will I forget them? Never. Will I go home and cry? Most definitely. But the tears will be grateful that I could be someone to them.

I opened my email and received a photo from the year old staff. It was of the group photo.

I started crying, missing them. Missing my family. I printed copies of the photo for each member of the team.

The next day I delivered them in envelopes individually. I watched them open it. Their eyes would widen and they'd look at me with soft eyes.