a cloud of smoke irradiated as i gusted on the cigarette. i click my tongue as i lie back down on the couch and huffed on, closing my eyes shut. i groaned as i felt something smacked against my face.

"don't you have somewhere else you should be?" seokjin asks in a scolding tone as he sits on the floor, munching on his bag of chips.

"yeah. but i heard hell's kind of far from here, you know," i shrugged and disposed of the cigarette on the ashtray.

"for someone who's a son of a real estates proprietor, you sure talk kind of shitty."

"hyung, that's exactly my role."

he chuckles, shaking his head as he turns his attention back to the television. to be all frank, he's been more like an older brother to me than baekhyun is ever since god knows. i go to his house every now and then, even having a spare key in case he isn't home to open the door for me. rather than driving back to that hellhound, it's better off this way.

it wasn't long enough when jungkook and jimin arrived. they were arguing about something that happened back in the convenience store.

"i was close. i was fucking close, you nut job," jungkook tumbles on the couch, opening a can of beer that he just got from the fridge.

"okay, but did i allow you?" seokjin eyed on the can of beer jungkook was holding.

jungkook placed a hand on his chest, eyebrows furrowed and took a sip.

"oops," he shrugs and grins, heaving a loud sigh.

"exactly. you were close to embarrassing yourself," jimin had brought a pack of mochi inside the living room.

"i thought they were out of those?" seokjin arched a brow at him.

"oh, you know. i was friends with the cashier in charge," jimin smirks and joined seokjin on the floor.

"if coming over to her apartment every weekend nights is what you consider a friendly thing, sure," jungkook pipes in.

"why? i come over to yours every weekday nights," jimin winks at him which made the other's face scrunch.

i shook my head and grapple another stick from my pack of cigarette. jimin eyed me as i do so but didn't say a word. i immediately knew what he's on about without hearing another word from him. thing is, i've stopped heaving this injurious hell of an addiction a long time ago. but i've been feeling so apprehensive lately and i'm trying to make myself one hell of a fool again by thinking it'll make me feel a little better.

we stayed for a while until i got a call from my dad's secretary. i needed to come by the office and reconstruct some of the things they left behind. my gut feeling tells me it was on purpose because they know i have no better things to do.

i went straight home and to my surprise, saw seungwan sitting on one of the couches. i throw my keys on the counter and shove my hands inside my jean pockets as i walk towards her.

she was staring right ahead to the direction of the colossal window, her arms hugging her legs. i doubt she noticed me arriving. and as i was walking right towards her, i can't help but have this apalling thought. i don't know exactly if it's just her thing, drawing people in to her. is she aware? she probably is, the way baekhyun seemed to be so enthralled by her.

he seemed so enthralled to the point where he's willing to caught her off guard any time by doing such obscene things. the scene this morning replayed in my head once more and something that's been stirring inside me since then hadn't dissipated.

"you're home. thought you've gone with them," i was hauled back to reality upon hearing her voice.

i look away and nod, "obviously. you see for yourself."

"you confuse me," she stands up, "you're confusing."

"how many times times do you have to repeat that?"

she purses her lips and walks past me. she confuses me. she's the one who confuses me.

"it's almost dinner," i massage the bridge of my nose and chuckled, turning around towards her.

"didn't know you'd easily get used to what i told you to do."

the soft expression that was written on her face earlier has hardened and i diverted my eyes somewhere else, realizing what i had just said.

"yeah. because i need to. i'm not planning to be like this forever. unlike you," she turns around and was about to walk off when i grab her wrist.

"the fuck do you know about me?" i scowled at her, almost shouting.

"let go," she winces, trying to yank her arm away from me but i tighten my hold on her.

my eyes regarded hers as she does so, as she struggles to escape from my hold. i let go of it and blew past her, heading upstairs. i am not one that she should be dealing with right from the start. the involvement i've settled for myself with other people had always been finite. i can't even trust myself, now i asked of her to trust me when i've been nothing but a tight spot.

i slammed the door shut and collapsed on the bed, running my fingers through my hair as i heave a deep sigh.

she confuses me. she angers me for a reason i can't manage to suppress. and i'm angered by myself for not wanting to see her cry and be vulnerable once more because never once did i feel this kind of susceptibility before.