picture: I am ash from your fire

The daylight grew shorter as the weeks passed by, transitioning the sweat filled summer into the lazy days of autumn. Cold winds swept through the streets and between naked trees. Even though it was a good couple months ahead, the residents of the town got excited over the beginning of holiday season. Their coffees and bakeries reeked with the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin spice.

It was the second week of September when a new batch of freshmen joined the Wisteria High School and the rest prepared for a new year. Between the senior years, a tell-tale like rumour was slipping around – for the ones out of loop, or who were away for the summer – and curious glances from students were passed among them.

August merely took a step in the school grounds when she felt the aura around her shift. Small clusters of students stood around the ground, greeting and chattering. But every now and then, she felt their gazes upon her. Some pointed shamelessly in her direction and shook their heads. A rather rowdy group of guys whistled as she passed by. August kept her eyes down and tightened the grip around her project binder. With a few quick steps, she stood near the comfort of her locker and took a deep breath.

She didn't doubt everyone would know about her relationship with James. They've been quite public over the summer and didn't make an attempt to hide it. A pang of fear hit her as she pondered over her thoughts. Why would she need to hide it? Why was she thinking like that?

Shifting with her new time table, and collecting her books for the first few periods, she clicked her locker shut. August gasped when she saw a face behind her door but quickly composed herself. Standing behind the door was her closest friend, Abigail, a rather curious look on her face.

"Is it true what they're saying?" Gail whispered as a greeting.

"About James and I?" August shrugged casually, hoping she could hide her anxiousness. "You know it is. I told you, remember?"

She had called up her friend about a couple times over the summer and updated on her affair with James. It had been extremely overwhelming and she needed to vent it out to someone. In reality, no one knew about her fascination with James, except for Gail, who merely thought it was a simple crush. But August kept the depth of her feelings safely tucked away for herself.

"No, I know that. But that's not what they're saying." Gail ushered her towards the direction of her own locker, and August could not help but follow the students' gaze that led to her.

"That's not? What else are they talking about?" The fear from before came clawing back to her and for some reason, she dreaded the words that were about to slip from Gail's lips.

"They're saying that James cheated on Betty."

"What?" She whipped her head to the side and took in Gail's sympathetic eyes. "With whom?"

Gail let out a dramatic sigh and slightly rolled her eyes back. When August didn't respond, she raised her eyebrows and counted the seconds on her freshly manicured fingers. When the fourth finger went up, August felt like the ground shifted beneath her feet. Like her world had collided with ice-cold water.

That's when she understood.

"No," her low cracked voice said, "That's not -not possible." Her eyes involuntarily found a few students with scornful gazes. Her heart thundered and her view spun, and she felt like she couldn't stand anymore.

"August? Hey, look at me." She felt Gail's hand slap her cheek lightly and she blinked to focus her vision. When had she teared up? "Come here."

Her legs moved on their own accord wherever Gail was pulling her. The school hallway seemed to pass by in a blur and there were more eyes on her now. Great, she was making a whole scene. But she hardly cared about that. She cared about ..about James.

James cheated on Betty. With me.

But he had told her they broke up. He had vented and confided in her, trusted her with his problems and moved on from her. In a day, a small voice in the back of her mind whispered. She despised that voice.

Abigail pushed open a door and several heads turned towards them. When she didn't recognize a single face, she remembered it was the start of the school year, and these were freshmen. That's when she noticed they were inside the girls' washroom.

"Everybody out! Leave!" Gail's order pierced her ears and the newbies followed out the door like ducklings. "Empty the stalls!"

A minute later, they were all alone and safe from judgmental little eyes. August dumped her binder and bag on the floor and scooted on the counter. Abigail stood in front of her, her hands folded across her chest.

"What happened out there?" She asked softly.

August gulped her tears back. "I don't know. My head was spinning. I think I was fainting."

"And what happened with James? Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. What else do you know?" She hated the way her voice sounded. So betrayed, and afraid. "What else are they saying?"

"Betty went away for the summer. And James spent it with you, behind her back. Not more." A deceiving tear slipped down August's cheek and Gail rubbed it away with a finger. "August, is there more?"

August looked at the person she called her best friend. The lingering touch of Gail's finger was still on her cheek. Her eyes displayed concern and sympathy for her. She had known her since middle school and they had clicked instantly, thanks to their mutual love for Lana Del Rey. Several years later, she was still here. Ushering people out of the bathroom so August could be comfortable. Still here, holding her. She knew then, that no matter what, she would have her best friend through this. She wouldn't judge her decisions or even mistakes. She would understand.

So she told her everything.

Everything about the way she loved James, for over three years. How her longing stares had molded into bold gazes at nights. How she fell for him even more between laughs and smiles. How she loved living in the hope of meeting him. How she thought she had him.

And even though she was hurting immeasurably right now, she knew it would be less compared to Betty's pain. And she didn't blame anyone but herself for it. She loathed herself for it. In Betty's eyes, August would always be the girl her boyfriend cheated on with. Because James was never hers to begin with. Not hers to keep, not hers to lose.

But no matter how much she tried, she couldn't bring herself to hate James. Or even dislike, for that matter. Even though he probably used her as a rebound, he didn't make her do anything she already didn't want to. She had wanted to, maybe before he even knew she existed. She had loved him with every little fibre in her being. She had given him her time, her body, her soul. And she couldn't regret a single moment she had spent with him. She would only look back at the lost memories with nothing but fondness and nostalgia. She might not admit it now, but it was the best summer of her life. It was the highlight of her life.

So she squared herself, gathered her thoughts and faced the terrible rumours. After all, they were nothing but true this time.

But she never spoke to James again.

~•~

It was a different case for Betty. She had time – five days exactly – to prepare herself for the inevitable confrontation with high school drama. With Inez and her group involved, she didn't doubt that her torment would be the newest gossip in town.

To muster the strength to face the first day of her senior year, she had shamelessly cried fresh bold tears with her mother's arms wrapped around her. Blake had brought a bag of break-up cookies – her words – and they watched action movies together. She had stayed over her place for two days straight like the perfect best friend material that she is. When Betty kept toying with her cardigan, Blake insisted to burn that piece of woolen shit – again, her words – away. So she hid it under the floorboards of her bed, safe from Blake's flames of doom.

Now, Betty was stood outside the glass doors of her headmistress' office, the new time table in her hands. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. Mentally, she ticked the first part of today's to-do list.

1. Switch Homeroom

2. Keep Blake at her side at all times

3. Concentrate in class

4. Don't even look at James

She didn't share any of the periods with James except for English, even with the new schedule, she knew that much. And she had just switched homeroom, the one class where she met him in the mornings religiously, where she always sat next to him. English period, she just had to strain her eyes away from him no matter the cost. She couldn't look at him. She didn't want to look at him.

But avoiding James surprisingly turned out to be easier than she had initially thought. What was proving to be hard was keeping herself from banging people's heads against the lockers who passed comments behind her back. Most of them sent her baseless pitiful looks, but one girl had the audacity to mention her father, who got "bored" of her, very much like James did. Blake had nearly slapped the girl to another country but Betty refrained her from it. If anything, it would only add fuel to the fire.

By the end of the day, the word on the streets said that August dumped James. Someone claimed that they saw her crying, and screaming at him. Rumours also said there was a 'cat-fight' between August and Betty, where James watched from the sidelines, sipping a soda. That obviously never happened, so Betty didn't know what to believe anymore.

And a few days later, she was past caring about anything. The rumours eventually simmered down and everyone moved on to the newest gossip – that their headmistress was completely bald and had been wearing a wig all these years.

Surprisingly, her anger towards James also subsided. What remained was the pain in her heart where he used to be. Sometimes when her thoughts deceived her, his radiant smile flashed before her eyes, she could sense the ghost of his kisses across her hands, her shoulders. Her insides twist with agony when she sees someone skateboarding down the street, but it's never him.

And if Betty knew better, which she mostly did, James wasn't doing all that well on his own either. She saw him occasionally from the corners of her eyes, and during English, though she never looked at him straight. He was not with August anymore, that much was obvious. The light around him had diminished and she believed, she knew, that he missed her. Not August. But her.

And it was only a matter of time till he came back to her.

~•~