3 days

It's been 3 days since Emily died and nothing felt right. You hadn't found the will power to get out of bed. Today was no different.

When you rolled over in your bed you expected Aaron to be laying next to you, but you were met with a cold blanket.

You lay on your stomach and pull the blanket up so your head was under the cover. Just before you fall asleep again you hear the door open. He climbs into bed next to you, pulling the sheet over his head so he can see your face.

"Good morning." His voice was still raspy but his breath smelled like coffee.

"Morning." You said hardly above a whisper.

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked and pulled you close to his chest. You shook your head and wrapped your body around him.

He had been the only thing holding you upright.

~~~~~

It felt wrong leaving her. Just getting on a plane and leaving her. But you did it. You got on the jet sat with your thoughts for the hour and a half flight.

Aaron let your into the house first. Without even realizing it you walked into his office. You dropped your bag couch. Turning around you stopped before walking into his desk.

The pictures.

There were pictures of him and Jack. You and him. Even you and Jack. But one was of the whole team. It was karaoke night, you somehow convinced Emily to go up and sing with you.

Inhaling sharply you fall to your knees. You hadn't allowed yourself to cry in front of everyone. A loud sob escapes your lips, you try to muffle it by converting your mouth. With your other hand you clench your stomach.

There were hands on your sides, bring you to stand. He holds your head to his chest not caring that his shirt is going to be stained. He tightened his grip on you as he moved you to his room.

He backed you up into the bed and allowed you to sit on your side. He kneed down in front of you and started to take off your shoes. You were still regaining your breath when you started to take your blazer off.

Yours eyes were still glossed over when he looked into them. You cupped his cheeks to keep his face steady.

"Don't ever leave." Your words were heavy. "Please."

"I'm not going anywhere." He placed a light kiss on your forehead. He guided you to put your head on the pillow.

You clenched your tear stained pillow, as if your life depended on it. You somehow managed to calm yourself down and fall asleep.

~~~~~

You had turned around so your back was to the door. The hood of one of Aaron's old sweaters was tied around your head. The blanket pulled up to your chin. You hadn't moved all day.

There was a knock on the door. There was a muffled voice on the other side- it wasn't Aaron. The door open and closed but you hadn't moved to see who it was.

A pair of shoes came into visions. You followed them up to see the face.

Derek Morgan

"Hey." He crouched down so your faces were on the same level.

"Hi." You whispered.

"So boss man tells me you haven't gotten outta bed in a couple-a-days." He tilts his head. "How many days?"

"I've gotten up to shower, besides that I haven't felt since we got back." It sounded more embarrassing when you said it out loud.

"Y/N, the funeral is tomorrow. You gotta get up."

"I know." You sniffled back your tears.

"She won't want you to be like this."

"I know." You repeated.

He stopped when he saw a tear roll down. You pulled the blanket up to cover the rest of your face.

Just breathe

After taking a few deep breaths, you move the blanket back down.

"I always thought she was too stubborn to die." You laugh. Derek lets out a small laugh and grabs the chair that sat in the corner of the room.

"I think we all thought the same thing."

"It doesn't feel real yet." You watched him fidget with his hands.

"It's not going too for a while, after I lost my dad I always thought he was gonna walk through the door again."

"She's your guys first." He stated.

"What?" It didn't make sense.

"You and Pretty Boy, she's the first person you guys have lost that you cared deeply for."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

The room fell silent. The only sound was him tapping his foot. It looked like he was waiting for you to speak. So you did.

"I keep replaying the last conversation I had with her." You started.

"And?"

"It was a stupid fight."

"Y/N." He was trying to get you to stop.

"If I just kept my mouth shut it wouldn't have happened." Your bottom lip starts to tremble.

"Don't try to make yourself feel more shitty then you already do, it's not gonna help."

"I know, I know. It was just the last thing I said to my best friend."

"Well I'm still here." He gave you a cheeky smile.

You actually smiled. "You're my bitch." You whispered not thinking he could hear you.

"Yes I am." He confirmed. "Ok you need to get up." He stood from the chair and stepped over to the bed.

"I can't."

"You smell. Get up." He said.

You groaned and rolled over so his back was facing you. He wasn't having it. He got a grip on the blanket and ripped it off you. You whine when your legs hit the air.

Finally finding the courage, you sit up. Swinging your legs over the bed Derek reached his hand out. You lift your hand to take his and he helps you up.

Your body starts to tip over as you try and regain your balance. You start walking over to the bathroom when the door opens again.

"You're up." Aaron smiles. Without saying anything you wrap your arms around him.

"I'm sorry I've been a mess." You said into his chest.

"You don't need to apologize." He said and kissed your head that was still covered by the hood.

Both of them found their way back to the kitchen as you took a shower. It had gotten easier to stand on your own 2 feet. You let the cold water run through your hair. Ever since you started this job coffee didn't have the same effect on you as it used to, so a cold shower was the only thing that could do it.

After drying off your body and taking all the loose water out of your hair, you put on a new shirt and joggers. It may be the middle of summer but it was always cold in the house. When you open the door to walk into the kitchen you saw Derek was still there.

"What the hell are you still doing here?" You asked and wrapped your arms around yourself realizing it was a lot colder then you had thought.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't land back in bed." You couldn't blame him, you probably would've if you were at your house.

"You haven't kicked him out yet?" You asked Aaron and walked over to stand next to him.

"He's very insistenting." Aaron said.

"I bet he is." You nudge your head towards the door. You say something about walking him back to his car.

You walked him down the 3 flights of stairs and into the parking lot.

"How are you not sweating your ass off in those joggers?" Derek asked.

"I'm special." You shrugged. You both stopped at his car.

"Promise me you won't get back into bed once I leave." His face was serious, no time for joking around but you didn't care.

"How else am I going to sleep?" You asked. He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. "I promise."

"Thank you." He said and pulled you into a hug. "Things are gonna get better." You nodded your head against his chest. When he finally let you go and you wiped the tears from your eyes.

You watched as he got into his car and pulled out of the parking spot. You waved by as he drove away. Wrapping your arms around yourself you looked to where his car once was.

Things are gonna get better

His words were repeating in your head. That statement seems so impossible. But you've been in the state of mind when you thought nothing was going to get better, look at you now. An amazing boyfriend who loves you and his kid who loves you more than his father does.

After taking a second to collect yourself you started to make your way back upstairs. Through all the other cars. Up the long sidewalk- and to the door. Walking back up the 3 flights of stairs and to the front door. You knock and we're met with a smiling Aaron.

"Welcome back." He says and moved to the side for you to come inside.

"Thank you." You said and clung to his side. He shut the door and wrapped his arms around you.

"For what?" He asked.

"For calling Derek." You looked up at him.

"I figured you could use a best friend." He kissed the top of your head.

"I love you." You blurted out. "I know I don't say it as much as I should, but the people I say it to tend to leave and-"

"Hey hey hey, slow down, slow down." He lifted your chin with his finger. "I love you too, and you don't need to say it cause I know." He placed a kiss on your lips.

"I do need to say it cause people get hit by cars, they get shot, they get stabbed with wooden stakes. I want you to know what I know before I can't say it anymore." Your voice started to crack and he held you closer.

"Ok."

~~~~~

The next day was Emily's funeral. It felt like the weight of everything was on you. You were giving her eulogy. It was surprising when JJ asked you.

You thought it would've been JJ or Derek seeing as they've known her longer.

There was so much you wanted to say but so little time. In the 2 years you knew Emily there were so many memories you had of her. But you had to do this.

You walked up the podium that was above Emily's casket. It was closed because she had so many bruises from her face. You were secretly happy it was closed, you wouldn't be able to contain yourself if you saw her again.

"Thank you all for coming." You started and looked out into the crowd of people. "Words were me and Emily's thing. There are many words you could use to describe her but weak wasn't one of them, stubborn as hell but not weak." There was a laugh from the crowd.

"She was one of the most courageous people I knew. She wasn't afraid of anything. In retrospect that's probably not the best thing. But that didn't stop her from always being there, never stop her from being a great listener. It could range from advice about a guy to what to wear to a big meeting. Don't get me started on her ability to pull off a pants suit." More laughs.

"Now I know I'm supposed to talk about all the amazing memories we shared but there's too many. To be honest I think she would roll around in her grave if she knew I told them to the general public. But I digress, Emily Prentiss was an amazing human being and an even better best friend, and she will be deeply missed."

You found your way back to your seat between Aaron and JJ.

"You did great." He said and squeezed your thigh. You gave him a small smile and tried your best not to cry.

Things are gonna get better.